Oh sweet Cindy.... holding space for you!!!! How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!!!! In this midst of all of these endings and beginning... remember... to love and be kind to yourself...do what you need to do for yourself to keep breathing, to keep getting up and taking those steps one at time...focus on what you can to center/care for yourself and know that you are doing the best you can do with what you have to do it with....stop beating yourself up please... you are such a lovely soul.. Your Monica is right... it's time to forgive yourself for any you are judging yourself for... and.. to fill your own cup. I feel there is great love for you... you are very supported by the Other Side.... look for the ordinary miracles..that fill our lives each day....bigger ones are on the way.
What a beautiful story. The connection you have with your daughter is so pure. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Today is quiet for me, spending most of my time turning the storage room into a my makeshift study room. Had a nice chat with my friend from Kentucky and actually managed to do some pantings after a long hiatus. It's due to my depression and anxiety that occured since the bushfires. I guess that quietness and rest is well needed.
Yesterday was like hell for me though. Melbourne is on the verge of lockdown on that day, so I've ended up running around like a banshee, trying to get my letter to someone before it's too late. It's painful to go through CBD in person, as not only life in the city is dying, but seeing the few people out in the streets looking dab, grey and gloomy. It's very hard to imagine how 2019 was a different era in a mere short distence of time. Last year, CBD is full of music and colourful attires from people who wander about, a different contrast to now.
What pains me the most is walking through the court district and going inside the Supreme Court building. In a different time, you hear the clatter of footsteps and the soft fluttering from the blacken robes flying in the air, as barristers roll in large travel cases across the road. Now it's quiet and lifeless. The old court building itself, became something different, where the old attic musk is gone, replaced by the strong disinfectant. The security gaurds themselves are usually cordial, where we usually exchanged our plesantries, are now grim and serious as they have warlike look.
They are nice, but it's a tense time, where everyone is too focus on their work. While I've managed to get the letter in safe hands, I still feel awful for some reason as I walked out of the court. Not even a slight feeling of relief.
Later on, I picked up the news that the person who I was trying to send a message to, has a son who goes to the same school that is now being hit by the virus. I was shocked and devistated. I've vented to my friend this morning, saying that if anything happens to her and/or her family, I'll be calling out those idiotic politicians and cheerleaders on my ****list, the ones who downed played the seriousness of this epidemic, as a murderer and all the other things I would scream under the sun before I do something drastic. This is the first time in the long while I could not control my anger.
I'm sorry about my rant. I wish I had some good news, but it's hard when something has been hitting too close to home. Especially to a woman who has done lots of good in the past. I don't think she really deserves this.
Well, I now have a dry cough. Still have the sore throat and a little bit of aches in my knees, but thankfully no fever. Still have my sense of taste and smell, so that's good. Praying that this is just a cold.
@sistermoon, just to be sure, please consider that it may be mild Covid-19 and quarantine yourself. Sending healing light your way, but please take care of yourself.
Ok,
Judging by the "needing support" thread, it was a difficult day for many of in our community.
I am reminded of the Thoth Wheel of Fortune tarot card. We are all on the wheel right now. Some may have a tighter grip than others, some are upside-down, others right side up. But we are all on it and it is certainly spinning.
You know that dizzy feeling you get after twirling round and round for awhile? Well, that is us right now. Some of us have been "sheltering in place" for a number of days now. Some are on a modified lockdown. Some are still free to roam the streets and eat inside restaurants and get their hair done. Some must still go into work. But our world has already changed and how we live is different than it was just a few weeks ago. There are new constraints in our lives to put it mildly. Simply using the bathroom isn't simple anymore.
Some of us are getting low on food and will need to make another grocery run and venture into the battle zone soon. Others are thinking " how much do I need that cup of coffee, or milk or carton of eggs? When we do go to the store, we must adjust our shopping list because some of our "must have" items are no longer available.
At some point in time, we are all going to feel the affects of running in constant adrenaline mode. Moving through our day in a heightened state of awareness is stressful.
Do what you can to bring joy into your life.
Go outside or open a window and listen to the sounds. Are children laughing next door? What are the birds singing? Can you feel the breeze upon your face? Feel the sunward your hand? Smell the food that is baking?
FaceTime/Skype family and friends. If you are living alone, make sure you actually speak to someone each day by phone, use your voice to interact. You need to connect with a voice, not just your computer.
Do something for someone else. Write a thank your card for your local grocery workers. Read an inspiring book. Teach your dog a new trick. Sing songs.
Breathe.
You matter. Your thoughts, your fears, your challenges, your dreams, your disappointments, your joys, your sorrows, your happiness, your passions, your successes, your inspirations. They all matter. They are part of you and they matter.
You matter.
Hang in there. We are in this together.
When you rise in the morning, before you get out of bed, be grateful for being able to greet the day. Make a point of doing something positive with each day you have been given. They are gifts, these days in the time of the great slowdown. Make them meaningful.
Hi everyone. So I will update you on my symptoms - still no fever, and I still have my sense of taste and smell. Counting these as wins. The general achiness seems to be gone (my knees have been bad for the past two days - I always get achey knees whenever I'm sick with anything).
Still have the sore throat (oddly - it's moving: On Monday it was the left side of my throat, yesterday it was both sides, and today it's the right side. Not sure I've ever had anything quite like that!). Unfortunately, the dry cough is still here and seems to be getting worse. It's bearable though, and the tightness in my chest is gone.
I have been self-isolating and have not left the house since March 15, so I'm not so worried about spreading this to anyone else, but I am worried about my kids. They are 6 and 8 and I can't just shut myself up in a room all day -- my husband still goes to work at the hospital, where, for now, he's essential. For all I know, I got whatever it is from him -- and if so, the kids have already been exposed.
I feel so guilty that for the past few days, the kids have been shut up in their playroom playing video games and watching stupid shows. They're loving it, of course, but I keep seeing all these people doing great activities with their kids, making use of this time at home, and all I can do is lie on the sofa like a beached whale while they rot their brains in the other room. I'm trying to be patient with myself but the guilt is still there. Thankfully, our school district doesn't start distance learning until March 30, so they aren't missing educational time - I hope I'm better by then so I can help them get that going.
I am hoping today is a better day - in many ways, cough notwithstanding, I do feel better. I still think it's likely this is just a cold (and if this is a mild case of COVID I will count myself lucky it's not worse). I am taking a good deal of supplements, so they are probably what's keeping this from getting worse, whatever it is.
The one positive is that I have been cleaning out my DVR and catching up on allll my trashy reality shows. I generally only watch tv when folding laundry, so it feels luxurious to just lie on the sofa and watch tv.
Thank you everyone for checking in - I appreciate all of you :)
Thanks for that post. It's a really nice post, a good reminder about the things that matter within the chaos at the moment.
It does feels like the spokes of the wheel are turning at times. I certainly do feel it in a way. Apprantly we're edging towards the Age of Aquarius, I've heard. While I do believe that eventually that the new era would be more nicer, the transition is quite painful to be frank. I hope there's a good reason why we're dealing with this pain at the moment.
Well, I'm going to have a long week, as I'm rushing to hand in things on time. I know that I should look beyond the everday petty rush, but I need to create things where I could at least see that there's something to look forward too in the future.
Stay safe. We're all in this together.