Help! I need a new job

This will be a long post, but necessary, at least to me. I don't know if I'm asking for help, guidance, or what, but I need to get it out of my head, and this seemed to be as good place as any.

I think I probably come across here as pretty grounded and having everything together - at least as much as any of us can - but as with a lot of people, how I appear on line doesn't reflect what's really going on.

As an update, last September I had a sudden ruptured disk in my neck which forced me out of work, resulting in a doctor-caused but thankfully very short-lived physical dependency on a nerve medication. A week after the ruptured disk happened, I took a fall in which I broke a rib and tore the rotator cuff in my right shoulder. Once the rib had healed, I had to have surgery to repair my shoulder in December, meaning that I was still unable to return to work for a few more months. I had my last physical therapy appointment for my shoulder today, April 25, and everything seems to be going well with the recovery and healing from that. I will likely still have some ongoing issues for at least a few to several more months until my shoulder and neck get back to where they were, or at least as close as possible. That's where I am physically.

Although I was and still am unemployed, I was thankfully still covered under my previous employer's insurance thanks to COBRA, so none of these medical issues became a financial burden. However, that insurance coverage is coming to an end in a few days, so I have had to apply for coverage through the ACA to begin on May 1. In order to get proper coverage, I had to tell them that I either had made or estimated that I would make a certain amount of money, which I did, but now I am rather desperate to find work because I have to submit proof of income to the ACA by July 20 or the coverage will be cancelled. I had no doubt at the time that I would make that amount this year, but the temporary agency that I am working with again is having difficulty finding me a position. I'm trying not to panic because I do still have a few months to get it sorted, but I can feel the fear rising. That's where I am financially.

So where am I mentally? I don't know. Ever since I left my last permanent job in October of 2022, I have felt completely rudderless for the most part. I was able to function relatively well for about a year after that because I was able to find temporary employment, so I could maintain some semblance of normalcy. I don't know if it was the injuries, some new age-related and/or recurring medical issues, the medications that I was on for a while or what, but during these events and my physical recovery period from September to now, I have lost interest in pretty much everything. I have no goals, plans, or even ideas. I have unconsciously disconnected from everything and everyone in my life except for my mother, with whom I live. I have become a hermit, only venturing out when it was necessary and spending far too much time (12-14 hours a day) online switching between various news, social media, and gaming sites to distract myself and keep my mind occupied. In addition, due to my enforced inactivity these last several months, I have also gained about 25 pounds, so I don't look or feel the way I'd like to.

I look at myself and I think, "I need to do something about all this." Unfortunately, I have no motivation or discipline to change any of it, nor would I even know where to begin, and I can't see any of that changing anytime soon. All of that says I'm probably suffering from depression, possibly of the clinical variety, but neither my current insurance nor the new one that I will be getting has any coverage for mental health services or medications, and such services aren't cheap, even the ones that are for low-income people like myself at the moment.

I don't have any clue what I want to do with the rest of my life or even how to begin to think about it. I know that a lot of this has to do with being unable to work these past many months and therefore feeling useless and unproductive. I have a decent resume and a crap-ton of experience in customer service and a few other things, but I'm terrible at interviews and since my introversion has once again raised it's head, the thought of having to physically go out and find work has me almost paralyzed. I have no idea what I want to do or even what to look for.

So...now that it's all out of my head, I have to figure out what to do with it. If you feel inclined to offer support/prayers/guidance, please feel free. If not, at least wish me luck. 🤣

@tgraf66 I am in a similar situation due to extreme fatigue and chronic pain and such post surgery.

 I do know that you can ask your normal doc if he would be comfortable prescribing ssri's for pain management.  They are antidepressants with the least side effects.  I think luvox has some anti-covid effects, and lexapro seems to have less of the sexual side effects.  You could ask to start on a very low dose and contact pcp if you have issues.  Gentle exercise helps if you can do it consistently.

If you go in them and feel worse tell your doc asap, and consult on how to taper off.

@tgraff

My friend I am so sorry to hear of your struggles.

Please be sure to be very gentle with yourself.

Watch out for that Lexapro. Not knowing I was bipolar it had a terrible effect on me. I'll spare you the details but it was life changing and blew up my life at the time.

I so understand what you shared. More than you can know.

Don't judge yourself too harshly. You are grieving and grief can flatten you.Rest as much as you can. Open the window. Much love to you.

@tgraf66 I am sorry to hear of your difficulties, but so glad you reached out! 

There is some good advice here already. I just want to second the suggestion about asking your PCP for a possible eval/meds dose to help lift the fog a bit. Might be enough to help you take the next steps.

Take it one thing at a time (much easier said than done, I realize), but I was just thinking — have you checked with your local public library for job support? They may be just the resource you need to figure out next steps, help sort out the most useful path forward. They may offer support on resume updating, job boards, etc. If nothing else, I know for a fact (being a librarian) that if they don’t have an answer for you, they will find one or point you in the right direction! 

In the meanwhile, I will be sending you some good light and energy and clarity that you may find the next right step to take during this challenging time. Hang in there! We are with you!

@tgraf66 I am sending healing and a phalanx of angels to help you navigate this challenging time. You can do it, I know that much. And you are very lucid about your situation, which is important.   

The job search world has changed dramatically in the last few decades.  While it is more challenging in that companies put prospective employees through more hoops, it is also more advantageous, in that there are gig jobs that get people going while they search.  

Taskrabbit (and there are others doing the same thing) is a  gig website that gets people's juices moving for pay. I found my developer that way. Many entrepreneurs use taskrabbit and other gig sites to get new business. Then customers sometimes hire those people into full time employment. 

Volunteering while waiting for job opportunities gets people jobs, because it gets your juices moving, and you meet people on those volunteer jobs, who in turn are likely to help you get the paying job. 

Meditation groups help elevate your spirits to where you can start looking. (hint, hint - Circle of Light)

P.S. What not to do.  Do not become a couch potato.  Get yourself moving and connecting with people.  Volunteering is a great way to get moving, and it can turn into a job.

Going to the gym or getting out and jogging, hiking, gardening, any form of strenuous activity. Join a hiking, jogging, gardening group, any kind of group that is moving. 

Exercise and volunteering will boost your self esteem and get you back in the game. I have a friend who volunteered in a soup kitchen that made meals. He told everyone he was looking for work, whereupon another volunteer ended out getting him a job.  Who would have known?  

@jeanne-mayell Yes!  This is wise, practical, direct advice.  Though it's likely far more difficult to follow when depressed, any steps forward, in the ways Jeanne suggests, will aid healing.

@tgraf66 I just sent you healing and saw the face of a young boy.  I think this is you as a child.  I am cautioning you to stay positive, to push away negative, fearful thoughts.  as those attract negative energy and defeat.  Every time you start feeling afraid or depressed, please acknowledge those thoughts and gently push them away so you can keep positive energies around you.