My childhood was a little bit sheltered and left me with a naive belief in other people, that I'd be treated fair myself, getting an education would land me a good job, and that the universe would provide for my needs so long as I did my part too.
My experiences as an adult have been almost the exact opposite. I've had much struggle - jobs, finances, relationships with people, etc.. I've had to learn not to trust others because so many have taken advantage of my good intentions or even betrayed my trust.
While I continue to strive for a hopeful, loving, and optimistic viewpoint, I find myself becoming more cynical, bitter, and frustrated with life because of all the challenging people and circumstances that have been placed in my life.
I was taught that if I worked hard, played by the rules, and kept my head down, I would rewarded with a good job, regular raises, and fair treatment by all. But I also had very critical parents. My best (which was generally very good) was never enough for my mother. So I kind of had mixed messages.
Like you I experienced a bit of a shock when people ended up using me, taking credit for my work etc. I was "gaslighted" into allowing myself to be emotionally abused in relationships as well. What I needed to learn was to stand up for myself and recognize my own worth instead of keeping my head down. I started out that process by keeping a big, fat defensive shield around myself and I could even be a bit belligerent at times....
But eventually I think I have managed a more-or-less equilibrium state where I can be kind and open, but still know where to draw the boundaries. (It is a challenge, every day.) Recognizing that *everyone* human is damaged in some way is key to both forgiveness and to understanding the necessity for boundaries, I think.
This is a fascinating account (I enjoy reading about NDEs - will have to dig through this site more!) I read the whole thing and it is very interesting overall.
This part below reminded me of something that was either discussed elsewhere in the forum, or perhaps in class with @jeanne-mayell so I want to highlight it here:
“When I was told that there would soon be a generation who would be more 'spiritual' but far less 'religious,' it did not seem remotely possible to me. I was told that the trend would continue and eventually the world will be 'loosely monotheistic' with religions becoming conduits for altruism and churches would be about connecting and forging friendships instead of places of 'external worship', which is what they call religion.”
I did read that when we all come together, that is when we shall evolve as a planet and that we should maintain our positivity (light) and send positive vibes to the "others" but pretty much ignore them because we can't change them or we will get sucked into that reallity/plane/vibration.
I totally agree. I won't engage the seriously entrenched so-called "others" because it is futile and just drags one down. Maybe that's all that's meant by leaving them behind.
I think you explained something I was trying to say, but was struggling to find the words for. Being totally naive and trusting is one extreme of a spectrum (as opposed to a duality) and having one's shields up so as never to get hurt is another extreme. The middle road is finding that balance and learning when to be assertive, when to stand up for yourself, when to have your shields up, when to draw boundaries, when it's better to keep quiet, when to trust, when to love, and so on. Each situation and person we interact with is different, so we're always learning and making adjustments.
PART1- I feel like I`m going through a life lesson right now on evolving as a soul. I am a New York City teacher and have been for about 10 years. Its's very dysfunctional to say the least. When I first started at my current school, I was "targeted" or marginalized or whatever you want to call it. I went through a lot of stress, a lot of feelings and managed to process them, but it was tough. It seems so easy to say to just observe the emotion and let it go, but trust me, it was hard and I don't know if I really managed to do it the right way because it felt personal and I felt that I was personally being attacked. So covid hits, and my life gets easier on the work front, I can focus on the kids and have minimal interaction with admin and politics. I also love technology so I am in my element. we are now back in the building, my principal is remote (no one has seen him in person in OVER a year) and the APs are barely there. There are I feel microagressions toward me (changing my class 5 times, ignoring requests, etc), but nothing I can't handle. UNTIL, back in January, I told my AP that I have a student who has been absent a lot and shes like oh, she has covid, she is quarantining. I was like What!? aren't you supposed to tell me these things. I was in class with her in person for a week before she got covid..............
2
I was disturbed and of course those past feelings of anger of the way I was treated came back and I tried to deal with them and I managed to let them go (I think). So it happened again last week. I was doing parent teacher conferences (remotely) and a student tells me his entire family has covid and he probably has it too and that is why he was absent on Tuesday. I was like, did you call the office? and he said yes, he is already in the remote class. I had no idea because I was not included on any emails about him quarantining, him going remote..only the admin and the other teachers. I could have brought it home to my husband (I am vaccinated so possibly), I would have truly disinfected the entire classroom but I was marking him absent the whole time! Sw I was very angry, but this did allow me to observe this feeling in all its glory because I should be angry.
I think I have a chance to do it different this time. The anger is there, I feel it, but I am also aware it is anger and only my ego can keep it there because I can be a victim or I can motivated to do something. Is this evolution? how I react to this incredibly strong anger? I pulled 2 tarot card for advice and I got the sunand strength- shine the light and be strong. I think I am going to do it different this time. I will contact the union and instead try to focus on getting policies implemented to that this doesnt happen again for anyone. and personally, I am going to try to not take it personally (which is hard)
@theredone As someone who has been marginalized and overlooked in the workplace I can relate. I don't think most of it was deliberate, but I have finally learned that if you don't stand up for yourself you *will* get overlooked and underestimated because that is just the default mode for a lot of supervisor-type people. I was taught young to "keep your head down and your nose to the grindstone" but I eventually figured out that doesn't work.
