Giving readings: ideas, ethics, best practices

@ruby Vesta (why are some @ tags different from names? I love RUBY and Vesta, great names.

Of COURSE you can use "In This Minute!"

I had a fairly steady rule that I would not read for someone within three months of their last reading unless it was some kind of emergency. I felt, still feel, that if the readee doesn't work with the info given, there is not much reason to do another reading. Now there are exceptions, of course, and I responded to those as they merited. I could do that because I wasn't doing readings as income, and most readees saw me at our Center's "Fairs." I am flattered to say I did have folks who came specifically to see me every three months, but you could tell when a person had not worked the information, had not "accepted" what they had been given, because the same info would come through again, and again. I have always seen readings as counseling. I am an ordained Spiritualist Minister so I do have training in counseling, from the spiritual point of view as well as counseling classes during my university years. I almost minored in psychology, but went with Creative Writing instead. What does THAT say about me! 😀 I was always too scared to depend on readings for income, plus, here in Tucson, there was a requirement to have a "FortuneTeller's License" or you could be arrested. Undercover cops would come to services at metaphysical churches, trying to catch intuitives giving medical advice in their messages or other "no-no"s. It was a pretty strange time. We could do "Fairs" via the Center because the Center would have all the legalities under control. Then of course came the Internet and all things changed in terms of access and opportunity. Both for the better and for quite a bit worse. I've said before that the "digital highway" is filled with a kazillion "psychic shops" and it was only when I found @Jeanne-Mayell that I felt I was safe in receiving or giving info—&even then my introvert-ness kept me at the back of the room, still only reading long after the Forum was created.

I agree with you when you said you "encourage readees to wait a week or two before getting a reading on a subject about which they were terribly upset or emotionally affected." Most of them didn't want to wait though!

The most common request (thank heavens not EVERY Fair!) that I got over the decades was "Can I get my girlfriend/boyfriend back?" I always felt so sad for them, but many came back and had dealt with whatever Spirit told them and either the relationships healed or the readee grew enough to have moved on.  I was taught to not remember anything given out once the reading was over, it wasn't my stuff, it was theirs, and I didn't need have it all in my consciousness. It would come back in if they asked or discussed a prior reading, but I never had to retain it all and I've been grateful for that over the years.

Well, there I go blithering on again. DO use the "minute" thing, it helps readees understand how it all works.

🌼

@jeanne-mayell 

I do understand the caution though, sadly, the 'net is a place unethical people utilize for gain.

Being immuno-compromised I rarely go out to gatherings anymore, let alone give readings, which is probably why I am so verbose in the Forum now that I finally found a safe place. I love sharing here, but it is not and never will be for clients. 

Posted by @Jeanne-Mayell

I've been inundated with promoters over the years and have not figured out a way to let people promote themselves or someone they like, yet keep the forum clear of hundreds of promoters.

That's terrible. The net is so bipolar, or maybe, it's simply like the nursery rhyme, When it is good it is very very good but when it is bad it is horrid! 

If all makes me feel a little ill. I had no idea promoters were such a problem. I can be naive. 😟 Thank you for keeping us clear!

& thanks for a place to discuss readings, ethics, and best practices. There isn't much of that out in the "psychic" world, everyone wants to be famous. Our Center fell apart (after 50 years) initially because of the shutdown, but ultimately because the people who were going to get it going again just wanted to be a "Long Island Medium" instead of a Center of Light and Service.

More and more I believe this "space" is extraordinary. Especially now that I understand some of the bumpy roads and glaring billboards on the information highway. Thank you for being YOU! ❤️ 

@jeanne-mayell, thank you for opening this thread.  It's extremely helpful to see how others deal with some of these challenges.

Whenever I have given an individual Tarot or cold reading to someone (which at this point in my intuitive development are primarily friends, family or acquaintances), it’s important that my own stuff isn’t interfering in my communication with Spirit.  If I am in a wonky emotional space or very fatigued, I am unable to be fully present for others.  I shortchange that person, as well as myself.  @tesseract, like you I also have autoimmune disorders and have learned the hard way that I need to protect myself and ensure that my energy bank is full before I draw from it.  Because of my autoimmune problems and empathic sensitivities, even group energy can sometimes be very draining for me.  (Jeanne once called me a canary in a coal mine, LOL!)   I can also become depleted by people who are looking to me for the answers, a quick fix, or regularly using me as an emotional dumping ground.  The latter has even happened with a few friends and family members, where I’ve had to cut that particular cord.  My time and energy reserves are precious and I won’t allow myself to be used in that way.   I bless them and energetically remove myself from the situation.  I’m aware that such needs and behaviors often come from those unhealed parts of ourselves.  It's those times we don’t trust ourselves and are often seeking to fill old emptiness.  I’m not immune from sometimes feeling that way and acting on it.  We’re all works in progress!

I consider doing readings a sacred zone, where Spirit is in charge.  I will respond to direct questions and communicate what I see, but my primary intention is to use whatever intuitive gifts I have to help people trust and empower themselves – to help someone walk through things by energetically supporting that.  No matter what we see for someone on the horizon, ultimately free will comes into play.  There are many paths we can take to get there. 

