I'm going to ask for pragmatic advice. If anyone can edge me toward a food/ medicine/ etc that will assist me in moving forward, lmk. If i get closer to baseline, if that is possible, there will likely be a better balance of power, etc.
I feel like I have been having to do a lot of fine print checking in terms of medicines I have been given, and I need to get better. I do think that I have been unwillingly cast as an outlier, but you know what they say about outliers, they may have a valuable perspective.
@jeanne-mayell sending loving healing Reiki energy to you and your online community.
Yet another update, some good news this time, thankfully. The issue with the pinched nerve in my neck seems to have mostly resolved. I do still have some numbness in my right index finger, but the doctor said that will likely go away in time.
And some not so good news: I saw the other doctor today about my shoulder, and it is a torn muscle that is part of the rotator cuff. The doctor said it's torn all the way through on one side of the attachment, but not on the other, so while I do still have some mobility, it will not heal on its own and will require surgery. The surgery will be arthroscopic, so it will be minimally invasive and leave only a small external scar. It will be scheduled for sometime in the next few weeks so that it's completed before the end of the year (meaning my insurance will pay for it in its entirety and I will owe nothing), but that means I will have to wear an arm sling for at least three weeks before I begin physical therapy and an additional three weeks after that. I will be in physical therapy for four months at a minimum, but because of the nature of the injury, the prognosis is very good as long as I do my part.
Thank you to everyone for your thoughts, energies, and prayers through all of this, and I would ask that you please continue them for the next little while until all of the healing is done.
Tonight a wise friend shared some advice. I don't remember all of it, but I did focus in on a few ideas.
One was that we may not like the way our body looks. We may wish it worked better, more efficiently and faster..
But we must honor this body that has held our grief, our sadness for our whole life. And we must listen to it.
Once again my asthma was off the charts and I failed to recognize that, again. I value my breath so little and give little thought to this condition. Next time I will, remember that asthma is serious and can even be deadly . I will fill myself up, do the rescue meds and care better for this body. And I will remember without breath there is no voice and honor my breath.
@ghandigirl I don't know your issues, but perilla and mint fresh tea, in the morning, seem to help me a bt when I can get a hold of it. One person randomly nudged me toward yarrow, but unsure if that was literal or something else. I suspect it's post surgery stuff leading to other stuff, as well as existing issues. I seem to not be tolerating western medicine much, and the docs are not really hearing me about that. I have been really harsher that i normally would be regarding anyone sending me knee jerk power trip like energy. I have some libra in me so I prefer to be diplomatic, and see all sides of the situation, but that takes a lot of loving kindness, and it feels as if I have been served severity, which does not really work well for anyone, and I just can't spiritually afford it, if that makes sense.
I just typed a version of this advice into an email to someone and I wanted to share it here and expand on it for anyone who may need it. I post it in this thread because... well... you'll see.
Thanksgiving is this week and it's generally the door that opens up the entire holiday season. We all have a multitude of traditions that come along with this but one that my generation in particular has fallen prey to is one I'm working hard to put a stop to this year.
We often try to operate from a "Let's have it all!" place during the holidays. Case in point, our schools are off for Thanksgiving on Thursday and Friday of this week, though I'm hearing of more and more that are giving, at the very least, Wednesday off too, and other schools that take the whole week. Regardless, a typical "DannyBoy" Thanksgiving weekend went a little something like this: Thanksgiving lunch with "Greatest Wife Ever's" extended family (who are not, in fact, the greatest people ever). Followed by a long drive to my mom's house for a Thanksgiving dinner. The next day we'd drive to my brother's house for another Thanksgiving meal. Sometimes we'd then drive to my sister's for another one. All told, we'd generally roll (literally and metaphorically) back to our own house sometime on Sunday, put up our Christmas tree and then wonder why the hell we were so exhausted and burned out going into the next week of school when we'd just had four days "off."
Repeat this same tradition for Christmas, only add in school districts up here that keep shortening Christmas breaks down to the smallest possible number it could be. This year we get 8 days off because of where Christmas falls.
Between Thanksgiving and New Years my daughters are signed up for 5 performances - one at school that I have to miss because I'm teaching a night class, and 4 at church. I'm graduating Grad School with my "ABD (all but dissertation)" degree on December 9th. We've been invited to no fewer than 12 holiday gatherings already. The extended family is looking at a "extended family Christmas" at my mother in law's house the Sunday before Christmas.
It's a lot.
This year we've started saying no, and it's hard, but we're going to say no more often. It's never been the "grown ups" (as I call everyone older than me) who have had to travel. It's us. See note above about exhaustion.
We want to have it all during the Holidays, and FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) is a real thing. But are we really having it all if we don't have time to enjoy the holidays at all because we've packed every waking moment of every hour not spent at work or school with another holiday celebration? I almost don't want to walk at graduation because it's going to eat up an entire Saturday.
I have long lamented that the spirit of the Holidays has gotten away from us as we've doubled down on capitalistic tendencies. My wife's car needs new tires. I offered to buy them for her for Christmas. She said it wasn't special enough for a Christmas gift, which sends two messages. 1). She's expecting something special for Christmas and I'm now stressed as all get out trying to determine what that might be, and 2) Wants aren't the same as Needs and we should address those things separately.
Feel free this year to say no to things. That community lighting of your Christmas tree? Do you love it? Or does the idea of grouping around a cluster of strangers while a crane drops the Mayor down to the top of the tree to turn the "star" at the top on fill you with anxiety and dread? If it's that one, skip it! If you miss it this year, Mayor Jenkins will be suspended by crane again like clockwork next year. Have you gotten one too many holiday party invites and you can't find the time to relax? Skip it. Your friends will understand. No one needs the amount of "nog" we consume at these things anyway.
