I literally could have written this post myself not so long ago. And probably could again. I get it, I really, really do.
I am always a warrior for better health and always seem to be on the mend, or sickened, or sad, or ANXIOUS. As I begin to even out again I can observe that me, that me that still has a painful injury, albeit slightly less so. That me who has to stretch and move so as not to lose the ability to do so, after many physical challenges.
You are much younger than I , but please believe me when I tell you that I know the feeling of your body betraying you, and having to learn to ignore pain as much as possible.
I too have lost my hope. I believe I will be a famous artist someday, or at least the bipolar part of me does, yet right now, I am in a holding pattern waiting for the ships to come in.
The Depression sometimes takes me for a spin. Lately though, I can see that I am more aware of the observer in me observing this. And I am finding some peace in working on self forgiveness. And forgiving people who never apologized. I do this for me, not for them. I noticed in your post that you are also able to see the observer in you, observing. That observer is your higher self, and he is there to support you. All you need do is believe. And it hurts to believe and then things just fall apart, or your heart is broken. But you are more than your broken heart Coyote. You are more than this body. You are so much more, and you are made from love, and held in prayer, by me.
That space between the pain body and the higher mind is the space in which I find the most comfort. It is a space that reminds me that I am eternal. It is a space that makes me grateful for the touch of a loved one, despite the pain in my body that never goes away, the nerve damage I have largely learned to ignore.
It is also true that "it's okay to not be okay." Some days it is just necessary to allow yourself the frustration, the grief, the hopelessness, if only to appreciate when you are able to put some space around it all, and decide to keep on trying.
Little brother, you feel like family to me. You will come out on the other side of this fire like iron. I feel it strongly.
p.s. Tonight I stated and prayed,if I can only stay alive till the vaccine arrives, please G-d.
Its just wanting to get this election over with and starting to heal that’s so stressful......and fearing it won’t happen. I can’t believe there are so many millions that support him as if he’s a god! I’m still hoping my sister wakes up.
Anita
Im with you, Coyote. Every day for 4 years, all the awful things he’s said and done.
its so tough to hang in there. Remember how we hated Bush? Now that’s a memory. I try to remind myself whenever I get petrified.....this will soon be a memory. I can’t wait until he’s gone! Hang in there.
Anita
I feel for you and your physical struggles. The emotional and mental tole makes it even harder. I will keep you in my prayers and especially focus on you tonight during the meditation.
One must sometimes take time just to focus on healing and TLC for oneself. I know that many of us sometimes feel a bit guilty when we do that - focus on ourselves. I know it's like when you are in an airplane, you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you can place it on your child.
As Jeanne usually says: "We got this". I know many of us will place you in the circle tonight, but I hope you will continue to place yourself there too.
When you mentioned going to your parents in CT I got a good feeling about it. I'm glad you will be there, since I got a sense of healing during that time and place. ? ❤️ ?
Dear Ghandigirl, my heart goes out to you in the situation with your mother. I'll be sending you lots of love and light tonight and praying that the Universe intervenes so that you will have the ability to reach her. Sometimes things happen for a reason though and perhaps you will be able to reach her when the time is right for her and you. I have family and friends who have dementia and it's so difficult.
One of our closest friends has frontal lobe dementia. He's not communicating much anymore, but when I called one day to talk to his wife (they are extended family), he picked up the phone after many months of no communication and said "I love you Tricia". I noticed that when I let go, they suddenly have a moment that surprises me. ? ❤️
I'm sorry that this is late, I'm just now getting a bit caught up, but I will definitely keep you in our prayers and healing meditation tonight. I know how you feel and have had the same thing happen recently so I'm with you and giving you a big hug and lots of light. ? ❤️
I'm getting caught up here and just read you had an accident on the autobahn! I'm so sorry and I pray you are all feeling well and unharmed! I'm so grateful you are ok and I know how the autobahn is since I've been to visit family in Germany many times. They drive so fast there it's scary and a miracle that you are all fine. I'll definitely place you in the circle tonight during the meditation too.
I know that foxes are a very powerful animal spirit and I think you will be the one to figure out the message from the fox during one of your own meditations :)
My love and healing light to you dear Baba! ? ❤️ ?
