Thanks again to everyone for the kind words, good thoughts and positive energy. I had a good night’s sleep and other than a little soreness, I am feeling fine and much stronger today. Thanks also for the ideas about what the animal encounter could symbolize. It gives me much to consider and think about. A special thanks to @lovendures for the message through Jeanne with the fox totem info. You guys are the best!
I am glad you received the info Baba. I bet with some reflection and insight you will have an idea about what the fox message is for you or perhaps even a member of your family. I hope you and your family are feeling well today and that any soreness you might feel is only minor. You were put in the Circle of Light Meditations on Monday, hopefully that helped.
Love to you!
What a wonderful and creative way to help your mom and establish a connection together. May this challenging time be a blessing for both of you.
Iridium, Journey, FEBbby, moonbeam, Allyn,
Thank you. I am still upset but am feeling better about my decision this morning. I stood up for what I know is right. FEBbby, I loved your grandma's saying about what will be for a person will be. That helped a lot.
To top it off, right after it happened, my husband, for some reason, felt the need to say to me, right then, that it just goes to prove that someone can be a good person and still support T., because he has clients who support T. and he likes that person on a non-political level. That's where we part company, and it lead to a fight. I know a lot of people do feel that way, but he knows I don't. How exactly is someone who happily supports someone who is a liar, a traitor and a flaming racist a good person? I don't buy it. People who support T. do so because they like the nastiness and the racism and the bullying and the lying.
That's like saying Hitler liked art and architecture and loved animals, so everything else he did is just an aside.
I was supposed to work from home today, but it literally took me almost 5 hours to get out of bed this morning, and I didn't eat anything until after 12. If that's not a sign of worsening depression, then I'm not sure what is. I don't have any thoughts of suicide. What I'm dealing with instead is the urge to give up hope, which is just an indirect way of giving myself over to the abyss. If I gave up hope, my medical condition would get much worse, and I'd probably die before I'm 35.
I'm so tired of fighting, of being disappointed, and of so many small things bringing up emotional pain. I'm supposedly supposed to write important books in the future. But right in this moment, to be frank, I don't care about the goddamned books. I care about my body, which is the vehicle for how my spirit interacts with the world, and I'm feeling the absences of my lost or diminished physical/sensory capacities with excruciating mental anguish.
I see the potential slippery slope that's ahead of me. The more I withdraw from the world and defer responsibilities, the worse I'll feel, which will create a feedback of further withdrawing from life and losing hope. So I'm trying to give myself something to look forward to each week. For example, I have an in-person reiki session on Saturday. Then next week I'm going to my parents' place in Connecticut and might try to visit my brother in NYC. That, combined with the released tension of Nov. 3rd coming and going, should help. Then there's Thanksgiving and the December holidays, plus likely COVID lockdowns that will force our neurotic culture to slow down. I figure if I can get myself to the end of 2020, there will be some relief waiting. I just need help to make it through the next 2 months.
@polarberry you are not alone. When I look around, myself included, we're all on a trigger. The tension is rising and each side cannot think about losing what they feel is the only way. I know nobody can convince me that I will be able to live another 4 years in a sane frame of mind. No joke. I see the tension, and tension between family, friends, loved ones, business associates, everything. As it gets closer everyone is openly speaking what's in their mind. We can't change the way anyone thinks, we can only control us. I say just don't engage, see the words that upset you float away, like vapor. It's the only thing we can do to stay somewhat sane this next week. If I could crawl in a cave until it's over I would, happily. We need to wrap the light and peace around us. Otherwise we feed into the negative. Let's help each other. Thank God we have this place and our friends here. Take a deep breathe, close your eyes, let the stress go. We're going to need our peace and calm, no matter the outcome. You take care of yourself. We're here with you.
Hang in there! Your plan of having things to look forward to each week is spot on. Just get yourself through, one day at a time.
Sending you lots of support and strength and a little "spicy" (meaning some righteous indignation and fight.) I am feeling a bit riled up today after an acquaintance posted a typical GOP response to a tweet by Sen. Warren (on my FB page.) I usually try not to engage, but this pushed my buttons and I couldn't resist. I kept it aimed at the corrupt GOP and White House, but man - I was on fire! So, I am sending you some of that fire to keep in your belly and help you hang in there while you wait this out.
@coyote - as someone who has battled many odds and made it to the 60 somethings... I too, find myself, currently wanting to "hibernate". I , too, need to move and use my body to not have auto-immunities worsen. I don't have the level of health issues that you are enduring. TBS? I have survived some that the medical community doesn't understand why I did. Not only, survived but have thrived in spite of it all. Currently after yesterday's events I am dealing with a strong desire to pull the covers over my head and not come out until next year. I also suffer from SAD and am looking forward to the time changes and early darkness and late sunrises plus all the rains we normally get in November. I have allowed myself today to "do nothing" other than piddle around.. I may do it again tomorrow. I have prepared for Covid-19 rising and already voted and stocked up provender. (in the path of Hurricane Zeta.. I am praying we don't lose power and I lose all my stocked freezer items nor do I have any property damage from the predicted 60 mph winds and 4 inches of rains. I am concentrating on visualizing Love,Light and Protection for me and mine, my peeps here on this Forum.. who support and uplift without fail. I have never been one to ask for help...too often I experienced denial of help when I did ask growing up and learned to do it all myself and cared for my siblings as well as my children that came later. I have gotten much better about asking for help now at this stage of my live. I guess what I am trying to say is: it's ok to have bad days, its ok to feel despair..feel it ..then? Move through it... yes... set things to look forward to, a conversation, learning a new craft, mastering a new cooking method, helping the wildlife that you share homes with,participating in online communities like Cornell's Great Backyard Bird Count..take days away from media and tv and all of the bullshit being slung at us and renew yourself. Most of all? Ask for what you need to help you make it through. We are here Coyote... we are here. That is not an accident. Sending you much Love, much Light. Know.. you are not alone...we are here..reach out...ask for what you need...when you need it. Hide and rest a bit when you need it.. but set a time limit on it ..and get back in the Fray. Love you.
One set of results negative. Thank you so much for the prayers and light.
It sounds so cliche but it really is one day at a time...Sometimes one minute at a time. Don’t give in to exhaustion or despair. Don’t worry about future pressures like writing books, be gentle with yourself, gather and conserve your strength.