@tesseract. What a thoughtful post. I could see you working and the hummingbirds stopping by to check on you. We do try to be positive here, but sometimes we fail. In the weeks and months before the election, I would occasionally let my mind wander into the very worst outcome scenario, examine every dire possibility and feel overwhelmed. It’s human nature. Like you, though, I’m striving for something more. Instead of dwelling in the pit of negativity, we can make a conscious choice to envision a brighter future and project positive energy towards that goal. I felt nudged by spirit to speak positive outcomes, to believe in positive outcomes and to send that energy into the universe. I know this sounds woo woo, but practicing this lifted up my heart. Every time a friend would worry about a worst case outcome in the election, I had that opportunity to speak my truth: that Biden would win; that better days are ahead.
We also practice loving kindness meditation on Monday and Wednesdays and send that energy into the world, too. Through loving kindness, I believe we are healing ourselves of negativity and sending that healing out to our communities and our world.
A lot of beautiful posts, full of kindness, but.... I do have a question I hope somebody can answer.
While reading all of your lovely thoughts it reminds a lot of the traveling people, the Tinkers, in the Wheel of Time series. They do not condone violence in any way and thus do not pick up a sword. This philosophy is called the Way of the Leaf. They do not even defend themselves. They rather get killed or hurt than do anything that is akin to violence. In the end, a large part of them gets slaughtered by the dark one's forces...
"The leaf lives its appointed time, and does not struggle against the wind that carries it away. The leaf does no harm, and finally falls to nourish new leaves. So it should be with all men. And women."
Source: https://wot.fandom.com/wiki/Way_of_the_Leaf
Perhaps you already feel my question coming;-) It has been said many times that the GOP plays dirty and the DNC keeps on fighting with kit gloves. Trump people are filled with hatred towards baby-killing liberals, people of color, immigrants etc. and talk of killing while waving their guns. They do not play fair or respond to logic/facts. If you keep taking the high road and never 'fight back', how does that work when dealing with merciless people? Will that be the proverbial Way of the Leaf?
I actually did this several years ago. I found out a Trump supporting niece in my husband's family had cancer. I wrote her a long note extending love and support and sent a homemade lap quilt for use during during her chemo treatments as i knew she would be very cold as it coursed through her veins. I also offered to drive her there and back each week (a 100 mile round trip then home for me)
My husband was there when she serendipitously received our gift. He said she was overwhelmed by just receiving a gift, opened it, read my note and cried.
She sent me a beautiful thank you card telling me just how deeply it touched her. Let's just say their gigantic Trump flag that had been visible across the fence from one of my own and her family was taken down for the rest of her treatment.
I can't help but believe that the energy of one event created the reciprocating energy of the second one. And sure it still went back up later but by then none of us even really noticed it after that. I was right there twice during Hallween week and didn't even think to look and see much less notice it.
A special bond beyond politics was created.
Really we need to see beyond what flag anyone flies and just look into their heart, their pain, and most of all their fear.
I don’t think that scenario would feel different for me. What would feel different for me, and what I would struggle with, would be to give an ice cream cone to anyone who has anything to do with Donald Trump, or with Donald Trump himself. That example of radical grace would be the longest stretch I could make, it would have to be the Jesus in me doing it. I certainly couldn’t do it in my flawed humanity, it would be grace beyond my own abilities.
Bingo this said it all. For some one struggling to extend, it It's an act of 'radical grace".
For me it was just compassion and love.
Absolutely loved this Danny. And yes, can so understand. All of my husband's huge extended family are major T. supporters.
My husband usually talks to his brothers by phone almost every night and has to take breaks eventually. Then when they started up he stopped responding to the triggering comments and his unspoken response did tge trick.
When they talk now the election or anyone's views are not broached. They talk about things that matter that are in common, not things that separate them from being brothers and apart.
@dannyboy wrote:
So this was the thread I didn't know I needed. I've sort of held back the last few weeks in terms of coming here and reading. There's a new "knot" in me, and this is in my brain. I left Facebook in July and haven't been back, except to check a couple of messenger threads I was waiting for a reply to. I went in there a week ago out of curiosity and went to my favorite "Anger Porn" people - the ones who generally raise my blood pressure the most - my wife's extended family. These folks - many of whom are on welfare but then decry the use of welfare in others - we generally only see at Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas - and this year none of the above. There is a "All or nothing" approach to things for them.
I ( @michele-b) had to condense a big chunk to fit length algorithms here)
But Danny ended with:
And I hate myself for thinking that -- So -- expect me to be following this thread while you all discuss and figure out the answer to the problem :-). Because you are all far, far better people than I am!
