A request for a family member we’ve been helping with an abusive spouse. There are kids involved and the situation remains tenuous. I stayed a few days to guard and support but we can’t keep at that, and eventually she has to want to save herself and the kids. Help her see the light and move forward, and keep the husband away.
Oh, I hate to hear it. Check out the meaning of "trauma bond" which explains, in part, why many have trouble leaving. Otherwise, I hope that there are local resources available in the form of a domestic violence agency. Also, you might print and present the Power and Control Wheel. It seems simple but is a powerful tool for women to see on the printed page the techniques used to keep them subjugated. All the best.
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@dannyboy So sorry to hear this as well. Glad that @raincloud could share such a valuable resource. All clarity and light to your relative to see what she needs to do to safely exit the situation with the kids. Strength and safety to you all.
@dannyboy, I know you have been contacting all the right people, and done everything you can at this point. I am so impressed with what you have done. We will keep that family in our prayers, sending angel protection and surround them in light. I will also send an angel to help their wounded and deranged father/husband that he may get the help he needs to calm down.
Also, I cannot tell how valuable I have found Dr. Ramini's work on narcissism to be. Many abusers are narcissists and your relative might benefit from watching her excellent YouTube sessions. Among many topics, she talks about why they are hard to leave and also, what to expect if/when you do.
https://www.youtube.com/@NavigatingNarcissismPod
Also, I cannot tell how valuable I have found Dr. Ramini's work on narcissism to be. Many abusers are narcissists and your relative might benefit from watching her excellent YouTube sessions.
@raincloud has this so right @dannyboy!
I found Dr Ramani randomly thanks to the YouTube algorithm that knew something about my life that I did not... That I had been enduring narcissistic abuse for the past 30 years. Also, I highly recommend Dr. Les Carter's channel, "Surviving Narcissism"". I feel deeply for your relative as someone who has been through it. Putting a name to the abuser's behavior was powerful for me. It takes tremendous courage to escape and it is not easy, but it can be done (with lots of support... Thank you for being there for her!)
I am sending up prayers of protection and strength for her and the kids, and for you as you support them through this journey. I am genuinely sorry your family members are going through this.
@lowtide I am late to reply, but want to add my good energy to you for your test results! May you get the guidance you need for the right path forward.