I am finding these suggestions helpful to me as I try to regroup after the deaths of my husband and son last September and October. So thank you for that!
I have completed one Grief Recovery class (excellent in my case), and I'm nearly done with GriefShare, so I do believe group sessions help those in need, with any type of loss. If I'm not allowed to mention businesses, please delete this part.🙂
@tgraf66 As others have already said, you have taken the first step in opening up to this group to seek help. Your bravery and clarity of mind are noteworthy.
Take one of the steps others have gently suggested. Move. Get out of your living space every day. Even if at first that step is taking a walk in your neighborhood or a nearby park.
Be alert for ways to recognize and help others in small ways. A nod and a brief smile... a kind gesture toward a friend or stranger have astonishing ripple effects. I suspect you already do this without realizing its impact on others.
For now, forget the master plan. Take one small step. That will lead to another...
I'm sending loving, healing Reiki energy to help you regain your footing.
Be well tgraf66, and know that you are loved and respected--and that you have agency.
@lolo57 So glad you reached out to post! I feel like this upcoming time where your work contract ends and you possibly bring your mother-in-law into your home is not a coincidence. It may give you the time to get her settled and integrated into your daily lives in a less stressful way. As with anything, there are adjustments, but it sounds like you all have a good relationship and that will be the basis for positives going forward.
@tgraff66
I wanted to add that creating your own affirmation is always themost powerful so certainly use Ponder's words but even better if you use them as starter points. Even more important take a moment in meditation or quiet and figure out what exactly you do want. Visualize that exaxtly the way you want it and the Universe will get something to you that is amazingly close. I always start any affirmation with what I call bookends. The first bookend is
With good to all concerned, free will intact
Then put what you want no holds barred because you have protected yourself and others by honoring thier good and thier free will
The closing bookend is:
This OR SOMETHING EVEN BETTER now manifests for me in Light and with Blessings.
The last is because sometimes we are so stubborn that we don't see around our "wannas" to something we haven't even imagined. Let the Universe think bigger than you can.
So, mix and match the affirmations bring in your heart's desire do the etheric "paper mache" be disciplined in reiterating your goal and truly amazing miraculous things happen.
I wanted to get that in and now I get to go pick up my sister bookends (I am a proud middle) and probsbly will not post again while they are here.
Once again this thread has magnificent tools for healthy and happy job and EVERY DAY positive results.
Oh Mr Franklin is here again. DO figure that out I am filled with curiousity!
Gotta get going the Sisters are arriving!
Blessings
And pleas forgive typos I don't have time to proof 🤣
THis is not an intuitive take on the subject--- but my thoughts are that even though your MIL is a wonderful person, issues are bound to arise when you move into HER house. She'll be accustomed to having the house run in her way, to her liking, and having you move in is bound to upset her routines. She will have to bend and compromise, and so will you, since you and your husband are both adults with your own established habits, likes, and dislikes.
Do you think everyone involved will be able to manage this with minimal conflict? I do not know the answer, but I advise all three of you to think about it carefully.
Well, I have to say mea culpa to @tgraff66. I have a bad habit here of just assuming any poster is female unless the name indicates otherwise-like unk-p, dannyboy, lawrence. Poor Allyn in my mind was a fellow for the longest time, which also was incorrect. It's just that old "oh, there's someone like me" syndrome.
I have to agree that doing little things for yourself is the place to start. Getting outdoors is good for the mind, body and soul. I haven't been doing enough of it in the last year, and I feel the difference, and after this morning's walk, I see my oldest dog feels it too. We only did a quarter of the distance we used to do and she was lagging, while the pup was still bouncing and raring to go. This will improve for all of us with time and commitment.
Also, I found that I used to limit myself. I want X, Y, and Z in my job. Once I let that go, and took what came along-even if I really didn't want to- I found it usually led to someplace else that I hadn't imagined. Being a single mother with a child who had some differing needs because of their life experience, and then needing the freedom to take care of my parents at the drop of a hat, led me to not have a career per se. But in the end it's worked out somewhat. My financial advisor has a hissy from time to time, as I take out of savings to supplement when he'd prefer I didn't, but it is what it is. I ended up doing house painting starting in my 50's to make myself self-employed, saying when I'd work and when I wouldn't. It hasn't been financially the best thing, but it met the needs I was sending out to the universe.
