Reading Our Pets!

@cindy I am so, so sorry to hear about your pup.  :-(

@journeywithme2, @pat-czap, @moonchild, @maggieci, @lovendures, @jeanne-mayell, @lowtide, @ana, and all those who kept Lucy and I in your thoughts and prayers yesterday, thank you. We'll figure out new routines, and what to do next. Lucy is still looking for her and crying occasionally. It will take me a bit of time to stop looking for her in her favorite spots. 

Spirit was right, Ricki would be special, in a number of ways. I used to pray years ago (thinking romantically-lol) for unconditional love. I finally figured out I'd been answered when I had three dogs, and chose to change my prayers before I became the 'dog lady.' Ricki was not the giver of unconditional love in this particular dog-person relationship, but the recipient. I know she's grateful, and is full of the unconditional version for me now that she's not burdened with her earthbound past and disabilities. I know this was all divinely planned, down to the timing of my Covid, so that we'd spend lots of time together in bed at her nearing time, and so that I would not see the rapid decline and try to pull a Hail Mary. I wasn't supposed to know her time was short, so I didn't worry or treat her differently. That way I could encourage her till the end.

I wasn't prepared to hear that doc felt it was best to let her go on the spot. I thought maybe we could buy some time, but I had to do what was best for Ric. I've had to put down animals before, but this was the first time I witnessed so many office staff lose it in front of me. 

To remind everyone how connected we are, and to have faith in humanity, let me share this with you. I was stunned, but got Ric calm and through what we had to do. I was in tears, but managed to check out without making the tech cry, tho she was on the verge. I got into my car with my purse in one hand and her leash and collar in the other, and promptly lost it. Mine had been the only car on the lot when I got there, as appointment hours hadn't started yet-they were only open for drop-offs for that day's procedures. When I returned to the car, there was a car next to mine and a big truck on the far side. I saw the woman in the truck hand her little dog to the tech and walk off. The next thing I knew, she was at the door of my car, with her hand on the handle. I opened the door, and she just said, "I'm sorry, you look like you could use a hug. May I give you one?" I said yes, and thank you. 

@cindy  retired from 30 years a veterinary technician... I understood what you were facing with Ricki... but Spirit bid me to stay quiet and offer unconditional loving support.. so... I did.

Just want to say.... whether clients notice it or not... we veterinary professionals feel deeply both the pain of the person and the pain and then ease from suffering from our patients when their suffering is ended... it is such a fine line to walk... to go in to battle against the illness and then to give up the battle for the Highest Good for the patient. To hold and guide across the Rainbow Bridge and to comfort those left behind.

I have often held it together for the clients/patients .. only to lose it in privacy in the back of the clinic as I handled remains in accordance with the client's directives. When your vets/techs/assistants/front office/kennel staff tell you they love your fur baby? and you? and grieve with you? We truly do.

Sending you a very BIG HUG and loving comfort from me to you.

@cindy Also sorry for your loss...

@cindy 

Thank you for sharing about Ricki.  It must have been a very difficult day yesterday.  Even I am all teary-eyed. Sometimes random people appear unexpectedly but when we need them .  I am glad the lady approached you to give you a hug.  You did need it.  Sharing your story will touch many and make impacts, small and large.  

Be kind and gentle with yourself this week.  For what it's worth, I hope more unconditional love comes your way and that it flows between you both, dog form or people form.  Love is healing.  It can be heartbreaking too.  

May your heart heal and may you feel our love for you.

Thanks to all here who listened as I processed (out loud). 

Tuesday evening, maybe 7 or 8 hours after my post above, I went into my tiny laundry room to put clothes in the washer and thought of Ricki (she used to pull the bags out of storage in there). I suddenly heard an absolutely joyous voice- "Mom, I can run now." Such a short sentence, and in many ways heartbreaking & bittersweet for me. Think of Rudolph's child like exclamation of "she thinks I'm cute" here. It nearly dropped me to my knees, while making me feel grateful at the same time. Once again showing she was special, as I've caught fleeting glimpses in the past of some of my passed dogs, but this was the first time I've ever gotten an auditory message. Wednesday morning, I caught a glimpse of her, and had to do a double take to verify it was her because she was walking normally. I actually got to see her well for myself, if only for a fraction of a second, and while nearly transparent. It is so nice to have a safe place where I can freely state such things and not worry that someone is going to send men in white coats with a straight jacket in hand. 

@journeywithme2, I get where you are coming from. I know many techs cry afterwards, I have no doubts there. This was just the first time I've seen the entire crew unable to hold it together. I knew in my heart, as you see my posts, what was coming, just not so quickly. 

@cindy  I love that she came back to let you know she is well and pain free! One of mine that was lost to a malignant brain tumor came back 3 days after crossing the bridge - I could feel him jump on the bed at the foot and turn in a circle 3 times and lay down like he always did...felt him rest his chin on my foot.  Others I have heard bark or hear walking down the hall their toe nails clicking. 2 days before it was time to let my 17.5 a year old crossover (CHF) I saw her perk up and do her little greeting, head turn and dance that she did for her lifelong love and packman that crossed before her.. I knew then.. He had come back to tell her he was there to meet her and that her time was soon.

Your girl was special.... so are you. That is why they lost it with you.. they so wanted a "happier " outcome for you both, and they loved and grieved her too. Sometimes our brains don't want to accept what our hearts know 😪 . We are blessed when we get that reassurance from the Other Side for true!

@cindy 

I thought Ricki was going to connect with you in some way once she departed, but I didn't want to say anything in case I was wrong and she didn't.

What a great gift to receive Cindy.  I love how excited she sounded, how she called you mom and how much she wanted to show you how she could move now. It is confirmation ( in case you needed it) that she understood you loved her and she loved you, even if she couldn't express it.

I am all teary-eyed again.  haha

May you have more blessed encounters, though even if you don't, she will still be there with you I am sure.  

Thank you for the update!

,  

@cindy that is so wonderful! What a gift she gave you!

@cindy I’m deeply sorry for your loss.  Ricki was so fortunate to have you.  These blessed animal souls impact our lives in such profound ways.  We love each other, we savor our daily routines together.  We are each companions and protectors to the other.  I’m glad you had an after life experience with Ricki and caught a glimpse of her.  She knew you needed that connection.

My big Lab Baxter, Big Boy Bax, passed away four years ago. When he could no longer walk and was suffering, we had him put down and everyone in the room cried.  Such grief.  I still sense his presence occasionally.  If we have bodies on the other side, it surely would be great to have that 120 pound Lab climb into my lap one more time.

Your experience with Ricki must bring you such comfort.  Just hearing about it brings comfort to me.  Sending you love and peace, my friend.  I wish I could give you a hug, too.