@unk-p Thank you for the warning; I am aware of the dangers to cats from the allium family, but appreciate your concern. Dogs have a different disposition. We are very careful with Pikake’s diet and are leaning towards raw. That however doesn’t stop her from peering over the dining table when she smells roast chicken.
I have to rant a bit. Today, I had a hearing test and a follow-up appointment with my neurologist at Mass General Hospital in Boston. No bad news, no changes in my hearing. But I'm still pissed off.
For the past year at least, I've been consciously crafting a different story of my illness than the one the dominant biomedical establishment has been trying to tell me, and that process of narrative reimagining has accelerated and solidified since I started sharing my thoughts on this forum. But whenever I have to go into Boston for medical stuff, I feel that internal story coming up against quantum resistance because I''m suddenly immersed in an environment where the energetic focus is on "managing health declines" and not actual healing. When I met with my neurologist, I plied the waters a bit and asked him a few questions about his thoughts on the long term prognoses of patients with neurofibromatosis in general. Through that questioning, I was able to tell that, in his eyes, his job is only to mitigate my own health declines, possibly with the help with other "savior doctors" who might procure some magical super drug in a laboratory somewhere, someday.
To hell with all of that. I don't buy that story. The Latin route of the word "hospital" harkens back to the idea of hospitality and respite to travelers. The pretense that present-day hospitals or their attendant healthcare infrastructure provide respite is bullshit. Ask anyone who's hospitalized for anything other than depression what they most want, and more often than not, they will tell you they want to be discharged so that that they can finally relax (think about how twisted that is: healthcare settings for most people are antithetical to relaxation and healing). I know this firsthand from the 8 times I've been hospitalized overnight for surgical procedures. Yet even when I go to MGH just for appointments, lately I've been picking up on the ambient energy of exhaustion and disappointment that's radiated by all of the other ambulatory patent. And it's SOUL-CRUSHING. All of these people have been told in various ways that they can't truly heal, that they must constantly supplicate to the almighty "white coats" if they want to keep their bodies from completely falling apart.
That's why I so badly want to heal myself: so that I can plant the idea of genuine physical (and emotional) healing in more people, and ultimately change our cultural perceptions about what is possible when it comes to the body's capacity for recovery. Make no mistake, I'm not talking about the US healthcare system specifically. The difference between our culture of healing compared to the Nordic fantasy lands is only one of degrees. Basically every modern health care infrastructure hews to the mechanistic, Cartesian blinders of allopathic medicine. If I could pick between undergoing a "possibly cutting edge" drug treatment in Stockholm versus spending a year as the live-in patient of a shaman healer in the foothills of Bhutan, I'd choose the latter option in a heartbeat.
I can tell that my brushes with hospitals lately are serving a purpose. They're kindling the fire energy I need to begin my healing work. Mercury goes direct next week and we reach the spring equinox not long after. I'm hoping these two events will help me catapult my energy forward.
We're all with you on this. Your body is younger but has significant challenges. Many of ours are older, and may or may not have severe challenges, but we all know too well the paradigm of modern medicine that prefers long term management over actual healing. I truly believe that this is why there are so few cures for cancer and no cure for autoimmune disease. The existing model favors excruciating and expensive treatments that only prolong the inevitable. Anything that comes from another model is viewed as "witchcraft" and I use that word because I believe that more of modern medicine is still steeped in the Middle Ages than we think. In the early (and frankly not so early) Christian church, healers were persecuted as heretics. It was an anti-intellectual stance that threatened consolidation of power in the hands of a few. Doesn't that sound familiar?? So it's more of the same, thousands of years later. I don't know that much about NF, but maybe you should look into a shamanic tradition somewhere that might be of benefit to you. I advise you to NOT tell your doctors though - they'll put in your record that you are difficult, non-compliant and possibly mentally ill. Try to find a holistic doctor (a D.O., integrative M.D., or chiropractor), who can offer some allopathic support but not shut you down on alternatives. Hang in there.
I feel you.
I was all excited to see my new doctor. I was hoping to get answers. But instead of listening to me he tried to tell me I have ADD, not bipolar disorder. and that was clearly bull. He made me take two questionairres, one for bipolar disorder, which I always score high on, passing or failing depending on how you look at it...and one for ADD.
So I answered both surveys and in big letters on the bottom of the ADD one I wrote, "I DO NOT HAVE ADD!"
and on the bottom of the Bipolar one, "I AM CERTAIN THAT I AM BIPOLAR!"
My friend commented that I was being stubborn and I laughed and said, "Yes, that one I have." It was rude of me to be so blunt, but it pissed me off. It has taken me months to accept the bipolar. I have worked with a gazillion kids with ADD. I know what it is and I do not have it. But the bipolar is a real adjustment and my time would have been better spent talking about that.
It was disappointing to say the least, that he just seemed to need me to have ADD. He told me HE has ADD. Whatever.
I am the espert on me. I control the narrative. Just help me with my bipolar doc. Help me with this insomnia. Don't try to give me another condition!
As a result he never called me back to find out if his suggestions aided my sleep. So I went with the suggestions of my psychiatrist instead.
@Everyone
Experiencing a crisis of faith. Still estranged from my daughter, her choosing this.
Severely saddened, feeling like I am without God. Wondering how He could have allowed me to suffer so much, and still do. Therapist keeps telling me it's not what it is. but it is, what it is.
Please tell me how you got through. My energy feels very dimmed. I am thinking I have the Covid19 because I do feel ill still. and my anxiety lies to me. Bipolar feeling a bit overwhelming. Thank goodness the generic ambien works. I honestly don't think I would sleep at all, feel anxious typing this.
A few decent things happened today but the depression has weakened me.
feeling unwell.
Writing this is making me feel not as alone. Just the request for help and tapping into your energies
Please send light. Especially at 11-11:30 tonight.
:( Ghandigirl
I don't know specifically what's the best advice to offer. I don't have any prescriptive guidance in mind that seems appropriate to what you're experiencing.
But know this. I'm drawn to your persona and the story of healing you've been sharing with all of us. I want to see you continue forward on your journey. So I'll be focusing on you at 11.
Hi @ghandigirl. Whenever you feel like this, wondering why God would cause you to suffer so, try to remove yourself from this human perspective and see it from your soul's perspective. You, as a soul, chose this life in order to teach and inspire those around you to learn to love unconditionally. You are actually a Hero! The opportunities you are offering to others, like your daughter, to grow past any pain they may have experienced and to find their way back to forgiveness and love is amazing. Even though things may seem bleak right now, know that they will get better. Thanks to you, your daughter WILL learn what her soul signed up to learn. For now, just try to focus on being that light and spreading that love to all around you. You've talked about how supportive and loving your partner has been. YOU have provided him with that opportunity and it's a wonderful thing. ❤️
I just gotta say Frank, I'm so glad you've joined our tribe. I'm loving the thoughts, advice, and ideas you've been sharing with us.
I would like to eco the words of @coyote.
When I read your posts, I keep seeing an image of you traveling to our forum on wings. As you glide in the sky you drop a healing blanket which then floats downward wrapping whomever is in need, in a calm gentle embrace of understanding and love.
Your words may be directed at an individual, but we are able to drink from the spring now.
Thank you!