I’m excited for Jeanne’s Become Deeply Intuitive course bc I’m a bit lazy about pushing full steam ahead w my psychic growth and need the boost, and because I lack confidence w tarot. I’m not sure why but I have a feeling I’ll find out. ;-) I’ve visited psychics for many years and have been taken advantage of monetarily only once. I was in a dark time of my life and I learned my lesson. As I grew to realize my own abilities in the last 6 yrs and receive visits from a devoted spirit guide, angels, goddesses, and ancestors, I realized “hey, I’m an empath and have known things all my life!” It really was a relief to know all I knew and heard and was guided toward and protected from is a gift not to be taken lightly. I feel truly blessed. 
   My one sad truth was to realize there are psychics who are intimidated by my strong aura. These particular psychics push back, pull back, and try to dominate me during the reading. It’s palpable and yucky. While I’m wise and savvy, I also don’t anticipate this type of attempt at intimidation. After all, I believe I’m harmless to others! But as was pointed out to me, there are some psychics who don’t appreciate and are intimidated by another strong psychic presence. I wasn’t hurt by this realization and it helps me zone in more accurately on who is friend and who is foe. All valuable life lessons.
   I’ve pulled cards for a couple of friendsbut, again, I become unsure of myself w tarot… even pulling cards for myself. So, yea, I prob should put that question out there to spirit bc I rely more readily on messages from them and also some visions. Hence, I’m super excited for the course! 
   Happy Super Bowl Sunday! My friend & fam are cracking up bc for yrs I referred to it as The Stupid Bowl and while I’m not a TS fan of her music I’m not a hater either obviously. But dang if I didn’t start watching and paying attention to the game. I am team Chiefs and we’re having a very small SB “party” tonight. Never say never! Lol 

@deetoo I have found that some people will become very dependent, almost addicted, to card readings, and I have had to gently cut them loose. Your comment about being treated as an “emotional dumping ground” also rings true. With a few exceptions, the less I know about a person and their issues or problems, the better I am able to read for them.

I do love the Tarot and find card readings to be a great tool for perspective and communication. 

Years ago my ex and I went to get a reading. He was skeptical bc he hadn’t grown up with these practices and shared nothing really in order to ‘test’ the medium. On the other hand I have seen people share their life story (maybe out of nervousness or maybe they need attn) when the mediums face is clearly like: stop talking and let me read. As the person doing the reading, you know what you need but the client doesn’t understand you don’t need the life story or emotional dump bc they haven’t experienced those gifts. If you’re in a group medium reading it’s appreciated by all to let people know please just ask the question and I’ll ask for any details necessary. 

I have done a few impromptu "readings" (I use quotes because I don't think I'm all that good), but when I was learning many, many moons ago, a couple of things stood out for me. One was that I must always give what I get whether it makes sense to me or not because the message is not for me. The other was that I must do my best never to take credit for something that "I" said. The reason for this is that I am not the source of the messages; spirit is. I always use "we" or "they": "we" when I am speaking directly *for* a person/soul or group on the other side, or "they" when I am simply relaying a message.

With regard to remembering what I've been given for people, I have never been able to remember what comes through for others even if I want to. The messages come through, I pass them on, and it's gone. That's for the best, because the information/messages are not for me.

I have a hard time using cards or crystals or anything tangible because I find it distracting. When I have done readings, it's always by mental/spirit connection, and while I am always fully aware of my surroundings, I am at the same time in a different place in my mind.

If I am asked to and/or allowed to give a description of the person/soul who is speaking, I can see them quite clearly, but for the most part whoever is speaking or presenting a message feels as though they are standing behind me speaking over my shoulder, close to my right shoulder for someone on the querent's maternal side, left for the father's side, and further out on either side or in the center for someone unrelated (especially for masters/teachers). If I am passing along information *about* a person instead of *from* someone, I am always given to know whether the person I am speaking about is in the physical or has passed on.

I am also very careful not to waste the person's time (or money if they're paying me which is rarely, if ever). I do my best to stay on message and stay focused on the session. I also do not allow myself to editorialize by injecting my opinion(s) or go off on a tangent unrelated to the person I'm working with. The session is about them, not me.

@tgraf66 From the amount of wisdom you just posted, I'd say you are probably quite a good reader. I love how you have a place for people on the maternal side, paternal side, and not related. That is quite interesting.

This is quite an interesting thread. I'm going to keep checking back here to see what you guys are saying. 

@ruby

I love the Tarot too, Vesta.  I actually never worked with the cards until I took Jeanne's classes.  Because I have the heart of an artist and respond to visual images, the more I look, the more I see, and the more the cards speak to me.  

Occasionally when I’m giving a reading, a card will come up that makes me uncomfortable because I don’t want to appear judgmental.  For example, I was reading for someone and the Debauch card came up.  I didn’t address it in the reading and Spirit nagged me for days to tell the woman that alcohol was an issue for her.  Finally, I sent an email explaining that I had omitted something in the reading that needed to be shared and warned her that there was a danger with alcohol in her life.  To my relief, she replied that this was an issue she had already been thinking about and realized she was drinking too much.  Whew.  I learned a lot from that experience.  If we approach these complicated issues with loving compassion, Spirit will guide our actions.  As tarot readers, the messages are not about us, the messages are channeled through us.  

