Sleeping tonight in a haze of icy hot. Strained my body at work and am in some considerable pain the past few days.
Relaxing and letting go of stress is taking me about halfway back to even.
Love to all with much worse issues than me tonight, and heavier hearts. I am happy at least, even though I am hurting.
This can be a really tough time of year. I am setting intentions for peace for all on this forum, silent or active, and wishing everybody a wonderful winter break, and joy in this New Year.
@ghandigirl ??❤️???❤️??
Update. I'm getting surgery on Feb. 7th, a little over 8 years following my last vestibular schwannoma resection. My primary job until then is to not hurt myself, and that is a legitimate job since there's a tumorous mass squeezing my brainstem, and that's compromising my balance. I've already fallen quite a few times in the past year, but I haven't injured myself yet. So I'm in the final stretch.
The surgeons will place an auditory brainstem implant, so my next job is to rewire my neural pathways so that i hear well with the ABI. One sign from my guides about how to proceed now is that the only person I've met with my condition has an ABI and she's very well adapted to it; she can even talk on the phone without assistance from a transcription service. I've met her on 2 occasions. The second time was at Massachusetts General Hospital in March of 2020, just before COVID mushroomed and mask mandates went into place. Since my health challenges align a lot with the pandemic, I take that as a sign as well.
I am relieved. My hunch was that you would need surgery but I cannot always distinguish between my nurse/maternal concerns and my intuition. Anyway, glad to hear that you are scheduled and comfortable with the decision.
@coyote I am keeping you in my meditations by asking all beings to "aid Coyote in getting the best treatments and therapies for him, and that his healthcare workers perform above their perceived ability for his best outcome."
It's encouraging that you know someone who has been through a successful surgery and implant. ❤️
Update. I'm getting surgery on Feb. 7th,
I'll put this on my calendar to remind myself to send up a prayer that day. Will they be doing this first thing in the morning as is common for surgeries?
I don't see anything getting better in my lifetime. All I see are Republicans continuing to use violence, threats, intimidation, obstruction, and rule bending while the rest of us struggle. If Trump loses in 2024, I see his followers showing up in Washington DC and taking over like they tried in 2020. Only they will succeed because the Supreme Court will overturn cities' rights to control gun laws, which will allow these monsters to bring their AK 47s in and kill all the Democrats. I see the Republicans continue to gain power and put citizens in their states in a type of slavery. Minorities will have less opportunity to vote or hold higher office. Women will be denied control over their bodies as Republicans make it easier and easier for rapists to get away with rape (compare a jury trial for rape in a blue state and in a red state. There is a difference.) I see this country deteriorating to the point that there will be nothing we can do to save ourselves from global warming and the harm it brings.
I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound negative. But I have lived in a red state all my life, and things are getting worse, not better. I truly hate the Republican party and what it stands for, but I fear Democrats and the rest of the country are too weak to do anything about it. At what point will enough be enough? When will this country finally wake up and take these people out of power? It may well be our children who are forced to pick up the pieces. What a shame!
Someone, please tell me I am wrong! Someone convince me that I will live to see the light wash over this country and make it new. A country where, while not perfect, we at least have a functioning government ruled by level-headed people who believe that negotiation and following the rules are more important than name-calling and obstructionism. A day where changes are made, slowly but surely to bring our country back from the brink. Because I don't see it happening. Short of a massive death and/or incarceration for those involved, I see nothing but misery in the coming decade, if not longer.
My spirit is weary and sad. I am looking desperately for hope, but I don't see it.
I don't see anything getting better in my lifetime...
Someone, please tell me I am wrong! Someone convince me that I will live to see the light wash over this country and make it new. A country where, while not perfect, we at least have a functioning government ruled by level-headed people who believe that negotiation and following the rules are more important than name-calling and obstructionism. A day where changes are made, slowly but surely to bring our country back from the brink. Because I don't see it happening. Short of a massive death and/or incarceration for those involved, I see nothing but misery in the coming decade, if not longer.
My spirit is weary and sad. I am looking desperately for hope, but I don't see it.
Sweet friend. I wish you could move to location where you don't have that darkness all around you every day. It must be so hard to live surrounded by people whose mentality is too small for you. They are not the majority in this country. Not only that, but the progressive majority is growing. Still it must feel like the repugs are growing when you live in a place where they are the majority.