@lolo57, as I read your post, I heard "don't sell the house." Now, I can't claim that this was a message from spirit vs my own experience. It's something I've been trying to drill into my youngest lately-in the even something happens to me. I know from recent experience that there is a 5-year look back period if you have a senior in a nursing home and their funds run out, thus requiring medicaid. No transfers of money, property, cars, etc. is allowed in the past 5 years for them to get medicaid unless those funds are reimbursed. Their car and home (up to certain values) are the only things they are allowed to keep. So for example, if you move your mother into your home, keep her home as it would be viewed as her primary residence, which the law says she can keep, just in case she recovers and gets discharged. If you sell her house (assuming if she owns), the nursing home would have to be paid out of pocket with those funds before you could apply for medicaid. In my father's case, I did transfer his car to myself to get him out from insurance payments. I knew about the 5-year rule, and purposely didn't sell it. When we applied for his medicaid, I was told to transfer it back, which was just a trip to the DMV. No penalties for either of us, and I saved several thousand in insurance costs for him.
It's a pain in backside process. I'm still fighting with my father's nursing home. I got a letter at the start of April telling me they intended to discharge him. He can't come home, he requires too much care. The problem was in order to qualify for medicaid (application was made last July), their accounts have to be utilized down to a few thousand. We did that. The application to DHS was made, and our first application was turned down. The nursing home had ONE form to fill out and send, and they missed the deadline. So instead of a bill amounting to his monthly income for August, he got a bill for nearly 11K. It's hard to pay that kind of overcharge when you turn everything over to the home to begin with. I had to threaten to get an attorney in the last two weeks, and they finally seem to understand it was their error, so it should be their responsibility, but I'm still waiting to find out for certain. Taking care of our senior parents is hard, sad, and rewarding all at the same time. Do some research and know all your options before making financial decisions, however, as it can have effects years down the road if you are not prepared.
So for all here, know we are all fighting battles behind the scenes. Sometimes it's easier going than others. That's why this community is so great. We can come here and ask for advice or support, and there will be others willing to do so-even if it's just a kind word, good thoughts, or prayers.
Tgraf66
Very long-time lurker here. But Jeanne’s invitation to share ideas on job loss caused me to respond. The jobs and the market have changed substantially since I was working, but the anxieties, and the mental, emotional and physical stress they produce, remain the same. I’m going to share my story with the hope that you know you are not alone in your struggle and that you will grow from it. In 1980 when the economy was in recession and unemployment was almost 8%, I was out of a job. Standing in very long lines with dozens of other overqualified people, I was willing to take anything just to pay the bills. After months of trying to find work, I hit that wall of depression you described. That was the day I could not get dressed only to be rejected one more time. I hit rock bottom. Then, a few weeks later, I saw a newspaper (yes!) ad looking for people to work in foodservice on the show floor of a major international convention center in my city. The temporary, minimum wage job was far beneath the $ of my previous position, but I felt that because it was such a simple job, I could pull myself together sufficiently to present for an interview. The most difficult thing I did that morning was to get dressed, open the fear-laden front door, move myself over the threshold, and step out into the world.
Then, I was on autopilot. Emotions suspended by having to navigate thru traffic until I reached the convention center, I arrived early and found myself at the front of a line that eventually extended out the door and around the corner. Although my degree was in education, that day, I became one of six people hired to sell food. Over the coming weeks, I found my fear of failure dissipating as I interacted with the many international customers who just came to me for food. As the days went by, I devised systems for customers to attain food service on the convention floor more easily. Within a few months, I was asked to join the sales staff as both a secretary and manager of the systems I’d created. A year later, I was tapped to be the assistant to the General Manager and then the Regional Manager. These advancements happened because I was present when the openings occurred, but also because I was in a state of mind I called, “open to the universe” — open to wherever it was leading me. Years later, when the foodservice company lost its contract at the convention center, I again lost my job. But I was so well known in the building that when a new Convention Marketing Director was looking for a secretary, I was recommended.
This position was actually very challenging since I had to learn everything about marketing from scratch. But, two years after I started the job, an interoffice memo dropped out of the universe and onto my desk. The convention center was about to start several community-based programs that would assist people in moving off welfare and into jobs. The memo said they were looking to fill the position of Manager of Training & Development. A huge bell rang through me! I remember the memo shaking in my hands as I realized this position would enable me to merge my education background with all I had learned about the hospitality industry over the past several years, and combine it with all I had experienced with job loss, and how I learned to open the door and cross the threshold into a new life.
For the next two decades, the Academy staff and I provided training, direction and job placement support for the community surrounding the convention center. Our students’ success inspired family members, friends and neighbors to apply. The Academy closed in 2010 when both the Director and I retired. But I’m very aware that none of it would have happened if I hadn’t opened the door that day and crossed the threshold. Those years taught me that when we break through our fears, when we walk right through them, we find a gift waiting on the other side.
