I have sent prayers and healing to you and your dear kitty. May you both find peace and healing. May a positive living space present itself to you for the highest and greatest good.
Thank you, everyone who gave me advice on my domestic situation. The information has been helpful. I have a good place to stay so that is no problem. I had to go to the house today to get some meds and clothes and took my adult, black-belt son with me. There was a confrontation- BF tried to block us from leaving the house and began insulting my son. But I am so proud of my boy. He was able to talk BF down to the point where we didn't have to force our way out.
I've been to the women's shelter for advice and legal resources but I probably won't get any direct help until next week. I did speak briefly to a lawyer last week who suggested a few things but could not take my case because her firm no longer takes that kind of case. The state Bar sent me contacts for several other attorneys but none have returned my calls. I am not looking for pro bono help so I don't know why they won't at least talk to me.
I sent BF a second eviction notice. He has stopped calling me after leaving begging and pleading messages for three days.
I need to meet a plumbing crew out in back of the house tomorrow morning. My plan is to go directly to the back yard to meet them and stay out there while they're working. I figure big burly men with pipe wrenches will be a deterrent. And I will keep a friend on speed-dial. And BF will probably be asleep most of the morning.
I believe I will be fine (esp. since so far BF has not physically harmed me) but I would appreciate some protective vibes.
This is all so hard. I cycle between grief and resolute anger. I do not let myself cry.
I do not want to be a Debbie Downer but although he “so far..has not physically harmed me…” doesn’t mean that he couldn’t or wouldn’t. The combination of increasing desperation and substance abuse makes him volatile, as you have already seen, so you will not be able to predict his behavior. He can’t predict or control his own behavior.
Protective vibes are good but maximum caution is better. A skinny or shy plumber might show up. Can you let them in and then sit in your car? In lieu of a beefy plumber, a beefier plan would make you safer.
Sending the beefiest of protective vibes
Jeanne asked if I would share some thoughts with you and the forum regarding my experience with situations such as yours. I see I’m a little late to the table, and it looks like you have received some very positive help. That said, I have decided to post anyway, as perhaps it will help others, and/or solidify your understanding and ability to remove negative energies.
My husband and I were first helped and ultimately trained to use the process our mentor, MaryAnn Ponder Brady, called “Clearings.” This process covers situations, houses, and people. MaryAnn (now in Spirit) initially helped us release and remove an “attached” energy that was causing real, physical distress in a family member.
Although most folks call such things scary ghosts or dark entities, MaryAnn called them “negative, misqualified thoughtforms / energies.”
I suspect the “Clearing Process” we were taught includes the same principles, energetic, and spiritual laws that were used by the Shamans you were blessed to find. We may “speak” different languages in clearing negative energies, but the purpose is the same: the removal of negative, at times downright evil, energy. Same destination, different map.
Several things come to mind in as I reflect on my training and experiences in clearing negative energy.
- Spirit, whether an Archangel or a person who has passed, has no form. They are energy, pure and simple, and energy is neutral, it is what empowers it that makes it Light or dark.
- Spirit takes on a form because humanity has form, and it is easier, for us, to communicate when we can see or hear (literally or intuitively) “who” the energy may be. Sadly that also is how dark energy can scare us, by taking on a form. Angel or Devil, they are forms taken to either comfort or frighten us.
- Semantics are important and can cause problems. Just as I prefer the word “mystic” or “intuitive” to “psychic,” I prefer “energy” to “entity” because ENERGY can and will take a form, either to comfort or to create fear. The word “entity” gives "misqualified energy" a persona and manifestation. It is neither a memory nor an incarnate being. It is dark energy in a form designed to frighten because FEAR feeds its power and allows it stronger and stronger manifestation and thus more tangibility.
- Positive energy, love and joy energy, can also manifest in a tangible form. I will never forget, in the first weeks after my husband passed, how I knew he was with me, not merely a memory, because I could see the couch dip in as if he just came in and sat down. He didn’t do this often, and the first time he tried to get my attention, it scared the heck out of me since it included a physical touch on my shoulder. I told him, Please! Let me “see” that you are here!” It takes a lot of energy to manifest a literal dip in the couch, as if someone were sitting down; it hasn’t happened since that first week. However, I know that all I have to do is ask, and his energy will make itself known in a way we then figured out worked for us both. But that’s a tale for another time! I tell it because it IS possible for there to be tangible presence that is not incarnate, and it can be marvelous or terrorizing, depending n what empowers the "presence."
