Hi gang!
I try not to pester for my own self but in this particular case, I need some light sent my way.
I've been exceptionally lucky in education my entire life. I had one principal for most of my time in the classroom, and after moving to my central office role, I've had one supervisor - until last school year. The new person they brought in was a former superintendent of one of our locals and she had a bit of a shady, checkered past. Very right wing, very anti-union, and very much a "my way or the highway" lady.
We haven't butted heads often but she does continue to misrepresent our work (truthfully my position is so weird it's hard for ME to wrap my brain around sometimes, so I try to give her the benefit of the doubt) - but she's also put me in some difficult situations, the most recent of which was yesterday.
She came in and wanted to have a chat with me. That's fine - growth mindset - hear the feedback. The conversation went to two disturbing places that I've gotten the impression have been things she's been trying to figure out for awhile.
First - she said the way I describe my work to people is "off-putting." - when I asked for examples, she gave me two. A recent e-mail I sent to the 10 directors who share me updating them on my work. She said I dropped the line "I'm sorry this is a day late, I've been swamped." - she told me "We're all swamped Dannyboy, no one wants to hear you say it too, we know what you do." This didn't sound like a "me" problem because I've known the other directors for years and I reviewed 3 months worth of emails and determined I didn't actually use that language. The second example she gave me was when meeting a new Superintendent. The woman asked me what I did, and I told her the 3 primary hats I wear across 10 different organizations. Doing this apparently makes me sound closed off and unavailable even though every teacher, principal, or superintendent who has reached out to me in 12 years has received nearly instant responses.
I can easily think on this and try not to be a human when communicating with people but the second part has me in a tailspin right now.
My work contract has me working a certain number of hours per week (i'm a union position!) - Because I'm shared I have to be flexible in when I do my work - it involves anywhere between 4-12 hours of evening classes for teachers I'm leading a week. Teachers not just in my immediate vicinity but across the whole state (because I work across the whole state!) - For the 12 years I've done this job, that's always been our mantra - meet them where they are and revise your schedule accordingly. So if I teach a 4 hour course in the evening on Wednesday, I leave at noon on Friday. Teach two of them I don't even come in on Friday because no one wants us Fridays anyway.
I got the "people are talking" talk about that. There's only one new "people" in our office and that's her, so I know exactly who the "people" are. I believe this is an opening foray into a larger issue that might rear its head next year. I went through my calendar of booked appointments for next year after school already and have adjusted when I'm taking the days - but I was left with the distinct impression that it wasn't about the equality of the time, it was about power and control.
Tongue in cheek, I left the conversation with the conclusion that when people ask what I do I need to say "Oh, this and that but never on a Friday" instead of telling them what I actually do. :-)
I'm in a tailspin right now mentally because I don't know what to do. If anyone has some light and love you can send my way (and maybe even her's to help her become more compassionate and understanding) I'd greatly appreciate the lift. I'm so sorry to vent my frustrations here, but in 21 years in the field I've never needed to activate my union and I'm doing it here to at least see what my options are but - people from her former district tell me she's very retaliatory and I'm in no mood to have my days regularly ruined out of spite.
@dannyboy Gaslighting bosses/supervisors are the effing worst. I think most of us have had them. If you feel misunderstood and humiliated it's not you, it's them. No good supervisor makes others feel that way. This person is trying to make you doubt yourself and is playing mind games with you. I'm sorry this is happening. It's a form of psychological abuse not often given the attention in our society that it deserves.
I'll keep good thoughts for you, @dannyboy, but I also have a suggestion. Buy yourself a "banishing candle." You can get them on Amazon. When you light it think to yourself, "I wish you well, away from me," then think good things about your tormentor, but see them moving on to something better away from you. I've done this in the past and it's worked for me. I think it's a form of manifesting where you are wishing well for all parties, and that may be why it works. Even if it doesn't, you'll feel like you're taking spiritual action, and action always makes us feel empowered.
I wish the best for you, and I've been there, buddy. It sucks but you're a bright light, and the universe will bring you what you deserve.
@dannyboy It feels like walking through a minefield when you get a new boss. You've been in that job a long time, you and your colleagues understand each other, and here comes someone to upset the applecart.
Sounds like she doesn't appreciate the casual, collegial approach and prefers a more professional approach. If she were my boss, I would always meet deadlines!
