Reading Our Pets!

@cindy 

Wow!  A lot is going on for Ricki.  She is fortunate to have you for a mommy.  It will be interesting to see what comes from the tests.  Please keep us updated.  We can all help send light and healing to Ricki.  Yes, "special" can have different meaning perhaps in this case it will mean multiple things, not just one. She may also be here as an instrument to help teach you something just as you may be here to help her body (or spirit) heal. 

@maggieci, One day I hope Ricki and I can do such things. When she's outdoors right now, she stays far away from people. She realizes it's an open space, which means freedom. She has room to run away if people come close. Sitting on the ground won't entice her to come near.  She'll come only if I'm on the patio furniture, and only on rare occasion. This too will change in time and as she heals. 

@lovendures, thanks for the healing thoughts. Yesterday, I only got her to eat two small slices of Pet Fresh. She's a Great Dane/Great Pyrenees mix-so she should eat like a horse. Sigh. 

@jd1960, I'm sorry for your loss. I'm allergic to cats, so I've never lost one, but I've had tons of pets, from fish, hermit crabs, parakeets, and so many wonderful dogs. It is so hard to lose them and to make such decisions. 

Lucy was a very scared rescue when I got her. She now loves people. I had such hopes for Ricki, but I'm not holding my breath. Even if things don't get better for the poor girl, I know in my heart I was meant to find her. In the wrong hands, she would have had a miserable life of fear. If she never comes to me when I call, if we never go for walks, I'll still be happy knowing she's cared for and made comfortable. She's typically relaxed now, except when I move around the house or move unexpectedly when she's up and about. She's not happy at all when I tell her we have to go. She knows I'll catch her, but she's no longer panicked when I do so, she's just not pleased.

Yesterday's impromptu visit to the vet helped, I think. Lucy loves going to the vet. She loves going anywhere. When I catch Ricki, I have to pick her up and carry her to the van. This means that beforehand, I've unlatched all the doors, and opened the van door in the garage. Lucy was ticked that this was the second time this week I told Ricki we were going and Lucy wasn't invited. Ricki was being more evasive than normal, since it was the second time in a week. As I walked towards the garage door carrying Ricki, instead of being unlatched, it was now wide open. This meant Lucy nudged the door open, and seated herself in the van. There was no way she was not going for a ride! And boy was she ticked off that I wouldn't take her out of the car to go in the building! It barely sufficed that I took her on a walk around the grounds. She didn't even get to see people, or get a treat. How dare we? Of course, this perplexed Ricki, but in some ways, I think it helped her to see her sister enthusiastic about going there. 

Well, the cards and my thoughts were correct. I had hope that it was Lyme, but it was not. Ricki's condition deteriorated over the weekend, and I lost her this morning. Thank you all who sent healing vibes and prayers. 

@cindy So very sorry 🙏🏻🐾🐾🐾🐾🌈💚💜💚✨ May you find comfort in knowing you gave her a safe space to just be who she was, loved unconditionally by you.

@cindy So sorry to hear this.  Hugs to you for being there for Ricki .

@cindy I am so sorry for your loss.  Ricki was very lucky to have you.  Please take care of yourself and Lucy of course.  I am sure she will miss Ricki too.  ❤️

@journeywithme2 Oh how sad, Godspeed to Ricki. And much love to you and your pets and family.

@cindy 

Oh my goodness!  I am so very sorry to hear this Cindy! I know you had hoped that there would be a better outcome.  I have sent you healing energy and love.  May you know that Ricki is surrounded by love and feel safe and happy on the other side.  Your time with her was a gift and appreciated.  Perhaps at some point you will be able to feel grateful energy from her to you.

I hope you are able to learn the cause of her death at some point.

May her memory be a blessing.

Dear Cindy, I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a fur baby is so much harder than most people realize.  Our pets give us so much and we want to protect them. Praying you are able to find comfort and peace and can feel her love for you.   Praying she is at peace and in a warm cozy place on the other side and feels your love.   

Cindy, bless you and Ricki. She and you chose each other. Your loving spirit helped her move through her life and death with peace and rest that only you could provide for her. ❤️

@cindy I am so, so sorry to hear about your pup.  :-(

@journeywithme2, @pat-czap, @moonchild, @maggieci, @lovendures, @jeanne-mayell, @lowtide, @ana, and all those who kept Lucy and I in your thoughts and prayers yesterday, thank you. We'll figure out new routines, and what to do next. Lucy is still looking for her and crying occasionally. It will take me a bit of time to stop looking for her in her favorite spots. 

Spirit was right, Ricki would be special, in a number of ways. I used to pray years ago (thinking romantically-lol) for unconditional love. I finally figured out I'd been answered when I had three dogs, and chose to change my prayers before I became the 'dog lady.' Ricki was not the giver of unconditional love in this particular dog-person relationship, but the recipient. I know she's grateful, and is full of the unconditional version for me now that she's not burdened with her earthbound past and disabilities. I know this was all divinely planned, down to the timing of my Covid, so that we'd spend lots of time together in bed at her nearing time, and so that I would not see the rapid decline and try to pull a Hail Mary. I wasn't supposed to know her time was short, so I didn't worry or treat her differently. That way I could encourage her till the end.

I wasn't prepared to hear that doc felt it was best to let her go on the spot. I thought maybe we could buy some time, but I had to do what was best for Ric. I've had to put down animals before, but this was the first time I witnessed so many office staff lose it in front of me. 

