The fact that I have time to practice my put-downs gives you an idea of how often I hear the insults in the first place. But afterwards, I rarely hear them again.
@allyn I love how you are constructively channeling your anger. After reading your earlier posts, I was going to reply that I am frequently tongue-tied in the face of ugly confrontation but I’m glad to read that you too need to practice your retorts. So there’s hope for people like me yet!
NLP (neuro linguistics programming) suggests that people in the main have three learning and communicating styles - auditory, visual and kinesthetic. Seems to me bullies are auditory (using cutting words) with a blend of kinesthetic (pushing, punching etc). If the target of their bullying doesn't reply, they feel they are not getting through, they are being ignored and that increases their ire. So they get more vicious with their verbal assaults. With your superb put-downs, you are engaging and mirroring back to the bullies in terms they hear and understand and they back down.
I am no expert, just a dabbler in NLP, and I still prefer to side-step confrontation. But you’ve reminded me it’s good and healthy to, when needed, let out our inner warrior goddesses - Sekmet or Kali (who are simultaneously warrior goddesses and goddesses of healing).
There was an interesting quote in the today’s newsletter by Heather Cox Richardson (Letters From an American) that I think will resonate with those of us who have seen an end to T’s power:
“Two people today, one a journalist and one a classics professor, independently noted to me that Trump’s recent attack on Obama completes a classic story arc. Trump’s political career began with conspiracy-theory attacks on Obama. Trump’s “birtherism” theory was that Obama was born not in America but in Africa, and thus was ineligible to be president. After four years of promises to his base that have ended up in chaos, now characterized by death and unemployment, Trump has returned to where he began, with a conspiracy-theory attack on Obama. In literature, that narrative arc—the return to the beginning—means the story is nearing its end.”
Here is the link to the whole newsletter if anyone wants to read it: https://heathercoxrichardson.substack.com/p/may-14-2020
@allyn Thank you so much. I was a researcher before retirement, so I will edit carefully to remove any blatantly identifying remarks. In other words, I often had to edit the words of people contributing to my research to make sure they remained anonymous. Thanks again, Sharon
In literature, that narrative arc—the return to the beginning—means the story is nearing its end.”
@baba Thank you for posting that - I’ll take any assurance I can get. And to me, T’s latest attempts to sow more chaos reek of desperation and futility. Btw, I had meant to say I really appreciated who you saw and the peaceful vibes you felt your latest visioning of the White House. His story is fast speeding towards its end!
I thought of the possibility that simply ignoring conservative judges could engender the same behavior towards liberal judges. I'm just trying to point out that our institutions aren't as immovable as they seem. They respond to collective will, and if a critical mass of Americans wants to move in a direction opposite the courts, then something somewhere will give. As I've said before on this forum, we are now in phase shift territory, where ideas that were once unthinkable can become commonplace seemingly overnight. Also, as society reorganizes itself, solutions for problems that once seemed intractable may take on an emergent quality; they will suddenly spring into being where there used to be only uncertainty.
All of this is why I'm not disheartened by the fact that it would take a constitutional amendment to assign term limits to judges. Because social change will be happening at exponential speeds for the next few decades, ratifying constitutional amendments may just become a matter of course. We all know various aspects of the Constitution need to be reworked. I like the astrological perspective @gbs gives to this discussion of reform.
It seems that Richard Burr submitted the last volume of the Senate Intelligence Report on Trump and Russia for declassification before giving up his chairmanship. It is a big news day and it did give me a smile that he did this before stepping down.
@baba I love her posts! I start my morning everyday by reading her daily synopsis. I have found myself feeling incredibly unsettled all week. Although I know that this is all divine intervention, the thought that things will worsen before they get better to enlighten more people (i.e. part of the unraveling) is gut wrenching on many levels - because I just want it to stop. As a scientist myself, I truly cringe that science itself has become partisan - it's sad when someone can't do their work for the betterment of all people. That being said, I was so happy to see that Burr went ahead and submitted his final report - let's see what we *actually* get to see from it all but I am grateful that he finished up his piece.
As a final aside, I read an interesting thread on twitter today (check out Uncle Blazer) about how Trump and his mafia boss mentality keeps all Repubs in line (based on potential blackmail information he has on every one of them, their families, etc.) - this will only get better once they are ALL exposed and out of office.
I read your post on bullying twice yesterday and found myself still thinking about it today. It's just so true that you need to stand up to bullies. Once you do, the bully is unlikely to bother you again.
Confrontation is something that didn't come naturally to me and I was in my forties before I learned that confrontation could be such a useful tool in my tool box. My first confrontation was at work with a colleague who was undermining my work and making it difficult to do my job. This colleague was someone intimidating and feared in the office, but I just decided it was time to clear the air, which I did in a calm, decisive way. I explained how she was undermining my work and that I needed her to stop. She was stunned, but she stopped and we had a cordial working relationship from then on.
Everyone needs to stand up for themselves and not hang around waiting for a white knight to come along and rescue them. There's no one coming to rescue you but yourself, so you might as well step up. I'm the confrontation queen in my family now. If my mother needed something straightened out with a contractor, insurance company or health agency, she always asked me to do it. My sister has asked me to deal with difficult situations for her, too. Even my husband likes me to take on necessary confrontations with difficult people. Now it's my jam.
However, political bullying is such a MAGA/Trumpist trademark now, isn't it? When I lived in the Southeast, I saw a lot of that and now that I'm in the Northwest, I don't see it at all. My Democrat friends in the South talk about this type of aggressive, in your face political bullying all the time now. They say it's gotten even worse with the advent of this pandemic. I'm going to pass on your comments to them.
By the way, I'm so impressed that you had the courage to stand up for yourself as a child and that now you're an attorney, right? Good for you.