This is my second day in a row not needing a rescue inhaler and/or a nebulizer treatment. Asthma has been chronic for months. Lifestyle and diet changes have turned the tide I believe.
To be able to breathe is something I have often taken for granted. I feel my lungs healing. I also feel the continued discomfort in them, but I am grateful for being only a whisp of a wheeze away from truly recovering.
Thanks to all for well wishes. I can't count my chickens though, two days is a good start. May it last.
Good morning friends! Oh I long for the day when I can be here and interacting with all of you more again. Perhaps it’ll come during my recovery. Either way, know that I’m thinking of you all and sending as much light as I can to you, as you have sent to me through this journey.
It’s April. It’s #DonateLife month. I am (as of today, Saturday morning) 5 days to pre-op, and 16 days to transplant. I’m now cleaning my body out. Tomorrow is the last day of my multivitamins which have helped me stay nourished as I battled for weight loss and strength. I stopped my edibles (how my primary care physician and I got my anxiety under control) a week ago. This has made sleep a bit of a roller coaster as I’m a very light sleeper and dreams have subsequently returned. I had one this past week where I was at a convention with my wife and children for some reason and a tornado hit and we were separated. I kept trying to call her to find out where she was. Finally I found her heading into the bathroom. She was unconcerned about the tornado she just had to pee. (I can’t remember where the twins were!) It was a little unsettling. Last night I dreamed we were on the island from Lost and she was very much wanting to sleep. I told her not to because she snores and “The Others” might find us. Woke up with my heart pounding on that one. 😂. Such weird things. I guess I haven’t missed dreaming these past few years.
I’m posting, both on my Instagram and Twitter accounts a small thing about the journey each day. It’s helping me reflect and spread the word about donation. As I keep saying, you don’t have to do anything quite as crazy as me - ticking the box on your drivers license is enough. I’ve decided that rather than trying to lose any more weight now my goal is to just maintain. I haven’t done my early morning workouts for the last two weeks - during spring break because I got the cold that’s been going around, and this week because I just felt like I could use the extra sleep. I’m doing some form of exercise daily, but not in the early morning hours. Sleep seems preferable.
This morning I woke up with a tune in my head I came to recognize was from Hercules, a very underrated gem from Disney’s late 90s renaissance that I believe they’re working on adapting for the stage right now. I look forward to seeing it when the touring company comes to the theater we buy season tickets to each year. It’s “Go the Distance” and after the brief cartoony intro, it’s available here: https://youtu.be/zgnHF2CwrPs?si=q-cB7492owH4md8L . I don’t know why it’s hitting me with the feels today, but it’s hitting me with the feels today and I’m crying a bit while I type this.
Perhaps it’s because I’m closing books left and right right now. The organization I’m president of is going to get turned over to my vice-president next Sunday evening right after our board meeting. The finality of that, even though it’s just until I resurface in May (my term ends June 30 officially) seems important. I had to step into an aspect of leadership that isn’t fun this past week to rescue our annual conference which will take place while I’m out of range. Having built that event and rebuilt this org it’s hard but I’m getting them on a good path to coast without me for a time, even if the current chairs will probably assemble voodoo dolls of me.
The other major book I’m closing for now is work. While I’m finalizing obligations for this school year, I scheduled nearly 30 emails this week to pump out while I’m gone to keep some of the things that won’t be done while I’m out of communications range going. Several trainings with substitutes swapping in for me - but they don’t have access to my contacts so I’m writing emails trying to think of things I usually don’t need to think of until the day of. It’s taxing work and I’ve been exhausted coming home every day this week. A friend with a sense of humor very similar to mine who is running one of those trainings said “It’s good that you’re starting every one of those with: “This e-mail was scheduled in early April” but for the one I’m running, since it’s the day of your surgery, could you consider saying “Hello from heaven! I’m talking with Jesus right now and he wants you all to know Critical Race Theory is totally a thing up here.” And I don’t know if I’ve ever laughed as hard as I did at that. Of course I will not write that but… funny. Okay, now I’m not crying at my keyboard, I’m laughing again.
(Thankfully things with my boss are going well at the moment though I’m still considering putting in for another position on campus if it opens like I think it might.)
I want you all to know that I love you all. A weird thing to say to a group of people I’ve never met in real life, but it’s truth. You’ve helped me see hope and beauty and compassion over the past 7 years in a way I absolutely needed then, now, and soon. You’ve made me a better human by being such good humans yourselves. Okay now I’m crying at my keyboard again.
