Been struggling to find the appropriate words... I'm sorry. And also glad. Thank you for being you and sharing yourself with us so openly.
Namasté
-from the kind atheist who was christened Catholic ?
I'm a Christian who hasn't been to church in a long time. The way so many churches embraced T. made me horrified and heartsick.
Moonbeam, I love what you said. Christ preached by streams, on hillsides, in homes. He doesn't support anything bad or hurtful that happens in His name. I honestly believe it makes him angry.
@jeanne-mayell, If you like Joanna Macy, I think you'd like Richard Rohr.
I had a similar experience as your friend with nuns. One in particular. I was 8. I think she picked on me because I was so sensitive. Bat-shit-crazy evil. I created illnesses to avoid going to school that year. Years later and in my early 30's, while traveling in a group I was fortunate to meet a nun who was lovely -- funny, kind, loving spirit. My experience with her didn't completely heal those childhood wounds, but it helped.
I greatly appreciate all of the support. I'm a strong person and have always just kept moving forwards. And way from those situations that tried to cause me harm.
I'm posting a small excerpt from a autobiography I'm writing.
"My life growing up was in a typical Midwestern small town, population approximately ten thousand. I attended the local Catholic grade school, St. Bernard’s, a few blocks from my home. When I began first grade, I remember being afraid of our teaching nuns in their traditional black habits. I also remember being too afraid to ask for permission to go to the bathroom.
My parents were friendly with a young, handsome parish priest, whom we will call Father Bob. Everyone loved him, including my parents who would invite him over for family dinners. I was around six years old. Father Bob would show me an usual amount of attention, which my parents thought was just great. I remember him bringing me gifts too, including a pair of adult cuff links. It was a strange gift for a child. Even my mother thought so. While waiting for dinner to begin, Father Bob would always sit in a corner, quietly by himself. With a huge grin on his face, he'd call me over to sit on his lap. While bouncing me on his lap, I remember feeling uncomfortable. It didn't feel right. Not the way my uncles or grandfather held me. It felt sexual and intimidating. I was so confused as to what was happening. Father Bob was quickly moved to another parish within two years, much to everyone's surprise. Most parish priests stayed for eight or more years.
A few years later, I became an altar boy. We participated in morning mass before school. An altar boy friend told me that a new parish priest would ask him to stay after mass "to play games", while getting him intoxicated on wine. When he didn't come to school until much later, our teaching nun would made excuses that "he was helping father". My friend shared true details with me, which I sadly recognized from my own experience. It made me wonder "Will I be next?".
During seventh grade, I went to mass and confession at another parish. This priest's confessional guidance focused on very explicit sex tips, such as "have you ever tried putting your penis in a friend's mouth?" He further suggested that boys my age should sexually satisfy each other. I didn't even understand what he was talking about. I was so frightened. Priests were supposedly representatives of God and the Catholic Church. Who was I to question it? I was too young to really understand or know how to explain these incidents. No adult would have believed them anyway. A code of silence existed. These 'secret' experiences effected my self-esteem throughout much of my life. A child's innocence treated with total disregarded by these men. I still hold some anger at the Catholic Church, which still clearly shield these pedophiles.
After my early experiences with Father Bob, I developed a speech impediment. Thankfully my mother took me to a speech therapist, which corrected the problem."
Keep an eye on what's happening with Barr and the DOJ and Judge Walton and the redacted portions of Mueller's report. Could get interesting.
In the predictions, it seems to me Mueller isn't mentioned at all for a while, then in September or thereabouts, someone predicted that Mueller's work prevails. I still believe there's indictments under wraps.
@jessi1978 While I have no evidence of it, I've often wondered if his so-called suicide was suicide or the result of someone shutting him up in order to protect Trump. The buzz at the time was that he had tales to tell about Trump, then suddenly he didn't. Wonder where recordings are now.
@polarberry SO DO I. Conscientious prosecutors in the DOJ, FBI, etc. are not the type to NOT preserve evidence, but to protect it. Watergate prosecutors took home copies of all of the evidence ...just in case. It has to be happening here. And, those with pride in their work cannot possibly like Barr.
Oh, Lawrence, that story made me grimace. I also went to Catholic school. Years after I had left, I learned of a priest who had been accused of the same vile acts.
What you went through is so disgusting in so many ways. I’m so sorry.
Anita
@cc21, I'd like to respond more to your post about the church and spirituality etc., but I don't want to hijack this "Great Unraveling ..." thread. I think creating a separate topic is a good idea. What should we call it? Also, feel free to get my email from Jeanne if you'd like to contact me directly.
BTW, have any of you gone back to look at some of our old threads? There's a wealth of incredible insights and knowledge there.
i loved the video of Michelle Obama. What an antidote that is to the dark vitriol that comes out of the White House on a daily basis.
