@coyote Sending you light and love that you will find peace while this gets sorted out. So sorry you are going through this.
@coyote I’m very sorry that you are dealing with this I will lift you up in prayer that the very best outcome present itself and that you receive peace and healing.
@coyote Such a delicate situation for you. No wonder you couldn't sleep. I am in such admiration of your talents and spirit.
I am sending light and clarity to you and your medical team and your family for the best possible path for healing for you. Is there someone on your medical team whom you most feel aligned with, who can sit with you and hear all your considerations and help you with your decision?
There's my therapist. I see her tomorrow and talking with her will probably help me sort through my emotions. My oncologist is at least open to continue the Avastin and put off surgery, which is a relief since she is the gatekeeper for authorizing the infusions. I usually resonate with my neurologist (who I've been seeing since 2006). I have to send him separate emails to explain my reasoning, since I didn't have time to go through all of my thoughts yesterday.
Your intelligence, clarity, powerful communication skills, and rigorously supportive, varied community are all assets that will guide you through this. You are a very strong young man, loved by many people and ancestral spirits.
@coyote You’re already forming a plan that creates an opening for the healing work to come…billy mike is just so right- you are surrounded with love and not alone.
Sending continued light and blessings to you and all who are working on your behalf.
Sending supportive energy waves through the ether.
Please ignore the following if it isn't helpful...
I have been in the uncomfortable position of having to decide on surgery without feeling grounded. In retrospect, I could have been helped by a surgeon that fully explained why the previous surgery was unsuccessful and what the next steps should be. Unbelievably, I didn't get that. Instead, the information presented to me was truncated, omitting extremely important information which would have altered my choice.
So, when Marigold wisely suggests having someone to talk to, both the therapist and the neurologist could help, especially since you trust them, but it sounds like more information regarding the surgery could also be useful. Maybe you already have it but just in case..You say that the tumor is on your right inner ear but it sounds like you dread total deafness. Have the doctors made it clear what hearing loss could occur by removing this tumor? Only right ear or complete? Can they estimate the likelihood of each outcome? (I do not expect answers, I just want you to have them.) Is there more information to be had regarding the risk of bleeding problems with Avastin?
I don't know where you are but topnotch specialists all around the country consult (without charge) on difficult cases and now they can do it remotely. Anyway, you get my point, I want you to have the maximum information on which to base your decision.
I will envision a guide, human and/or non-human, who can help you navigate this challenging path. I will envision calm, clear place in which you make the best decision/s for your health and well-being. And of course, I will picture a happy outcome.
Good vibrations coming your way...❤️
@coyote You have shared your warrior's journey with us for several years. I feel your courage and your pain and frustration. I hope you feel us enfolding you in our love and lifting you up. I especially resonate with @Raincloud's message to you, which I would read a few times. Important as @Marigold has wisely suggested, to speak to your therapist so you learn where you are in all of this. But I too have delayed or foregone treatments because I was not comfortable with the procedures only to discover later that my discomfort was because I didn't have the best information. Had I had better information, I would have benefited from going forward. I also resonate with Raincloud making sure you have sought out the very top surgeons for their advice.
I am sending angels and their human counterparts to surround you and guide you in this process and keep you safe and help you to thrive throughout this passage of your life.
@coyote My impulse is to say to wait on the surgery. But I am neither a physician nor a skilled psychic reader. You are your own best reader. You and your angels. I think... take a walk in nature- on the beach if possible-- and sit with them.
What I know for sure is that you have plenty of important "stuff" to do on the planet and things are unfolding as they need to.
@coyote, have you considered having your therapist talk directly to your doctors? Speaking dr. to dr. might alleviate the truncation & allow you to get a greater insight into all the options to get more grounded & to allow a more informed choice. I'll be sending light your way.
I'm also not really in tune myself right now. I've noted in the past that I get dreams of impending ill fates for family. I've recently seen my mother (she's passed) waiting to escort dad, & my sister leaping from a non-survivable height. She was diagnosed with a terminal ailment 6.5 years ago. Average lifespan after diagnosis is 3-5 years. Today she was admitted to the hospital with diverticulosis. I feel this is the high place I saw in my dreams a few weeks ago. I feel she & dad will leave in very close proximity to each other. Dad has been slipping noticably on nearly a daily basis lately. Both have incurable ailments, so even without the dreams I could see this coming. A few prayers for the highest & easiest outcome for each would be appreciated.
I'm not into astrology, but somehow this Saturday's eclipse keeps coming to mind for each of us.
What I know for sure is that you have plenty of important "stuff" to do on the planet and things are unfolding as they need to.
this^. Many of us have already seen that you will be writing crucially important books and doing so many good things in the future. I even had a dream of attending your TEDtalk presentation, if you remember.
I don't know if you are interested in it, but EMDR therapy really helped me with the anxiety when i was facing a health crisis, and a dreaded, but necessary surgery.
Holding you in love and light, my friend
Our Dear Coyote,
Thank you for coming to us as you are battling your fear of the big unknown regarding your health. So many have offer some wonderful support and care.
