Add my blessings deetoo.
Today was my birthday. I spoke with my mom on the phone and also my daughter. I received many well wishes and messages of love. I was spoiled and gifted by friends and shown how many care about me.
I noticed that even with so much love and approval from others, a big part of me is dwelling on past pain. I became so used to things never feeling quite right that I now have to relearn happiness. It doesn't feel routine yet. It feels strange in the comparison.
I frown when I could smile. I worry when I could begin to trust. I will go easy and I will go slow and just smile more inwardly and out. I find I am grateful for this ife, even with all of the horrors and sadness and dysfunction around me I can still see the gifts, even in the struggles.
So now it is a few minutes past my birthday. I get to recommit to the having and believing in happiness, and I get to be loved and cherished by others. I get to accept myself and allow others to do the same. Every day is a choice to be happy.
I think it's time to take a break from social media. All the bombardment of issues happening in our nation and the world at large and the back n' forth is messing with my anxiety, depression, and making my already short patience even shorter.
It's too much at times.
@ghandigirl Happy birthday! Sounds like you've set a wonderful intention, and it is very true that happiness (a difficult word to define) is a matter of practice.
@deetoo Sending more & more love and care to you!
@laura-F Wishing you protection from illness.
Happy birthday, @ghandigirl! I'm so glad that you were able to celebrate with your daughter, mother and friends. Many people love and cherish you, including all of us in this community.
I can relate to so much of what you expressed. I'm experiencing some of those same challenges, especially now, as I approach my 68th birthday. I find it sometimes difficult to not dwell in the past, because I am living the last chapter of my life. And I am exhausted. Recently most of what I have been strongly feeling are the limitations of my body, mind and spirit. It's okay if allow those feelings to visit, but I don't want them moving in with me.
I love your intention, ghandigirl, and I will try to remember your wise words as I go forward:
I get to recommit to the having and believing in happiness, and I get to be loved and cherished by others. I get to accept myself and allow others to do the same. Every day is a choice to be happy.
Sending you love and birthday blessings, my friend.
Your story of the fluffy bee touched my heart ... maybe it was what we call a "bumblebee" here in the US. They are larger and look like their fragile wings can't support their size. When I was a child the bumblebees would be all around in my grandmother's garden, on the lilac bushes among old gnarled fig trees. They fascinated me and I believe they may be European in origin...?
I am so happy that you are doing so much better, and have been hoping that you have found some balance in this chaos that we are all experiencing my dear.... a really beautiful feeling is around you.... I am sensing that you have a very strong and gentle ancestral spirit with you, an older wiseman who is very protective of you and always at your back. You are never alone. Tune into this comforting spirit as you navigate your path as he is always surrounding you.
Please take care out there, and don't forget your wonderful paintings for your future Tarot deck enterprise ... that is something I know you would enjoy, and I can see you patiently creating it....
Perhaps you could post some of the paintings as you do them? That would be a real treat for us here!
With love to you?
Someone, I don't remember who, spoke about not using the term fighting when talking about the virus which got me thinking today, Fighting is probably not the best term to use when dealing with pandemic related fear and anxiety either.
My car has been needing service since 2 months before the lockdown. Today was the day to finally take my car in for servicing.
I was prepared mentally. I had called ahead, made the appointment and asked how they were operating during Covid. I made sure my supplies were ready. Hand sanitizer, mask and wipes. I would not be waiting in the lounge, my husband would also drive there and take me home. I would just need to deal with the fact that the service agents would not be wearing face masks, details I gathered during my call to book the appointment.
When I arrived on time to my appointment, my agent was busy on the phone with a client. So, an attended escorted me to the lobby to wait. Not in my initial plan. I managed my Covidphoia by standing, not sitting, by a wall far away from everyone. There were only 3 of us waiting, it was a large room, but I was the only one with a mask. The 3rd hour of the Today show began. They starting talking about Covid of course. At the 6 minute mark of the show, a man who was seated began to cough. Then cough again. I kindly told the attendant I would be waiting in my husband's car out front and to please let my service agent know.
Ok. So for me, going out in public can be a battle. It is like a fight. I take my war gear, and protection with me. I have plans made in my head. I way the odds. Maneuver around others. It isn't a game because it could mean life and death. For me or my community members.
But, that is such a stressful way to live. Such a stressful mindset. So, as I was standing against the wall in the lobby as the 3rd hour of the Today show began, I got to thinking. Maybe management is a better way of looking at things. I am not going to concur my fear. I can however think of dealing with my fear as management. I managed to get my car to be serviced during a pandemic. I managed to enter the lobby and wait. I managed to leave to a more secure location when someone coughed.
Healthy management. The car needs to be healthy. So does my family, so dos my mind and so does my body. So, I am going to try to think of living in a pandemic as "healthy life management" for a while and see how that goes.