To remind everyone how connected we are, and to have faith in humanity, let me share this with you. I was stunned, but got Ric calm and through what we had to do. I was in tears, but managed to check out without making the tech cry, tho she was on the verge. I got into my car with my purse in one hand and her leash and collar in the other, and promptly lost it. Mine had been the only car on the lot when I got there, as appointment hours hadn't started yet-they were only open for drop-offs for that day's procedures. When I returned to the car, there was a car next to mine and a big truck on the far side. I saw the woman in the truck hand her little dog to the tech and walk off. The next thing I knew, she was at the door of my car, with her hand on the handle. I opened the door, and she just said, "I'm sorry, you look like you could use a hug. May I give you one?" I said yes, and thank you. 

@cindy  retired from 30 years a veterinary technician... I understood what you were facing with Ricki... but Spirit bid me to stay quiet and offer unconditional loving support.. so... I did.

Just want to say.... whether clients notice it or not... we veterinary professionals feel deeply both the pain of the person and the pain and then ease from suffering from our patients when their suffering is ended... it is such a fine line to walk... to go in to battle against the illness and then to give up the battle for the Highest Good for the patient. To hold and guide across the Rainbow Bridge and to comfort those left behind.

I have often held it together for the clients/patients .. only to lose it in privacy in the back of the clinic as I handled remains in accordance with the client's directives. When your vets/techs/assistants/front office/kennel staff tell you they love your fur baby? and you? and grieve with you? We truly do.

Sending you a very BIG HUG and loving comfort from me to you.

@cindy Also sorry for your loss...

@cindy 

Thank you for sharing about Ricki.  It must have been a very difficult day yesterday.  Even I am all teary-eyed. Sometimes random people appear unexpectedly but when we need them .  I am glad the lady approached you to give you a hug.  You did need it.  Sharing your story will touch many and make impacts, small and large.  

Be kind and gentle with yourself this week.  For what it's worth, I hope more unconditional love comes your way and that it flows between you both, dog form or people form.  Love is healing.  It can be heartbreaking too.  

May your heart heal and may you feel our love for you.

Thanks to all here who listened as I processed (out loud). 

Tuesday evening, maybe 7 or 8 hours after my post above, I went into my tiny laundry room to put clothes in the washer and thought of Ricki (she used to pull the bags out of storage in there). I suddenly heard an absolutely joyous voice- "Mom, I can run now." Such a short sentence, and in many ways heartbreaking & bittersweet for me. Think of Rudolph's child like exclamation of "she thinks I'm cute" here. It nearly dropped me to my knees, while making me feel grateful at the same time. Once again showing she was special, as I've caught fleeting glimpses in the past of some of my passed dogs, but this was the first time I've ever gotten an auditory message. Wednesday morning, I caught a glimpse of her, and had to do a double take to verify it was her because she was walking normally. I actually got to see her well for myself, if only for a fraction of a second, and while nearly transparent. It is so nice to have a safe place where I can freely state such things and not worry that someone is going to send men in white coats with a straight jacket in hand. 

@journeywithme2, I get where you are coming from. I know many techs cry afterwards, I have no doubts there. This was just the first time I've seen the entire crew unable to hold it together. I knew in my heart, as you see my posts, what was coming, just not so quickly. 

@cindy  I love that she came back to let you know she is well and pain free! One of mine that was lost to a malignant brain tumor came back 3 days after crossing the bridge - I could feel him jump on the bed at the foot and turn in a circle 3 times and lay down like he always did...felt him rest his chin on my foot.  Others I have heard bark or hear walking down the hall their toe nails clicking. 2 days before it was time to let my 17.5 a year old crossover (CHF) I saw her perk up and do her little greeting, head turn and dance that she did for her lifelong love and packman that crossed before her.. I knew then.. He had come back to tell her he was there to meet her and that her time was soon.

Your girl was special.... so are you. That is why they lost it with you.. they so wanted a "happier " outcome for you both, and they loved and grieved her too. Sometimes our brains don't want to accept what our hearts know 😪 . We are blessed when we get that reassurance from the Other Side for true!

@cindy 

I thought Ricki was going to connect with you in some way once she departed, but I didn't want to say anything in case I was wrong and she didn't.

What a great gift to receive Cindy.  I love how excited she sounded, how she called you mom and how much she wanted to show you how she could move now. It is confirmation ( in case you needed it) that she understood you loved her and she loved you, even if she couldn't express it.

I am all teary-eyed again.  haha

May you have more blessed encounters, though even if you don't, she will still be there with you I am sure.  

Thank you for the update!

,  

@cindy that is so wonderful! What a gift she gave you!

@cindy I’m deeply sorry for your loss.  Ricki was so fortunate to have you.  These blessed animal souls impact our lives in such profound ways.  We love each other, we savor our daily routines together.  We are each companions and protectors to the other.  I’m glad you had an after life experience with Ricki and caught a glimpse of her.  She knew you needed that connection.

My big Lab Baxter, Big Boy Bax, passed away four years ago. When he could no longer walk and was suffering, we had him put down and everyone in the room cried.  Such grief.  I still sense his presence occasionally.  If we have bodies on the other side, it surely would be great to have that 120 pound Lab climb into my lap one more time.

Your experience with Ricki must bring you such comfort.  Just hearing about it brings comfort to me.  Sending you love and peace, my friend.  I wish I could give you a hug, too.