In certain states, now multiple physicians are required to sign off on medical documents as to "the nature of the medical emergency" so as to reduce legal liability (pre-eclampsa, ectopic pregnancies, etc.) and many physicians are afraid to complain for fear of being fired. Increasingly women are being brought into ER's either septic or very ill raising their odds of death b/c proactive treatment was denied them. Surely this goes against religious edicts to "save the life of the mother" as Judaism dictates? This can't go on!
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/07/20/us/abortion-save-mothers-life.html
@laura-f, I can relate to a lot of what you shared about your childhood. When I married at 25, a part of me felt relieved that my husband couldn't have children. It was an emotionally abusive (and fortunately, short-lived) marriage, which was a big part of the reason for my relief. In addition, I was put in a parental role as a young child, so I felt that I had already done the whole parenting thing and was plumb tuckered out!
At the time of my marriage I also intuitively knew that I was not psychologically equipped to raise a child. I could barely handle my own life, let alone be a responsible parent. Too much unresolved trauma. After years of therapy I eventually did feel ready in my late 30's to become a mom. But I was single and had no interest in choosing to raise a child alone. I did remarry at 45 and at that point, neither of us had any interest in starting a family.
I do have my moments of sadness over not having children -- I have a lot to give and believe I would have been a great mom in my later years. Although I sometimes miss the experience of being a parent and the joy that can bring, I have no regrets. What was most important to me was having autonomy -- that freedom and ability to choose what was best for me and decide where I wanted my life to go.
A pregnant Texas woman driving alone in an HOV lane told the police officer that her unborn baby counts as a passenger. She was ticketed and is contesting it.
I am currently trying to figure out how freaked out I should be if my just married Texas daughter suddenly finds herself pregnant .
You know what? Everything will be OK. Your daughter will, I believe, have enough support and resources to get around any crazy Texas laws if it becomes necessary. And there is NO WAY the US is going to end up anywhere close to a Gilead. Women in this country are powerful, educated, and independent and have plenty enough support from sane men. We have taken our power and will not give it back. It will not happen. That, I firmly believe.
About being brought up in abusive environments and having children: My mother was certainly not the worst, but she leans narcissistic and never seemed to have much interest in how her children really felt about anything. Anything we complained about must have been "our fault". And as a middle child I got the role of family scapegoat.
But I knew I had a karmic mission to have a child. I used my mom as a model of "What Not To Do". And I know that's one reason my kid grew up miraculously well-adjusted. My little sister, on the other hand, modeled my mother. Her kids are lovely, successful people but they are burdened with depression and anxiety issues , just as I am.
Oh how I relate to you.
Had I become a mother much younger, I don't think it would have worked out as well. I was 45 when I met my daughter and I brought her home when I was 47 years old so I was no youngster! By then I had done everything I wanted to: Explored a lot, travelled a lot, had many adventures, done the academic thing, done the romance/engagement thing multiple times....I was looking for a brand new adventure and this was it.
I, also, overcame a difficult upbringing. Don't like to talk about it much but those are the plain facts. I don't think that my mother ever wanted (or even liked!) children and deeply resented all of us kids -- but did so in order to get married. We were the burdensome "price" she paid in order to find a husband. In the 1950's having children was the norm. Narcissism, possible borderline traits were there but remained undiagnosed and we were her "victims" behind closed doors. Very early on, I decided to take all the painful "lessons" (via abuse) I experienced throughout my childhood and use them in a positive way one day to help another soul. I wanted to be NOTHING like my mother. Consequently, becoming a mother has always been just as much a spiritual act to me as a physical or emotional one. As much as I knew deep down that I was unloved, unwanted and resented when young, so my daughter stands up straight and proud and knows that, deep down, she is loved, respected and celebrated by me. I've made sure of that. She went through a rough beginning in life too. Ending up in that overseas orphanage was no accident. I believe our paths were destined to cross. And I believe that I went through such an abusive and chaotic upbringing in order to learn and to grow ... and to use those lessons to then help at least ONE other soul while in this incarnation.
@ana @isabel
I frequently used "WWMD" - What Would Mother Do? when faced with a child-rearing conundrum. And then I would do the opposite - it really worked very well.
My daughter gets regular treatment for her issues, and her psychiatrist informed me a long time ago that nothing I did was the cause of her issues - it was 99% genetic combined with 1% of adoption trauma (even though she was only 5 months old when we got her and bonded to us immediately).
Glad to say I broke the chain.
Laura,
Yes you broke the chain. It is a tremendous achievement (and deliberate choice) not to pass on that cycle of abuse and trauma to the next generation. I always figured: "If I do NOTHING ELSE in this life, I'm going to be a good mother one day". Sounds like you very much have accomplished that. You should be very proud....
This is probably an obvious fact to everyone but, in terms of "forced pregnancies", as we can see a significant number of people on this website experienced abusive upbringings. Aside from all the medical considerations and the need for bodily autonomy, forcing women to give birth when they don't want to will inevitably turn their children into likely abuse victims upon birth. Raising even one child is a LONG, HARD road and not for the faint-hearted. So not only is the SC condemning women to a lifestyle they don't want, they are condemning a whole future generation of children to potential victimhood. They are "saving their lives" through outlawing abortion then condemning them to a lifetime of pain. Makes no sense,
@triciact I just straight up tell people about my childhood trauma as to why I don't want kids...it usually shuts them up and is pretty funny because they don't know what to say to it...I've had years of therapy and am a therapist myself though, so I've healed it. I know not everyone is at that healing space yet where they could do that