@stargazer And don't forget the Mercers, who apparently are bankrolling Parler, the right-wing alternative to Twitter. Why can't these people use their billions for good????
I started this thread to focus on the trauma that underlies Trump supporters so that people could heal and perhaps find some possible understanding for their Trump supporting friends and family by looking for the underlying trauma that led them to Trump. I had found an article by Meghan McNiff which I was hoping people would take a moment to read and respond. (It's very short)
I added the post on Charles Koch's latest forgiveness-seeking PR campaign to warn people who are trying to be compassionate, not to enable disingenuous (and dangerous) people like Charles Koch who would use our softness to his advantage. Koch is indeed a traumatized person but like Trump himself, Koch is a psychopath, and a psychopath with huge power.
I do not have the answers to how we heal our divide, but I would not want Republicans to have any power in this administration. They have been part of a dark, sick, sociopathic agenda that has been in power for forty years. So no, healing the divide does not involve (in my mind) giving a dot of power to Republican Party. It is just a possible way to help us not to hate, and to understand each other better.
That is what I was hoping to discuss in this thread--emotional healing by understanding our Collective, rather than hating each other.
I understand when people can't do that. I am able to do it for people I know. I haven't figured out how to do it for people I don't know where all I know of them is the behavior I find repugnant.
And don't forget the Mercers, who apparently are bankrolling Parler, the right-wing alternative to Twitter. Why can't these people use their billions for good????
Because they are the creepliest buffoons in the world? ?
They do loves them some huge control and power!
I do relate to feeling compassion for those who are deserving of it in that they have been hoodwinked by Ye Olde Divil....
Though for those that unabashedly display a complete disregard for human decency and are aware of their nefarious and deliberate manipulations while furtively laughing all the way to the bank ..... not so much and not at all.
One day perhaps we can stand all together in the developed light of the Aquarian Age and look back on these excruciating divides as we would look back on Kindergarten from the perspective of Grad School..??
Here's an article on the subject of trauma as the root of hate, from the perspective of a former white supremacist:
quote from article:
What strikes me most about the people caught up in this is that they are not happy people. From my personal experience with family and friends in this, they are trying to find something and trying to find what will fulfill them. They are so caught up in anger, hate and how the world is against them that when they find someone who agrees with their view the fall to it. I care about these people in my life but honestly its exhausting to be around them. They always see themselves as the victim in this world and their view is always right. You have to watch what you say and do so you don't tip them over into some confrontation. Whenever I deal with them, I leave the encounter feeling bruised and battered...just thankful its over. No matter what you try to do to help or show them care, they are resistant and live behind this wall of self righteousness. For my own mental and physical health, I just have to limit my time with them or step back. I pray for them and send wishes that someday they will find some source of peace but overall if they don't want it, you can't make them.
I’d made a decision this year that I don’t want to hate anyone anymore. When I felt that self-destructive feeling building up for Trump & Co. over the last five years, I realized that I sounded like him/them. And because several-to-many of my cousins (I’m from a large Italian family) support this toxic administration and its sycophants, I couldn’t bring myself to hate them either. I thought of them as stupid, idiots, etc. which is tremendously harmful, both psychologically and psychically. I love my family no matter our differences and no matter how they feel about me.
I’d been on Twitter last year and reveled in telling DT that he’s a loser, etc. Then I was stalked by bots and deactivated my acct. What was I becoming?! I had to pause and look honestly at my intentions and practice. I actually pulled back from some local activism bc the correspondence I receive constantly evokes fear and panic as a prompt. I don’t want to live this way. I don’t want to wake up in fear and go to sleep feeling dread. It’s corrosive.
I decided to join the forum and meditation circle which, truly, has been a blessing. The discussions which raise important questions, contemplation, and revelations, for me, is a gift.
My husband and I have lived w his prostate cancer for all eleven years (on New Years Eve!) of our marriage. It’s exhausting at every 3 month checkup currently. Life’s fragility is ever present and already creates inner turmoil. So, for me personally, I had to release the hold that real feelings of hate had on my heart and my soul. I feel so much better for it. I don’t fear death any longer. So, I’m grateful to Jeanne for this thread bc it forces me to reevaluate my stance in this current and future surreal reality. We need so much grace to survive it w a healthy mental outlook and the perseverance to keep going.
