@cindy I hope your dad continues to feel your love and care. I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Please take care of yourself and in the meantime we will send you love and healing light. Sending you prayers for a complete healing. Peace friend. ☮️❤️
@deetoo thank you for attaching that article. I really needed it today. Yesterday I severed ties with my dad and told my mom I’m dis-owning him. The utter disappointment I have for him are beyond words and my emotions were deeply shattered yesterday. Story short, my dad is a die hard Republican and my mom hates T because of his lack of empathy and the hatred spewing from his mouth. Growing up in an immigrant family I suffered from continuous patriarchal domination with daily verbal and physical. My mom was a target of domestic abuse and this have caused my sisters and I a lot mental instability and suffering. I thought my dad changed and I forgave him for all the physical pain he’ve caused me growing up. I was ok being the guinea pig so that my dad learn from his mistakes and not hit my younger sisters. This past few weeks my mom have complained that my dad’s old ways have found it’s way back and he disrespected her freedom and again abusing her verbally and threaten to abuse her physically. Yesterday I mustered up the courage to call him and spoke to him calmly about their situation and asked him to please be choose his words and actions carefully since she’s older now and he could put her in serious pain. I didn’t raise my voice; I calmly asked him how he’s doing and requested that he treat my mom with respect. Immediately I can hear his tone and he was in the defense and started to use words that were so piecing. In Vietnamese we don’t usually say you and me since we have different pronouns, for example I would always refer to my dad as dad and myself as daughter. So yesterday while speaking to my dad he failed to refer me as his daughter instead he used the slang term for you and I and it brought back all my amped up painful emotions from childhood. I’m the first born in the family and I was so afraid of my dad since he had such a bad temper that anything I do will cause his temper tantrums. His tone yesterday took me back to that place of being afraid and constantly holding back tears and hiding the scars from the physical abuse. I thought I came to terms with this but his tone yesterday brought me back to these nightmare years. I was crying non stop last night and decided to text him in Vietnamese:
Dear @share,
I'm glad to hear that the Pavlovitz article provided some support and comfort for you. I so wish you were here with me now … I would give you a long, comforting hug – in this moment, social distancing be damned! You are such a beautiful, loving, wise and gifted young woman. And such courage! I can only imagine the pain you are feeling, and yet … I smile through the sadness, as I see a team of angels surrounding you.
Will you be joining us at tonight’s meditation? I hope you can. If not, you will be in my meditation and prayers tonight and every night.
Since I can’t be there in person, I’m sending you the next best thing – a big, virtual hug – and lots of love.
Deetoo
@share, thinking of you. Hope you can overcome. Be strong and ban negativity out of your life. Good things will come in place of the bad.
@Deetoo and @moonbeam thank you for your kind and comforting words. I have board meeting at the same time tonight therefore I will not make it to tonight’s meditation and will strive to join the Wednesday night one. I hope one day my dad will wake up and come to his senses but perhaps I’m being too positive.
share the love and light
@share I’m so sorry about the heartache from having deal with a difficult parent, especially in an Asian family where the father is deemed the head, whose opinions can’t be questioned. The Trump years have exposed the fault lines in the US, within communities and within families. In such a case, it’s only with time and the positive change in society brought about by decisions of an inspired leader that bridges can then be built. We can’t convince our handful of Trump friends and we don’t intend to. We decided to let them grieve, like we did in 2016, unless they resort to violence. I am sorry your mom is caught in between. It would break my heart if I were in a similar situation so I just want to say I hear you.
Pikake
We are all sitting with you in your pain. The way your father has treated you and your mother is devastating, such unkindness from someone who should adore you both. There is no knowing why people are the way they are, and make the horrible choices they sometimes do. It’s so disappointing when it’s a family member. Don’t allow him the opportunity to hurt you any more than he already has. Thinking of you and sending prayers and peace to you.
Oh sweetheart I am so sorry.
You are very brave and I am proud of you for standing up for yourself, your sisters, and your mother.
Walking away is smart, and necessary. Do it for yourself Share. You deserve to feel respected and safe. I wish I could go back in time and give your child self a very big , long, healing hug.
Child abuse is the scourge of this World.
I wish you peace and I wish that the shadow of the past ceases to block out the sun, which is shining on you.
Yoiu are such a sweet person and I am again reminded that everyone has a story, and some are nightmares.
You will heal Share. You will.
I am Sharing the Love and Light. I am here for you always.