@triciact Thanks for your kind words. I am feeling much better today and the soreness has improved. We may be without our car for a while due to repairs, but since we are about to be locked down again we will be spending a lot of time at home in any case. The autobahn is indeed something that is best approached with plenty of respect and care but as the fox showed us, unexpected things can and do happen despite all the care we take.
Thanks, Tricia! I am reconciled to what happened, and although still sad, it didn't take long because I was true to myself and that's important to me.
I try to be hopeful that all the relationships that have been strained or destroyed by this evil, evil man can be made right.
Sadly, I think the majority of T. supporters won't wake up unless it affects them personally in a negative way, and even then.
I get it; I would like to curl up in a hole like a hamster with a piece of fruit for the next week. Someone tell me when it's over. LOL
@theungamer Thank you ... that's so kind. He just started his chemo, and is fighting trumpers from his keyboard to stay distracted ;)
This morning, I got a message from a friend whose daughter is one of my son's closest friends and teammates at college. She wanted me to know her breast cancer has spread into her spine, and she wanted my son to know so he can be a friend and support for her daughter. This woman (Karla, if there's room for her in the prayer circle) told me back in February that she'd dealt with a breast cancer "scare" in recent months and was on the mend. And now this. 2020 has about done me in; I'm trying so hard to have faith and hope for good news and a positive path after next Tuesday ... not sure how to deal with hopelessness and more bad news. I miss family (haven't seen any of them since last year), the holidays will be so bleak if there are four more years of fascism on the horizon, and then adding in friends who will be wondering if this might be their last holiday ... it's too much. And yet - we've luckily not been personally touched by job loss or covid or racial injustice or anything really bad, so who am I to feel like we couldn't survive another four years of this? It's just the heaviness of so much injustice and suffering; it hurts. Another four years and I may go from peaceful warrior to Thunderdome.
@saibh I like hearing that Thomas still has the fighting spirit. Have had a candle burning for him since your post and I'm happy reading that he is feisty. Will add another candle for Karla. The state of our country, friendships and family relationships have brought to light a darkness I didn't realize existed. The mindset of 30% of the country is disturbing, but 70% are coming together and rising to the occasion. Carry on peaceful warrior. You are making a difference.
Asking for prayers for safety and minimal damage for all us in the path of Zeta. The center is due to come right thru here as a tropical storm with 2-4 inches of rain and winds steady 40-50 miles and up to 60-70 maybe higher and not just gusts the weather prognosticator said. Schools are closing for tomorrow with the expectation of downed streets, power outages and flooded streets and some areas. Lower risk of spinoff tornadoes if they do occur they should be brief they said. Many of us have stocked up freezers and such that don't need to thaw out. Food is not cheap - yes it would be nice to have a generator..but that is not in the reach of everyone. I have gotten everything outside secured and the dog will have her storm phobia meds on board. We are hunkering down and expecting the best. Thank y'all.
@saibh I will send light and prayers in your direction and that those around you who are suffering.
@journeywithme2 I will send prayers to you and those around you that you all stay safe and do not suffer damage in the storm. Please keep us posted!
Good morning all! Thank you so much for the prayers!!!! I awoke this morning and am unscathed here... all of my animal companions are safe, my power is on!!! Checking the reports and with friends just down the road no more than 6 miles? their power is out, trees are down and here on my little ridge? I slept through it all and now? It's just cloudy and windy!!! All around are posting how bad it was at 3-6am and their power out and trees down.. and we are unscathed here!!! Thank you all for the prayers and the protection!
It's wonderful that you are safe & sound ... angels all around you ?
When I was in high school many moons ago, there was a saying among us in our little bohemian tribe (probably from Jack Kerouac ?)... "If the people don't get ya', the bloody elements will "
If only we could send Storm Zeta in over to end the wildfires.......
@stargazer Indeed!!! We got 4.7 inches of rain our weather folks said! Many all around me are without power... trees downs and homes damaged. One man in the next county about 20 miles from me died when and oak tree fell on his trailer in a mobile home park there. Many houses damaged too.23,200 without power in my county.. including the clinic I used to work at. I have power and my former co-workers will have a rough day dealing with the problems this storm has caused our area. I am at this very moment cooking up a huge pot of chicken and dumplings to feed them a good hot lunch made with love. I am very thankful for my blessings and the protection and prayers I received. Thank all of you for the prayers and love.
Bless your heart, as they say there.in your neck of the woods, journey ???
And those chicken n dumplings are good medicine for everyone!