Does everyone expect YOU to travel to THEM for the holidays but able bodied adults (I'm not referring to those too old or sick to travel) won't come to you? Cut back my friends. Rotate holidays. I promise you it will be okay. (I told my mom we weren't coming for Thanksgiving this year but that we'd see her on Christmas. She was fine with it.)
My point here is this. There's a lot of reasons why the holidays are hard for a lot of people. And forcing yourself to go through the motions on unimportant things can continue to drain you leaving you less fulfilled, prone to illness, and in my particular case, contribute to the criplling anxiety and depression I personally feel this time of year when I don't see an avenue to rest and recharge. Do the "Marie Kondo" thing and hold each obligation to your heart. Does it bring you joy? Great! Do it! Does it feel like too much? Channel your inner Elsa and let it go. We have to prioritize our own health and energy as much as we have to prioritize family obligations and sometimes that means shortening, rotating, or eliminating things.
I still have WAY too much scheduled for this holiday season. But I have less to do now that I made this decision, and ideally - every year that I try to practice this will result in less going forward.
Sage advice - do less, stress less ... opt for homemade gifts. I make cards to gift recipient s special I know they love, or cookies or cake or pies I know they love, or other special things that I know enjoy. Of course having cataracts and a smaller circle .... and being a senior limits where and when I go... not necessarily a bad thing!
Dannyboy,
Can we do it all? Maybe.
Can we do it all well? Nope. Not a change.
I am stressed just thinking about all you normally did for the holidays.
Glad you are re-evaluating your precious time together and making a healthy change. May this be a great year for new family traditions.
And as for tires, yeah, those are a need. I would not want tires for Christmas or my birthday from my husband unless there wasn't really an option.
You don't have to wow her. Just observe what she likes or talks about. Perhaps give and "experience" together (concert, museum, overnight, day trip...)
May I also suggest going to a kitchen store together and see where she lingers. Does she like art and crafts, take her to some local shops and again notice what she likes.. Same with a body/skin care store. I often like things but have a hard time getting them for myself. I would LOVE it if someone in my family noticed what intrigued me and then gave that as a gift. It shows they are trying to connect with me and are observant.
It is a bit romantic too in a way. Especially with a nice thoughtful note.
Does that help?
@lovendures Great suggestions though I’m the chef and maid - she’s the home improver. Perhaps a new socket wrench :-P.
the gift thing is always so off for me because I’d love the extra $800 someone buying me tires would have saved me (I literally asked for my mom for them as my Christmas and birthday present my second year of teaching 20 years ago and she loved doing it because I’m hard to shop for)
my top gift of choice is “presence” over presents. My second gift of choice is a need I haven’t been able to fill on my own. The last of all possible things I want is more stuff. I’ve been like this most of my adult life. This is also why I hate gift giving 🤣
That makes perfect sense. I saw a physicians assistant tonight who qsked what I was doing for my cold. The cold that has me coughing for hours. But wants x rays. Didn't bother to actually look in my throat till I asked,
I became quietly angry..This is not a cold and I felt disrespected. I am not attention seeking,, I am sick.A fellow patient stopped to say she had heard me coughing and hoped I would feel better. A complete stranger cared more than this medical professional.
.Another holiday where my health problems keep me grounded. How many times does this have to keep happening?
@ghandigirl To be fair, medical people are traumatized by covid, but they can forget that their patients need them to also be seen as human beings that truly need them to do their job, if they can.
@dannyboy I applaud your thinking. I started really paring everything down during Covid. We had to. During that time the separation was hard but it also brought such clarity to me. If it doesn’t bring me peace or joy and if it’s not a good use of my time I will say no thank you. People sometimes think I don’t like them, I’m being difficult etc but it’s not done with any ill intent. Getting to a certain age also brings the important things into focus too. Happy thanksgiving to everyone. It’s been a very difficult year for my family. More reason to seek the light and peace. May you all experience joy in the simplest things. We are blessed.
@tgraf66 I just had arthroscopic surgery on my knee. I'm almost a month out from the surgery and today had my first physical therapy appointment. It sounds like your surgeon has prepped you well for what to expect post-op. I want to offer you a few hints since I'm still in it.
You will need someone to stay with you after surgery. You are going to be in pain. You will need someone to fill your ice packs, provide food for you and help you move around.
It's difficult if you're an active person to rest and heal, but you must. It's a great time to catch up on your favorite shows and binge watch some new ones!
I wish you all the best and the most intense healing energy. Mentally prepare yourself for being out of commission for a while. I wish I had done that!
@lowtide I appreciate the advice. I'll definitely take it to heart...or shoulder, as the case may be. I live with my mom, so having someone here will not be an issue, and despite her age, taking care of others is what she lives for, so she will be in her element. ;-) I'm not a very active person; In fact, I'm pretty dang lazy at the best of times, so this will just give me good excuse to sit around and do what I enjoy doing most, which is a whole lot of nothing much. 🤣 Thank you for the good wishes, and I will keep everyone updated as things progress.
@lovendures 🤣 I settled on a $100 gift certificate to her hair salon. They do other things too so if she wants to pay for her hair and use some of the spa services with the gift certificate she can. I absolutely abhor shopping this time of year so I try to make sure I’ve gotten it all done before Black Friday so I don’t have to worry about going into stores for anything other than groceries (and Aldi doesn’t get grocery/department store kind of traffic)