@bluebelle That card struck a chord with me.  It's a powerful card and whenever it came up, I immediately resisted it whether it was for me or someone else.  As time went on, I forced myself to gather my strength and dig in.  Every single time, it's yielded important information that always needs the light.  Because of my experience with it, when it appeared recently, I said, "You again.  Well okay,."  ...and then dug in.  There's always something constructive in it as your experience affirms.

@bluebelle I loved how you languaged your advice to that woman. It wasn't judgmental. You worded it that alcohol was a danger, not that she was abusing it or that she was in the wrong. I would not have felt judged if someone had worded a warning like that. Once when I was reading someone, I saw a bottle being tipped upside down and the contents going into someone's mouth.  Then I saw part of the debauch card in the vision, I saw the energy of stuckness.  So I just shared the visions exactly as I saw them with little interpretation. I let the person decide for themselves. It is so hard to do that and stay in compassion and love especially if we have our own triggers about alcohol. But you did it.

@jeanne-mayell Hello! Love this thread. It's all been so interesting.  For instance, how to handle the card of Debauchment... or how people see and get the images and messages they do.  For me, this is a blast, meeting you folks and seeing how many ways you can access messages. 

I love that Jeanne opened this thread and how she is that rare teacher that can show how brilliant she is and how she makes you feel that you are too!  I came at this sideways, the "automatic writing" came from Jeanne telling us to write what we were getting in the on line conversations.  And when Jeanne would tell us in class to just say or write whatever comes up, I did.  It surprised me I could do it...

What I've seen in the posts here and in our online meetings is how people see things in different ways, and rather than quell or intimate, it's liberated me in a way that showed me there's no one way to see things. 

Like the card of debauchment. 

Oy!

One of the hardest, harder than the Tower because you can feel the burn as you fall, but with Debauchment...it has a feeling of shame and a level of stuckness that is hard to own. In my readings, it seems to be a card more of overthinking to the point that everything sucks and there is no pleasure.  So, I say it's a card of addiction - and I say that could be of drugs, booze or over thinking.  And if that card  appears with other Swords in the spread it's easier.  And I do use the "A" word - addict when I use this card. 

I don't shy away from the bad cards because it will bite you!  When I first started reading I threw the cards for a close friends daughter.  And they were so Terrible I scooped them up and threw another spread.  Later, at a group brunch, she said "my reading was so bad Andrew had to start over" - turns out she had an an affair with the married drummer of her fathers band on an international tour and she was shipped back home.  The first spread was right!  I've also found hard cards help people going through the hard things believe in the hopeful cards that are sure to come.  And also to not filter what you don't understand or can't interpret.  For instance, I saw a woman on an ancient riverbank find a baby and she goes and frames the face of the baby with her hands and I had the sense that this woman and this baby had been trying to meet for lifetimes and they finally hit it.  This child, this woman.  It was a sweet vision but I didn't have any sense of it, till the lady being read told me she was pregnant with a baby girl three weeks later.   Also, another thing I do is that I engage with the cards the second I pick them up. So before I throw the spread, any cards that show a face, as I take them out of the box, as I shuffle (I have been told I am an aggressive shuffler) and if one of the cards pops out of the box - they all frame or nod to reading that is about to start.  Also, those cards seem to appear in the formal spread that follows. I started doing this when I was reading a woman who had lost a baby at 29 weeks. And the card that popped out...Literally...was the Death card.  And it told us both that we know about the death. We get it.  This reading is about what's to come. 

Other things I see you folks touched on?  I am a windbag so I never even let the person talk until usually 40 minutes in...I encourage them to stop the reading and ask a question or what not...and as they do that I throw cards....but I don't want to let them feel that they influenced the narrative.  After that they can ask anything they want!  What I'd like to learn?  How to be or allow myself to be more specific.  i.e. "Should I take Delta or United to Paris? " "Or I see a guy named Robert who lives in London coming into your future."  Not to be right, but because it would be fun.  But it's not necessary, I feel the way I see things is okay.  And it can evolve.  Practice helps.  I find the Read the Future nights are like doing word games, it helps refine whatever level of focus is needed to see stuff, and I find myself dragging my feet to do it.  The kid in me wants to run all around!  But it's fun to see our visions coming into the fore.  And finally, what I love about doing this is giving people hope in what they can not yet see but deep down they know is true...and to remind them of who they were and the good they have done and the light and love that always surrounds them.  (and me!).  My professional careers where full of metrics and striving and I've loved the process of learning and of seeing in a way that isn't linked to anything but the gift.

@jeanne-mayell Hi Jeanne! Figured I’d reach out here re the email gremlins. I’d responded to your email yesterday and then again when you didn’t get it. I resent this morning bc I assumed there’s still a glitch and it bounced back. I once more resent it a few minutes ago. Fingers crossed!