Everything said by all the wonderful people on this site is exactly the right information. Get used to walking out the door by doing just that — exercise your body daily, release emotional stress by absorbing the sounds and sights in nature. Most of all, calm your mind by remembering that every human being has the seed of divinity within, and It’s looking for every possible opportunity to manifest through your creativity and in the loving kindness you express to others.
For a long-time lurker, I’ll close by suggesting you consider what Jeanne and others have suggested: Freely offering your services at a nearby food bank or thrift shop that assists those in need is a wonderful way to gently re-engage with the world. As was also suggested, before paying for professional job placement assistance, consider checking out the resources in your local library. And, although you have to use your discernment, YouTube might also offer some insight about the present job market. I’ve used YT to learn how to fix my toilet, grease the garage door, get grease out of the jeans I was wearing when I greased the garage door, how to self-publish a novel and much, much more — all for free! As a former job placement specialist, and someone who has been reading your posts on this site for years, I’m telling you, tgraf66, you’ve got this! All positive energy is surrounding you as you cross the threshold into your new life!
This is such a fantastic post! I love your whole story!! I also appreciate the "open to the universe" mindset. I love how in the end, you were able to incorporate all that you had learned for the job which is currently yours. Amazing! Thank you so much for posting and welcome to our community. Hope to see you around more now that you made your first post.
Those are great tips, thanks. Wow on the nursing home provider! What a huge error on their part!
@tgraf66 I don’t know what state you live in but in Michigan many Career Tech centers have adult programming. The programs are often limited to areas of highest need - ours graduates welders, nursing assistants and heavy equipment mechanics. This is a longer term solution to your overall problem and with a ruptured disk being what took you out two of those in particular wouldn’t be good but to get retrained for free it might be worth looking into.
Call the local high school and ask what organization services them for career tech ed and see what programming is available.
I wish you the best my friend.
@streaminglight Holy Moly, welcome to our forum. What a treasure trove you have offered today. Thank you. I'm putting that post in the Intuitive Wisdom Forum Hall of Fame, both because it is so good, and because it is the first time that someone's debut post is that special. Thank you again, and welcome.
@dannyboy you are back in the saddle! You are home, and you are posting just like everyone else. Wow, so nice to read your thoughts today. After giving a big chunk of your liver to your wife's cousin, and spending the last 8 months preparing for that surgery, how are you feeling, my friend? And how is Kevin doing today?
@streaminglight What an inspiring post you've written. I've shared it with my sister, who is looking for a new job after being laid off earlier this year, and I find your story relevant not only to job seekers but to any of us who are attempting something challenging and new.
@tgraf66 It takes courage to reach out for help and I really admire you for doing so. I don't have any words to add to the life-affirming guidance you've already received here. But I'm sending you loving-kindness energy and hope that your job search leads you to the best place for you.
Many years ago I found this little Canadian show that was very similar to our forum. I had been laid off and had trouble finding new work. A man talked about affirmations and gave some examples. Based on his segment I typed up an affirmation, added cute clippart of children learning (I am a teacher ) and laminated it. I looked at it often, said it out loud, and for some time after I would have parts of it realized in various jobs I took on. Here it is:
I am happy and grateful that I now have a high paying job close to home that brings me great joy.
It was specific and focused. l already have a summer job teaching art for going on 4 years that is 5 minutes away. This year a fulltime job teaching Kindergarten became available . I never intended to teach full-time again but I needed a change from my former school year part time job, which was stressful and involved too much driving. Now I have two jobs at this school that I love.
The affirmation matches all I asked for. The salary isn't super high but does allow me to have excellent health benefits. It does bring me joy. It wasn't overnight, but it is amazing how the universe just dropped the opportunity I my lap, and until this job came along assisted me in other jobs that moved me forward.
Also I exercise, walk, dance or clean every day for depression. I force myself. It helps even if I cant do it for long. Music and Art are very healing too.
@tgraf66, thank you for sharing so much of yourself here with us. Your honesty tugged at my heart. I remember many months ago when you spoke of the chronic pain you were in, and how you faced that with resilience and courage. Having experienced a health setback and facing a job search, I am sure it all feels daunting to you. I understand the temptation to hide your head under the covers and stay there. I understand because I’ve had a history of depression, on and off, and have been there many times in my 71 years. The fact that you are sharing with us now and asking for help is very good sign – you don’t want to stay there. You’ve taken the first steps in moving forward by reaching out to us.
