@saokymo But if you're allowing it to flow through you, you're feeling it, and if you're feeling it, you can't observe it objectively. That's my point. To my mind, you can't do both.
I have lurked for awhile but I am posting for the first time here. I think that you are intellectualizing a process that I simply use as a tool when necessary. I do not have the time or the energy to allow negative thoughts or emotions to consume me . I learned how to separate these emotions on my own over many years without being taught (thank you PMS). As a practical example, I know that alcohol acts as a depressant on my system. So if I choose to drink a glass of wine (which is rare), I expect to experience depression and negative thoughts until the alcohol leaves my system. I do not push the depression or negative thoughts away. I allow the depression and negative thoughts to exist within me. I wave to them. However, I go about my day and do what needs to be done without believing or acting on the idea that "I am depressed" or the negative thoughts such as "nobody likes me." To be clear, there are certain thoughts and emotions - such as alcohol triggered depression or PMS - that I have no interest in observing objectively but just want to flow through my system while doing as little damage as possible and leave. I do let happy thoughts consume me on occasion such as when I am sitting on the bleachers for a basketball game and my child makes a three pointer buzzer beater. I am not saying that I use this tool at the highest levels. I just thought the practical examples might help in understanding.
I agree. It is possible to feel and process emotions without being consumed. It’s the balance of head and heart.
That’s exactly how it works, though - feel the emotion, let your rational brain name & observe it, then let the emotion pass on its way without trying to hold it/shape it/force it to do anything other than exist in that moment. Once you’re past the emotional surge you can more clearly analyze the feeling and where it stems from, then take action accordingly.
It’s the difference between, say, being angry but taking a moment to catch your breath before speaking vs. yelling the first thing that pops into your head as a base reaction.
It’s a lot like trying to calm my mind in meditation, but with emotions instead of thoughts. When meditating I can’t stop my thoughts entirely; they’re gonna happen no matter what, and by trying to force my thoughts in any direction I lose focus on the meditation. It takes a lot of practice, but I’ve learned to start letting those stray thoughts float past like bubbles - I can observe them in that moment, then let them go and continue without breaking the meditation.
@saokymo Yes. And If I can pull it off 50% of the time, that's progress and a huge win.
@saokymo But if you're allowing it to flow through you, you're feeling it, and if you're feeling it, you can't observe it objectively. That's my point. To my mind, you can't do both.
I respectfully disagree. I have been in "the moment" with anger and at the same time have heard a small voice observe how angry I am and the mistake (and it's usually a verbal mistake) I'm about to make. Hearing the voice doesn't always grant me the ability to pull back and stop from saying something I would regret, but I've felt the objective part of me watching. How did I get there? Well, that's difficult to say. I have childhood moments where I've consciously overridden that little voice that says don't do it, you'll regret it and perhaps that's why I can hear it now even though I can't always control acting on the emotion.
I can also point to meditation, though to be honest, I don't always do meditation "right." There are days when an emotion or thought that is on the surface and I know I'll never be able to "let it go" so I chose to examine it. Why is my anger so close to the surface? Why can't let go of running my list of what I need to do when I'm not in a place to achieve any of the goals? I'm a picker/poker like that naturally - always need to unravel stuff, so perhaps that's why I do it.
For me, some of this isn't about not having these negative emotions, it's about letting them go so they don't fester and poison me. Anyway, that's just me. I've just recently delved into Energy Medicine, Green spirituality, and becoming more sensitive to the energies around me, even though I've always felt an affinity and have dabbled for years. I definitely have more questions than answers, so please feel free to ignore! :)
This whole thread has been a great discussion and I hope it continues! I've heard wisdom in every post. As @tgraff66 suggested, there is a purpose to anger. As some others (@kimmy_ames, @theungamer, @saokymo, @theredone) have said, we can find a way not to let that anger poison us.
Anger is a pushing away action. Sometimes pushing someone or someone's behavior away from us is a good thing. It is a natural healthy response to protecting ourselves.
But then comes festering anger, old anger that is misplaced, and then it becomes as @kimmy_ames wrote, a poison.
We don't want to become people who have no anger, or we'd be numb. But we don't want to live with festering anger, overreacting when we misunderstand someone. We also, as one of you pointed out, want to be careful about how we react to our anger, lest we do something we will later regret.
When a mob overran the Capitol, many of us were very angry, and that anger was an appropriate response to that action. When we see racists waving Confederate flags in public or civilians carrying automatic weapons in the streets, anger is again, an appropriate response to a threatening and dangerous situation.
But anger becomes a poison if we let it fester inside us. When I notice anger arising, I try to discern whether it's appropriate or not.
Sometimes, I notice people looking for a reason to be angry, like clicking on news stories that we know are going to piss us off. That is when anger becomes a drug. So it is good to notice when that is happening and actively try to avoid those stories.
Meditation has wonderful techniques for letting the anger within us just float around and go away. Several of you have beautifully described variations on these techniques.
I sit quietly, breathe, and feel all of my feelings arising. When those feelings contain anger or agitation, I let them arise without giving them power. Soon the feelings start to rise up and out like energy discharging from my psyche. I know they are just temporary, like the weather, and they will pass. I keep breathing, staying in a state of wonder about my active nervous system's processes. It is a marvel.
I respect the feelings of agitation and anger as my nervous system's response to past injuries that are still discharging from my psyche. But I try not to let my mind follow an old road of thinking about what that person did, and how mad I am about it. No, I just send breath to those feelings and thoughts, and sit neutrally, treating them like a soundtrack or background noise now. The more I do this practice, the easier it is to let old grievances pass.
Thank you for this thread, and for 'instigating' so many profound reflections .....
The word integration is what comes to my mind overall in considering the multi-dimensional dreamscape that we are navigating, and perhaps it is in embracing the shadows, that we can truly release them into the light of the fifth dimension.
We could already be there and not even realize it while waiting for those lightning bolts to appear ... ?
I sit quietly, breathe, and feel all of my feelings arising. When those feelings contain anger or agitation, I let them arise without giving them power. Soon the feelings start to rise up and out like energy discharging from my psyche. I know they are just temporary, like the weather, and they will pass. I keep breathing, staying in a state of wonder about my active nervous system's processes. It is a marvel.
My therapist taught me a technique that incorporates another step-- noticing what the emotion does to your body. This works amazingly well for me, as follows:
First, pay attention to your body. You will feel the emotion somewhere in your body. It might be in your chest, your solar plexus, tightness around your head or somewhere else. Then breathe slowly and deeply into the spot where the emotion has lodged itself. Keep breathing slowly and regularly, and paying attention to the spot. After a few minutes the sensation and the emotion will tend to resolve and become objectified. The emotion still exists/existed, but it no longer "owns" you.