I reread your post about daughters and why they may lock out their mothers.
This is really hard, but what you wrote made a lot of sense.
As I give her space, and take the hint that she doesn't want a relationship at this time, I feel hurt, but strive to remain hopeful. As my best friend said, "Give it some time. Things can change."
And your statement got me thinking that it is also a way to control herself. She's blocked out her own conflicted, confused, and painful childhood, as a way to fool herself into thinking she achieved control over those feelings. She doesn't yet have the strength to untangle the truth and see that in the end, it's a complex web of forces that caused her pain, not you, and possibly not even him.
Put another way, when someone has suffered, staying angry at someone gives them the illusion of control over that suffering.
I've mulled this over in my mind for quite awhile and think there is a lot of truth in it. She also controls situations by becoming overly busy and medicating herself by triggering adrenaline issues (She described this to me at one point). I know she's worked on it, but I no longer know how she's doing. Bottom line: ILLUSION OF CONTROL appears to serve her well at this time although things like that often fall apart eventually. As I worked to bring closure to the situation for myself, I asked for one final card that would show me how she is doing and pulled STRIFE. I wish I could help her, but I know that I cannot. In the meantime, I'm strangely at peace. Thank you for your insights--always so valuable.
@ana Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. Dr. Seuss
Debbie M--- I would like to thank you again for that quote.
Although my brother passed last month, his "Celebration of Life" will be on August 8. I took on the task of creating a slide show to be projected as people filter in and out etc... It's 158 images synced to various musical compositions and I must say, this is one of the most difficult emotional tasks I have ever undertaken. Yesterday I totally broke down viewing the end of my own d*mn slide presentation. It was the first time I really, really seriously cried over my brother's death. But I felt better, after.
I used the Seuss quote on the last two slides. We have a picture of my brother up on top of a hugely tall ham radio tower he built, smiling joyously with arms outstretched. I used that pic, twice, with the first line (Dont cry because it's over) on the first copy of the image, and the second (Smile because it happened) on the second slide. And although the majority of the slide show is celebratory and upbeat, I used Enya's "Only Time" for the closing section (my sister-in-law requested it). It's a heart-wrencher.
Im going to need supportive vibes between now and then because things are getting really real and I am also the person tapped to "run the show". I've got to keep it together. Right now I'm doing a bit more alcohol, CBD, and Xanax than is entirely healthy. (Not to dangerous levels, though, so don't worry.)
@ana Your slide show is a wonderful tribute to your brother. and I am glad you used that quote. It always touches people when I use it in sympathy cards. His celebration of life will be even more special because of you. Your loving energy will surround all who attend.
@ana Sending you much Light and Love and holding space for you and yours as you grieve the loss of your brother and comfort each other with speaking of him and remembering him. We know that he is well and happy on the Other Side, yet we ache because they "aren't here with skin on" as my daughter said when she was small and grieving the loss of her Grandmother. I was being as supportive and loving as I could one day when she was crying for her and I said... I know it's so hard to not see her eyes twinkling, or feel her arms hugging you and her voice singing to you..but know she is still here, still near and watching over you - I miss her so much too" My daughter wiped her eyes and said in that trembling , quavering defiant little voice..filled with a 6 year olds conviction... " but I want her here with skin on!!!!" This poem always brought us comfort and I am glad to share it with you : https://allpoetry.com/Gone-From-My-Sight
That is precious, your little one's wish.
I love this so much, I want it read at my funeral.
Yesterday, one of my nieces went to the hospital because one side of her body was swollen, and she could no longer see. She is in the ICU. Her brain is bleeding in two places, one of which is massive. They don't know yet what caused it, but think it may be blood pressure.
She has a 6 year old little boy, Keithy, who recently lost his father. He is very worried that he will lose her, too. Keithy has been calling people in the family to pray for his Mom. I am asking any of you, who are so inclined, to do the same. Thank You!
Oh man! I am so sorry!
Will keep-your niece as well as Keithy in my prayers.
May your niece receive healing and know she is loved and watched over. May her doctors be guided for the best course of action. May they be on top of her situation.
May Keithy know that he is loved and adored. May he be well cared for physically and with excellent mental help as well. May his world treat him with kindness and gentle calm.
@lovendures thank you, Love. We just found out that she has Stage 4 brain cancer that has spread to multiple organs. They are planning to do brain surgery Monday.
We are heartbroken.
@unk-p Seeing her wrapped in the Holy White Light and the purple and green ribbons of Healing and Love and asking God to bless all hands that touch her to be Healing Loving Hands. Asking God to send AA Michael and AA Raphael to Keithy and surround and protect him and guide him. Asking for the Highest Good for all concerned. Amen and TYGFAP.
I simply do not have the words right now for you that I wish I had.
Are you able to share your niece's name with us?
I know this community will keep Keithy, his mom and all who love them in our prayers and send healing light to all. So much love and healing will be sent your/their way my friend.
@unk-p wrapping your whole family in love right now. Praying that the surgery will give her more time. Praying that her child will be wrapped in love and kept safe and protected. Sending a legion of angels to help all.
@unk-p, words cannot adequately express how sorry I am. May angels comfort and protect Tessa and Keithy, and surround them with love. I'm holding them and your entire family close to my heart and in prayer.
@unk-p As everyone has said, there are no words. I am so sorry to hear of your niece's situation. Sending much love and light and strength to Tessa and Keithy.
@jeanne-mayell @deetoo thank you both. My sister will be so pleased to know that you are praying for her daughter. And so will Keithy, for his Mom. Much love!
@unk-p I am so very sorry to hear this. I will lift your niece up in prayer and ask for the highest and best intention for her and all the family. Sending you love and healing light. ❤️??