@ana. Thank you for that illuminating article by a former white supremacist on curing hate. The author describes three conditions for his path to White Supremacism. It helps us understand the hate in others and also the hate in ourselves.
1. Childhood trauma. He survived molestation and bullying.
2. New traumas: In Afghanistan he lost comrades. A close friend died in his arms.
3. Addiction: Drugs & other addictions prevented him from facing and processing his traumas. As he pointed out, hate is itself addictive.
So here is a challenge for anyone who might want to take it.
Can you trace the precursors of hate in someone you know who aligns with Trump? If applicable, can you trace the precursors of hate in yourself? (You might want to journal out your issues separately and then summarize what you got.)
@dannyboy, thank you for your post. Just the term "hate porn" is illuminating itself. I was addicted to Trump hate porn during 2016 until, well, hard to know when I didn't want to think about him any more because the hate I felt was harming me. The media has made big bucks from. posting hate porn on both sides. It's addictive.
But it was also harming me to feel hate for Trump supporters. And I noticed that I didn't feel it for Trump supporters who I knew personally, as long as I was willing to get close to them enough to just converse a little. I had the hardest time with one young millennial Trumper I knew and feared. He was in the neighborhood and wouldn't acknowledge my existence whenever we passed on the street.
So I found a solution. I gave him a gift, something I know he liked. And the negative feelings abated. I can't speak for his feelings, but now when I think of him, I no longer feel fear or aversion. I do feel his sadness from a childhood trauma and I wish him well.
When I think of two other Trumpers I know well, I also see their traumas. Trauma alone doesn't create White Supremacy or a particular target of hate but it may be a critical factor. We are born to love. So something has to happen to block that.
@dannyboy, I didn't tell you how much gratitude I felt for your post. I had not known you were dealing with so much family adversity in politics. Good to keep distance from people who throw it into your face.
I realize how easy I've had it. I have family Trumpers but we are all respectful of each other. Negative comments back and forth leak out from time to time, but we remind each other to back off because we value our relationships above all else and political conversations have only resulted in pain, not listening.
Meanwhile it helps me to understand the Buddhist concept of hate, which is called "aversion."
Three poisons
Buddha taught that there were three poisons, which are the ways we cause ourselves to suffer:
1. Aversion or pushing something away from us. That is hate. Aversion is a translation from the language Buddha spoke, which is Pali. The translation carries insight. To Buddha, hatred is pushing aversive things away from us.
2. Clinging, or addiction to something or someone. Clinging is the Pali translation which we think of as addiction. To Buddha, addiction is erroneously grasping things we think we need.
3. Ignorance, also translated from Pali. A modern translation would be "I couldn't care less or I don't give a damn." Ignorance is when we shut down our pain and act like we don't care. But we do care, we just don't want to know about it because it is too painful to process it.
On Monday and Wednesday nights' meditations, I start with having us simply feel what is going on inside our bodies-- aches, itches, the pulse, butterflies in the stomach, knee pain, a range of sensations. Over time I hope we can move our awareness to becoming aware of emotional pain. Because the psyche is designed to process everything we experience. If we can process it, we can be okay with it. We can be whole. I'm not suggesting that people try to process trauma on a bi-weekly Zoom call. But mindful meditation does provide a path for healing, and people can take that path to an appropriate therapist.
So I found a solution. I gave him a gift, something I know he liked. And the negative feelings abated. I can't speak for his feelings, but now when I think of him, I feel his sadness from a childhood trauma.
So you used the "ice cream cure" and it worked! ?
@ana I hadn't thought of Chapelle's ice cream cure as a cure for the giver. But it makes sense. When I listened to Chapelle's monologue, I thought, this monologue is loaded with gems, (and then there might be a few parts that may never make sense, like how he found Herman Cain's death humorous.)
Well, this is interesting! Today's headline in WAPO: How Loving Kindness Meditation Can Help you Deal with the most annoying people
Our Monday-Wednesday meditation is a "loving kindness meditation." We've been doing it now for seven months -- Circle of Light Mondays and Wednesdays free on Zoom.
If you can't make the Monday/Wednesday meditations, I have a free guided loving kindness meditation on this website that has been posted for five years.
Or you can order your own with or without music ($25) by emailing me using the contact form.
I think the whole "ice cream challenge" is about using vulnerability, humility and love to approach an opponent in a disarming way. Easy to say, not easy to do.
Yes, it does "cure" the giver. That's the paradox about offering forgiveness or being vulnerable as an offering to another, it heals the giver, too. I think because when you do that, you know you've done what you can to mend the relationship.
