Hi CC21,
i am not a doctor, but recently I’ve read about some potentially serious side affects maybe linked to miralax use with children. Here is a link from Parents magazine- I also saw it covered in ABC & CBS news:
We use a cup of plum juice at dinner daily to help tummy issues at our house. Not sure, if Miralax is the issue with your daughter- but I thought worth passing on the information.
All the best!
Note: I wrote this before there were any responses from anyone, including the history you so helpfully provided, but it got delayed in the posting. So take what is still relevant.
Here's a stab at it. Not a final word by any means, just a quick reaction. It's much easier to read someone directly than through a parent on a web blog, but here goes:
Aside from the usual issues of diet --( she needs a healthy diet of simple digestible, non inflammatory whole, non processed, foods, starting with the Elimination Diet, but I'm assuming you've attended to this part of the issue.)
-- I'm getting a highly intelligent little girl who is picking up on the overly-thinking, head-based focus of her world. Her body wants her to get out of her head but the school keeps driving her focus back to there. Her second brain (the digestive track) is keeping her from going to school because she needs a different kind of education, one that helps her be in her body, not her head.
I pulled the Fighting card in the Osho Zen Tarot. You can look it up. It's air energy - too much thinking and it leads to fight or flight mentality.
I want this child to play more outdoors in a laughing playful life. Perhaps a Waldorf education with a nurturing teacher who knows that creative expression and play are more important than jamming a pile of information into a kid or learning skills for which she doesn't feel a connection.
Her abdomen is the canary in the mine. I also wonder if there is a lot of worrying going on in the family and/or at school that she's reacting to.
I don't know if a psychologist can help. Depends on the psychologist but they can get her too much more in her head. They can also get her thinking that she's the problem when I don't think she is the problem. I think it's the people around her whose suppressed emotions she is picking up.
Bottom line: There's nothing wrong with this child. It's the world, not her. Yes, she is sensitive to what's going on around her and wants a more soothing environment.
I'd like to see the whole family having a more carefree life in a place like Costa Rico or a northern wilderness in the summer. Chasing frogs, running down forest paths, playing on the beach, communing with nature.
You are probably already doing this - but family group therapy might help, with the emphasis not on her, but on everyone. She is the one whose abdomen expresses what everyone is feeling. She's holding more than her own stress. She may be an empath. That said, if the family environment is fine, then the problem may be the school.
Hi Shawn, love your ideas. We were all writing at the same time! I love this process! I had been thinking she had IBS when I was writing my response, but I think of IBS as a group of symptoms that are caused by diet and stress. And yes, meditation and even a gratitude practice will help her immeasurably. Also maybe the whole family could get into a gratitude and mediation practice, if not already underway. Taking walks, watching humor films also good.
Now that you've brought up her older sister, some of her anxiety is likely to be a reaction to her sister's anxiety too. Love your family mindfulness practice. Studies show that a regular gratitude practice helps kids immeasurably both at home and in school. She feel stronger, safer, and more positive when they learn to feel gratitude for everything in their world.
Shawn - thank you I have read about that previously and talked to her pediatrician. I appreciate you sharing the info! Always good to hear other sides to meds.
Jeanne - all I can say is wow. You have hit the nail on the head in so many ways. She and her sister have opposite personalities and energies - both of which we are learning more about as they get older. I think you pegged our younger daughter very accurately - she is very sensitive and does indeed pick up on everyone else's emotions. We definitely have some things going on in the family (job stress for my husband; puberty for our older daughter; the anxiety my husband and I feel about school issues - hence my research into other options; suppressed emotions galore from he and I and then outbursts of anger (yelling) when the frustration overflows with the kids not listening...this is part of what we are working on in therapy.) So I definitely feel like she picks up on that. I find it all very disconcerting because growing up, I was the calm one (middle child of three) and my husband also has a lot of issues from childhood like that (also a middle, of four) where our emotional needs were repressed, so as adults we get really frustrated when we feel we are not being heard or appreciated. When we are ruminating on things internally it sounds like our younger really picks up on that. I would not be at all surprised if she is an empath. She has been unusually articulate about her thoughts/emotions from a young age. It is incredibly helpful and relieving to hear you describe her and compare that to all the thoughts/discussions my husband and I have had over the last few years.
We also live in Michigan where winter just does not seem to want to end this year! :) We have spent a ton of time indoors and it is making us all a little crazy. I have actually done a lot of research on grounding and have a few tools that may help us to connect to earth energies indoors. The idea of reconnecting with nature, being outdoors and playing, etc. is so key and we definitely do not do enough of that, so I found that really compelling in your post.
I cannot thank you all enough for your replies. You are an amazing group. I would love to reconnect with my own intuition (which used to be stronger...not in hugely predictive ways, but little things that happened regularly), so I am hoping we can make progress as a family, and I can strengthen my own self as well.
Much love you all!
She sounds like me, when I was a child. Always constipated, always anxious and picking up on people around me. I totally think she is an empath and I feel Jeanne's insights are true.
