This is the place I am in. I am already on medication and I have a therapist and this is where I am. I don't want to alarm anyone and I am so so sorry for being mean. I'm not going to post again, I am in a very bad place and need to step away for everyone else's peace of mind.
I am sorry I ever came on here and said the things I did.
This is the cycling "put yourself down voice" of deep depression talking. Don't listen to that universal dis-ease that speaks to, controls and overwhelms so many.
Darn it woman. We love you and your gifts and need and want you here! Heck you used to talk about high brow historical-political books I'd never heard of much less read or had any plans to read and about how hard it was to be Russian and feel the great cultural divide and even discrimination.
You have the gifts of a brilliant mind and a deep need and understanding of so many emotions and pains and challenges that others here share and all of us feel and have parts of ourselves that don't feel we fit in most places.
Why even care so deeply about what other people think or say that allows you to let so much extra pain and sadness in?
You know who you are and why you are here and why you connected to Jeanne and this site. You know deep deep deep inside why you were put on this earth.
Excavation of our interior and exterior selves to the depth of our inner being is quite possibly the greatest journey and deepest purpose any of us can or will ever have and believe it or not-- that's what we're all doing and learning here. Not politics not illness not suffering not pain of mind/body/spirit . We're learning and growing through our anger, fear and separation from love.
And we love you here.
Warren ended her campaign today
https://www.cnn.com/2020/03/05/politics/elizabeth-warren-drops-out/index.html
@jessi1978 and @lovendures, thank you for posting about Warren. I voted for her. That deeply saddens me, but I knew it was coming. I do feel Warren will be instrumental in making the changes she has been fighting for. Her fight isn't over.
Yes not sure why it was locked I was going to post this too. I'm sad because I still think she's the best candidate. She hasn't said yet who she endorses (though it's obvious to me it would be Bernie) however, I think she may be waiting to see who surges ahead. A very STRATEGIC ticket would be Biden and Warren.
I have had to step away from all the news and disinformation that is going on. I started crying yesterday for no reason,than I realized it was because I truly believe I will never see a women president in my lifetime. The news this AM of Warren ending her campaign is depressing. I country is ruled by rich white men and whoever wins the election in November will carry on that tradition. Sad to say but true. I don't care how "pro-women" they claim to be they aren't. Warren would have made a perfect president and would have unified the country and gotten things done. She was done in by the media and her own party. I don't care for Bernies followers tactics, they sound a lot like Turds followers tactics. Whomever wins the nomination I will support them, I am Blue no matter who, and I believe either can beat the Turd. Turd is making so many mistakes with his handling of this Virus. People are dying and he is lying! What is going to be important is who is the Vice President candidate. Lets face it neither Joe nor Bernie is in great health and neither is a spring chicken. The only one I will not support is Gabbard and I hope to god Joe and Bernie both realize what a disaster she would be. Oh well we will see. I was at my brothers the other day and he said it best, the only thing we can do is to vote.
@yogagirl, I hear you, and I agree. As a woman, it is disheartening.
I don't believe for a second that Joe or Bernie would choose Tulsi. I'm thinking Warren, Kamala and Stacey Abrams will be slotted for possible positions in a Democratic administration, if they want them.
I'll be 68 this year, so I'm not sure if I'll see a woman president in my lifetime. I told myself that if I pass on before that happens, I will be helping out and making mischief from the other side to make that happen. ?
I have just finished reading everyone's responses and I am blown away by your kindness and compassion. I honestly can't believe it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I have been living in fear and it's crippling. Sometimes I feel so emotionally bogged down that I struggle to function. I don't want to make this post entirely about me but for some context I will say a few things. I do have a therapist and I am on anti depression medication. I have been diagnosed with a moderate to severe case of ptsd. There's probably more going on in my psyche than that but the only official diagnoses I have is ptsd. It's moderately severe because of how I react to external stimuli like politics, other people's opinions etc....
At home when I screw up I always apologize immediately and my husband always tells me to stop, that I work too hard, do too much and I need to stop. But I find myself unable to stop, I get short of breathe, my heart races and I panic. Some years of my life these symptoms barely appear and other years they are my constant companions. I used to have an involuntary flinch that occurred when men made sudden movements towards me, I'd get jumpy. Sometimes that flinch comes back.