Well, this is interesting! Today's headline in WAPO: How Loving Kindness Meditation Can Help you Deal with the most annoying people
@jeanne-mayell Simply WOW! my favorite thing I've read in a while. Isn't it amazing to see a major newspaper call out loving kindness meditation! ?
When they talk now the election or anyone's views are not broached. They talk about things that matter that are in common, not things that separate them from being brothers and apart.
I love this.
I sort of wanted to clarify the family pieces. The worst of it is my wife's extended family and I feel like this pandemic may put an end to those "thrice a year get-togethers" for good -- and that's not a bad thing.
My mother was a recent development and I'm hopeful she can see the light. She taught inner city music for awhile before moving to one of the most diverse and affluent areas in michigan to finish her career. She was a strong union member, and never voted Republican until Trump. When my father passed away in 2003 she moved to the middle of nowhere (right near our cabin on Lake Michigan) to raise horses and live out her days enjoying the good life.
Where she lives is deep Trump country and I've noticed as she's gotten older she's stopped looking at all sides of an issue -- whoever talks to her last is what she repeats, and then she talks to another person and repeats what she's just heard in this endless loop.
I've tried to work with her in understanding the forms misinformation takes, and how just because "Billy Ray" across the street says something doesn't instantly make it true. She's at least admitted that it's exhausting trying to keep up on it all. But -- she refused to vote for Hillary Clinton and cast her vote for Trump in 2016 because: "She's as crooked as they come" - repeating things about the Clinton Death Count and other nonsense as her justification. This time around it was the same with Biden. At least now that Biden has won she's backpedaled a bit and said things like "Gosh, he sure is acting Presidential!" - it's a start, right?
In the interim, I don't know if that change of heart is because of her noticing the stark difference, or because my last few interactions into politics with her got nasty. I was fed up and while I wasn't mean toward her, my exasperation led me to say things in a way I wouldn't normally say them to her.
@tesseract - Your post about the projections resonated with me. I think there's a combination right now of euphoric relief that it'll soon all be over, coupled with fears of what could happen in the interim and again in the future that's probably leading many (certainly myself!) down the path. What's been working for me is, when my mind goes amuck down that path is to think about whether or not this is my gut signaling me to something being wrong, or my brain doing the thing I've turned into a successful project management career: Going through all the possibilities and focusing in on where things could go wrong.
Most of my darker thoughts lately have been my brain doing that thing. When I tune out that noise and listen to my gut I'm still left with what I was left with after ACB was confirmed and as the election approached - calm.
Which is exactly why I love this thread! I'm at a place now where all the anxiety from the last four years is pouring out and away from me and while it's quite the full pitcher of milk at the moment, I'm hopeful and confident I'll have it emptied well before it's sell-by date.
Perhaps you already feel my question coming;-) It has been said many times that the GOP plays dirty and the DNC keeps on fighting with kit gloves. Trump people are filled with hatred towards baby-killing liberals, people of color, immigrants etc. and talk of killing while waving their guns. They do not play fair or respond to logic/facts. If you keep taking the high road and never 'fight back', how does that work when dealing with merciless people? Will that be the proverbial Way of the Leaf?
I haven't been able to follow this important discussion as well as I'd like, or post any of the many thoughts I have brewing on the topic, but I'll chime in quickly with a response.
There is a place for maintaining healthy boundaries, especially to protect human rights, without denying the humanity of those who commit crimes or behave or speak without kindness or ethics. We can say "your behavior is unacceptable" without saying"you are unacceptable." It doesn't have to be either/or: we can hold limits on behavior while also maintaining the inherent worth and dignity of those who behave horribly.
Walking this balanced path is not easy. We can start by avoiding lumping all "Trump people" together and be mindful of our assumptions about them, and the feelings of judgement and defensiveness that arise within us. While there certainly are mean-spirited bullies out there, most people are doing their best within their understanding of this world, and because of many highly manipulative media outlets, their understanding is not just limited, but erroneous. They may not have had the life-experiences or education to give them the skills to see through the lies, and from their perspective, they are following leaders they respect and trust.
We all have a profound drive for love and connection, and sadly, many people learn maladaptive ways to meet these needs, including bullying and dehumanizing others. But turning that mechanism back onto them will never break the cycle. "Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."--MLK
I apologize that I don't have time to offer more context, but I wanted to share this resource that supports the work this conversation is calling for. This On Being episode interviews Arlie Hochschild, a sociologist who studied evangelicals and members of the tea party (now Trump supporters) to better understand how we might bridge this growing divide. Her insights aren't comprehensive, especially with the widening gulf created by the fake reality coming from right-wing media, but it is a good place to start.
https://onbeing.org/programs/arlie-hochschild-the-deep-stories-of-our-time/
Much love to everyone, as we navigate these difficult days. I deeply appreciate the loving kindness and thoughtful discussions shared here!!