In my own life when I have been depressed, whether situational or not, I have often used many of the wonderful suggestions that people have posted here. For those of you who were Seinfeld watchers, I sometimes had to employ the George Constanza method of doing the exact opposite of what I would normally do – in my depressed situation, the exact opposite meant taking a walk, spending time in nature, calling a friend, watching a funny movie, dancing to music (that was a biggie for me), etc. – whatever would pull me out of my inertia and just get me moving and rejoining the world.
I’ve been out of the workforce for a long time and realize that searching for a job is very different from when I was employed. Maybe it’s my age talking, but it feels more complicated to me. I have no real practical ideas to add along those lines, but I love and support the suggestions that people have offered here.
@streaminglight, your post was so inspirational that it made me think of a John O’Donohue poem that I love, "For a New Beginning." Our lives are a series of new beginnings – some are directly forced upon us by life circumstances, some are Spirit’s direct call for us to step outside of our safety zones – but for me, it’s Spirit using circumstance to move me forward. Every moment of our lives is a new beginning to grow into our highest, authentic selves.
FOR A NEW BEGINNING
By John O'Donohue
In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life's desire.Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.(Source: To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings, by John O’Donohue, Doubleday, NY, 2008, p. 14.)
I think many of these things were helpful to me in the past, but they are not working that well for me as I have been dealing with PEM. It's likely a post covid symptom. For some reason. MD's are not quite caught up on this aspect of the pandemic, and pushing too much will do more harm than good.
I, as well as many others who are navigating this odd new normal, feel quite misunderstood at times. The healing from post viral things is not helped by the exterior world being pushy in any way.
But this is an opportunity to really see that there is always more to be learned. I do hope there is more research on post covid issues. What may present as depression is not really depression, although antidepressants may help a tiny bit. And I sense that counseling is helpful, but it's also similar to putting a tiny band aid on a wounded structure in the body.
@anya, I'm very sorry you are dealing with post-covid symptoms. I very much relate to the PEM and empathize with you. I've had myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome for the past 30 years. The symptoms of each are pretty much identical and challenging to treat. They're complicated and can sometimes be debilitating. It can make navigating your day-to-day life very difficult. If you're waking up with crushing fatigue, brain fog, orthostatic intolerance, etc. that affects how you spend your day. I understand feeling misunderstood (e.g., just take a walk or exercise and you will feel better), which can make adjusting to the new normal even harder to deal with. I'm fortunate to have found an understanding CFS physician who can offer guidance, and friends who support me.
Over the years I've learned to respect my limits and do what I can. The "doing what I can" helps with my depression. I have become a fierce medical advocate for myself, as well as for others. My ME journey has made me more empathetic ... kinder, I think (hope!). I'm kinder to myself too. I'm a bit slower in thought and speech -- writing helps with that -- and I do not multi-task (I was never good at it anyway, lol!) But the hidden blessing is that I see more, with a different kind of vision. I believe I am more present now than before I was diagnosed with ME.
I'm sorry you are going through this, @anya, and hope you find some resolution as you move forward. There has been some ongoing medical research on long Covid being done over the past year, which will hopefully benefit people like you and me.
@deetoo many days it is worse than I can explain. I’m trying to psych myself up for stamina to get a bit of a break and get out of town, but the pem and all else pummeling my spirit.
And the predatory people decide to target the vulnerable. Kindness and gentleness necessary.
@anya, I understand. I've had those days, believe me. Is there anyone there who can help you get out of town? It does feel like a change of scene might help you. Whatever is needed to nurture yourself.
Self-kindness and self-gentleness are essential. It took me a while to fully comprehend that. I'm sorry that you're dealing with predatory, toxic people. I'm praying for your protection, guidance and healing.
It's late and I'm tired, but I wanted to acknowledge everyone's thoughts, prayers, energy, and suggestions. I have started taking short walks daily, nothing much to start because I've been sedentary for so long, but it's a beginning. Thank you especially to @jeanne-mayell for sending the meditation recording. I have used it a couple of times so far, and although I don't know if it's having much of an effect yet, I will keep trying. My problem with it is that I'm usually snoring within about five minutes of starting it. ;-)
I am considering doing a small blog somewhere. I don't think it would be appropriate to do it here on the forum since it will be all about me (obviously! ;-) ), but I don't know where yet. Again, thank you to everyone, and I'll keep you all posted. I would appreciate continued energy flow from anyone who is inclined and has the time. :-)