The Koch Bros are sort of reminiscent of the Rothchilds of Europe, when they were playing all sides by funding WWII through their dynastically owned Bank of England.... gawd.
The Koch belong in the Hague now too, along with the T-Rumper....
@stargazer What's your source with regards to your comment about the Rothschilds? Be careful, it sounds like a false, antisemitic conspiracy theory to me. Fact is, the Nazis seized and confiscated all Rothschild assets in Nazi-controlled territory, as they did with all Jews.
Also, obviously, England owns the Bank of England and always has: https://www.economicshelp.org/blog/626/economics/who-owns-the-bank-of-england/
So this was the thread I didn't know I needed. I've sort of held back the last few weeks in terms of coming here and reading. There's a new "knot" in me, and this is in my brain. I left Facebook in July and haven't been back, except to check a couple of messenger threads I was waiting for a reply to. I went in there a week ago out of curiosity and went to my favorite "Anger Porn" people - the ones who generally raise my blood pressure the most - my wife's extended family. These folks - many of whom are on welfare but then decry the use of welfare in others - we generally only see at Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas - and this year none of the above. There is a "All or nothing" approach to things for them. In 2016 - when I posted a few times about voting for Hillary Clinton while not agreeing with all of her policies - they couldn't distinguish between that - I voted for Hillary so I agreed with everything she wanted to do. Same time in the primaries when I was a Pete supporter (though dear lord that guy needs a Presidential slot soon). And before I left it was culminating again with Biden supporters. Biden supporters want a "communist system of government" (their words) that will break everything that makes America good. Where as they, as Trump supporters, only seem to see this gilded version of what's actually happening (Laura's article was spot on in this regard) and anything they can't deny away is #FakeNews created by the Media to destroy "dear leader"
I will be incredibly happy to spend Thanskgiving in our pod of four at my house. Christmas as well. Though I feel for my wife who won't be able to see her mother. (My own mother is a massive Trump supporter who went from Uber liberal to "What the absolute hell is wrong with you Mother?" in 2015 and may not be redeemable) Her IMMEDIATE family is not the problem, it's those cousins. But after last year when one thread in the family tapestry came dressed head to to in MAGA gear to Christmas (Him, his third wife, and all 8 of his children) simply because he knew my wife and I would be there -- If we never assemble the entire extended family again it will be too soon in my book.
And I hate myself for thinking that -- So -- expect me to be following this thread while you all discuss and figure out the answer to the problem :-). Because you are all far, far better people than I am!
@dannyboy I don’t think you’re a bad person at all for thinking this way. The beauty of my big extended family and living 5 plus hours from everyone is that I don’t have to see everyone often. Sounds awful but why deny the truth. Too much of that anyway. Our last large extended gathering was many summers ago and I remember feeling disconnected. Besides the incomplete group of 28 first cousins who could make it who greeted, talked, and caught up w each other, many of the offspring congregated in their immediate families and people also cordoned off by age group. So, currently, with so many of this younger generation on team trump, another gathering in the future probably won’t occur (post pandemic obviously). And I can’t deny that I’m relieved. I’m relieved that I don’t have to see my angry bitter T loving parents at Christmas and pretend we’re all not disappointed in their hypocrisy. How sad is this?
I know that this too shall pass and that we do have to take of ourselves first. We matter. And I just feel that the days of sacrificing my convictions and values for family members “just because” need to be re-evaluated. I have a saying that’s helped me these last five years... “Our circle shrinks and then it expands.” Define and nurture your circle.
@ana. Thank you for that illuminating article by a former white supremacist on curing hate. The author describes three conditions for his path to White Supremacism. It helps us understand the hate in others and also the hate in ourselves.
1. Childhood trauma. He survived molestation and bullying.
2. New traumas: In Afghanistan he lost comrades. A close friend died in his arms.
3. Addiction: Drugs & other addictions prevented him from facing and processing his traumas. As he pointed out, hate is itself addictive.
So here is a challenge for anyone who might want to take it.
Can you trace the precursors of hate in someone you know who aligns with Trump? If applicable, can you trace the precursors of hate in yourself? (You might want to journal out your issues separately and then summarize what you got.)
