@michele-b I saw your post to me the other day in the hurricane thread. We got hit again (nothing new under the sun there) and I'm just now getting back to you. Sorry for the delay. Nothing big here at the house from the storm really, just tons of tree trash and raking to do.
You noted that I've been thru a lot in my life, and that is quite true. You also asked if I am still taking care of my family. I had my parents here in the house with me for a year and a half. Difficult to do for several reasons. First their health issues and care needs. Second, the unhealthy relationships that have always been there. Dad fell and fractured his hip in February. He was in rehab for 6 weeks and I had mom at home with me. She had been diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia in early January-so it wasn't just a case of Alzheimer's I was dealing with. I knew her days were numbered. I prayed a lot. Just before dad was to be released from rehab in March, heaven helped me get them both placed in the nicest facility in the county-in a room together. Within 36 hours of their admission, all nursing homes went on lockdown because of Covid. No more admissions or discharges would be made-not to mention visits.
Within two weeks, the docs called me and said they wanted Hospice involved. I had been trying to get dad to use Hospice services at home for months, but he refused, being in denial as he was. The home gave him no choice. Mom was only there 5 weeks and she was gone. She passed while they were both asleep, so he didn't actually witness the event. I did get to visit her one last time a few days before she passed.
The home has been great. They made an exception and moved dad from nursing care into assisted living on campus. They even found the furniture necessary to furnish his studio apartment since I cannot do so because of the lock down. Dad has been there since May. I can hear his decline mentally when we talk, and I think back to the dream I posted here months ago about seeing his death. I did misinterpret the dream, thinking that seeing his death meant he'd pass first. I didn't stop to consider that my mother was with my grandfather in the car accident in that dream-meaning she was already gone and was witnessing the rapid decline and eventual crash from beyond.
10 days after mom passed, I had to put down my border collie. June ushered in a rough patch this year. The approach to the anniversary of Monica's crash can sometimes pass without notice, and some years, like this one, I think of her and cry at the drop of a hat. That's not surprising given the turmoil of the last few years.
With all that's going on in the world, once I got the folks into the home, a friend had recommended a K-drama on Netflix for me to watch. It resonated with me considerably given the character's familial relationships. That kind of opened Pandora's box for me. As you noted, I've been through much in my life-including lots I've never mentioned to others. It's all been there under a microscope in the last several months. Very present. I've stopped visiting my usual internet haunts (like here), and have stopped reading news (headlines every few days), and have just been looking inward. Even some of what I read here back when George Floyd passed struck me wrong, so I knew it was time to isolate and limit my interactions/reading further. I'm waiting, as well, wondering how long dad has left, and what path I should take accordingly. Will it be the quick downhill as I saw in my dream, or should I go back to work knowing another passing is coming. My sister I'm sure is also nearing her end, and although that relationship is already over, will her passing be before dad's? Lots to consider.
In the mean time, my eating habits have drastically changed, I'm walking daily with the sole remaining dog and hence have dropped a fair amount of weight-almost 50% of a lofty goal I've set.
My gut says that I'm in transition from one chapter of my life to the next. I'm still trying to figure out if the past traumas that hit me in the face daily are there to be processed one final time, or if it's coming up because there will be someone coming into my life with whom I'm finally supposed to share this information. Funny thing about Pandora and her 'box'- when she put the lid on it, the only 'plague' left inside was hope. I smile daily as I remind myself that that tiny spark of light inside can't be extinguished by outside forces. I also wonder if the past keeps coming up so I can review it and to be reminded of how strong and compassionate I've always been.
So for the time being, I'll accept that I'm in the place I'm supposed to be-watching love stories much of the time, shielding myself from the harsh realities of the world we currently are facing, and preparing for what comes next in my life. Love, after all is one of the only things we can take with us when we depart this world, so it is of the most value.
Absolutely beautiful and inspirational.
I am so glad that you are at this point and place in time. It is finally your time. You've worked so hard to do good and be good.
And yes you were always always this amazingly, amazingly strong.
It makes me sad that the turnover of people on this site means only a few of us know just how much you've gone through.
But if the others could know you through my eyes and my heart, they wouldn't complain or worry about all of the many things so many do.
And that you've lost 1/2 of your weight goal is phenomenal!! Kudos to walking and the power of canine companionship!!
We've lost one too many dogs we've loved so now we have cats and chickens. For some reason they balk at leashes and walks with us! ???
Love it when you come back and post. ?☀️?
So very, very much has happened. Oh how you have been in my thoughts and higher realm prayers.
I have loved John O'Donohue for a very long time. A number of 100% Irish friends and his books and poetry were a big part of my spiritual inspiration journey.
But being here and hearing them through you during our meditation evenings has raised his many words of wisdom and beautiful blessings to a whole new level.
His words make my heart ache in a beautiful poignantly good (albeit often also sad) kind of way
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My goodness. So so much but i am so grateful you finally came to a point of placement for them that relieved the unbelievable burden on you. Life is so challenging. And there has always been a kind of mirroring between our lives though backwards in order and time.
My heart has always felt so deeply connected to yours. I think our angelic helpers/spirit guides and angels know each other in another space/ time/world. So that means we do too in my world spirituality view of reality.
It's the same with a lot of people here. First time i ever talked virtually to one (V) who used to be here a lot, she told me I was one of her childhood grandmothers who used to help her/talk to her. And I knew instantly it was true.
Makes me laugh with happy synchronicities of so many higher angels gathered around us here. And explains how easily and deeply i can love so many here among us.
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@michele-b So nice to hear you like him. I met him in a small setting once because a close friend of mine was a close friend of his. He was deep and he seemed sad to me. I noticed the same with Henri Nouwen who I also met when he taught a class I was in. Both were priests, and both wrote books that helped many, and both had great depth and sadness.
@cindy, it is so nice to have you back and to hear all that has happened. So much has happened with you! Take care, dear beautiful friend. I was thinking of you the other day and felt your great angel wings that have spread over us all.
Can I ask what your meditation process is like prior to the channeled writing? Do you just sit with a single topic in mind? Do you do the sorts of meditations Jeanne has led at Read the Future Nights?