I am in the exact same position. I am an unhomed Christian (aka-I am a Christian who no longer attends church.) In many ways, I feel that Trump and the evangelicals have helped to destroy the trust in organized religion almost as much as the abuse (both physical and sexual) by various members of the Catholic religion. By embracing Trump despite his un-Godly ways (taking God's name in vain, sleeping with porn stars, cheating on his wives, lying, raping, promoting violence as opposed to peace, etc.), the evangelicals have shown themselves as hypocrites. I feel they have committed the unpardonable sin in the sense that, by supporting Trump and yet condemning everyone else, they have made Christianity all but toxic to the rest of us. It is my belief that Christians are supposed to use their faith as a means to help people (holding can food drives, helping victims in a disaster, basically being good, decent people.)
I have struggled with the church before, as I didn't appreciate the fact that the church was so indifferent to the violence committed gays (with some of them actually encouraging it) and against abortion (making women the villains no matter what, even if they were raped). Further, evangelicals have embraced the "Left Behind" Revelation theory that God will soon bring the righteous from the world and leave the rest of the population to suffer the End of Days. Because of this belief, they no longer try to make the world better. They pretend to condone evil while secretly rejoicing "the world is ending!"
How sad have they fallen.
Again, this is merely my personal view, but I believe that if God does come, it will be the evangelicals who will be left behind. They have contributed to so many evils done in God's name, and yet they expect for God to welcome them. If anything, (regardless of your religious preference), I feel that they will be viewed by future generations with contempt. But it won't be because the world has become "evil." It will be because future generations will see that Evangelicals have done so much to ruin both the country and the state of organized religion through their hypocrisy. It will take years to repair the damage they caused, and in some cases, it may be too late.
Again, this is my view only. I admit that this is a situation where I view organized religion as a "bully," where people either conform to a certain way of thinking or are ostracized and demonized. I tend to support the underdog in most situations, so I sympathize with the victims of organized religion. They are true heroes, as they have everyone against them and yet have the moral fortitude to stand tall.
(@Lawrence, I salute you for your courage. Remember that you are no more to blame for what happened than if you were attacked by a mad dog. There is NOTHING you did that caused this evil person to target you. Monsters attack the best of us, and then try to make us feel as though we are at fault. Don't ever believe it, and hold your head high. To the rest of you who are on this forum with similar stories, remember that you are stronger than the ones who did this to you. And remember that there are those of us who stand by you, even if we can't physically be there.)
I pray that there will be those that rise up to rebuild what those in power have worked so hard to destroy. But as long as there is at least one voice to protest, then they have not won.
I'm glad that you're writing your story. It can't be easy to put into words. Please know that you are not alone.
We may be growing in our understanding of race right now, but humanity will have taken another huge step forward when the vast silence that envelops childhood sexual abuse is no longer tacitly accepted by society. We have a long way to go, but your words, the words of everyone who has experienced CSA, help us get there.
Thank you.
@lawrence, I'm so sorry for what you went through. You are not alone. There have been far too many children who have suffered at the hands of clergy, family and family friends in this world. Survivors are much stronger than the cowards who were their perpetrators.
@lawrence, thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us. May this process be healing and further liberating for you. I know in my heart that sharing your courageous story will help to heal and inspire others.
@jeanne-mayellWhat a WONDERFUL experience to have met Nouwen Jeanne! This is my FIRST time posting to your site, but I am in awe that you were able to meet him. Nouwen is one of my absolutely favorite writers. He is so full of depth and his writings speak so deeply to so much that we are going through, especially now! I highly recommend one of his other books, HERE AND NOW. He talks about living with life in the present. I love this book so much that I buy extra copies of it to give to friends and even strangers who have been or are going through struggles.
I am very, very happy right now.
Why is that, you wonder? We are in the middle of a pandemic, the economy is in a recession, and we have the country in a state of unrest.
Basically, I am rejoicing over the protesters.
Now, for clarification sake, remember that I am referring to the peaceful protesters. I am not promoting and/or encouraging the rioters (those who loot, steal, and commit violence). So keep this distinction in mind if you are reading this post.
Now, I was born sometime in the late 70s to late 80s (I will not say when. I want to keep a couple of secrets about myself). But suffice to say that I was born after the Civil Rights Movement. I did not experience them, but I learned about them through the recollections of those who did live through it and through studying history.
So why is this important? Consider the make-up of the protesters then and now. In the 1960s, the vast majority of protesters were African American. Further, we had a lot of white back-lash with counter protesters (aka-KKK and neo-Nazi marching down the streets in broad daylight.)
But this time, we are seeing something else. Every time I look at the TV, I see all sorts of protesters. An even mix of all races, ages, and gender. Black and white. Young and old. Men and women. All of them marching to show their outrage over George Floyd's death and the continued saga of systematic racism against African Americans by police.
Now, I am an attorney. My area is probably 97% white (with all others in the 3% category.) Yet I can say from personal experience that, while most officers are good people, there is an underlying culture where police can get away with things that a normal citizen cannot.