@dannyboy, thank you for your post. Just the term "hate porn" is illuminating itself. I was addicted to Trump hate porn during 2016 until, well, hard to know when I didn't want to think about him any more because the hate I felt was harming me. The media has made big bucks from. posting hate porn on both sides. It's addictive.
But it was also harming me to feel hate for Trump supporters. And I noticed that I didn't feel it for Trump supporters who I knew personally, as long as I was willing to get close to them enough to just converse a little. I had the hardest time with one young millennial Trumper I knew and feared. He was in the neighborhood and wouldn't acknowledge my existence whenever we passed on the street.
So I found a solution. I gave him a gift, something I know he liked. And the negative feelings abated. I can't speak for his feelings, but now when I think of him, I no longer feel fear or aversion. I do feel his sadness from a childhood trauma and I wish him well.
When I think of two other Trumpers I know well, I also see their traumas. Trauma alone doesn't create White Supremacy or a particular target of hate but it may be a critical factor. We are born to love. So something has to happen to block that.
@dannyboy, I didn't tell you how much gratitude I felt for your post. I had not known you were dealing with so much family adversity in politics. Good to keep distance from people who throw it into your face.
I realize how easy I've had it. I have family Trumpers but we are all respectful of each other. Negative comments back and forth leak out from time to time, but we remind each other to back off because we value our relationships above all else and political conversations have only resulted in pain, not listening.
Meanwhile it helps me to understand the Buddhist concept of hate, which is called "aversion."
Three poisons
Buddha taught that there were three poisons, which are the ways we cause ourselves to suffer:
1. Aversion or pushing something away from us. That is hate. Aversion is a translation from the language Buddha spoke, which is Pali. The translation carries insight. To Buddha, hatred is pushing aversive things away from us.
2. Clinging, or addiction to something or someone. Clinging is the Pali translation which we think of as addiction. To Buddha, addiction is erroneously grasping things we think we need.
3. Ignorance, also translated from Pali. A modern translation would be "I couldn't care less or I don't give a damn." Ignorance is when we shut down our pain and act like we don't care. But we do care, we just don't want to know about it because it is too painful to process it.
On Monday and Wednesday nights' meditations, I start with having us simply feel what is going on inside our bodies-- aches, itches, the pulse, butterflies in the stomach, knee pain, a range of sensations. Over time I hope we can move our awareness to becoming aware of emotional pain. Because the psyche is designed to process everything we experience. If we can process it, we can be okay with it. We can be whole. I'm not suggesting that people try to process trauma on a bi-weekly Zoom call. But mindful meditation does provide a path for healing, and people can take that path to an appropriate therapist.
So I found a solution. I gave him a gift, something I know he liked. And the negative feelings abated. I can't speak for his feelings, but now when I think of him, I feel his sadness from a childhood trauma.
So you used the "ice cream cure" and it worked! ?
@ana I hadn't thought of Chapelle's ice cream cure as a cure for the giver. But it makes sense. When I listened to Chapelle's monologue, I thought, this monologue is loaded with gems, (and then there might be a few parts that may never make sense, like how he found Herman Cain's death humorous.)
Well, this is interesting! Today's headline in WAPO: How Loving Kindness Meditation Can Help you Deal with the most annoying people
Our Monday-Wednesday meditation is a "loving kindness meditation." We've been doing it now for seven months -- Circle of Light Mondays and Wednesdays free on Zoom.
If you can't make the Monday/Wednesday meditations, I have a free guided loving kindness meditation on this website that has been posted for five years.
Or you can order your own with or without music ($25) by emailing me using the contact form.
I think the whole "ice cream challenge" is about using vulnerability, humility and love to approach an opponent in a disarming way. Easy to say, not easy to do.
Yes, it does "cure" the giver. That's the paradox about offering forgiveness or being vulnerable as an offering to another, it heals the giver, too. I think because when you do that, you know you've done what you can to mend the relationship.
Forgive me if this has already been raised here, but so much of this situation stems from the increasing separation of wealth in our country. When large swathes of the population aren't able to get an education, find a job, buy a house, have healthcare, etc., it creates the ideal breeding ground for populists such as Trump.
Google the Gini coefficient and you'll see that the US has a larger separation of wealth than most other developed nations.
