I just saw your post (sorry I didn't see it sooner). My sincere sympathy at the loss of your beloved Great-Grandmother. For some reason when reading your post now I felt a weight in my chest and then it slowly released. Not sure what that means, if anything to you, but know you were loved and cherished.
I think you speak for most of us here. I’m not sure how you’ve done as well as you have for so long. I was a mess for hundreds of days. The man is mean, ill, and qualifies for probably every negative word you can think of.
im finally taking some relief in seeing that more people see the truth and the Democrats and many more Republicans are speaking out. This Ukrainian situation as well as his actions against the Kurds have triggered something. The court decisions are not going his way. It seems a matter of time when he will be gone in some way.
His lucky stars may have finally disappeared.
Anita
@marcosromao, There's a lot of unrest throughout the world, but until now, the US, although far from perfect, has been seen as a model of stable democracy. I'm sure many countries can't believe that the US voted for such a pathological lunatic and that we've sunk so low. The autocrats are happy about it, but our allies must feel lost and betrayed. Even though you don't live here, I'm not surprised that you've been deeply affected by it. You're not demented; this isn't normal, and if you're not careful it can make you physically, mentally and emotionally ill. I've gone through bouts of that as well.
If you can, be consoled by @Anita words. Although there's been some horrible decisions and news this past week, we've also seen courageous action by some real patriots, like Marie Yovanovitch. The rot is coming to the surface, for all to see. His days are numbered ... that I do know. The tide really is turning. Be hopeful, and keep the faith. I'm right there with you.
I'm transitioning into a new chapter in my life, and I could use some help. Since last month I've been living on my own and working full time in a new state. There were times in the past 5 years, while I was dealing with issues related to my neurodegenerative condition (particularly going partially deaf) while also working towards my college degree, when I didn't think I would get this far. So I'm at least glad to be independent. But I also feel isolated, and I keep regretfully lingering on all of the friendship opportunities I've passed up. When I was in my pre-teens I started holding people at arms length, and for that reason I have not maintained any friendships from my hometown. When I went to college, I felt ready to make a fresh bold start and take the initiative to meet new people, but then my hearing deteriorated, and I became too wrapped up in my health problems and self-seriousness to forge enduring friendships. It's as if I've been deliberately walking on a trail towards complete solitude for the past 12 years, but having finally arrived, it turns out I don't like it at all.
But I'm not at a complete loss yet. I work with an AmeriCorps program instead of in a corporate environment or in a dehumanizing service job, and I feel like my work with AmeriCorps, which ends next summer, is setting me up for an exciting new path in life. In fact, I spent all of this past summer asking my spirit guides for help in nudging me towards the direction I should be heading in, and I feel confident that I'm in a good environment. There are also definite avenues for socializing that are still open, and the town where I live and work has lots of green spaces for reflection in nature. But the shortening days are also getting at me; just yesterday I resumed taking an antidepressant as a cautionary measure. I've been severely depressed before, and I feel like a lot of the positive changes gathering force in my life right now hinge on my not succumbing to depression and loneliness over the next year.
Oh, dear Coyote, thank you for sharing your personal struggle. Of course, you don’t like becoming deaf. Of course, that’s a totally reasonable, honest way to feel at this point. However, I know there is more ahead for you beyond all your expectations. This is how I know: not only from my intuitive knowing, but also from my personal life experiences. When you hit bottom, when it appears that all is lost and nothing will ever be the same again, you realize that you have a choice in how you respond. That choice about how to deal with adversity, that decision you make will inform the rest of your life. You can be a victim or you can thrive.
I've found that in every devastating, bottom hitting experience in my life, it always comes down to that choice. I could be bitter or I could strive to be my best self, to treat everyone with loving kindness, to carry on despite the odds against me.
You have made such insightful contributions on this site and I know there is a depth of spirituality and loving kindness about you. Think about how you would counsel a friend in your position Take tender care of yourself and every time you glance in a mirror, repeat a positive affirmation for yourself. You are worth knowing and worth loving. You have a worthwhile contribution to make in life and in friendships. You can have a full life ahead of yourself. Hearing loss will only slow you down while you adjust. It won’t stop you from living a full and happy life.
Much love to you, my friend. Continue your courageous path.
Thinking of you coyote. Seeing angels with trumpets and harps accompanying you. You’ve been a gift to us and I pray you will allow people where you live to also get closer to you. Moving is hard and can make us feel alone because so much is unfamiliar. You have so much courage and sounds like you have made some awesome gains. I know you will figure out how to let more people in. There is so much treasure in you to share.
Well, I sure can relate to this, Coyote. I start fearing the fall and winter when the back to school commercials start up.
And I have trouble getting close to a lot of people, despite the loneliness I feel often.