- Energy is information that moves. It can be good energy, like my hubby checking in on me, or scary energy, like what @luminous describes. Sometimes it is powerful enough to show itself, through sheer intensity, or with a symbol agreed upon before the transition. And it is emotion, another form of ENERGY, that empowers the communication. Love, for comfort. Fear, for intimidation and evil. When we see or feel dark energy in the room or around us, it can be very scary. And we have not only the right, but the power to tell it to go away.
- Sometimes Energy lingers because it was so evil. The death camp Auschwitz has long been known to have a physical sense of pain and evil when visited. This isn't an entity, it is an ENERGY, drilled into the very molecules of the place. It is not memory. It is energy. Many who have no "memory" of the horrors will experience this painful energy when visiting Auschwitz.
- Homes that have been joyful tend to sell faster than others. Again, energy! Energy imbued in the molecules, this time of happiness.
The following version of the Clearing Process is for a situation or building. When clearing a person there is more involved.
The Clearing starts with the following "Protection Prayer," which you repeat out loud three times.
I now visualize a ray of energy through our bodies, from the tops of our heads down through our tail bones and deep into Mother Earth. This grounds us and ties us to the energy of Mother Earth. The same ray of energy goes up from the tops of our heads and ties us to the Light, the Source. I call for our Higher Selves to be in activation: shining, brilliant, and bright around our heads and shoulders. I call for our Auras to be healthy, thick, and full.
I call for a Sphere of Protection that will prevent negative energy from penetrating our persons and our surroundings to now manifest around each and every one of us as we Clear this building of negative energy. Our Shields are perfect at all levels and in all dimensions. Our Shields fill all aspects of being with White Light. Within that White Light is the Blue Protection of the First Ray and sparks of the Green/Earth and Pink/Love healing energies.
I call for the Living Christ (or Buddha, or Source, or Krishna, or whichever Creator NAME you resonate with) to descend and create a perfect sphere of Love and Light around us, that only the Truth will be spoken here today. Our Inner Flames are one with the energy of the Universe. We are alive and imbued with energy at all times. We have no need to seek outside of ourselves for the energy that is ours, for it comes to us from our connection to the Lord God Almighty; amplified by Mother Earth, and illuminated through the Light. Any and all gifts, talents, abilities, and special powers come from God (NAME), and are neither to be abused nor misused. All of our Gifts are dedicated to the Creator's (NAME) Work on Earth—to the work of Love on Earth.
We are the Fingers on the Hands of the Everlasting Arms.
At this point, call on the Archangels or Ascended Teachers, or folks you trust in Spirit. Name them. Invite them in. State the problem, call on what MaryAnn called “The Ray of Illumination” and allow information to make itself known to you about who or what or why the building has such bad energy. Record or have one of the Clearing group take notes, if you wish. Call for any negative energy discovered or already present within the building, to be burned off in the Flames of Truth and Justice. You can smudge with Sage, or incense, and anoint with holy water, whatever "ritual" helps you make the clearing tangible.
Use the following prayer if the negative energy seems very difficult to move.
Prayer for Deleting Negative/Mis-qualified Energies / Thoughtforms
Mother/Father God send whatever help is necessary in whatever form is necessary to take this energy HERE AND NOW to its right place in the universe. All cords and all connections are now cut. The void left by this eradication is now filled with Light, Love, and Divine Guidance, Right Action, *(any other adjectives you wish to fit in!) THE DOOR IS SEALED. That which we send away is met by the Light and taken to its proper place in the universe.
Closing the Clearing (read out loud, at least once)
ALL of the energy which has been drawn off during this clearance action, is now burned off in the Flames of Truth and Justice and transmuted in the Violet Flame. We ask that the purified energy be returned to its rightful place in the universe. ALL that has been released IS NOW healed back to the Seed. (This is a vital step, because by healing back to the seed of the issue/problem/evil you are removing its negative influence in any present and future experiences.)
