I understand completely how you feel. You’re not wrong feeling that way. Just the fact that you are troubled and are asking these question tells me what a light filled, strong, kind soul you are. I’ve been there, over and over again. Each time I think “I’ve got this!” I’m often faced with a life challenge that pushes my buttons and asks, “you really think so?” It’s a real ego-buster.
When I read your post, a song by the Police immediately entered into my head: “We’re spirits in the material world.” I know that Sting was influenced by the philosopher Arthur Koestler, who believed that outside influences could destroy our spirit. All I know is, for me, it’s hard being here, on this earth. We’re spirits in these human bodies, with all of the conflicting emotions, physical challenges, and obsessive, and ego-driven, ruminations. I believe that I agreed to come here, but I sometimes say to myself “what was I thinking when I signed up for this?” But that’s the point … thinking played no part in it. Pure love did.
Each time I believe I’ve reached a compassionate, peaceful place, something happens that shakes the core of my being. Like what is happening now in this country and in our world. It’s really painful, and as an empath, you want to ease all of that suffering. It’s hard to look at someone like Rush et al. and think that we’re all connected. Because if we truly believe that, then the compassion will come.
But I’m far from being at that place. So I ask for help, from my angels, spirit guides, God – whatever feels right to me. I may ask, “I really feel hatred towards T. and don’t want to feel this way. Help me with this. Help me connect to my heart.” And then I go out and do something for someone. It could be the smallest thing – a smile, a kind word. Something that connects me to humanity. It’s not that I’m being particularly altruistic; I just want to feel better, and connect to someone’s soul. Something shifts inside of me when I do that.
I have a quote by Rilke posted over my computer desk: “Be patient toward all that is unresolved in your heart … try to love the questions themselves … do not seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then, gradually, without noticing, live into the answers.”
Be patient with yourself, Allyn. Live the questions. Take care of yourself, in whatever ways work for you. Have hope and keep the faith. And remember that you're not alone; we're right there with you.
Thank you for sharing with us. That is a lot on your plate. I see you and your family moving forward, surrounded by a ball of warm, peaceful, healing light. You and your loved ones will be in my prayers throughout the day.
❤️ ? ❤️
I'm sending you love and light right now and will keep you and your family in my prayers. A lot going on! They say things happen in 3's so take heart that you've reached your limit. ?
Fear not. What @Frank says is true. I also think it's ok to feel nothing, totally ok. I confess I felt a teeny tiny gladness because when someone does so much harm to so many, I tend not to feel badly about their demise. I figure, plenty of people will mourn, no need for me to. Karma can be a bitch, so feeling nothing is like a shrug. Not your fault he's got an excruciating and deadly cancer, you didn't wish it upon him, he smoked a lot. So don't feel bad. If you feel some kind of guilt, send him energy for a swift passing. There's LOTS of other healing for you to do, leave it to The Universe to deal with Limbaugh.
Ah, Laura. Occasionally, I struggle with sleep, maybe 2 or 3 nights a month. In general I avoid prescriptions or over the counter sleeping pills, though. Cannabis sleep aids have made such a difference in breaking that cycle. It gives you a deep, relaxing sleep with no aftereffects the next morning. You just wake up completely rested. Edibles are way too strong for me, but I have used a half or a quarter indica edible successfully. Then there are cannabis sleep aid capsules that work, too. I will look into the oil and try your dosage.
The problem with edibles IS the dosing - it's impossible to achieve 100% uniform distribution of the molecules... The oil is way easier to adjust to one's needs.
I'd really like to try taking CBD oil internally for insomnia, but because I'm sensitive to a lot, I'm hesitating re dosage. Our small local pharmacy carries a pharmaceutical grade CBD oil (Ananda Professional). I purchased their roll-on oil (THC-free) to address my shoulder pain. I applied it before I was planning to leave the house and run some errands. The topical oil made me relaxed, to the point of being lightheaded and loopy. I ending up staying home until that feeling passed, after about 2 hours.
If it helps to know, the first time I tried plain CBD oil during the day I got very groggy, but after that no issues. It may be the kind of thing that your body adjusts to after a couple of tries. Maybe try again, on a day where you're not headed anywhere, then try again after that, see if you adjust to the dosage.
Thanks, @laura-f. That makes me feel better. What amazed me is that this happened with a topical oil. Fortunately I no longer need to apply the oil during the day for pain. Perhaps I should try it first topically at night, and then proceed from there.