@tesseract. What a thoughtful post. I could see you working and the hummingbirds stopping by to check on you. We do try to be positive here, but sometimes we fail. In the weeks and months before the election, I would occasionally let my mind wander into the very worst outcome scenario, examine every dire possibility and feel overwhelmed. It’s human nature. Like you, though, I’m striving for something more. Instead of dwelling in the pit of negativity, we can make a conscious choice to envision a brighter future and project positive energy towards that goal. I felt nudged by spirit to speak positive outcomes, to believe in positive outcomes and to send that energy into the universe. I know this sounds woo woo, but practicing this lifted up my heart. Every time a friend would worry about a worst case outcome in the election, I had that opportunity to speak my truth: that Biden would win; that better days are ahead.
We also practice loving kindness meditation on Monday and Wednesdays and send that energy into the world, too. Through loving kindness, I believe we are healing ourselves of negativity and sending that healing out to our communities and our world.
A lot of beautiful posts, full of kindness, but.... I do have a question I hope somebody can answer.
While reading all of your lovely thoughts it reminds a lot of the traveling people, the Tinkers, in the Wheel of Time series. They do not condone violence in any way and thus do not pick up a sword. This philosophy is called the Way of the Leaf. They do not even defend themselves. They rather get killed or hurt than do anything that is akin to violence. In the end, a large part of them gets slaughtered by the dark one's forces...
"The leaf lives its appointed time, and does not struggle against the wind that carries it away. The leaf does no harm, and finally falls to nourish new leaves. So it should be with all men. And women."
Source: https://wot.fandom.com/wiki/Way_of_the_Leaf
Perhaps you already feel my question coming;-) It has been said many times that the GOP plays dirty and the DNC keeps on fighting with kit gloves. Trump people are filled with hatred towards baby-killing liberals, people of color, immigrants etc. and talk of killing while waving their guns. They do not play fair or respond to logic/facts. If you keep taking the high road and never 'fight back', how does that work when dealing with merciless people? Will that be the proverbial Way of the Leaf?
I actually did this several years ago. I found out a Trump supporting niece in my husband's family had cancer. I wrote her a long note extending love and support and sent a homemade lap quilt for use during during her chemo treatments as i knew she would be very cold as it coursed through her veins. I also offered to drive her there and back each week (a 100 mile round trip then home for me)
My husband was there when she serendipitously received our gift. He said she was overwhelmed by just receiving a gift, opened it, read my note and cried.
She sent me a beautiful thank you card telling me just how deeply it touched her. Let's just say their gigantic Trump flag that had been visible across the fence from one of my own and her family was taken down for the rest of her treatment.
I can't help but believe that the energy of one event created the reciprocating energy of the second one. And sure it still went back up later but by then none of us even really noticed it after that. I was right there twice during Hallween week and didn't even think to look and see much less notice it.
A special bond beyond politics was created.
Really we need to see beyond what flag anyone flies and just look into their heart, their pain, and most of all their fear.
I don’t think that scenario would feel different for me. What would feel different for me, and what I would struggle with, would be to give an ice cream cone to anyone who has anything to do with Donald Trump, or with Donald Trump himself. That example of radical grace would be the longest stretch I could make, it would have to be the Jesus in me doing it. I certainly couldn’t do it in my flawed humanity, it would be grace beyond my own abilities.
Bingo this said it all. For some one struggling to extend, it It's an act of 'radical grace".
For me it was just compassion and love.
Absolutely loved this Danny. And yes, can so understand. All of my husband's huge extended family are major T. supporters.
My husband usually talks to his brothers by phone almost every night and has to take breaks eventually. Then when they started up he stopped responding to the triggering comments and his unspoken response did tge trick.
When they talk now the election or anyone's views are not broached. They talk about things that matter that are in common, not things that separate them from being brothers and apart.
@dannyboy wrote:
So this was the thread I didn't know I needed. I've sort of held back the last few weeks in terms of coming here and reading. There's a new "knot" in me, and this is in my brain. I left Facebook in July and haven't been back, except to check a couple of messenger threads I was waiting for a reply to. I went in there a week ago out of curiosity and went to my favorite "Anger Porn" people - the ones who generally raise my blood pressure the most - my wife's extended family. These folks - many of whom are on welfare but then decry the use of welfare in others - we generally only see at Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas - and this year none of the above. There is a "All or nothing" approach to things for them.
I ( @michele-b) had to condense a big chunk to fit length algorithms here)
But Danny ended with:
And I hate myself for thinking that -- So -- expect me to be following this thread while you all discuss and figure out the answer to the problem :-). Because you are all far, far better people than I am!
Well, this is interesting! Today's headline in WAPO: How Loving Kindness Meditation Can Help you Deal with the most annoying people
@jeanne-mayell Simply WOW! my favorite thing I've read in a while. Isn't it amazing to see a major newspaper call out loving kindness meditation! ?
When they talk now the election or anyone's views are not broached. They talk about things that matter that are in common, not things that separate them from being brothers and apart.
I love this.
I sort of wanted to clarify the family pieces. The worst of it is my wife's extended family and I feel like this pandemic may put an end to those "thrice a year get-togethers" for good -- and that's not a bad thing.
My mother was a recent development and I'm hopeful she can see the light. She taught inner city music for awhile before moving to one of the most diverse and affluent areas in michigan to finish her career. She was a strong union member, and never voted Republican until Trump. When my father passed away in 2003 she moved to the middle of nowhere (right near our cabin on Lake Michigan) to raise horses and live out her days enjoying the good life.
