@LalaBella
I am so sorry for your losses and struggle.
If I may, a couple of thoughts......
First, I think there is hope to be had in your case. ADHD/ADD Doesn't require elaborate testing although it can be a challenge to find a therapist. The medications can be life altering, or at least they have been in my case
I was finally diagnosed with ADD very late in life and I so wish it had come decades earlier. I resisted taking medication until I attended in a lecture at a medical meeting (Harvard, I am throwing that in for credibility) where the doctor put up images of a normal brain beside the image of a brain of a client with ADHD. The normal brain had a much larger lit area while the ADHD brain had larger areas of darkness. His point was that we do not have access to parts of our brain that deal with executive functioning without medication. If or when we take appropriate medication, we then gain access to those parts of our brains. The contrast in images was healing for me. Learning about the biological basis of the condition lessens the shame I occasionally feel for disorganization.
I suspect that your issues could be more complex but not insurmountable. You reference a history of trauma. Trauma, especially early trauma, can alter brain functioning in addition to creating other kinds of problems. Treatments for trauma have come a long way but therapists have to be interested and take a deep dive. There are lists online of therapists with training in trauma and there are a number of good self-help books as well.
I am glad that your father and stepmother cared for you; I could imagine that their love created a level of stability and self-regard in you, despite their troubles, that would be hard to create otherwise. You sound resilient. Please consider seeking some help. I wish you the very best.
I tried to edit my previous post to include your reference to potentially being neuro-atypical. I am not especially familiar with the range that term encompasses but I wanted to add that good therapists are busy because COVID created a host of issues for which folks are seeking help--good for them--but many coaches and therapists offer counseling and support via Zoom and phone which allows one to cast a larger geographical net.
I can envision happier years ahead for you. Your curiosity and self-awareness will be huge assets in this journey.
@laura-f on this trajectory myself as a senior. It's complicated but liberating on so many levels. So congratulations, there is a lot of lightening of the spirit coming.
Well aware of the trauma stuff, am currently doing EMDR, and have been in therapy on and off for decades.
@ - everyone else - thank you so much, and
To clarify - yes, ADHD but I'm referring to ASD as well - Autism Spectrum Disorder. The ADHD I had already self-diagnosed, and decided it's not worth pursuing meds as I don't work anymore. Besides, even though there are many psychiatrists where I live, it's impossible to find any who are taking new patients and accept insurance.
@laura-f Yes, the ASD piece is really enlightening and can help clarify how best to adjust or process things, understanding that about yourself. Traditional CBT therapy can often be unhelpful for those with ASD, so finding a therapist (if that is something you want) who has experience with neurodivergence is important.
In my reading of Facebook groups for ASD and girls/women, I find that 1) many in the community feel that self-diagnosis is valid (esp. since getting formally tested, esp. as an adult, can be difficult), and 2) that if you know someone with ASD, you know one person with ASD!
Every person presents differently and has different issues, even depending on the day and how much or how little nervous system activation has already taken energy/processing from you on a given day. I think the level of self-understanding you will get from diving deeper into this for clarity is so valuable.
I say all of this from experience, without going into too much personal detail on my family members. So I totally hear where you are coming from!
@laura-f Just wanting to say that I feel for you and I understand how hard it is. You have a fine mind and that mind is so capable. I send my love to you, and pray you find healing and in the meantime that you appreciate how gifted you are, and how much you have helped people.
I add my condolences. I am so sorry for your losses.. So hard.
I was diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type at age 57. I am 60. That was a long time to be struggling. It is isolating and can walk hand in hand with bipolar disorder furthering depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed at 55, with bipolar. I still struggle but knowing why helps.
What has helped pull me up is love in its many forms and connections to others. We are stronger when we feel love. especially love of self.
Thank you. I'm 60 too. One of the things I am trying to figure out is why I have next to no friends IRL. Yes, I have maybe 2 BFFs - you know the kind - who if I called at 2am and asked them to bring me trash bags and a shovel, would do so. But they live far away. Then I have maybe 4 other friends in the DMV area, and I'm down to maybe 2 here in California. So I lack for love via those types of connections.
My family dynamic is so f*ed up for so long that I basically only talk to 2 cousins who I didn't know growing up, and they also don't live near me. And my half brothers I love but they have sooooo many issues that I just can't be too close to them, it gets toxic for me quickly even though it's not their intention. I have sisters in law, but we're just not close. And my full brother told me to f* off years ago (he was the golden child), so I did, and when I extended olive branches when our narcissist mother died a few years ago, he told out dad to tell me to f* off again.
So yeah, good thing I'm in therapy!!!
@jeanne-mayell - Thank you. Coming on here is balm for the soul.
@laura-f I really feel you. My mother won't talk to me. It's complicated. But I literally wake up every single morning wondering if she's even thinking of me. Every single morning and I hate it. It's all consuming. I shove it down but I'm sure to explode one day. I'm not really coping well. Lol! I'm sorry. It's heartbreaking to feel abandoned.
It is with a very heavy heart that I am sharing that I lost my sister, Deborah Carey, my best friend to cancer today. She has been my strength and joy for my entire life and I will miss her everyday. She is with her beloved Roger now and much happier now I am sure. Cancer is horrible and I am gratefully her pain has ended.
@mtgal99 I am so sorry for your loss -- not just of your sister, but someone who was your friend and lifelong partner. Your loss is profound. I will keep you and your dear sister in my thoughts, and I will pray that you will find some peace and comfort in the new life you will now have to live without her.
@mtgal99 I am so sorry you have lost your dear dear sister. Thank you for letting us know so we can hold you and her in our hearts and send love. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you, even when you are glad she is no longer suffering and can be with her beloved. Sisters can be so close, as I am with mine, and loving someone who goes back your entire life, into childhood, is like losing a part of yourself. May you find strength from the coming weeks and months, and feel her in your heart.
@mtgal99 So very sorry for your loss... may your memories of the love between and the good times together comfort you as you grieve her passing. Look for the signs she will send you to let you know she is ok and still sees and loves you. 🙏🏻💜🪽💜🙏🏻
May the memory of your sister be a blessing. May you find comfort and peace. May she also be at peace. May you feel her love as a soft kiss of sunshine as you go about your day. It won't be easy, even when you know she is in a place where there is no longer any pain. Sending you a lot of love. Thank you for allowing us to help you right now.
@mtgal99 I recognize your sister's name. She was one of our community here, wasn't she?
May you be blessed with the comfort of your family and friends as you grieve. May you feel her presence as you say goodbye. I'm so sorry for your great loss, mtgal99.
I wish I could give you a big hug...this virtual hug will have to do. So sorry for your loss.