Someone makes a critical remark about you, and you feel devastated and remember it for years. Meanwhile, you know other people who just let criticism just slide off of them like teflon. And you wish you could be like them.
But what if your sensitivity were a gift of higher consciousness? What if the lack of sensitivity you admire in others is actually a deficit in their brains, not something to admire?
I remember back in 2017 reading that friends of Ivanka and Jared said they showed extraordinary abilities to partition themselves off from the enormous amounts of criticism coming at them from the New York community, after they became part of the Trump machine that was putting children in cages. I admired them for that, and didn't think it was a deficit. But now I can imagine that in Ivanka's case, she had to partition herself off in order to become the favorite of a father like that.
According to one psychologist (see link below), "total insensitivity is the result of inadequate bilateral integration in the brain, where we're unaffected by other people's lives, moods, and concerns."
Since we are all radically interconnected to each other, including all of earth's creatures, it makes sense that sensitive people would have more to integrate. And although it is difficult to integrate it all, it is well worth it to stay sensitive. When you remain sensitive, now matter how hard it is to integrate what you are feeling, you are more alive, more awake, and using more of your human gift.
So, are you too sensitive? Do you think that's a bad thing?
https://www.happify.com/hd/do-you-think-youre-too-sensitive/
I think you tend to remember a criticism or negative comment more than a positive one. It seems to magnify the doubts or insecurities you keep about yourself. I've always been a sensitive person and take things to heart. So knowing how I am, I try really hard to think carefully what I say to someone else because I know how much even an unintentional comment can hurt your heart. Years ago, back when I was in college, I took a lot of art classes. I had one teacher that was so critical of everyone. The last year I had him, he got very upset that someone in class told him that they stopped doing art for awhile because of his words. The point ended up being that this person wasn't the only one but instead was one of many (myself included). He thought his method of teaching was like a tough love approach but he didn't realize that that the same approach didn't work with everyone. For some it played into doubts they had about their talent and creativity. Words have power in whatever way they are used.
@liln22 Your story about your art teacher causing people to quit art was powerful. Harsh criticism is difficult coming from anyone, but from a person of authority, like a teacher, can be particularly crushing.
When I was a college freshman, I took a creative writing course where the same thing happened, only the verbal assault came from another student. One girl actually tried to take her own life following a week when her work was being critiqued and a particularly mean and arrogant student had ridiculed it. The teacher had said nothing, just allowed this one student to trample people's work. I was so disheartened that I dropped the course.
This is such an interesting topic to me. I have always perceived myself (and perceived by my family, I think) as a bit of the opposite. Just sort of bopping through life doing my thing, not getting riled up about stuff. On one hand, that gives me an advantage (the ability to compartmentalize), but as I have gotten older and experienced a wider variety of situations in life, I realize that a lot of my compartmentalization is anticipatory anxiety. Seeing ahead to what is expected and adjusting my behavior accordingly so I can not get in trouble or cause a conflict. I was fortunate in many ways to grow up a bit sheltered, which allowed me to have that bop through things attitude and be able to adjust easily. But as I have gotten older, encountered a wider variety of people and situations, raising kids (and all the ups and downs that entails) I have definitely put my foot in my mouth (unintentionally) and had negative experiences because I wasn't perceiving how I came across. I recognize that anxiety component on my part now and certainly have expanded my perception and compassion (I hope!)
With respect to the amazingly intuitive folks on this site, I have always felt a bit clueless or unable to be as sensitive as so many here are. However, I have come to learn that we all bring something to the table. Some of my greatest gifts are being able to stay grounded, see the logical side of things or use Tarot/written text to interpret my intuition. It is fascinating to compare what I perceive to what others here perceive and see how those perceptions intersect and differ.
@liln22 You make a very good point. We definitely tend to remember the negative more than the positive. And that old style of teaching (both in art and in medicine) which "worked" for so long for some people, worked because the people who were devastated by it were driven away. I think our society as a whole is growing towards more compassion and awareness of neurodiversity and that the old ways were destructive to so many. I hope (hope, hope, hope!) that we are moving to a better, more inclusive interaction.
Yes, nearly my whole life so far I have been called that.
Throughout my childhood I seemed to care more about people and animals more than most of my friends. I never understood why so few people cared about the things I cared about. One of the first things I used to be able to sense at a young age was a tv that was on several rooms away with no sound and the door closed. I did an experiment one time where I gussed right 9/10. I can sense it especially more when a tv is one of those old CRT ones left on white noise/static and on mute.