Saturday I go to the pool for a class in the water. I have 2 sort of friends there. I dont
do anything social with them. Just the class. But we talk throughout.
Then I had a group drumming get together. I like a few people a lot and actually went to the bbq of one guy in August.
Sat night, my partner and I went to a soccer game.
i had none of the lonely feelings Saturday.
Today, Sunday, I was watching football for hours on this cloudy day. I forced myself out about 4 to walk a dog and call my best friend who lives in Utah. I live in Oregon.
The walk and talk helped a lot. I have discovered I am an introvert that needs people a lot. Without a certain amount of connection with others, I get painfully depressed.
im not sure how much free time you have, but as a senior, I take the drumming class with cool people and the class I mentioned in the pool. I also go to therapy. These times of socializing help. The walks help. But more exercise would help more. A lot more. But healing my body these days. Getting injections for arthritic joints.
But hope to get more active after healing. I have to push to do these things. I also am on a dozen supplements or so and meds to help with anxiety and depression. Finding things I enjoy are difficult and I imagine for you as well. Sometimes going to my favorite market and doing quick chit chat helps me.
i often make things worse by my negative self talk, always believing I should have accomplished more in my life by this time. I’m going to paint a sign in my bedroom that says, “I am enough.” Reminding ourselves of these things are so helpful. Moving as in exercise, a sport, walking, roller skating, you name it, helps. And eating well.
But it’s a day by day thing. A challenge every day. Good luck....
And we are all here.
Anita
Coyote -
Some unsolicited advice (my speciality!)
1. When I lived in the Northeast, I found it very helpful to go to a tanning salon once or twice a week in winter, for a max of 10 minutes per session, in a UVB-only tanning bed. This helped my mood and also helped me keep vitamin D levels up during the winter.
2. I also increased vitamin D3 supplements in winter - as much as 10,000 units/day. It not only helped my mood, it boosted my immunity, and I have found that my mood and my immune system are closely linked. (In the past I'd get an anxiety attack at the onset of a viral infection.)
3. Another good supplement is 5-HTP - it's a dissolvable, Carlson brand is best. It is a fish oil derivative. Add in some sublingual B12 too.
4. I've been deaf community adjacent for different chunks of my life. One thing you might want to look into is connecting with the deaf community in your area. You might want to consider learning ASL before you lose all your hearing, and certainly learning it ahead of time will give you entree into social engagements in that community. You are doing what many LGBTQ+ people do - you're transitioning, accommodating your body and making the inside match the outside.
5. If you can, join a yoga class, it will help with all the things you're dealing with. Or chi-gong, or tai-chi. Or any spiritually based group practice.
6. Some people have good luck using Full Spectrum lights in their homes and/or workplaces during winter. They're small and affordable, certainly it's worth a try.
7. If you can afford to, plan a short trip to somewhere warm for January. My trips to Puerto Rico, Cancun, Miami, Barbados etc., felt like literal lifesavers to me. Planning them as the days shortened and then reliving the glory after going home really made the winter seem shorter to me.
8. Aromatherapy - grapefruit, orange, lemon, bergamot - are all positive mood boosters. Use them on yourself or in your environment. Step away from the cinnamon brooms and pumpkin spice ?
9. Audio therapy - especially if you can't travel - you can get free online recordings of beach sounds, birds, crickets, really anything that reminds you of summer. Close your eyes, put on headphones, settle into a warm room (maybe near that full spectrum lamp!), listen for as long as you need to. Also any music you associate with summers past helps (I listened to a lot of latin/salsa driving around in blizzards).
10. Food therapy - a couple of times a week, skip the soup or heavy stuff and make or get something that you mostly eat in warm weather. Some examples: fruit salad, fish tacos, s'mores, coleslaw...
Hope any of these are a help to you. Keep us posted as the days grow shorter and colder. We're all here for you, you're not alone.
Ditto what @Bluebelle and @Anita wrote. Thanks for the ideas!
I can’t usually get away in the winter to a sunshine state, but I sure do soak up the sunshine when we have it. Even on a cold wintry day, if it’s sunny, I stand out and turn my face eyes close to the sun and feel my body my cells my skin soaking it up with happiness. I’ve read that the Scandinavians will do the same during winter and their winters are longer and their days much shorter than ours.
But the bigger issue is isolation. And I love the ideas here for finding people, and a good place to start is in a hearing challenged group or any group you feel you share a challenge with.The connection will light up your spirit And get you ready for connecting with others.
Sending love and kindness to people in your mind in meditation on a regular basis, also opens you to people. You’re radiating your own love to them and to yourself in this meditation, and it makes you and them naturally open to each other.
I recommend a loving kindness meditation - there is one on this website which you can find in the menu under guided meditations. If you find someone else’s meditation that works for you, by all means, whatever works! I do it often and send my love to people With whom don’t normally connect. Later I notice an openness between us that occurs. It’s magical.
