Oh, dear, dear Robin. I am heartbroken for your loss but grateful you could all be there and share such love and caring with her. This connection runs deep be truly gentle with yourself and as present as you can be with the grief and it's almost endless sense of loss.
It is such a process and just as this process brought out so much in all of you the journey through grief and grieving does as well.
Love, light, and blessings to you and yours. We will keep you in our thoughts and in our hearts. ❤
I am so sorry Robin.
I am familiar with loss. Take it one minute at a time. Then it will become one hour, day, and week at a time. Grief comes in waves, and there is no time limit. Keep in mind that it only hurts so much because of how deeply we love.
Look for her signs. They will be there if you look. Talk to her, she'll hear you. When you are unsure of what to do, ask yourself what you would tell your mother if you were the one who passed, and she was grieving you. Then take your own advice. You know what your mother would want for you, trust those instincts and memories.
Take care of yourself.
Know that others are sending light and love.
Robin, Thank you for sharing your stories with us. I hope you feel our love. I am so glad you came to us.
Michele, your posts have me in tears, so much kindness and the power of it is such a gift. Cindy, I feel your heart too and I know the incalculable loss you have endured. You bring us all together by letting us know your loss. You are such a gift to us. Thank you all. What a blessing you all are. Robin, welcome. You have pierced the veil into the spirit world by feeling your loved ones.
Thank you all for the love and compassion you have shown me, I appreciate all the support I have received here. I feel deeply that I was drawn here for a reason.
Hi Robin, I’ve been thinking about you for several day and the profound loss of your mother. I just lost my mother three months ago. Not a day goes by that I don’t think think of her. I know our bond is not broken by death and I know the bond between you and your mother is the same. I am sending you healing thoughts and energy and pray that you will experience profound knowing that your mother is only absent in body and that her spirit continues to bless you. Her life was a life well lived and a life full of love. You will continue that blessing forward to nurture the rest of your family. Peace and love be with you, dear one.
BlueBelle,
Thank you so much for your kind words. They are heartfelt and greatly appreciated. I am truly sorry for your loss.
Robin, I am so sorry to hear about your mother. May you always feel her spirit surrounding you with love. Be well, and take care of yourself in the days ahead. Hugs!
Saturday I found out that my little brother died. He was 50 years old. He died of a drug overdose--unintentional. His death is being ruled by law enforcement as a homicide. A lot of disturbing information was provided by his kids and my nephew who found him. He had a lot of different drugs in his house. He had a lot of money. I don't think he was selling drugs though. He ran a construction business and participated in some kind of wink nod gambling "lottery" outfit. The police received search warrants and confiscated all materials involved in the latter. I noticed a few years ago that he was much changed. He had lost a lot of weight and his skin appeared grey to me- I thought he had cancer and urged him to go to the doctor. This was a few months after he had broken up with a girl named Stacey who was living at his home. She was the person who sold him the drugs that killed him Friday night. Before this he was with a woman named Jen who I have found out was also a user and she also was very good with manipulation and confidence. He had fallen in love with her and wanted to marry her. She led him on but really, I think he was in so bad she could not drive him away so that is why she introduced the other girl to him. They were back together when I saw him last. He was looking a lot better--- he had gained weight, was pink again and it was communicated to me that he was in a methadone program. She said something of that to me. He never told me, admitted he was addicted to that or using it despite our closeness, I think perhaps he was too ashamed? At any rate, she told his kids this weekend that they were broken up and she did not know what he was doing- but she worked with him and came to his house frequently and driving his car and I think he was paying her apartment rent and bills.
Anyway, like I said I was unaware of all that he was involved with-- how deeply. I tried reaching out this summer--sent him a picture of the house next door and told him it was for sale to come back home.
Now everything is a mess. My sister lives down there and is trying to get a handle on everything for his kids - who are in their 20s - the boys are shiftless and unprepared and yet want to be in charge where the oldest - his daughter -- she is very busy with her job and her fiance is not wanting her to get very involved in things. His youngest I think is addicted to drugs as well and has mental health issues. He has destroyed parts of the house I think in temper tantrums when my brother did not give him money. No one wants to deal with him or house him as he is destructive, thieving, unstable, etc. I think he needs to go to drug rehab and get mental health care (he is 20 years old) but how? He is not willing. I think he will refuse to move out of the house.
Until the city releases his remains, we are in a kind of limbo regarding a memorial service. Additionally, the Will that was found was not legal (however I found I was in possession of some signed attestations and a copy of the Will which I faxed to my sister). In the meantime the bills need to be paid etc.
All this lays on top of the beautiful soul my brother was. He was a loyal person who I think had shining white knight syndrome. He attracted or was attracted to unsuitable women (women who were bad for him). He was hard working and generous. He cared about people. He loved the deep woods when he was young. There are so many good stories to tell about him growing up. I have to be thankful today that my mother died before all this happened or this would have killed her. We plan to have memorial for him and my mother since we did not hold one for her (she was quite a recluse and did not know a lot of people locally). They were both Taureans. They are at least both together now and watching us. But what a mess. I don't think that I could have had any influence on him once he put himself in the pattern he chose. He was obstinate when we tried to talk to him about his girlfriends. Once he was addicted, I can't say that there was any other possible outcome. I say this because I just found out that he and Jen both had overdosed before and were resuscitated. If that experience was not enough to stop him from doing it again, what could my words do? Every day is a another horrible, sad and depressing revelation on top of sorrow. My sister, I think, is running on anger.
Dear Rowsella, please know that we all feel deeply for you. What a terrible struggle your brother had, but he is released from the imprisonment of addiction and is in the light now. We all send you, your sister, and your brother's family love and healing thoughts.
Dearest Rowsella, many can relate to so very much to all that you have shared here.
We all can feel your anquish from not only the physical loss in this world of a brother you loved dearly, never knew quite how to help though you kept trying as you knew how and the incredibly unfair loss of the person you loved and knew who he was or should be to the downfall of addiction and overdose.
We can all try to tell you he is not truly gone, that he lives in you and through you forever in your heart but you have far too much to deal with in the here and now of your loss and the reality of doing what you can do now for him through this maze of problems.
That can play out in many different ways as futures are changed by choices and places in time. And you have so many of each of those involved right now.
Perhaps others can offer helpful advice as we have so many with so many different gifts here, legal, social work backgrounds, life experiences and as well as intuitively being helpful.
I can tell you that for those I tried to help in extended family members lives, all our efforts were undone by the demons of multiple addictions and patterns of life choices and in the end there was even more addictionology, theft of trust and money among almost every single person who tried to help.
But we all learn as well as grow in the caring, the trying, the reaching out, and we never know the spiritual life path of others.
I have always loved that Bill Wilson, if I'm remembering the name correctly, the Founder of AA, (which became of course the precursor to all the other disease or addiction anonymous groups), once said that alcohol being known as "spirits" was symbolic of the alcoholics needing of true spiritually/religion...which by the way means to link back to source. Thus, his inspiration of his 12 steps program and basis of acceptance of a higher power greater than the demons.
All this input aside, I am feeling you, connecting to your deep loss of a loved one, and sending you strength, hope, peace and great, great love as you make your way through this journey. You have so much goodness in you, let your lovelight shine and surround you as you feel the caring of so many here.
Hugs hugs hugs ❣