My "sensitivity" got worse during my late teens when I could walk in a room full of people and feel the mood of the ròom and like I was picking up the energy of every single person. I began to hate socialising and going out. The whole world felt like I was picking up people's energies just being near them. This caused me social anxiety and agoraphobia and I became extremely depressed from it. This was also right at the time I had started to see a white myst that would visit me and various white sparkles of light. I actually went on antidepressants for a few years to cope with my sensitivity to the world and people.
These days, I am learning to go inward and detach more to protect myself from other people's energies, but also because the world has become an even more difficult place and there are so many people deliberately being antagonistic and gaslighting others.
Like others, I am extremely sensitive to negative energies. I can get what I call 'bad vibes' and this can make me feel extremely uncomfortable and as though I have to avoid these people.
I have also like all people here, also had my fair share of ups and downs in life, and those experiences definitely shape you as a person and there are still certain triggers for me in my life which I have tried to work on. These can be unpleasant experiences from the way I have been treated by other people and sometimes I can be triggered and overreact but I am learning to forigve and let go more, but it is hard. Also, I am trying to teach myself that these traumas are the past and that not everything is a repeat, but it does make you definitely cautious and sometimes protective.
With all my sensitivity in mind, it is why I have a really hard time watching insensitive fascists in government making policies that deliberately cause harm to other people. I really struggle to understand why anyone would want to vote and support these people, and if that makes me 'sensitive', a 'snowflake', or a 'lefty' then so be it.
For sensitive people: How to bolster a hope that is honest in this complicated world
I'm sharing the wisdom of an incredible teacher whose class I attended ten years ago. Maria Sirois is a psychologist who teaches at Kripalu in Lenox, MA.
I had just one all day class with her ten years ago and she changed my life.
This morning, she sent this message to her email list:
"In the morning of the world I find myself often wondering how to bolster a hope that makes sense in this world of great complexity?
The sun rises with such fealty each day and I want to do so as well - rise with a kind of faith that not only can I find my way through, but that I can contribute something of merit to the day - a kindness, a touch, a moment of laughter, an image of beauty. We all wish to be the type of person who bolsters ourselves and others and who enables the building of a positive life...but how to do so now? In this moment? In this exact time?
We must bring forward our wisdom, our tenacity, our ingenuity and our willingness to experiment with new ways of relating and understanding. We must do more of what works to sustain health, less of what really doesn't, and at the same time keep reaching out with novel approaches...broadening our repertoire of tools and perspectives...learning from those in our circle and in a far reach.
We may not have all we need and all we might want, but we do have this one day to shape. We do have a lifetime's worth of knowledge to draw from. We do have access to so much information. And we do have the capacity to ask the questions that might help sustain us:
What is the one thing I might do today to build my sense of inner strength and bolster the gains I have made?
Where might I find peace today or just 3% more ease?
Where does energy flow from and how might I get myself there?
What action might I take that cultivates a grounded, steady hope?
Who makes me happy to be alive?
Where is beauty now?
So many powerful questions...offering us doorways to that next better moment.
Love, Maria"
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The perfect timing of yet another topic. This book was recommended about a week ago. Many positive things inside including the development of a sensitive child, adolescent, adult, and recognizing/managing sensory overload. Most helpful for those of us who have been twitching since 2016.
https://hsperson.com/books/the-highly-sensitive-person/
Like others, I am extremely sensitive to negative energies. I can get what I call 'bad vibes' and this can make me feel extremely uncomfortable and as though I have to avoid these people.
That's one of the big "pluses" of being sensitive. "Bad vibes" are a very useful early warning system. You probably *should* be avoiding those people.
Like others, I am extremely sensitive to negative energies. I can get what I call 'bad vibes' and this can make me feel extremely uncomfortable and as though I have to avoid these people.
That's one of the big "pluses" of being sensitive. "Bad vibes" are a very useful early warning system. You probably *should* be avoiding those people.
In the past, having these bad vibes are what caused me to not do anything. Which isn't a healthy mental state to be in during your teens when you are healthy and full of life. It caused me to fear social events and doing a lot of different things, as I was afraid of encountering negative people.
Avoiding specific people is easier to control because you can just try your best to avoid them completely, unless you have to work with them, which is trickier.