What I’m feeling right now isn’t terror or fear. I knew when he told us about this four years ago it would be me. My even being a match for K was 1 in a million odds. I surmounted that. Most people who have to lose the weight don’t do it. I did. The universe has cleared every hurdle from my path over the course of the last year to make this thing happen and there’s a comfort and solace that comes from that realization. I feel (And many of you have seen!) that things will be a smashing success for both K and myself. I know it’ll be okay because I’ve won the metaphorical lottery every day since August 19th last year when I was tentatively approved into the program. I won it with every pound lost. I won it with every burpee that got easier. I won it with every person who didn’t tick that box on their drivers license who heard my story and did. I won it every time I saw K with his wife and children - putting some pep back into his step that was notably absent. But there’s a lot of emotional residues surfacing for me right now and it’s normal and I’m going to sit with it and feel it. As I told the twins - The writers don’t give characters the plot lines I’ve had this year if they’re planning on writing the character off next season. They laughed at the analogy and seemed to take it for what it is.
The day before the surgery @Jeanne-Mayell is going to be put into a text thread I’m calling “My Virtual Waiting Room” with my wife and about 10-15 others. She’ll have updates as soon as I’m out of surgery and I’ve asked her to share those updates here for those of you who are looking for that news as soon as she is able.
Thank you doesn’t seem adequate enough for all you’ve all done for me.
All my love, all my light,
DannyBoy
@dannyboy Thank you for the wonderful and moving update on your journey! And thank you for keeping us in the loop. I know I and all of us here will be thinking of you and keeping you in fantastic light, love, and support throughout surgery and recovery. I love the analogy you gave your twins. :) You are one amazing human!
@dannyboy I've been smacking my hands for days, making sure I didn't write to you as I wanted to. I knew you were a ball of nerves, and you wanted/needed support. I didn't want to step on your toes, start a countdown, or do anything but send good thoughts, prayers and light whenever I thought of you (often in the last week).
You are right, you've got this. It is a one in a million shot, and you nailed it. You are showing us all that what we feel and see, no matter how remote in possibility, are still realities we can reach. You are giving not just the gift of life, but the gift of soul and love. The latter two are actually more important-keep that in your mind and heart. When K passes decades from now, he won't take your body parts with him, but he'll take the memories of your kindness, your love and soul with him to the next plane. It will still matter even when his body is gone.
I carry burdens of things I've done, which I've done not because they were easy, but because I felt they were the right thing to do. I've recently been wrestling with some of those things that haunt me. But I finally came to the realization that the quote 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions' has a certain connotation here. I personally don't believe in Hades (which I was just talking about Hercules the Museical the other day-I'm taking a Disney cruise this summer and the ship has replaced the musical with a Tangled musical), but I realized that when I move on to the next plane, that if I hadn't done what I'd done, for eternity I'd carry the burden of knowing 'what I could have accomplished, and didn't; the numbers of people I could have helped, but didn't' would be my Karma-my Hades. So for now, I'm satisfied that in this life, I'm carrying the repercussions of what I did for others, so I won't have regrets in the afterlife for eternity. You knew you had to do this, and so did your angels and guides. That's why you're where you are at-approved, fit, and about to save a life.
All I can say is that I saw a 'tornado' surrounding you as I read what you wrote. Yes, there's a storm you'll go thru, but as your wife showed in the dream-it's going to amount to nothing but optics. You'll come thru with flying colors. Let the nasty neighbors (or boss) ride her bike past your earthly window and turn into the broom rider. That's her journey. Yours is to return home safe and sound after a somewhat surreal, sometimes scary, other times beautiful, trip over the rainbow.
We'll all be with you on this journey.
@dannyboy ahhh dear sweet soul and friend ... prime example of a human "being" rather than a human "doing ... there is so much Agape surrounding you... you do know you agreed to this prior to incarnation yes? So many "synchronicities" and obstacles removed from your path reveals your Path. What an amazing ,Gifted man you are. The world sorely needs you and you are source inspiring so many. Back in 1978 I had a surgery and remarked to my Gyn that I had watched Coma the night before and taken "organ donor" off my drivers license... but actually did not. Since dying and coming back experience in 1974 I had committed to organ donation based on what I retained of that experience. I am grateful to you and others here for the shining courage and compassion and support we all give to each other!! Hugs Bro!!! You've definitely got this!!! When the anxiety hits take several "box breaths" and tell yourself ... This is the Highest Good for all Concerned" and... TRUST that.
@dannyboy wishing you the very best of for everything you’re doing. What an amazing human. Here’s to success and an easy recovery for everyone. Thank you for sharing this. Blessings and peace always.
Ask your medical folks if LEMON BALM tea is OK for you to drink. I just discovered it and it (or a reliable supplement) might help sleep and anxiety.
https://botanicalinstitute.org/lemon-balm/
Have asked Archangel Raphael if he would please oversee the operation and send his Host to you and K and all your loved ones. There will be Angels abounding now, during, and after surgery.
❤️