We've got to redistribute resources and income from out of the hands of the super-rich and back into a wider portion of the population. Cancelling a percentage of student debt and creating a $15 federal minimum wage, while ending the Trump tax cut would be a start. But it really needs to be followed through consistently for the next decade, in order to get the US to a place where we aren't prey to people like Trump and his cronies.
A few days ago I was taken aback reading some posts that spoke to negative projections of the future—and it bothered me since this is such a positive place to visit. I am a firm believer that what we think, what we say, has as much power as what we do. Haven’t we been saying “words matter” over and over for the past four years as language and civility plummeted into ugliness?
I so wanted to post, “please, please don’t project that!” but doing that seemed negative as well, not to mention, judging posts is pure and simply not my place in this forum, so I stepped back and instead of writing, spent some time mulling over, taking responsibility for my reaction.
My son and daughter-in-law are Dallas, Texas Trumpers. We have simply agreed to not discuss it. I only know one person in my immediate circle of friends who is a Trumper, and again, we decided not to bring that into our friendship. I think I must be amazingly lucky in this based on other posts!
Yesterday I decided to create something – not words J -- while my thoughts settled. I started putting together a little wooden bureau. I am not particularly handy, but I can do basic things and this kind of work eases up the mind and allows it to untangle. About half-way through the putting together, as I pondered what I would write if I was going to write, I looked up from the drawer I was working on and out the front window to the lovely sun…and there was the hummingbird again…and then there were three! They stayed all afternoon, flitting in and out, disappearing for a while, or just going out of my line of sight and then returning. Sometimes I looked up and none were there and other times, as I pondered a thought I’d look up and in would come one, as if to say, “good thought, go for it!” OK, I said, out loud, after noting the increasing connection between a thought, a look-up, and a hummingbird visit, I put down the hammer and folded my hands in my lap. At that moment none of the hummingbirds were present, “if these lovely little beings are symbols or messengers from you Spirit, my question is, should I share what I feel about these not-positive projections?” Immediately one of them flew in from the west of my porch not only into my line of sight but directly to the center of my front window and then it hovered there, watching me. “OK,” I said, “I’ll try to get some thoughts down later.” The hummingbirds continued to flitter in and out of my trees all afternoon. Finally, as dusk began to gather I sighed and closed the blinds. I didn’t write last night, tho, I watched a sweet movie called Pottersville, peeked at the forum for a moment, and went to bed.
I’d made a decision this year that I don’t want to hate anyone anymore. When I felt that self-destructive feeling building up for Trump & Co. over the last five years, I realized that I sounded like him/them...I decided to join the forum and meditation circle which, truly, has been a blessing. The discussions which raise important questions, contemplation, and revelations, for me, is a gift.
@ jeanne-mayell
I started this thread to focus on the trauma that underlies Trump supporters so that people could heal and perhaps find some possible understanding for… healing the divide does not involve (in my mind) giving a dot of power to Republican Party. It is just a possible way to help us not to hate, and to understand each other better…That is what I was hoping to discuss in this thread--emotional healing by understanding our Collective, rather than hating each other. … But it was also harming me to feel hate for Trump supporters. And I noticed that I didn't feel it for Trump supporters who I knew personally, as long as I was willing to get close to them enough to just converse a little. We are born to love. So something has to happen to block that.
I believe we have to fight the dark with all that we have…and that it is an on-going, ever vigilant process. I believe that the dark is as sneaky as possible and masquerades as other emotions when it can. Hate is one of those slippery sliding hills and is the easiest of all to infiltrate our emotions. I cannot condone what the republicans have done since the Civil War. When something is wrong, deep dark evil wrong, it has to be stood up to…and that is what we have done, especially during this crazy year of 2020. Do we just rest on laurels now? Of course not, but neither should we assume they will “of course” come to power again. That negates what was accomplished. We’ve been on the planet a long time and the battle between evil and love has always been a part of humanity’s experience. This is not a one and done deal, of course not, but neither is it an assumption that “they” will overtake us and ultimately win.
What I do believe, with all my heart and soul, is that if you think it, especially if you dwell on it, it will manifest in some form. Always remember that affirmations work both ways…positive AND negative. If we think or say the same thing over and over, whatever it is, it will manifest in some form. It is so much better to manifest the positive!