Consider this. In Tennessee, a person can be charged with aggravated assault for cutting off a person's air supply. It only takes a second, but if you put anything on a person's neck (a rope, your hands, your knee, etc.) and cause that person to be unable to breath, then you commit aggravated assault. That carries a minimum of three years to six years for those who have no felony record (and higher if you do.) And yet cops can use chock holds on people?
Needless to say, I welcome police reform. If every officer had to wear cameras and document each encounter with a suspect, we would see a lot less deaths. In a typical case, it is often the officer's word against the defendant's, which automatically puts the defendant at a disadvantage. In many cases, the officers who have car cameras or personal cameras don't leave them on all the time and therefore only tape portions of the arrest that look good for them. I can't even begin to go over the various incidents over the years where my clients (both black and white) have suffered because they are often convicted by the testimony of the officer alone, because the police refuse to implement cameras to monitor all meetings.
It is my sincere hope that both sides can come up with reforms that will make lives better for individuals yet ensure the continued safety of the police and the public. I hope that (1) personal cameras are implemented for every officer, (2) that the public and officers have education and/or training on how to work with one another, (3) that independent organizations are set up to investigate allegations of police brutality (one of the biggest problem with the Ferguson case was that the DA refused to step down from the investigation, even though he had an obvious conflict), (4) a better screening/hiring system to root out officers who may not have the temperament necessary to protect the public without resorting to abuse, (5) a system where younger and lesser experienced officers are encouraged to go against their superiors in instances of brutality (the officers who were there when Floyd was killed were all younger and/or lower in rank than the officer who drove his knee into Floyd's neck. We need a system where officers are encouraged to intervene as opposed to following the example of their superior officer).
So yes, I see hope. Maybe nothing will come of this. But then again, no one thought that the "Me Too" movement would change anything, and yet it has. While our government is still woefully behind the times, women all over the country are now talking about their experiences with rape, sexual assault, and harassment without feeling ashamed about it. We are communicating, and sometimes it takes the knowledge that you have the numbers on your side to be in a position to bring about change.
Now, consider the current situation. It has been two weeks since George Floyd's death, and yet they are still here, marching and making their voices heard. Yes, there is a pandemic going on (I am praying they are spared), and yes, they are going against a President who will not hesitate to use force against them.
But think about the message they are sending. They have been protests in various American cities all at once! Trump has never held a rally that has lasted more than a few hours, and that is usually limited to one city. Further, even after two weeks, we have yet to see any "counter-protesters" (people who oppose police reform and deny that there is systematic racism). No doubt they will show up eventually when the protests for Floyd dies down, but their absence is telling. While they were more than willing to march around capitol buildings to protest governors' "stay in place orders," (and threatening people with their display of automatic weapons), they have been all but silent here. Why?
When I look at the TV and watch the protests, I see one thing and one thing only-a large, diverse group who greatly outnumbers anything that we have seen at Trump's rallies. These people are angry and determined. Like the brave Wisconsin voters who braved the coronavirus to vote out a Republican judge a few months ago despite various attempts by the Republicans to limit their voting, these people will crawl through broken glass and flesh-eating acid to ensure that they are heard. And it is VERY LIKELY that these same people will not be afraid to vote this November.
Change is coming.
Be afraid Trump. Be very afraid.
And on another note, June 14 is coming up soon. As many of you know, I am designating this day SADS Day (SADS stands for "Small and Abnormal Dick Syndrome, a condition shared for sexual predators, rapists, sexual harassers, etc.). I have sent another letter to Trump asking him to support my endeavor (as he has SADS and therefore would be the perfect spokesperson for it.) However, he still won't get back to me. I can't imagine why! ;)
[For those of you who haven't read my earlier posts, SADS is basically a condition where the male anatomy becomes abnormal and/or smaller. This corresponds with increased stupidity in the individual, so I am convinced that Trump's case is likely terminal unless he acts quickly. After all, we all know that we as humans tend to reach for things that are bigger than us. (examples-increased wealth, spiritual enlightenment, climbing mountains, building structures, etc.) The fact that Trump tries to grab *ahem* women's anatomy because it is bigger than what he has certainly speaks to the severity of his condition.]
So...who is in favor of declaring June 14 National SADS day?
If you want an understanding of why certain religious groups are supporting tRump you need to read The Power Worshippers: Inside the Dangerous Rise of Religious Nationalism by Katherine Stewart. I can’t read more than two chapters at a time because what this researcher and author uncovers scares me and make me angry at the same time. The chapter on “ Inventing Abortion” is eye opening and explains why the topic is used by these religious fanatics as a political ploy. But what really scares me is how they have infiltrated so many parts of our government. These religious zealots want to turn America into a “Christian” nation with sole control over women and any non white person. All this is being done to obey and satisfy their ancient god. The author, also, explains why Trump was selected and why he is a god-send to their cause.
Thank you for the reading suggestion. I will look into it.
As for their mission to overtake America and make it into a realistic Gilead, well.....they need to go through us first! So take comfort in this. Their embracement of Trump is the beginning of their downfall. You need only look at the row of empty pews to see the writing is on the wall.