As we leave this Clearance action, and move forward in our individual daily lives we re-affirm that our Higher Selves are in activation: shining, brilliant and bright around our heads and shoulders. We re-affirm health and vibrancy throughout our Auras. Any concerns which were created as a result of releases experienced during this Clearance Action, are now healed. Our auras ARE, and will continue to be, healthy, thick and full. Our Shields ARE, and will continue to be, perfect on all levels and in all dimensions. We now leave this Clearance Action refreshed and healed, knowing that we are always within the Divine Protection and Love of the Source. (This is like closing up the aura when laying on of hands or doing Reiki.)
As we conclude this Clearance action, we give thanks and appreciation to all Ascended Masters, Archangels, Guides & Teachers (Rename everyone you called in to help.) who are present and have been of assistance to us at this time. We now go joyfully forward on our individual paths, knowing that Divine Order is established and that we each go to meet our Good at all times.
IT IS DONE. IT IS COMPLETE. AMEN & AMEN.
@raincloud To put it in the words or metaphor one of this community recently used to explain it in a post to you: The disease has not only hijacked your BF's brain, but your house as well right now. You need to make sure that the dangerous kidnapper, like an armed hostage taker, is actually taken into custody by security forces or caregivers before you in person go back to your house. Beware of this hostage-taker called illness, because unfortunately, right now this is no longer the friendly, harmless BF of yesteryear, it is the dangerous hostage-taker.
Thank your for the advice. It helps to think of his brain as "hijacked". I've told him that when he's wasted I can look in his eyes, feel his energy, and he is just not there.
As for this morning, I met the plumbers in the back yard. They were a new crew to the project (which has been dragging on for weeks on account of poor communication within the company) and dang it, I did not get the big burly guys who came before. Anyhow they did not stay long because there were some things that need to be done before they can complete the job. I did not see BF. I think he was asleep. I do hope he is OK and hasn't fallen and hurt himself or worse, drank himself to death.
@tesseract Wow, that is a very thorough clearing ritual. I am going to save it for future reference. I've done some clearings in the past and I believe they were effective but I haven't had experience with anything really severe. (I may use this on my house after I can get the BF out of it.)
@ana Do you maybe have a chance to go to Al-Anon again? I'm sure you're not alone there in feeling a bit adrift right now, with all those emotions – fear, anger, and also worry about BFs condition – swirling around. Many hugs!
@joy Yes, I am going to an Al Anon meeting tonight. I think I have things covered as far as what actions I need to take to get BF out of my house and be safe.
But my grief is difficult. I met this man in 1982 when we were in our early 20's. We fell hard for each other. It was intense. But we both had careers to pursue and went in different directions, to different cities. I cut him out of my mind, or so I thought. I figured that was best. But I ended up keeping a crush on him for over 40 years- through some good relationships and a marriage. I kept stuffing the feelings down but they were always there. He says he had the same thing going on. Just before COVID he looked me up and contacted me. My heart flipped over. We conversed a little, long distance for a few years, then I had a professional conference in his city and saw him in person for the first time in over 40 years. . It was like 1982 again. Long story short he moved to my town and moved in with me. This was never a superficial relationship. We have some sort of very deep bond and I love him despite myself. I never felt like this about anyone else.
I think that is the hardest thing. I'm supposed to turn off all these deep-rooted feelings and forget about him. I don't know how to do that or whether it is even the right thing to do in the sense of the cosmic plan. Is it just for now? Will he recover to the point that I can trust him? Even considering that is probably stupid and naiive. But I'm not an idiot. And no one seems to recognize that these feelings are part of my despair.
@ana Up until a certain point, this was a truly heartwarming love story! ❤️
I think the metaphor of the hijacker is the best fit here, too.
As long as the hijacker is in control of BF's brain, he will no longer be able to act on his loving feelings for you because he simply is no longer in charge.
BF must join forces with you to fight the hijacker before your love story can work again one day.
