Patients in hospitals, nursing homes and hospice facilities are some of our most vulnerable. Under most circumstances I think it is in the best interest of everyone if the patient is asked first. I would even take it a step further and ask someone who seems distressed, “Could you tell me something you need right now?” or “”What would bring you comfort?” A conversation that would lead to what the person needs. I have softly said to patients who appeared to be hurting, “Would it be ok if I held your hand?” I also questioned if I needed to hold their hand more than they needed to hold mine, because my heart was hurting. It hurts to care for those most vulnerable among us.
Being supported in making choices, choices that may seem mundane to me, can empower a person. It maintains dignity. It can be the difference between a transaction or a transition. If I hug someone who is hurting, it’s a transaction. If I have a conversation with them around what they feel they need that is a transition into a relational dynamic moving forward. Neither is right or wrong, but in my opinion we are becoming much more transactional and less relational.
I think we tend to project our wants and needs onto others, thinking if it’s what I would want or need, then it’s likely they want and need the same thing. And if they don’t we label the person.
We live in a very messy world. I think each of us is broken. We are in this together. Day by day, we will get through this. The only way out is through.
Coyote... I wouldn't be surprised if some 'dirtbag' right supporters were trying to tar Joe Biden. In the warped out time we are living in, nothing should surprise any of us anymore. It certainly is not a time to be naive... remember the old adage "Believe only half of what you see, and nothing of what you hear."
Or is it the other way around? I suppose that works too ?
Should clarify that... speaking politically that is ^^^
I want to be careful here what I write about Biden. The GOP wants us to tear him down since he's the front runner and someone who could appeal to a wider group of Americans. I'm not going to help them do that. He's basically good, and compared to GOP politicians, he's a saint.
I feel his intentions were innocent, touchy feely, not sexual, although naive and I have to wonder that no one in the Democratic leadership hasn't corrected him by now. Have they tried?
That said, I don't feel comfortable with Lucy Flores' approach to correcting Biden's touchy feely behavior.
Perhaps I've missed something about her. Has she tried to correct Biden's behavior in the past via Pelosi, Biden himself, or some way other than a nuclear article? If she has, please correct me.
Whatever her motives, acting like Biden had traumatized her doesn't sit right with me, although I'm conflicted. His behavior was patronizing, I agree-- father daughterly, and inappropriate for a stranger. That behavior is also disempowering for a women forging ahead in what has been a man's world. He should have known not to touch her or anyone, and I fault him for that. I agree that she should not have to tolerate such behavior and I understand why the power difference caused her not to say anything at the time.
I adamantly agree that women have had enough of uninvited touching from men. It needs to stop once and for all. I hope this article will do that since it comes at such a big price to an effort to beat a true abuser and sexual assaulter of women, Donald Trump.
I am astonished at his nativity in this day and age. As one of you wrote, where was party leadership, like Pelosi, or Obama, to put a stop to this behavior? Don't these guys have political consultants who talk to them about risky habits that can bring them down?
So many women, myself included, have lived through so much inappropriate touching that we are done with anyone touching us other than our partners and close family and friends. DONE.
But her article was too harsh, like using a machine gun instead of a slap. It was designed to vanquish, and there were better ways to stop the touchy feely people other than the way she did. Even though she admitted that his touch was not legally a sexual assault, her references to being traumatized by it makes it seem like it has parity with Moore's and Trump's sexual assaults.
In our town back in the early 1990's, the town youth officer, also a touchy feely type and much loved for his kindness to children, kissed a child on the forehead and his mother brought charges against the man.
The child's family was new to our town and was from another country and some wondered at the time if the cultural differences caused the mother to overreact. The police department put him on administrative leave while they investigated the case. The man was overwhelmed by the charges which he felt, regardless of what was decided in the investigation, would brand him and forever surround him with suspicion, and ruin his lifelong work as child whisperer. He was right that it probably would have done that. Then the unthinkable happened. He fell into despair and, the father of four children, killed himself while on Administrative leave. He was a casualty of a progressive movement to stop child abuse in which, as often happens, the intense desire to vanquish abuse goes through a period of overkill and inadvertently claims innocent lives.
In spite of being very touchy feely myself , I learned way back in the 1990's not to touch anyone except my own kids and spouse. I coached youth soccer and once in the mid nineties, I rushed out onto the field and swept a child up in the air in celebration after she had just gotten a goal. This was a child who was athletically challenged so it was a big victory for her. I put her down, suddenly aware that her mother was watching on the sidelines. Without anyone saying anything to me, I realized that it was not my place to touch any child except my own and that was the final end of touchy feely gestures for me.
For a few years, I had a male meditation teacher at a local college who I observed hugging a female college student because he also is a touchy feely type. I later warned him not to do that. I said, "I know your intentions are good, but you don't know what any of these girls have been through in their lives, and hence how they will take your hugging them." He spurned my advice.
Yes, the Lucy Flores article will help stop all uninvited touching, and that is good. Her article will protect women. But I don't like the way she did it. I am suspicious of her motives. I want integrity in the way we fight for our rights, or else we are perpetuating the dark.
Lastly, while I'd love any progressive to win in 2020, Biden would not be my choice. He's always felt meh to me. I followed the Anita Hill hearings and was dismayed at how he left her to hang out there all alone. He allowed some women to testify in Thomas' his favor and against Anita Hill, branding Hill as a misfit. It was ugly, painful for me because I knew Hill was telling the truth at great cost to her, and I felt the women were lying. But Biden did not allow several other women ready to testify about Clarence Thomas' sexual abuse against them. He said he had run out of time. So he let a sexual predator and one of the worst Supreme Court Justices ever onto the bench. I realize he's apologized to Hill, but his failure was egregious.
Jeanne, I so agree with everything you wrote here.
And I do recall Biden being affectionate even toward President Obama, who is still his best bud I think. There is something just not right about these women coming forward at this crucial time and profiling him like this... to smear him now that he appears to be a top contender.
I foresee many more of these smear campaigns (and much worse than this has been for Biden) in the days to come drawing closer to Presidential election. We can't expect anything less from the T***p machine, can we?
I want integrity in the way we fight for our rights, or else we are perpetuating the dark.
I love that. Thanks, Jeanne.
An absolutely well-thought out, well written and right in great analysis. Kudos for saying it all so succinctly Jeanne!
? to all who have been posting here for the last 3 weeks some really excellent, thoughtful posts and lots of great energya
I super are busy with family right now but am keeping up here and reading everything while still listening to my angels "keep away from politics" and "do what you do best" as I can ?so sending lots of loving energy to all ?
Michele, thank you. Love to you. Thank you for all the strength you bring us.
Oh, thank YOU, Jeanne.
Your sweet kindness always lifts me up when my wings are feeling droopy!
Sorry for all the unedited typos everyone! My family howls at my quickly written, unedited notes or texts but hey! They always figure them out, too!
We're all human, make lots of mistakes and laughing is always better than worrying or wishing we'd caught our mistakes at the time!
Oh, thank YOU, Jeanne.
Your sweet kindness always lifts me up when my wings are feeling droopy!
Sorry for all the unedited typos everyone! My family howls at my quickly written, unedited notes or texts but hey! They always figure them out, too!
We're all human, make lots of mistakes and laughing is always better than worrying or wishing we'd caught our mistakes at the time!