For instance, I actually called out our department chair in a meeting once when I suddenly learned, during the meeting, that a major decision concerning my work area had been made without me being consulted or forewarned. And after the meeting several colleagues came up to me and said, "Wow, I can't believe they did that to you-- how disrespectful". The chair later apologized. I get more respect from him now. That is just one of several examples.
Anyhow I think if you can call out disrespect- calmly but firmly-- with witnesses present, it can go a long way.
And in your particular situation, I would check with other teachers and see if they have the same problems with getting notified about the Covid status of their students. Maybe you could write a group email and cc it to the principal's supervisor. Or a *group* of you could go to the union. These things work better when you have allies. Anyhow, make some noise. Let it be known that this problem is going on and it is not acceptable-- in fact it shows negligance on the part of the administration.
@theredone and @ana
I agree that it works best if you find a group to approach your supervisors with. Often times the art, science, music or gym teachers are overlooked so maybe you can find allies there. I worked in a school for 15 years and saw that if one person looks like he or she is always complaining she gets shut out, but if she seems measured and constructive and has allies there is more respect for her views.
I know it's hard because, as the Director of IT in a small school, I was the only "Director" that wasn't allowed on the Leadership Team. I always felt like the last to know anything. I ended up spending more time with the front office crew and nurse so that I could get in on the gossip backchannels.
Your self awareness is awesome, and I have no doubt that there are others you can build a coalition with. I'm saying a prayer for you! ❤️
Part One
You have reason to be frustrated and upset.
What type of teacher are you? My daughter is an elementary school music teacher and new to her district. She has needed to stand up for herself often this year. When possible, she has found coming at the problem with her team as a unit ( PE, Art, Music) is the best course of action. They become more empowered. They will discuss schedule issues with the principle as a team too when applicable. They are not always consulted about certain things which can cause some chaos. She often hears from the front office staff: "oh I'm so sorry, I told the classroom teacher but forgot to let you know" or " oops, that virtual student was never added to your music roster, just their regular grade class, I guess I overlooked music".
They have been pretty good about letting her know about Covid related classroom issues however. She has been very loud and clear that she sees every single student each week (nearly 500 kids) and if there is a super spreading classroom, it will likely be hers be unless they really work together. When a student tests positive for covid her principle asked all teachers to send him a seating chart to locate students who may have been exposed. He also asks where teachers might have been standing longer than 15 minutes cumulatively using the student chart as a reference. He doesn't let her know who tested positive at that moment, only later will she find out if he feels she has been exposed based upon guidelines. She was placed on quarantine one time for a week being in close proximity to a sick student, but at other times she was deemed not located close enough to the student in question. That is good team work for the most part but still annoying because she isn't always told who has covid and is left to wonder.
Part 2
One of the biggest issues she dealt with this year was a locked school gate. She is located in a separate part of the building rather isolated, adjacent to an exit. The way out to the yard during an emergency is through a locked back gate a few feet beyond her exit. It is a new school and still have some hiccups. Anticipating an issue, she told admin that she needed a key for the gate, that it was a fire hazard and dangerous without one. They knowing chose not to give her one anyway. She was very upset. When they had an unannounced emergency drill and her class couldn't exit through the gate to their designated spot on the yard, she was forced to creatively figure out a new path to leave the building and get her Kindergarten class to safety. They ended up being the last class on the field when based upon location, they should have been the first. She was not pleased and wrote a well worded scathing but professional email to her admin.
The next day she had a key and an apology.
My advise, stay vocal about the things that matter and take a deep breathe about the things that don't so much. You need to advocate for yourself as well as your students. Find someone who is of like mindedness and try to tackle some of the issues together. If you can find someone, be your own advocate as best as you can, with strength, kindness and consideration.
I wish you an improved remainder to the school year. Best of luck.
@lovendures thank you for all the advice, from everyone else too. I think I will talk to the other teachers who were exposed because I am sure they will be upset too and it does seems there would be power in numbers. I think our union rep would be helpful too.
Looking for ideas. Do any of you have Summer Solstice traditions? I've never observed the Summer Solstice before, but it seems important this year. I've read about various cultural traditions around the world, and I like the idea of walking barefoot in the dew at dawn and making a bonfire in the evening.
I sometimes wonder if it's all a grand cycle. We get to a level of understanding as one little droplet of consciousness, maybe the level is called 5th level graduation time, and then we come back at the very start as a different droplet of consciousness. What is in the first dimension? If it doesn't have chocolate I'm not sure if I belong there.
It's fun to think about:)
I've gotten a lot wiser just over this single lifetime and I sure wouldn't like going back to being as clueless as I was when I was younger.
The thought of going all the way back to a first-dimension consciousness seems just awful, and frustrating, and pointless-- like Sisyphus, condemned to keep rolling a heavy stone up a hill and always having it roll back down again so he'd have to repeat the attempt ad infinitum. I hope that is not our fate.