Rowsella, I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending light, love, & strength to you & your family.
Rowsella, I feel how much you wanted to protect your precious little brother. I feel your power too, the queen of wands, you are - queen of great kundalini energy with her little brother who at one point bathed in that energy. I hope in the coming days and weeks, you can feel him somewhere in your midst again. There is no death, just transformation. Now he will rest and rise and go back to his soul's home. And he will be with you too when you think of him.
There is a Buddhist ritual I learned after I lost my first husband. I wasn't a Buddhist but I tried it and it had a powerful healing affect on me.
You get up at day break when the earth transforms from night to day, from yin to yang. It is a powerful and sacred time when spirits can come and meet you. You are going to do this for 55 days.
You have a place in the house, perhaps near a window, where you will meet him. You light a candle and have some things like fresh spring water, maybe a crystal or something simple and sacred.
You meet him there and say three things to him:
1. Thank you.
2. I'm okay.
3. You can go now.
When you say each thing, let yourself feel it. When I would say, "I'm okay," I'd sob, because I was not okay. But it was good to vent my pain. When I said, "Thank you," I remembered things that I was grateful for about knowing him. Then when I said, "you can go now, " I was wishing him well and to be free. And it freed me too. I felt a huge weigh lifted off of me at the end of the 55 days. I will forever be grateful for learning that ritual.
You do this for 55 days. Then at the end of the 55 days, he gets to leave, and you both are lighter for the time together. It is therapeutic for you. It enables him to rise and be free.
Bless you, Rowsella. Sending love and surrounding you with care.
Rowsella - I am so sorry to hear of all that you and your family, especially your brother, are going through. Drugs and mental illness are issues that surround many of us. I may help, when you feel up to it, to read a wonderful book called Unbroken Brain, by Maia Szalavitz. She was a drug addict in her youth and has since become a psychologist and researcher. She uses her own experiences to illuminate recent scientific discoveries related to drug addiction. It's actually a very hopeful book, it may give you some insights into your nephew.
In Buddhist tradition (which I loosely follow), there is the concept of The Bardo - it's a period of 45-55 days where the soul of a beloved departed is caught in a limbo between this world and their next life. In the Tibetan tradition, this is when family members read aloud from The Book of the Dead, in order to encourage the spirit to move on and to do so wisely and without fear. What Jeanne is suggesting is very similar, I hope you will give it a try, and may you find peace in any case.
Thank you so much. I am going to try as Jeanne suggests. I am also going to try to read from that book as well. I realize that I could not alter his pattern once he made that choice. I could only tell him I loved him and he knew I did. I am not going to try to save or fix his children. I will offer love to them, advice and guidance but I don't have the resources for more than that. I am leaving today to Tennessee for his funeral (it is on Sunday). I am going to reserve my best help for my sister. She is going to administer his estate along with his daughter.
Rowsella,
I don't have much to add, except to say that I am sorry for your loss, and will be holding your brother, you, and your family in my thoughts over coming days.
Laura, you may have just explained to me why that Buddhist ritual is 55 days long. Thank you! I know about the Bardo state, but hadn't realized it was 45-55 days or that it was related to the ritual. When I did it for my first husband, I didn't learn about the ritual until several years after he died. I did it anyway, and it had a powerful effect.
Rowsella, wishing you a good journey.
My son is doing wonders, thanks for keeping us in your thoughts. He is allowed to socialize, but i don't know if I made the right choice taking him to my friend's last night, because this morning they woke up with a fever, headaches, body aches, vomiting, and puking. I a, keeping an eye on him but it worries me, his healing has barely even started. Thank you all for listening to me for rambling, Laynara?
Laynara,
It’s not rambling for a strong woman to seek understanding and support. I’m praying for you, your son and your family.
Since my Mother passed on September 24 , I keep hearing her call me. When I was younger and she would correct me about something she would use my full first name she’d call out RobinMarie come here. I’ve been hearing her voice calling RobinMarie then it jumps to this:
when they see a strong woman, they think you do not need anything or anyone, that you can bear whatever happens. Because you are a strong woman.
When they see you as a strong woman, they just look for you to help them carry their burdens. They never think you have your own burdens.
A strong woman is not asked if she is tired, suffering or has fears and anxiety. The important thing is that she is always there: a lighthouse in the storm or a rock in the middle of the sea.
The strong woman is not forgiven anything. If she loses control, she is weak. If she loses her temper, she is hysterical.
when the strong woman disappears for a minute, it is immediately noticeable, but when she is there, her presence is usual.
But the strength that is needed every day to be that strong woman, does not matter.
Being a strong woman, is never easy, but she does it. She gathers that strength and pushes on.
Robyn, may the memory of your mother be an eternal blessing. I love the words about a strong woman.