The walk and talk helped a lot. I have discovered I am an introvert that needs people a lot. Without a certain amount of connection with others, I get painfully depressed.
That definitely resonates with me. And getting involved in structured group gatherings would be a good place for me to start getting to know more people in my area.
I can certainly incorporate some of your suggestions into my weekly routine. Per the aromatherapy, are you referring to essential oils?
The vast majority people with my condition (which is called neurofibromatosis type 2 [NF2}, by the way), do not go on to learn sign language. Psychologically, it's difficult to integrate into a new culture and adopt a different form of communication when doing so also requires admitting to the possibility of complete hearing loss, and I was of that mind for the most of the past 5 years. But lately I'm becoming more open to reaching out to the deaf community for the exact reasons that @Jeanne-Mayell highlights. Since I live in a major metropolitan area, this should be easy.
Thanks for all of the warm thoughts, everyone. I can feel the universe trying to help me. Just today I was driving home from work, and despite it being overcast and foggy, I felt content and very at ease. On Saturday I shared some of the same worries I posted above with my spirit guides (most of whose identities I'm unsure of). That night, my grandmother, who died 17 years ago, greeted me in one of my dreams. I hadn't dreamed of her in almost as many years, so that's a huge confirmation that I'm receiving guidance from the other realm.
Yes, essential oils or if you have some citrus handy, you can boil some slices in a pan and put it near you in a room.
If you decide to learn ASL, one focus for you could be helping out translating, at least up until your own hearing is gone. Also, if you find any deaf families with hearing children, you could be a good resource for them.
I've been meaning to respond to your wisdom. First, I have to thank you for the suggesting repeating positive affirmations to myself in the mirror. That, along with doing loving kindness meditations, has already made me more open to the people around me. And yes, hearing loss has slowed me down temporarily, but I think it's been to a purpose.
When I shared about my isolation on this thread, that was the first time I've really admitted to anyone else how lonely I was. Afterwrds, I had a thought: what if all of my struggles with NF2 have been to a purpose? Since this era of crisis for humanity was brought about by estrangement from nature and the beauty of our spirits, maybe I, as a light worker, chose to be born with NF2 so that I would be forced, through my body, to internalize that separation from community. Once I internalized loneliness to its fullest extent (a process I completed last Sunday when I first posted here), my job would be to heal my body by surrounding myself with as much love as I possibly could. In so doing, I would heal the people around me. That story of my illness is consistent with my intuitive feeling that I'm not going to go completely deaf and that the procession of doctor's appointments and MRI scans I'm constantly dealing with will end long before I die. In the past week I've started talking to my body, telling it that is free to be robust and healthy, and to the spirit of my disease, telling it that it's done its job and that it can rest. And guess what? In the past two days I've noticed that the tinnitus (ringing) in my ears is not as loud and intrusive as it used to be.
Again, thank you to everyone here who has lent me advice and healing vibes. I've felt the gears of my life slowly gathering steam for the past 8 months or so, but they've accelerated even more in the past week. To be continued...
What a great perspective you have and what great wisdom you have drawn from your experience. Everything you wrote has resonated with me and I am delighted that you've shared this personal journey with us. We can all learn from you as we all have our own struggles in life. As for the affirmations when looking in the mirror and the recommendation to do loving kindness meditation: those ideas are from spirit. I was just the channel.
You are setting yourself free from fears and negative expectations which should help your body and mind heal. Personally, I get caught up in agonizing over these troubled times we are living in, so much so that I forget to just breathe, live and love. Thank you, my friend.
I am delighted to hear that your tinnitus is less noticeable already--that is amazing! You truly have so much of life ahead of you and I know intuitively that your life will be richer and fuller than you can imagine.
I loved reading your story about Buddy and your new sweet bird. As I was reading about your new friend, I thought about your first name for him which was Rainbow. Hawaii is the Rainbow state. In Hawaiian, ʻOhana means "family" (in an extended way such as blood-related, adoptive or intentional).Your new bird is your Ohana. Maybe that name would fit? Whatever name you choose, it will be perfect.
May your new Ohana been filled with love and happiness.
Dear Bright Opal,
So sorry about Buddy.
I do think it is good, tho, to give another bird your good home.
A yellow bird, with black and white trim? How about... "Taxi!" ? (with the "!")
It could learn to fly to your hand when you do the NYC cab hailing hand-signal thingy. Just sayin'
@lovendures, thank you for Ohana, I feel like you have just told me "it's OK to have a new bird, eventhough Buddy has just past. I think I feel a lot of guilt for doing the deed and then getting a new bird so quickly. But he made me feel so good!
May you have many beautiful years together.