Am I optimistic about the future? Yes I am. Because I see it. And I see it in my lifetime and I have much less time here on earth than you do.
Although I don't think it will be perfect. The battles between truth and lies will always be around. They are part of the human condition. But Mother Nature is rising and she is going to straighten them out. She will remind them with Covid that we are all radically interconnected. So we can't just cut people off the way the repugs do.
We have to take care of everyone or it will come back to us -- the way Omnicron has come back to us.
And we can't just burn the hell out of the atmosphere, the way the repugs have been rallying us to do for forty years. Because their lies that fossil fuels are okay to burn are being revealed for what they are - deadly catastrophic lies. Seas, storms and fires are rising and people are waking up. Everyone knows who perpetuated those lies.
One fact is going to keep coming at us -- that we are all radically interconnected. We can't cut people off the way the Repugs try to do. Covid is teaching us that. And the earth is teaching us that via climate change. We will be forced to learn to respect nature above all else. Not Us above nature. We will be humbled. Diversity, sharing, caring for all, is how we survive. Exclusion is how we wither.
But mostly, I am optimistic because I see it us moving towards a more beautiful world.
Firstly, thank you to everyone who recently sent healing and prayers to my dad.
He hasn't regained any of his vision yet, but he has been told it could take several weeks to see any improvement from the surgery.
I am not sure what to say about my own life at the moment, because I am quite troubled by the situation at the moment and my emotions are all over the place.
So I will just say it.
I have major doubts about the success of my recent spinal procedure. I am now nearly 6 weeks post procedure and I am still not seeing any signs of improvement. There is no other treatment for this problem, and so if this does not work, then I am not sure where I go from here, as I am already under the best specialist in the UK.
In addition, I had a psychic reading about 3 years ago, and we have used this psychic before and he has been pretty accurate about what he sees. Certainly, some of the things he has revealed in his previous readings to my family over the years have been positively life changing, but it's hard to say that his last reading has mostly been accurate because the pandemic may have affected the timeline of his predictions.
In my own life, he predicted I would have a treatment that would dramatically transform me and go a long way into helping me lead a more normal life. I had no idea what this was at the time because had no information to help my diagnosis. All he could tell me about my illness was that I would receive some information that would be really useful and would be great news from the US. This did happen , as I had sent all my MRI scans to a reputable neuroradiologist to go over all my scans and compare them. He found some really crucial findings that helped me get a diagnosis for the problems involving my brain and spine, and this was further backed and supported by the expert in the UK I took the MRI report findings and scans to, which helped me be put forward for treatment.
The treatment involves injecting my own blood into the epidural space in the spine to seal a csf leak, and this is called an epidural blood patch. It has however been more complicated in me because I have a platelet disorder and my blood does not clot properly, so I have required the supervision of haematologist to ensure my blood is clotting well for the blood patch, and this is managed by a combination of several medications and a platelet transfusion.
For the blood patch treatment, they injected 40ml of blood into the lumbar epidural space. This is called "large volume blood patch" and the idea of using 40ml of blood is so that the blood covers a wide area.
Post treatment, I have followed all necessary guidelines such as lying flat for 48 hours and no bending or twisting. I also moved minimally for 2 weeks, and I am still taking precautionary minimal movements since one of the big risks is blowing the patch. If the blood patch blows, then the treatment fails and the leak is not sealed. Sometimes though the blood patch doesn't seal properly at all and never gets as far as sealing anything.
I am nearly 6 weeks post procedure and I feel no change in symptoms, and I am still having to lay down all the time because of the symptoms associated with the csf leak.
I am worried the blood patch either did not even seal the leak or it has been blown, and this being most likely due to my complicated platelet disorder.
Given all that is happening, I can't help but feel the psychic who did my reading was mistaken about my future. I feel like maybe he was seeing someone else's life or future in my family. I say this because he has already got confused the readings of my two sisters.
I did some tarot readings for myself, and they said quite consistently that there will be success and justice in the future, but right now I just don't see that.
The hardest part of the journey, and I am sure other people may feel the same, is that it is sometimes harder to look into your own future than it is to look at someone else's.
I am finding it hard to use my own intuition right now and separate my emotions in these circumstances.
I wish I could say things are getting better in both my life and my family's life, but at times it really doesn't feel that way.