@coyote We sent you a big blast of healing tonight. More healing coming tomorrow. Rest, friend.
@luminous So glad to hear this news. Sending you and your sister continued love and light.
I may need to get a surgery later this month or early January to have a shunt put into my brain since cranial fluid isn't draining properly. I won't know for sure until I see a neurosurgeon. This news is keeping with the complication I was expecting for this period, but it's still not welcome.
I'm also realizing that I'm still suppressing years worth of rage and anger, and I gave moments where I feel angry as f- for so many accumulated insults. Or I'll be feeling despair at how far away all of my desires and dreams seem to be. I feel like I just need to get through the next few weeks and then things will start consistently changing for the better. But when I'm feeling despair, I start doubting whether anything will really change and if I just have more disappointment ahead.
Don't tell me I should go read the angel messages. I know a lot of them by heart, and when I'm feeling some equanimity, I can hold them lightly. When I'm despairing, I'm still angry as f- when I'm reading the messages, because surprise! I'm a human, and I can't suppress or distance myself from my emotions forever.
Holding you in ? light dear friend...
I have a strong intention for your healing, as many do for you, and I feel that this procedure will go well. Please believe in the strength of your soul's light... it is far greater than you know...
We have all come too far for it to be otherwise, Coyote.....
@coyote. If I were in your situation I would feel anger and despair, too. It’s good that you can talk about it with us; hopefully knowing you can do that eases those feelings a bit.
We are always here for you.
You have come a long way in your young life. I admire you.
You are safe here Coyote and if you need to rage, so be it.
I am glad you recognize the need to be in touch with your feelings.
If you feel you are losing hope, we will hold it for you until you can find it again. As long as it takes.
Yes, you are human, and that certainly includes all the feelings.
Just popped in to let you know two things: that you continue to be in my prayers and that my sister has the same kind of shunt put in many years ago. She has two genetic conditions called chiari malformation and syringomylalia (probably misspelled that one), and the shunt to drain spinal fluid helped reduce pressure that was causing her great pain. It improved things for her, and while this is a sucky thing to have to go through, hopefully it will help in your healing also.
Best wishes to you. ❤️
I'm not worried that this procedure won't go well; I'm not even sure yet that I'll end up needing to get a shunt. What I'm thinking more about are these successive medical procedures, one after another, and if they continued unabated, I'd lose more of my physical and sensory capacities. [Content removed].