Forgive me if this has already been raised here, but so much of this situation stems from the increasing separation of wealth in our country. When large swathes of the population aren't able to get an education, find a job, buy a house, have healthcare, etc., it creates the ideal breeding ground for populists such as Trump.
Google the Gini coefficient and you'll see that the US has a larger separation of wealth than most other developed nations.
We've got to redistribute resources and income from out of the hands of the super-rich and back into a wider portion of the population. Cancelling a percentage of student debt and creating a $15 federal minimum wage, while ending the Trump tax cut would be a start. But it really needs to be followed through consistently for the next decade, in order to get the US to a place where we aren't prey to people like Trump and his cronies.
A few days ago I was taken aback reading some posts that spoke to negative projections of the future—and it bothered me since this is such a positive place to visit. I am a firm believer that what we think, what we say, has as much power as what we do. Haven’t we been saying “words matter” over and over for the past four years as language and civility plummeted into ugliness?
I so wanted to post, “please, please don’t project that!” but doing that seemed negative as well, not to mention, judging posts is pure and simply not my place in this forum, so I stepped back and instead of writing, spent some time mulling over, taking responsibility for my reaction.
My son and daughter-in-law are Dallas, Texas Trumpers. We have simply agreed to not discuss it. I only know one person in my immediate circle of friends who is a Trumper, and again, we decided not to bring that into our friendship. I think I must be amazingly lucky in this based on other posts!
Yesterday I decided to create something – not words J -- while my thoughts settled. I started putting together a little wooden bureau. I am not particularly handy, but I can do basic things and this kind of work eases up the mind and allows it to untangle. About half-way through the putting together, as I pondered what I would write if I was going to write, I looked up from the drawer I was working on and out the front window to the lovely sun…and there was the hummingbird again…and then there were three! They stayed all afternoon, flitting in and out, disappearing for a while, or just going out of my line of sight and then returning. Sometimes I looked up and none were there and other times, as I pondered a thought I’d look up and in would come one, as if to say, “good thought, go for it!” OK, I said, out loud, after noting the increasing connection between a thought, a look-up, and a hummingbird visit, I put down the hammer and folded my hands in my lap. At that moment none of the hummingbirds were present, “if these lovely little beings are symbols or messengers from you Spirit, my question is, should I share what I feel about these not-positive projections?” Immediately one of them flew in from the west of my porch not only into my line of sight but directly to the center of my front window and then it hovered there, watching me. “OK,” I said, “I’ll try to get some thoughts down later.” The hummingbirds continued to flitter in and out of my trees all afternoon. Finally, as dusk began to gather I sighed and closed the blinds. I didn’t write last night, tho, I watched a sweet movie called Pottersville, peeked at the forum for a moment, and went to bed.
I’d made a decision this year that I don’t want to hate anyone anymore. When I felt that self-destructive feeling building up for Trump & Co. over the last five years, I realized that I sounded like him/them...I decided to join the forum and meditation circle which, truly, has been a blessing. The discussions which raise important questions, contemplation, and revelations, for me, is a gift.
@ jeanne-mayell
I started this thread to focus on the trauma that underlies Trump supporters so that people could heal and perhaps find some possible understanding for… healing the divide does not involve (in my mind) giving a dot of power to Republican Party. It is just a possible way to help us not to hate, and to understand each other better…That is what I was hoping to discuss in this thread--emotional healing by understanding our Collective, rather than hating each other. … But it was also harming me to feel hate for Trump supporters. And I noticed that I didn't feel it for Trump supporters who I knew personally, as long as I was willing to get close to them enough to just converse a little. We are born to love. So something has to happen to block that.
I believe we have to fight the dark with all that we have…and that it is an on-going, ever vigilant process. I believe that the dark is as sneaky as possible and masquerades as other emotions when it can. Hate is one of those slippery sliding hills and is the easiest of all to infiltrate our emotions. I cannot condone what the republicans have done since the Civil War. When something is wrong, deep dark evil wrong, it has to be stood up to…and that is what we have done, especially during this crazy year of 2020. Do we just rest on laurels now? Of course not, but neither should we assume they will “of course” come to power again. That negates what was accomplished. We’ve been on the planet a long time and the battle between evil and love has always been a part of humanity’s experience. This is not a one and done deal, of course not, but neither is it an assumption that “they” will overtake us and ultimately win.
What I do believe, with all my heart and soul, is that if you think it, especially if you dwell on it, it will manifest in some form. Always remember that affirmations work both ways…positive AND negative. If we think or say the same thing over and over, whatever it is, it will manifest in some form. It is so much better to manifest the positive!