I think it's going to be a struggle for you two to appreciate each other. You seem to me to be an extrovert who sees the larger view, and she may be an introvert who focuses on the details.
You have a way with people, and I'll bet you can find commonalities with her and eventually win her over. Try not to be offended. Don't participate when others talk about her behind her back. Work on establishing a good relationship with her.
Then after work, toss that rock with her name on it into the air and watch it turn into a dove and fly far away, as a wise person in this community suggested as a meditation. And burn that banishing candle, as suggested by @lynn.
I hope it gets less upsetting and burdensome for you, @dannyboy! ❤️
Then after work, toss that rock with her name on it into the air and watch it turn into a dove and fly far away, as a wise person in this community suggested as a meditation. And burn that banishing candle, as suggested by @lynn.
@lowtide, it looks like I am not the only one who has appreciated what both @Tesseract and @lynn have suggested doing on this forum recently.
😀
@dannyboy Sending you much Light and Love. In addition to the banishing candle? Write her name on a slip of paper and place in a small freezable container ... fill with water and place it in the freezer. Putting her on ice...with the intent that your interactions with her will be brief and to the Highest Good of all concerned. I am seeing you surrounded with white Holy Light that only those with Love and Light can enter in to your Energy field. 🙏🏻💜🕊️💜🙏🏻
You have my utmost sympathy. You asked for light but your situation makes me anxious on your behalf so I cannot resist presumptuously offering advice based on my own experience; of course, feel free to ignore it.
Can you call on whatever acting ability you have? I think you will need to carefully strategize. I find I do best when I write out what I want to say in advance of a difficult conversation. It helps me both refine my thoughts and avoid pitfalls.
If this boss needs power and control, you might consider giving her the illusion of it. Based on your post, she appears to have willfully misunderstood you which means she does have you in her sites. I suspect she is looking for deference; she wants you to acknowledge her power and position. It may be more than just that but that is probably a chunk. So, if you can, I suggest you give her respectful deference in your communication with her, checking in with her in advance, if situations change, so that she is never surprised. Would a follow up email make sense? Something like, "I always welcome feedback, did I answer all of your questions?" Consider a potential email carefully and perhaps someone else who is politic could read it before you send it, as well as all future emails on which she is copied.
If you want to stay in your position, I would want to assuage her somewhat until you fall off of her radar. It wouldn't surprise me if she were always finding someone to dominate; you need her to move on to someone else. If possible, avoid direct conflict--I bet she likes to fight. Yes, there is a bit of humble pie in this approach, but I think of it as strategic crisis management.
Sermon over----good luck! Proceed with caution.
@lovendures thank you for crediting @Tesseract. I could not recall while typing who had made that wonderful suggestion. It really resonated with me.
I appreciate it - all of you. Those of you who picked up on her need for power - you got it exactly. That and constant praise. Jeanne did a reading for me long ago and said the the boss was the right person for the job but also that she picked up on a woman - a conservative woman in particular who I needed to watch out for. These two are one and the same I now think. My career is hitting new heights with some of my new responsibilities. Unfortunately I think that star rising is threatening her since she’s terrible at her job. Ok also trying to remind myself Jeanne said I had an eject button but wouldn’t need it. I appreciate the good thoughts and the light everyone!
I appreciate it - all of you. Those of you who picked up on her need for power - you got it exactly. That and constant praise. Jeanne did a reading for me long ago and said the new boss was the right person for the job but also that she picked up on a woman - a conservative woman in particular who I needed to watch out for. These two are one and the same I now think. My career is hitting new heights with some of my new responsibilities. Unfortunately I think that star rising is threatening her since she’s terrible at her job. Ok also trying to remind myself Jeanne said I had an eject button but wouldn’t need it. I appreciate the good thoughts and the light everyone!
You are welcome! It is hard to wade through posts sometimes and find the one you are looking for, especially if you doing remember who wrote it.
She just mentioned something about love and fear tonight which also resonates with me. I understand and appreciate the many forms of love ( Greeks have at least 7 different names/forms of different types of love) but I never thought of the many different types of fear, until Tesseract emanated some of them. Not just hate, but anger bigotry, jealousy and so forth. I think I will be have a new lens to look at situations with.
John is angry, what are they actually afraid of right now?
Jen appears jealous, what is it about this situation that makes her fearful?
It may create more understanding/enlightenment. Then perhaps a door will open or a better action plan. I bet it will be especially helpful when dealing with children.