I am saying all this because I want others to understand that I am not always rational, my emotional reactions can be over the top and my nerves struggle to cope. That's why I never want to offend anyone because I feel that it is incredibly easy for me to do so, to become callous, vicious and mean. I am not a natural bully but in real life I can be aggressive when I feel threatened.
Yesterday I left work with my makeup blotchy from crying, I was so quiet about it I don't think anyone noticed. Yes I have had urges to self harm, like the other symptoms it's one of my companions and one I know well. I usually do not harm myself however or at least I haven't in the last few years.
I want to say a little bit about Bernie, Biden and Russian interference. I am sensitive to the person who mentioned that Bernie has Russian connections. I don't know if he is influenced by the negativity of some of his supporters, my guess is not. He has come out quite strongly against election interference in an interview he did after it came out that some of the online "Bernie bro's" may have been bots. I have been on board with his ideas since 2015, largely because to me they make sense and all I have to do is visit Canada to see a place where many of his ideas have been the law of the land for decades, and the sky hasn't fallen, and the country hasn't devolved into a communist dictatorship. So I know he's right when he preaches like a broken record about medicare for all and a living wage. It's worth noting that his ideas have been enacted locally in some parts of this country, New York City for example has a $15 minimum wage. I get his ad's on my phone when I watch YouTube videos and I have become very concerned about him. He seems remarkably more frail and thinner than he did in 2016, it's something that I can't ignore and it hurts to think that our champion may not be physically strong enough for the fight. His ideas for me are the point and worth fighting for, I for one am not going to stop believing in those ideas simply because large parts of this country disagrees, I am as stubborn as mule when I want to be.
I don't have anything personal against Biden, so what I am going to say is not coming from a place of malice. I do not believe that Biden will win an election against Trump. His record will be dissected with a fine tooth comb over the coming months and it's not a good one. He supported the Iraq war, he supported NAFTA, he supported Bill Clinton's gutting of the welfare program in the nineties. These to me are the most egregious but what I think will be his Achilles heel is his record of dishonesty. He claimed to have marched with Dr. King, to have been arrested in South Africa, both of those claims are untrue. He repeats these claims of having been involved with the civil rights movement all the time and it has been proven that he is lying. Now I get my information not from TV which I don't watch, but largely from print, YouTube and podcasts. I listen to the Intercepted podcast hosted by Jeremy Scahill, Deconstructed with Mehdi Hassan and The Breakdown with Shawn King. Yes these are progressive outlets but I don't think they invent their own facts. I also read the Guardian, Salon, Truthdig and Alternet. Joe Biden to me is a terrifying candidate to put forward precisely because of these weaknesses, coupled with the fact that he may be suffering from dementia and will not perform well in a debate against Trump. This is absolutely not about me disliking him, and others may well find dirt on Bernie Sanders that will be bad. I just fear that he is not the man we need to remove Trump.
Lastly I want to say that there is no guarantee of unity in the Democratic party whichever direction the nomination goes. At the moment the progressive left is wounded but undeterred and I am saying right now that there is no guarantee that they will vote for Biden if they feel that Bernie has been cheated by the DNC. Some will vote for him, other's won't and that's a fairly large risk the DNC is willing to take to ensure that they can keep their corporate cash. They may lose the progressive base for a generation or more if this continues and good luck winning an election without those people. Now the same can be said in reverse that there are many democratic voters who will not vote for Sanders no matter what. This is a fissure that isn't going to heal itself over night, in fact I don't think it will heal at all in the near future.
In Canada the progressive people have their own political party called the New Democratic Party to vote for and so this kind of fissure on the center/left spectrum doesn't really happen. But in a 2 party system where there are more than 2 types of ideas it's bound to happen. I really don't know what else to say, I just want to reiterate my thanks for everyone's kindness, my heart swells. Thank you!!!!!!
I just read about Warren. It's extremely sad, I would have loved to see her in the White House. I was so much in favor of her for months but then virtually everyone at my office and my father all claimed they'd never vote for her and kept disparaging her so much that literally yesterday it's why I cried.
There's a strong part of me that thinks the reason that she got such negative reactions from some people was because of her gender which is another reason to feel down. We as women can never be good enough, if we have opinions we are labelled shrill or hysterical, people don't listen to us just because of our anatomy. I hope one day we can live in a world where someone like Greta Thunberg isn't the subject of rape memes from fossil fuel companies just because she speaks her mind.