However, before this can happen, BF must first recover from his illness and banish the hijacker from your lives once and for all. He needs a safe, caring place and effective therapy first of all to be able to reach this point. Otherwise, the hijacker will win.
However, before his brain will be able to awaken to BF again — if there is still a chance of healing and recovery — he will continue to behave like the hijacker and will be a dangerous person to you. Never misunderstand this, and don't allow your desires to put you in physical danger. The BF who once was so very much in love with you - he would also ask you to keep yourself safe and secure right now from the hijacker. I am sure.
I am not sure where to post this. In Georgia they are running recruiting commercials for ICE that are horrific misinformation about what they are doing. They are offering up to $50,000 sign on bonus. Sorry, but I am scared. Light has to come in and win. I don't understand why people cannot see that we are entering the 1930's all over again. I usually am so optimistic but everything that is going on, including todays Hegseth BS worries me.
@averylegacy They run them everywhere and you are not alone in your concern. Sending you healing light to bring peace to your heart. Surrounding you with angelic protection to help you and others find the right path through these times.
@jeanne-mayell Thank you for putting it in the proper forum. I know we are edging ever towards the darkness, but it may be necessary for enough people to see the light.
@averylegacy I ask the divine energies of light to surround you and ALL of us as well as our most precious loved ones, with angelic protection. May all of us find a truthful, peaceful, heart strong way to walk steadily and with heads high through these times, and may we always walk in the light.
I call on all of the angels, and celestrial beings, and the great trees and earth beings to rise with us, protect us, bring us back to peace and remind us how to love even those who would perpetrate harm. I send angels to surround all those who may find themselves facing danger, that they too will rise up with hearts filled with love and peace.
Where there is love, there is not darkness. Where there is love, there is not fear.
@bluebelle @lovendures @deetoo @earthangel @tesseract @cc21 @baba @seaholly @Caroline @andy @dannyboy @journeywithme2 @joy
You don't have to turn off your feelings. You can love him and you can walk away. Give him to G d. Let Go.
I am praying for the safety of you and your son. Your bf is ill. He is trapped in addiction. You do need to stay far away from him right now. Things could get dangerous. I lived this too. I understand..
I am proud of how you are working so hard on this.
I am praying too for your bf. He may recover. But for now, keep up the good work on your recovery.
Grief is love that cannot be expressed. Give your love for him to yourself. ❤
I will say 2 things re: the situation with the alcoholic boyfriend. #1. Get out of there, stay out of there PAST the time you think it's safe, because you're not safe while he's in crisis or trying to recover.
#2. The other thing: my X said to me when I confronted him with stealing from me to support a cocaine habit I didn't realize he had, since we hadn't been together for 14 years by that time. He said, "You don't understand; the drug isn't the important thing. IT'S THE ONLY thing!" Then I understood. It was beyond his control during that time.
@averylegacy Thanks for posting. It's very disturbing to hear this, and I'm sorry it's bringing so much distress. I myself witnessed ICE take away people from my community on July 4th, and was unable to stop it. It can be difficult to know what to do in these times as a human and US citizen. But as a spiritual being and light worker there are a number of things for us to do. I keep getting message from spirit to hold steady, keep calm, remain full of love, and be heart-centered. If we give into fear, then it will give away our sovereignty and power. Pam Gregory posted a call for a world meditation to magnetize the new earth, where we focus our collective loving energy every day at 2pm EST. I incorporated this simplified version of her meditation into my daily routine and it helps me immensely. Here's the shortcut version I use: Ground (close your eyes, take 3-5 deep breaths, clear the noise from your mind), bring your awareness and energy to your heart chakra (center of chest), imagine you are holding hands with others around the world who are also meditating, and in your mind's eye send love and healing for the highest good of all living beings throughout the world. Start with the location of where you are living, and in your mind's eye imagine that the US begins filling up with your love (make it green like your heart chakra or white or golden, whichever you prefer). Then let that love and green color expand to Canada and Mexico until North America is completely green and covered with your love. Then expand to South America, then Europe, Africa, Asia, Australia etc. This love is given freely to the earth, people, and animals throughout the world. When done, give thanks and close the meditation.
I hope this helps you and gives you a tool to assist in raising the healing frequency.