Where she lives is deep Trump country and I've noticed as she's gotten older she's stopped looking at all sides of an issue -- whoever talks to her last is what she repeats, and then she talks to another person and repeats what she's just heard in this endless loop.
I've tried to work with her in understanding the forms misinformation takes, and how just because "Billy Ray" across the street says something doesn't instantly make it true. She's at least admitted that it's exhausting trying to keep up on it all. But -- she refused to vote for Hillary Clinton and cast her vote for Trump in 2016 because: "She's as crooked as they come" - repeating things about the Clinton Death Count and other nonsense as her justification. This time around it was the same with Biden. At least now that Biden has won she's backpedaled a bit and said things like "Gosh, he sure is acting Presidential!" - it's a start, right?
In the interim, I don't know if that change of heart is because of her noticing the stark difference, or because my last few interactions into politics with her got nasty. I was fed up and while I wasn't mean toward her, my exasperation led me to say things in a way I wouldn't normally say them to her.
@tesseract - Your post about the projections resonated with me. I think there's a combination right now of euphoric relief that it'll soon all be over, coupled with fears of what could happen in the interim and again in the future that's probably leading many (certainly myself!) down the path. What's been working for me is, when my mind goes amuck down that path is to think about whether or not this is my gut signaling me to something being wrong, or my brain doing the thing I've turned into a successful project management career: Going through all the possibilities and focusing in on where things could go wrong.
Most of my darker thoughts lately have been my brain doing that thing. When I tune out that noise and listen to my gut I'm still left with what I was left with after ACB was confirmed and as the election approached - calm.
Which is exactly why I love this thread! I'm at a place now where all the anxiety from the last four years is pouring out and away from me and while it's quite the full pitcher of milk at the moment, I'm hopeful and confident I'll have it emptied well before it's sell-by date.
Perhaps you already feel my question coming;-) It has been said many times that the GOP plays dirty and the DNC keeps on fighting with kit gloves. Trump people are filled with hatred towards baby-killing liberals, people of color, immigrants etc. and talk of killing while waving their guns. They do not play fair or respond to logic/facts. If you keep taking the high road and never 'fight back', how does that work when dealing with merciless people? Will that be the proverbial Way of the Leaf?
I haven't been able to follow this important discussion as well as I'd like, or post any of the many thoughts I have brewing on the topic, but I'll chime in quickly with a response.
There is a place for maintaining healthy boundaries, especially to protect human rights, without denying the humanity of those who commit crimes or behave or speak without kindness or ethics. We can say "your behavior is unacceptable" without saying"you are unacceptable." It doesn't have to be either/or: we can hold limits on behavior while also maintaining the inherent worth and dignity of those who behave horribly.
Walking this balanced path is not easy. We can start by avoiding lumping all "Trump people" together and be mindful of our assumptions about them, and the feelings of judgement and defensiveness that arise within us. While there certainly are mean-spirited bullies out there, most people are doing their best within their understanding of this world, and because of many highly manipulative media outlets, their understanding is not just limited, but erroneous. They may not have had the life-experiences or education to give them the skills to see through the lies, and from their perspective, they are following leaders they respect and trust.
We all have a profound drive for love and connection, and sadly, many people learn maladaptive ways to meet these needs, including bullying and dehumanizing others. But turning that mechanism back onto them will never break the cycle. "Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."--MLK
I apologize that I don't have time to offer more context, but I wanted to share this resource that supports the work this conversation is calling for. This On Being episode interviews Arlie Hochschild, a sociologist who studied evangelicals and members of the tea party (now Trump supporters) to better understand how we might bridge this growing divide. Her insights aren't comprehensive, especially with the widening gulf created by the fake reality coming from right-wing media, but it is a good place to start.
https://onbeing.org/programs/arlie-hochschild-the-deep-stories-of-our-time/
Much love to everyone, as we navigate these difficult days. I deeply appreciate the loving kindness and thoughtful discussions shared here!!
@moonbeam your post reminded me of an article I read a few years ago from Thich Nhat Hanh. I can’t find that article but I found something similar and I do find it holds true and helpful. And it goes back to @jeanne-Mayells’ article about love and kindness meditation article. We are humans and therefore sometimes we make mistakes and allow our anger to take over but I’m sure if we find or taught different techniques to remind ourselves to practice love, kindness and forgiveness, our world would be a much better place. But how do we do it? I guess it takes each of us to look inward and find the anger and toxicity within ourselves and practice more love and kindness. It’s an easy concept but ohhhh so difficult to do when our anger overtake our body and mind. Perhaps I in-order to rid the collective of anger and fear we need to not have a divide and separation of good and evil. What is good and what is evil, it could differ depending on who you’re asking. We constantly live amongst that divide of class, race, education, wealth, sex, good and evil. But how do we rid of that divide and judgments when all things are not viewed as equals. It’s a constant battle within myself and I take certain steps towards more understanding and opening my hearts to those I fear but it’s not always a success but who’s to say you can’t keep trying.
Perhaps one day we can all be the leaf and not fight with violence but instead with love and reason. We all have to accept our fears, pain, trauma, anger and find a solution that will be beneficial for the whole. Thank you for your positive post.
https://www.stillwatermpc.org/dharma-topics/cultivating-love-for-donald-trump/
share the love and light
share the love and light