A request for a family member we’ve been helping with an abusive spouse. There are kids involved and the situation remains tenuous. I stayed a few days to guard and support but we can’t keep at that, and eventually she has to want to save herself and the kids. Help her see the light and move forward, and keep the husband away.
Oh, I hate to hear it. Check out the meaning of "trauma bond" which explains, in part, why many have trouble leaving. Otherwise, I hope that there are local resources available in the form of a domestic violence agency. Also, you might print and present the Power and Control Wheel. It seems simple but is a powerful tool for women to see on the printed page the techniques used to keep them subjugated. All the best.
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@dannyboy So sorry to hear this as well. Glad that @raincloud could share such a valuable resource. All clarity and light to your relative to see what she needs to do to safely exit the situation with the kids. Strength and safety to you all.
@dannyboy, I know you have been contacting all the right people, and done everything you can at this point. I am so impressed with what you have done. We will keep that family in our prayers, sending angel protection and surround them in light. I will also send an angel to help their wounded and deranged father/husband that he may get the help he needs to calm down.
Also, I cannot tell how valuable I have found Dr. Ramini's work on narcissism to be. Many abusers are narcissists and your relative might benefit from watching her excellent YouTube sessions. Among many topics, she talks about why they are hard to leave and also, what to expect if/when you do.
https://www.youtube.com/@NavigatingNarcissismPod
Also, I cannot tell how valuable I have found Dr. Ramini's work on narcissism to be. Many abusers are narcissists and your relative might benefit from watching her excellent YouTube sessions.
@raincloud has this so right @dannyboy!
I found Dr Ramani randomly thanks to the YouTube algorithm that knew something about my life that I did not... That I had been enduring narcissistic abuse for the past 30 years. Also, I highly recommend Dr. Les Carter's channel, "Surviving Narcissism"". I feel deeply for your relative as someone who has been through it. Putting a name to the abuser's behavior was powerful for me. It takes tremendous courage to escape and it is not easy, but it can be done (with lots of support... Thank you for being there for her!)
I am sending up prayers of protection and strength for her and the kids, and for you as you support them through this journey. I am genuinely sorry your family members are going through this.
@lowtide I am late to reply, but want to add my good energy to you for your test results! May you get the guidance you need for the right path forward.
My first hubby & father to my boys, Greg, is really ill. It started about six weeks ago with a sinus infection and has moved into his lungs. He has seen doctors, has been to urgent care or the ER at least four times, and this is a man who toughs things out on his own whenever possible. I'm not even going to go into the infuriating medicare/insurance runarounds and what he has gone through to just try and see doctors! Let alone HEAL the problem enough to keep the coughing bearable. Please send him healing for his lungs and his sinus and that he can stop coughing continuously! He has our son on auto-dial and Matthew lives only 15 minutes from Greg, but this whole nightmare has been very scary for all of us. This past week I also had a Prolia "infusion" (med for older bones 🙁 ) because my medicare insurance will not do the twice a year shots I was expecting and instead offers a once a year "infusion," which was itself not a problem (well a trigger because it was in an oncology lab as my hematologist is the one who ordered it. My second husband spent hours in such a lab.) ANYWAY I went home from the infusion feeling fine and then the next 48 hours were outright hell. The side effects are said to be negligible, "a little flu symptoms" HA! My fever was over 102, my bones ached, my muscles ached, I felt like I was burning up. So wonderful that a med to help my bones made it all worse. I am still bone/muscle ouchy, but at least no more fever. It's been a very long time since I was ill with flu so maybe it was worse because it was so unusual and my body was going "What the hell!!!" But mostly, I think it bothers me so much because Greg was seriously ill and I couldn't help him. Thank god for our son. Anyway, I am way better but Greg is not, so please send some lung and sinus healing prayers. THANKS! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
@tesseract You've got it! Prayers for Greg that his miserable infection is soon gone! And for you, that your mind and heart will be eased about Greg, and your bones will be strengthened and pain free!! ❤️
How frustrating. There are ways to stop a cough if he can use the meds---inhalers (can be used during infections to ease bronchospasms) and codeine cough syrup but perhaps there are reasons they haven't been prescribed. I have seen docs treat pneumonia but forget to treat the cough. I don't know what your role is and maybe someone has already done so but a call to the doctor asking for cough relief would be totally appropriate. He should not be allowed to suffer so (by the medical world).
He has all those things you noted plus a nebulizer but is still coughing. Horrible coughs. He didn't tell us how bad it was until just lately. He gets a little better and then it gets worse so clearly they don't have a handle on exactly what (bronchitus? Pneumonia? Apparently not Covid)This last er doc has him counting coughs and recording everything that is happening. One doc told him herbal teas, which he got. They did a "map" of the sinus but then said the surgery couldn't happen until Jan 25 (this he was told at the end of June!!! ) AND that he had to see an allergist but his gp said they couldn't refer him(?????)so he drove to his insurance main office in Phoenix (from Tucson!) where they set him up with a doc 15 minutes from his house! I don't know what happened there other than he did not improve & went to urgent care. Again. It's the coughing that is so painful apparently. He's not getting any sleep. He did text this morning that he is bringing up some phlegm so he hopes this latest med plus the recording of essentially every minute will give some doctor (!!) a sense of how to move forward. I gather this latest cough syrup and additional breathing med stuff is helping. What scared me so terribly is that he didn't respond to a text (we text fairly regularly) and he lives alone. He told me to call if he doesn't respond because he is so minutely tracking every little thing he can't take time to text. That's when he said he had Matthew on speed dial. They don't seem to be getting to the source of the cough, just piling on stuff to take and record. I am like the emoji, throwing my hands up in the air !!! It's the lack of drill down & find the cause that is so frustrating. I believe it is because he is medicare. Ok rant over. Thank you for the Energy! I know the Forum Energy WILL help. I should have put him up here sooner but I didn't get scared until this morning. He kept downplaying everything and I bought into it. As to my role, we are happily divorced (42years) loving parents and karmically connected at the hip I guess 😊 but that's a whole nuther story!
He likes to protect and rescue not BE protected and rescued! Damn the man!! 🤣 Thanks again ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
@lowtide I forgot to say you have been in my healing meditations. I read all the requests, and add them to my daily healing list. I just don't get to the Forum that consistently to type that I gave younon my list. I will try and do better about that! 😊
What misery! I am so sorry that the system has been painfully inadequate. As you say, "The lack of drill down." I will envision a kind, brilliant and determined pulmonologist administering excellent care.
I hope he gets better soon and this probably has nothing to do with his cough but might be part of it.
I suffered badly from bronchitis all my life and would always seem to have a cough especially at night. Several years back I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and as part of that found out my cough was not coming from dodgy lungs as I had always thought but from stomach acid fumes (acid reflux) irritating my throat and causing me to cough. I take a tablet each morning to stop acid production and I don’t cough at night now. If for any reason I do I just suck on a Gavescon (antacid tablet) which seems to stop it.
Regards
Matildagirl
@raincloud ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ Thank you
I will add your great sentence on finding the right docs to my mostly wordless prayer. He did answer my text tonight with "better" so the wonderful Forum Healing Energy is already bringing him some ease.
Thanks also to everyone who offered up healing Light. I see you!!! Combined and compounded Energy is so powerful! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️