@moonbeam your post reminded me of an article I read a few years ago from Thich Nhat Hanh. I can’t find that article but I found something similar and I do find it holds true and helpful. And it goes back to @jeanne-Mayells’ article about love and kindness meditation article. We are humans and therefore sometimes we make mistakes and allow our anger to take over but I’m sure if we find or taught different techniques to remind ourselves to practice love, kindness and forgiveness, our world would be a much better place. But how do we do it? I guess it takes each of us to look inward and find the anger and toxicity within ourselves and practice more love and kindness. It’s an easy concept but ohhhh so difficult to do when our anger overtake our body and mind. Perhaps I in-order to rid the collective of anger and fear we need to not have a divide and separation of good and evil. What is good and what is evil, it could differ depending on who you’re asking. We constantly live amongst that divide of class, race, education, wealth, sex, good and evil. But how do we rid of that divide and judgments when all things are not viewed as equals. It’s a constant battle within myself and I take certain steps towards more understanding and opening my hearts to those I fear but it’s not always a success but who’s to say you can’t keep trying.
Perhaps one day we can all be the leaf and not fight with violence but instead with love and reason. We all have to accept our fears, pain, trauma, anger and find a solution that will be beneficial for the whole. Thank you for your positive post.
https://www.stillwatermpc.org/dharma-topics/cultivating-love-for-donald-trump/
share the love and light
share the love and light
That makes for greater understanding and clarity on the situation and a loss of the once beautiful light your mom held and shared. All we can do is hold that nurturing light for you and the world in her changing cognitive undertandings.
She raised a great son and never forget that far too often the greatest gifts that our parents pass on to us as gifts are not easily seen or understandood for they have much more to seemingly offer that appears to come through emotional loss of connection and even abandonment from all we wish for in this world. Our collective trauma for those of us now will be marker and a trigger for future generations to come.
She is teaching you now though this journey is possibly the hardest yet. Love and blessings to you as you navigate whats best for you and yourself now ???
Ditto. You and I are either long-lost sisters, or we share a brain.
I am not in a forgiving mood. This administration needs to be brought to some hard justice, and I pray it happens.
I don't even want to try and understand people who support Trump, because it's not just about a difference in ideas. I think it used to be, but it's not anymore. These people have overlooked, and, through their ironclad support of this idiot, have condoned the most vile words and actions that have put our country, our democracy and our very lives in danger, from the deliberate mishandling of this virus to their calls for outright violence and murder.
I'm not going to accept the outstretched hand of a Trumper when I know they are balling their fist with the other to punch me with it. When do we tell them too many lines have been crossed and there's no going back? None of these people can tell, see or recognize the truth to save their damned lives.
As much as I love Biden, his calls for unity are a fantasy. You can't have unity when one side is so far removed from decency and reality. Is an attitude like mine contributing to the division? Probably. But then, we are talking about 70 million people who cheered the Divider-In-Chief on for four years.
I'm just done with the ignorance.
I'm trying to have hope in the millions of young people who mobilized to vote for a better future. It's theirs to shape it.
As for MAGAts, if/when they break free of their delusions I would welcome them with open arms, in the meantime I keep my distance.
Twitler? Never.
What Michele B. did was wonderful and I'm glad it worked for her, but I'm just not made up that way. The number of people I wish dead is so few (less than 5), and it doesn't extend beyond the people in this regime. I wish harm on no one except those few. They deserve it and may they burn in the hell that they purport to believe in.
I don't really think there is just one solution. In my heart, I wish kindness, respect and decency would always prevail. However, I've been through enough ups and downs with family, friends and others that I feel like you have to do what is right for you to reach your own peace. I've done the hang in there, keep trying and then been emotionally beaten down to the point that it took me a long time to come back from it. Then after going through some personal losses that really hit me at a heart and soul level, I just came to the conclusion that I just had to accept that you can't change someone else...not their heart, not their convictions, not their beliefs IF they don't want that change. You can only control how you respond to what goes on around you. I try to treat someone else as I want to be treated. I will admit too that it can be hard to forgive sometimes. I have issues I work on all the time of trying to be fair, see all sides and learn from the past but its not easy. Sometimes things are said or done that hurt so deeply that it feels like those wounds never will heal...maybe scab over but it doesn't take much for it to hurt all over again. Looking out for your own needs does not make you less open to helping others. It can actually help more in the end. It just means that its ok to step back if you need to even if its just to help you charge up or take a breath until the next battle. Dealing with all this is kind of like going through a form of grief. Everyone has to handle in their own way and what works best for them-there is no one way or only one right way.
