I am sorry you are again in physical and emotional pain. I will send you love calming energy.
Yes, the wind has been knocked out of me. The passing of RGB is jarring and dangerous given the place the country is in. She knew that and fought to the very end. We now MUST PICK UP THE FIGHT. No giving in to despair. Ask for protection & then volunteer any way you can to get out the VOTE!!!! I did calls today & will do so until this election. Call or email your local Dems to see what you can do. I am going through victory 2020. You call different places nationally based on the time zone. They train you- super easy. Do as much or as little as you like from home. You can also text bank too. Honor RGB, mourn her passing- but thank her service by getting involved to turn the tide- through any means available to you (prayers count & they work well with calls ). Much love to all ❤️❤️❤️
I'm so sorry for your pain and sadness. I've been in a similar space recently and can relate to those feelings.
I once read what brings us to tears, can lead us to grace. May amazing grace shine down on you, mending your heart, healing your body and renewing your spirit.
Be gentle with yourself, my friend. Sending you a big hug.
@laura-f Weeping may endure for a night, but joy come comes in the morning.
You do not weep alone. Our tears have purpose... Divine purpose...even as science is just now understanding a bit about them: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/the-microscopic-structures-of-dried-human-tears-180947766/
Love you dear sweet magnificent Laura ❤️
This too shall pass.. it may pass like a kidney stone.. but.. it shall pass.
I'm going through a lot of periods of doubt right now. Because of the nature of my new job, I'm outdoors at least 2 hours each day, which is good, but I'm also becoming hyper-aware of the current limitations of my body, and the difficulties that I have to overcome seem overwhelming. I have trouble keeping my balance, especially in uneven terrain; I can't bend over properly to pick up things off the ground because of my balance issues, but also the muscle atrophy in my right leg makes it hard to lift from my legs; and my hearing difficulties make everything so much more aggravating, especially now that everyone is masked.
Where I'm working seems like a good place to start forming a supportive real time community of allies, and I've started to try to do that. But when I'm dealing with all of the aforementioned difficulties, I feel like an imposter; "can I really do this work"? I also start thinking about how easy it would be to give up: to quit trying to live on my own and go back to my parents house and let my body just fall apart.
When I was a sophomore in high school, I sometimes had English class first thing in the morning. Once, my English teacher remarked to me, "You know [Coyote], out of everyone in this class, you always come in looking the most exhausted." That was 9-10 years ago, before my health problems became so much more pronounced. When I observe my sensations and emotions in each moment, I'm always exhausted on some level, and I don't really know what it's like anymore to be completely at ease. With the days shortening, winter coming, and the 2020 vortex moving even faster, the urge to just go home and give up is getting a lot more powerful.
I am sorry to hear that you have not been feeling well and hope by now you are improved. I suffered from vertigo for a month this summer and it ended up being caused by high blood pressure. So, new meds made all the difference. Vertigo can be very debilitating and I hope you find the cause for your distress soon. Sorry to be so late in writing to you. I have been taking time off the grid to center myself and deal with the onslaught of chaos that is 2020. Please pop in and let us know how you’re doing. You are always a welcome presence here. Sending you peace and healing, Unk P.
Living with a disability can mean going through long periods of adjustment and self doubt. As you know, one of my children is disabled and I remember well what he went through at your age. It’s not like you turn a page and voila, you’ve adjusted to having a disability and have no more self doubt. It’s deeply personal, challenging and can chip away at your self esteem. Yet, you can get through this period and become whole in your spirit if not completely whole in your body. I wish there were a magical mantra I could give you to repeat to yourself when you get discouraged. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself. I wish I could show you the man in full that you are becoming. In the meantime I send you love and support and healing.
@coyote, I hear you. I can't even imagine how hard it is. I don't want you to give up and go home if that would mean letting your body fall apart. I was reading this morning about all the years RBG kept going since her first cancer diagnosis in 1999. I wish you knew how important it is for you to keep going, write your books, be a messenger for this world. I will pray harder for you, send more healing, see you getting a new lift, a new energy.
@Coyote ,
it seems understandable to have these fears and doubts.
Are there things which might make a few of the challenges less challenging? Perhaps a walking stick? Or maybe an EZ- Reach grabbing type tool to assist you picking up things? Maybe the grabber could clip to your belt loop and the other be held in your hand. If you had one or both, you could then see how well you might manage things and still be able to build those relationships you desire.
Also, your identity and humanity are not tied to your job, where you live or your physical abilities.