I am always very selective with who I choose to interact with in my life because I can't handle too many people at once. Also, I am a very private person and trust comes into a lot of it. I've been hurt and let down too many times before, it is something that is hard to get over and it does change you. But the past is the past, and I try not to dwell on that too much.
@theungamer I love this book. It really helped me know myself better and stop feeling like there was something wrong with me.
I think sensitive people "see" things more clearly than others. It's a curse and a gift, but I can't imagine wanting to be any different.
Ah, I see. In those kinds of situations, shielding may help. I summon up a "cloak of invisibility" sometimes. Or you can also do a bubble with a mirror on the outside, though that has the effect of bouncing any bad vibes back to the sender, which doesn't help them feel any better and may make their vibes even worse. A bubble where the bad vibes hit and fall to the ground and are absorbed is probably best. This all sounds very woo-woo but if you practice it, it works.
I've been in crowded lines at delis and such where I put up a cloak of invisibility to deal with the mass influx of "people vibes"-- then got up to the front of the line and had the counter person totally ignore me. This happened more than once until I figured out I needed to remove the cloak of invisibility once I wanted to be seen.
I don't do a lot of this anymore. (Well-- sometimes I do the cloak of invisibility when I just want alone time in a busy place.) Instead I often try to *see* people, notice them as fellow beings, and send them good vibes. It took a while to get to the point where I could do that with some degree of comfort, though.
I have chastised myself for more years than not for being sensitive. Others described me as a downer and a sad sack. Depression is a spin off. I am learning to view and appreciate my own self. I am really not too much of anything. As the expression goes I am perfectly imperfect. I will say that I have often felt constrained in sharing who and how I am with others. > it is a trust issue.
Reading all these posts, makes me realise how we all share similar issues. It is nice to see that I am not alone, but also sad that people have had to deal with this issue as well. But maybe we should reframe it as not being an issue, but rather a badge of honour instead?
@ana what you have said is really great advice, but forgive me seeing the funny side to it as well - I kept thinking of Harry Potter and his "cloak of invisibility" 🤣
Perhaps this book The Highly Sensitive Person, should be the next book club book for our forum. We’ve been discussing the ministry for the future book. It really helps to deep in our conversation on a topic by reading a book together. I’m going to order it. Thanks for bringing it up.
again here’s a link to the book https://hsperson.com/books/the-highly-sensitive-person/
I've never read the book "The Highly Sensitive Person," but another book that has helped me over the years is "The Empath's Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People," by Judith Orloff, M.D. Orloff, a psychiatrist and intuitive empath, includes self-assessments and some excellent life coping strategies to guide you in setting healthy boundaries to remain strong and grounded, so you can fully embrace the power of your empathic gifts. She also has a website with a test you can take, and has written a few other books on the topic, including a 365-day date book on compassionate self care.
@ana, I love your cloak of invisibility!
@jeanne-mayell There's a Highly Sensitive Person self-test that goes with the book. Therapists who offer it to clients sometimes find they have an "aha" moment with it. Although a highly sensitive person may not need a test to tell them they are highly sensitive!
https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/
Although a highly sensitive person may not need a test to tell them they are highly sensitive!
I read "The Highly Sensitive Person" 10 or 15 years ago. I already knew I was highly sensitive so all the descriptions weren't much of a revelation to me, and I'd already learned how to deal with a lot of it, but it was kind of nice to know that I wasn't alone. And I felt it gave me permission to ask for "down time" when I needed it.
Reading all these posts, makes me realise how we all share similar issues. It is nice to see that I am not alone, but also sad that people have had to deal with this issue as well. But maybe we should reframe it as not being an issue, but rather a badge of honour instead?
@ana what you have said is really great advice, but forgive me seeing the funny side to it as well - I kept thinking of Harry Potter and his "cloak of invisibility" 🤣
I learned the technique before Harry Potter was written-- and I started thinking of it as the "cloak of invisibility" after I read the book. 🙂
(It's all a matter of visualization, focus, and practice, FYI)
Therapists who offer it to clients sometimes find they have an "aha"
funny that you should say that- my therapist lent me his copy of the book, back when it first came out. And like @ana said, it didn't really tell me much new about myself, but it did help me understand my therapist better, as he was even more highly sensitive than anyone i had ever met. We became great friends, and he would have so loved this community (he died suddenly, while walking down Market St. in SF).