@liln22, Beautifully expressed.
I haven't posted much lately because I'm bone-weary, exhausted. I can't find the words .. or if I try, it takes too much mental and emotional effort to express them. I was elated when Biden won, but now? I can't shake the growing sadness. I believe I'm going through my own period of mourning. I don't know about the rest of you, but the collective trauma we're all feeling has helped me access and face my very own, personal traumas, hidden away or long forgotten until now.
This morning I received the message “Don’t place your attention on those things that you cannot change. Focus only on those things you can.” Shades of the Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Hopefully I am growing in that wisdom – the wisdom to know the difference.
I don't believe the MAGAs are evil; I believe they are terrified. And, for the moment, tragically lost. I strongly sensed that as I spent a few moments watching the MAGA protests in DC on Saturday. I felt no anger; just a deep well of sadness.
Having said that … I don't have the interest or energy to understand, challenge or convince the T supporters. And if I did have the energy? I wouldn’t squander it in that way. Perhaps reaching the age of 68 makes it a little easier to say that! All battles are not meant to be fought, or even won. But there are battles still worth fighting for. I’ll reserve my energy for those battles.
I do pray for the T supporters. I pray that the spell they are under is broken, and any efforts to spread falsehoods and hate are thwarted. I also pray that they heal from their individual traumas. The way I see it, only through our own individual healing and self-acceptance, can we collectively heal a nation.
@deetoo hey my friend, i totally get what you are saying- i feel like i've been going thru a lot of the same things. I had to stay off of the internet for a couple of months, and just focus on taking care of the 3 P's- people, pets, and plants. If there was any time or energy left, then it could be for painting. As much as i had invested in the Election- waiting 4 years for that day- when it got here, i couldn't even bring myself to watch the results roll in. It took me several days to even get to the point where i could turn on the TV, and find out why i hadn't heard screaming and shouting and church bells pealing yet.
Much love to you, Deetoo!
People, pets, plants ... and painting. With that, I feel a big exhale ... it sounds lovely, unk-p. And to me, a wonderful way for you to share your amazing gifts. After all, that's why you're here, right? To spread your unique and beautiful light to others. That's why we're all here.
I am happy you're back with us. Much love to you too, unk-p.
Everyone: Last night my wife and I fired up our HBO Max app and watched the last John Oliver of 2020. (Guy deserves a break - I found myself toward the end saying "It's okay John, you can go now..." which was my first giggle of the evening)
At the end of it, he leaves what he's been affectionately referring to as his "colorless void" and the last four minutes of the episode are worth watching. As my wife and I watched this unfold we giggled, then cried, then giggle-cried in the final moments.
I don't know who needs to see this (okay I do, it's all of us) but here you (John Oliver so there's some language) go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tungnc_MPl8&feature=emb_lo go
Best line: Let tomorrow be about solutions. Today is about vengeance.
Right after I posted yesterday, I got on the news, and the first thing I saw was some maggot who attended the million maggot march, and he was interviewed, and said that the cop should have kneeled on George Floyd's neck "longer." That's the kind of a-hole I've got no patience for and won't waste time on.
I read this morning that Biden is leery of pursuing charges of Trump and his minions. I really hope he lets others do it because it's only a matter of time until a smart version of Trump comes along and then we're screwed.
Here's some more food for thought. It is a podcast and transcript of an interview with a Berkeley professor of sociology, Arlie Hochschild, who went to southwest Louisiana and talked to folks on the "right wing" to get a better idea of where they were coming from. Hochschild is considered a specialist in the "sociology of emotion".
Arlie Hochschild
The Deep Stories of Our Time
https://onbeing.org/programs/arlie-hochschild-the-deep-stories-of-our-time/
Excerpt from the beginning of the transcript:
Arlie Hochschild:It doesn’t mean that you’re capitulating — that’s the misunderstanding, I think, especially on the left. “Oh, if you listen to them, that means you’ve been taken over.” Not at all.
Tippett:It just means being emotionally intelligent.
Hochschild:That’s right. We all need to be makers. If you want to make a social contribution and help build a public conversation about the big issues of the day, you have to really be good at emotion management. It’s a contribution to the larger whole, to be really good at that.