Here is my experience with my gut: I tend to stay away from dairy and soy. Once I cut out ALL dairy and soy for at least six months (it's the casein that's the trouble for me, not the lactose!) and all my issues were gone. It was really more of a detox, my gut really needed time to heal. While maybe not necessarily intolerant to these things I have a feeling that an interrupted gut can't heal with casein and probably the low quality gluten we eat. I'm fine now, I can occasionally eat anything without getting sick. Also probiotics, sauerkraut, kombucha etc helped me recover immensely. Laxatives, softeners are awesome for an emergency but long term they weaken your guts function (also with constipation, extra fiber exacerbates the situation, I found flaxseeds helpful).
She is a picky eater so I feel there is something in her diet that she is reacting to... there is evidence that chronic constipation is linked to casein (idk why doctors don't know this, also you often don't test positive for milk allergy/ intolerance). Also, you start reacting to casein a couple days down the track and not fast like lactose intolerant people. That's why the link is often missed. Maybe start with cutting all dairy out for a couple of months? It will probably take a couple of weeks for her gut to recover before you see a positive change. At least that's my experience and research of it all.
She is also strong willed! Idk, you mentioned you have to "battle" with her to get her to take medication, certain food, which is the exact language we use for or adhd son. This environment is hard on these kids, especially in schools now... I second Jeanne's recommendation of nature play. It works like a reset button.
Hi Tee - thanks so much!
Good advice on the dairy - I have thought about it, but have not yet broached that subject. She drinks a lot of milk and regularly eats greek yogurt (but has not as much lately.) I have a feeling it may be difficult to cut dairy out, but I may have to try that. My kids were both eating way too many string cheese sticks, so I just stopped buying them. I personally have trouble with too much dairy (always have; also soy can give me issues) and so I have mostly cut it out, but do eat it occasionally. Will have to think of a creative "pitch" to see if I can get her on board to try no dairy for a while.
Yes, strong-willed for sure! I am hoping to find a probiotic for her to take (that she will actually try and keep taking!) I have an appointment with a naturopath for her (not until late April due to scheduling) so that may provide some good insight and options.
I do feel like the traditional school environment is sometimes really hard on both of my kids - the early schedule, traditional homework expectations, etc. They still push back, which I actually admire. I don't want to squash their natural resistance! I think that is why I have been agonizing about school for so long - wanting to find a solution that will work for everyone before they just settle into "this is the way it is, whether I like it or get anything out of it or not." Both kids are well-behaved at school, so I think by the time they get home, they are done and we see all the emotions come out.
Thanks for your validation.:-) Children feel their parent's energy, like E.T. and that little boy. The best thing you can do to help your kids is to find ways to reduce your own stress.
I second Tee's ideas about diet and would start by eliminating dairy, gluten, soy, corn, and sugar. That's much of the elimination diet I referenced above. None of those foods are good for a sensitive gut. Gluten is good for nothing, as is sugar. You don't have to test as gluten intolerant to respond badly to gluten. The problem with gluten is that there is simply too much of it in wheat, and it acts like sugar. Both fog up the brain too.
As we evolved through the ages, humans did not eat the kind of wheat that is grown today. Today's wheat makes far too much gluten. There are many substitutes - rice, other grains, gluten-free pastas. Costco came out with a gluten free pancake batter sweetened with monk fruit. And a good grocery store has gluten free flour.
Humans also never ate the sugar and processed foods that crowd the markets until the last hundred years!
For sugar, just eat a lot of fruit instead. Eventually you crave fruit and can enjoy its flavor. Don't give in to sugar cravings. They go away. Have a lot of fruit around, gluten free bread, and eat whole foods, not processed. And small amounts of maple syrup and turbinado sugar. The latter are less acid, more alkaline and more in line with the body's alkalinity. My doctor suggests monk fruit for sweetener but I've yet to try it.
Stress is the most important thing to reduce, however. Your family mindfulness practice sounds brilliant!
P.S. To echo Tee, your little girl sounds like me as a child. I'd get migraines, not stomach cramps.
I would add that more than one person I know who has to practice a gluten free lifestyle in the US can tolerate European wheat. I've heard the difference but can't remember - some enzyme or something. You can buy European flour on Amazon among other places.
I had to smile at this as my wife is gluten intolerant but her gluten-free cooking causes me a lot of "gastric distress" while regular wheat does the same to her.
Paul, FWIW I had a long conversation with an artisinal baker here in Minneapolis about the changes in wheat. I've not been able to eat bread for 30 years, until I got this info: American wheat has been crossbred with goat-grass in order to shorten the stalks and increase the volume of seed vs stalk. Goat grass is not edible by humans. Second, american wheat has been crossbred to have an increased number of chromosomes which contain gliadin, the thing we're sensitive to. Originally, wheat had 8 chromosomes, but now has 16 or even 32. The increased protein load makes for poofier, stretchier, whiter (if milled to remove bran) bread. And more allergies.
There is, however, an original variant of wheat being grown which originated from the Ukraine in 1820's and is not crossbred. That is called either Red Fife or Turkey Red... I buy it from http://www.sunriseflourmill.com/
I can tolerate this, where I cannot tolerate regular wheat. Your mileage may vary. -R1-