@lovendures thank you ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
@LalaBella
I am so sorry for your losses and struggle.
If I may, a couple of thoughts......
First, I think there is hope to be had in your case. ADHD/ADD Doesn't require elaborate testing although it can be a challenge to find a therapist. The medications can be life altering, or at least they have been in my case
I was finally diagnosed with ADD very late in life and I so wish it had come decades earlier. I resisted taking medication until I attended in a lecture at a medical meeting (Harvard, I am throwing that in for credibility) where the doctor put up images of a normal brain beside the image of a brain of a client with ADHD. The normal brain had a much larger lit area while the ADHD brain had larger areas of darkness. His point was that we do not have access to parts of our brain that deal with executive functioning without medication. If or when we take appropriate medication, we then gain access to those parts of our brains. The contrast in images was healing for me. Learning about the biological basis of the condition lessens the shame I occasionally feel for disorganization.
I suspect that your issues could be more complex but not insurmountable. You reference a history of trauma. Trauma, especially early trauma, can alter brain functioning in addition to creating other kinds of problems. Treatments for trauma have come a long way but therapists have to be interested and take a deep dive. There are lists online of therapists with training in trauma and there are a number of good self-help books as well.
I am glad that your father and stepmother cared for you; I could imagine that their love created a level of stability and self-regard in you, despite their troubles, that would be hard to create otherwise. You sound resilient. Please consider seeking some help. I wish you the very best.
I tried to edit my previous post to include your reference to potentially being neuro-atypical. I am not especially familiar with the range that term encompasses but I wanted to add that good therapists are busy because COVID created a host of issues for which folks are seeking help--good for them--but many coaches and therapists offer counseling and support via Zoom and phone which allows one to cast a larger geographical net.
I can envision happier years ahead for you. Your curiosity and self-awareness will be huge assets in this journey.
@laura-f 🙏🏻❤️💜🪽💚🪽💜❤️ prayers for your Highest Good and healing ongoing.
@laura-f on this trajectory myself as a senior. It's complicated but liberating on so many levels. So congratulations, there is a lot of lightening of the spirit coming.
Well aware of the trauma stuff, am currently doing EMDR, and have been in therapy on and off for decades.
@ - everyone else - thank you so much, and
To clarify - yes, ADHD but I'm referring to ASD as well - Autism Spectrum Disorder. The ADHD I had already self-diagnosed, and decided it's not worth pursuing meds as I don't work anymore. Besides, even though there are many psychiatrists where I live, it's impossible to find any who are taking new patients and accept insurance.
@laura-f Yes, the ASD piece is really enlightening and can help clarify how best to adjust or process things, understanding that about yourself. Traditional CBT therapy can often be unhelpful for those with ASD, so finding a therapist (if that is something you want) who has experience with neurodivergence is important.
In my reading of Facebook groups for ASD and girls/women, I find that 1) many in the community feel that self-diagnosis is valid (esp. since getting formally tested, esp. as an adult, can be difficult), and 2) that if you know someone with ASD, you know one person with ASD!
Every person presents differently and has different issues, even depending on the day and how much or how little nervous system activation has already taken energy/processing from you on a given day. I think the level of self-understanding you will get from diving deeper into this for clarity is so valuable.
I say all of this from experience, without going into too much personal detail on my family members. So I totally hear where you are coming from!
@cc21 Thank you - appreciate the insights.
@laura-f Just wanting to say that I feel for you and I understand how hard it is. You have a fine mind and that mind is so capable. I send my love to you, and pray you find healing and in the meantime that you appreciate how gifted you are, and how much you have helped people.
I add my condolences. I am so sorry for your losses.. So hard.
I was diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type at age 57. I am 60. That was a long time to be struggling. It is isolating and can walk hand in hand with bipolar disorder furthering depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed at 55, with bipolar. I still struggle but knowing why helps.
What has helped pull me up is love in its many forms and connections to others. We are stronger when we feel love. especially love of self.