I can't take any meds. I have problems with my ears so I am always afraid of ototoxic effects, and I have a physical condition that doesn't need to be exacerbated by them.
But on the upside, when I need to get something done, I am a combination of Taz and Roadrunner and can usually make it happen. ?
Last night I slept soundly, but for two nights prior I had what I describe as "bipolar dreaming". Entire movies, largely nonsensical, playing all night long, and waking up exhausted from dreaming so hard. Circles under the eyes kind of tired. Before medication, I dreamed like this for years whenever the ADHD wasn't causing decades long insomnia, that is.
Very emotional, feeling saddened by Texas, and everything else. G-d Bless America, my Home Sweet Home.
Does anyone else experience these intense lucid dreams and visions?
@ghandigirl, yes I recognize it. Most of the time it's how I see things happen prediction wise. Partly awake / 'lucid dreaming'. I haven't been *not tired* since my 20s I think. Being tired is kind of part of the game for me. Even if I sleep for 9 hours straight.
Is this new for you? Because it can be quite something to deal with.
No it's something old. For close to two years I have been medicated for bipolar disorder and barely remember my dreams. It's now unusual to dream like this for me...maybe that's why it just really exhausted me.
@ghandigirl could it be that your brain chemistry has gotten used to the medication and thus your natural abilities can shine through?
That's a positive way to view it.
It tends to feel like my meds just aren't working as well. I don't know. It's all new to me still.
I have been toying with the idea that on some level, we choose the existence we go through -- not quite an analog to karma, but a quite similar notion: what lesson am I trying to get from all of this?
I especially think about it when I see things like "+1 to +3". I'm a mixed state (Bipolar II), so for me, mania is a clear "-3" and not in the least bit fun or productive. Energetic, yes, but entirely negative.
I am finally on good enough insurance and with a good enough physician to be on the right Rx, and it makes a world of difference. Forest bathing helps, too.
What I think about, though, on a meta level, is forgiveness. It doesn't come easy to me, or at least, on a meaningful level. As a peacemaker, having a forgiving face is easy. It's having a forgiving heart and soul that takes some doing.
And I think, on some level, knowing that the electrochemical makeup of my brain is just a wee bit whack-a-doodle makes it easier for me to be less judgmental of my equally flawed human foils out there in the world. They are merely crazy in a different way than I am.
I have been toying with the idea that on some level, we choose the existence we go through -- not quite an analog to karma, but a quite similar notion: what lesson am I trying to get from all of this?
I believe you are entirely correct with that but then again I'm just an incarnate human so...
And I think, on some level, knowing that the electrochemical makeup of my brain is just a wee bit whack-a-doodle makes it easier for me to be less judgmental of my equally flawed human foils out there in the world. They are merely crazy in a different way than I am.
Yep, we are all whacko in our own way. Not-crazy is boring IMO. ?
I just woke up from a nap. Finally crashed. Have barely slept the last two weeks due to reluctance to go to bed/sleep. Intensity of my dreams was really bothering me.
moonbeam, same here. Always tired no matter how awake I am or how much I am able to get done. Having a bpb is exhausting.
I am learning that reframing my whole life through the bipolar lens has led to a lot of self recrinination and judging. I am well enough to see how unwell I was, and I am far enough along to recognize the futility of blaming myself. It is like blaming myself for needing glasses. Self forgiveness is the way, loving the "Bipolar Betty" in me, as I have named her.