It is our honor to be allowed to help you in whatever way we can.
We love you and I am sure you can feel us surround you with light and hope.
Hope.
Hold fast to that hope. You are not alone my friend. Your purpose with us at this time is only beginning. I feel you are where you are supposed to be right now. I sense that once your choice has been made you need to trust, lean in and let go. Like a team building exercise when you "trust" that members of your team will catching you as you purposely fall backwards.
Trust that you will be led to the best option and then lean into ( or lean back into) the choice and trust that your guides, ancestors and light beings will be there to catch you, to hold you through the process. Think of it as a cloud of light you are easing yourself into and that cloud will carry you through the journey. We will be with you too. You will feel us all with you Coyote, so much love and light.
@cindy you have my prayers for your parents and for you. We just lost my father in law two weeks ago and it hurts. I’m sending you lots of love and a big hug. Caregivers are angels on earth. Peace ?
Dear @coyote
I haven't been around much lately, but I still drop in every now and then, and I just so happened to drop in and see your post.
As someone who also lives with complex health conditions, I feel your pain and my heart goes out to you and so will my prayers.
I am asking the angels to watch over you and I am asking Archangel Raphael to send you healing and to help guide all your physicians and nurses involved in your care to keep you healthy, protected and safe.
Nobody can tell you how to walk this journey, and you probably already knew that. I liken my own journey to setting out into the great unknown with no compass or map - not knowing the destination or the direction you must take. This can unfortunately be a very lonely and difficult journey at times, and it can be one that has not been walked by other people because it is so unique to you. This can often mean there is no guide or template that you can borrow from somebody else to tell you how to tackle it and deal with any obstacles along the way, and this can often seem unfair and cruel.
But just know Coyote, you are strong and very brave, and you are never truly alone. You can call upon your angels and guides to help you, and although they might not always give you the help exactly as you expect, they will help you in the best way that they can - whether that be strength, motivation, or a gentle nudge here and there to help you keep moving forward - they are there.
I can't give medical advice on your condition or treatment because I am not a doctor, but ask yourself: do you feel that you are being pushed into a certain direction with your treatment? You may have already pondered on that, but if not then meditate on this and search your feelings (sorry Star Wars reference) and ask the angels/guides to help you.
From my own experience of having to make medical decisions, all I can say is gather as much information as possible and weigh up all the pros and cons of each treatment. Remember if you are unhappy or uncertain about something you can always ask for further opinions or more information. Sometimes the lack of information allows us to fill in that void with our anxiety (understandably) and that can sometimes prevent us from making informed decisions.
In a way, we have to be our own gurus. Only you can know or feel what is best for you.
Sending you my prayers.
Keep us posted.
I just want to quickly follow up to my earlier post and just say that get a second, third, fourth opinion - as many as you need to help make your decision. I feel very strongly about that.
Wishing you much healing and light.
Thanks everyone. All of this feedback is very comforting.
I feel secure with the medical team that's already assembled at NYU, where I receive treatment. My diagnosis is relatively uncommon, so there isn't much else in the way of expert opinion that I'd trust. For clarity's sake the surgery I'm considering is called a vestibular schwannoma (VS) resection with an auditory brainstem implantation. Again, there are only a handful of surgeons in the US and possibly even the world who can reliably perform such a complex operation, and one of them happens to be at NYU.
The other component is the auditory brainstem implant (ABI). Externally, ABIs look like cochlear implants but are made for people who don't have functioning auditory nerves. So as long as the surgeon looks at my MRI scans and thinks I can handle an ABI, the outcome of this surgery does not have to mean deafness, full stop. My neurologist just put me in touch with the neurosurgeon, so I'll see what he says.
The only options I'm really considering are getting surgery this winter versus spring/summer. There are a number of specialists who will discuss my case on Dec. 14th (several of whom I'm in touch with), so I'm waiting to see if there's consensus about timing. My reiki healer even scheduled a session on short notice. So I know there are spirits assisting me ?
I liken my own journey to setting out into the great unknown with no compass or map - not knowing the destination or the direction you must take. This can unfortunately be a very lonely and difficult journey at times, and it can be one that has not been walked by other people because it is so unique to you. This can often mean there is no guide or template that you can borrow from somebody else to tell you how to tackle it and deal with any obstacles along the way,
This is exactly how I've explained it to other people.
It sounds like your medical team and you have a plan. I am pleased to hear things are moving forward relatively positively.
Keep us posted.
Wishing you all the very best.
@coyote I am just now reading your recent post about your surgical decisions and my first reaction was, “wow, he’s dealing with such complex issues.” Then I read all the wonderful responses to your posts and no kidding, the responses are everything you need. Coyote, you are so loved in our community and the wisdom of our community members blows me away.
A word that keeps coming to me is “surprise.” You will analyze your options fully and then you’re going to make a decision that surprises even you. I’ve been sensing changes within you for several months now. You’ve been blossoming spiritually, like a bud opening to full flower, reaching toward the sun, full of light and promise, always seeking, always growing. May the answers come to you shortly and may you be at peace.