A very warm welcome to you. Thank you for de-lurking and actively joining our community. I also watched for quite sometime before I officially joined and it has made all the difference. It certainly has been a refuge in a dark time. To be able to see light, feel light and send light in this age is a blessing. To do so here with others, a gift beyond measure.
Glad to have you join us.
My great grandmother passed away yesterday, she was 94. Earlier this year her younger sister passed away. I always knew this day would come but selfishly I hoped to god I had years left - her health was excellent for a lady of her age. She passed in her sleep.
I don't if I'm grieving correctly. I feel like a zombie, sad, crying in spurts, confused. I wish so much this didn't happen. Also I'm concerned that she hasn't fully crossed over - I felt her sister's energy when she crossed, she was ready to go. My great grandmother on the other hand I don't believe was ready - I'm really not sure if she crossed over.
I'm sorry I'm rambling, I don't think words are adequate for me right now.
Dearest @natalie,
I am so sorry for the loss of your great grandmother. I wish I was there to hug you and take away your pain.
I completely understand when you shared that words don't adequately express what you are feeling. I’ve been there many times. It’s hard to comprehend the huge hole in your heart you feel when someone you dearly love passes on. It feels like you’ll feel that way forever.
There is no right way to grieve; it’s an emotional reaction, and it may entail many different feelings, physical responses, and changes in behavior. What's important is to allow the grief to come whenever it needs to, and don’t judge any of it. A few days after my mother passed, I remember going to her favorite department store, walking around in a semi-zombie state, crying, as I recollected the time I spent with her when we shopped together. I was pretty raw, and didn’t care who saw me cry. It was very out of character for me, but it’s what I needed to do at the time.
What’s important right now is to take good care of yourself -- whether it's crying, talking about it with someone you trust, pampering yourself, walking in nature, having lunch with a friend, spending time with a pet, extra sleep (including napping) – whatever feels right to you. You may not know what feels right at this moment, but the important thing is, give yourself time. Allow yourself to feel. Be gentle with yourself. And please reach out to those who care about you, including all of us in this community. We are here for you, Natalie, and we love you.
I’m sending you healing, comforting light and lots of love.
Deetoo thank you so so much, you have no idea how much your kind words mean to me.
Oh dearest Natalie. My heart hurts for you. Obviously. inspite of many family challenges (or maybe more so because of it) your family especially your true root family of heart are very dear and important to you.
@deetoo said so much from her heart and gave lovely heart felt advice so I'll simply say reread her post and all others until your heart feels past our words alone.
The only thing I will add is light a candle, talk to her/them from your heart, then write it on a piece of paper and leave it out.
When I have felt loved ones crossing over it was between 3 and 5 days of their passing. My dad's was so intense that my mother and I (sharing space and holding hands) both felt it on his 4th day since passing and announced it at the very same time to each other. It was a beyond amazing experience. Bur it isnt always experienced individually.
We sent him love and thanked him for all he done for our family for us and for being a loving light in the sadness of our deep loss of him.
It has been believed by many that written words that can be "seen" by passing by/on spirits intensify the spoken or heartfelt inner words.
My mom actually asked me to pray for him and though we hadn't been actively practicing church members for decades, i found her rosary and did my best. It was just right for a lot of reasons she needed and I inderstood.
Anything we are drawn to do, in any belief system, for any reason allow yourself to do so. Scream, cry, laugh, love, eat, celebrate her/their lives right down to reverting to previous or other or olde belief systems.
We love you Natalie and we are so truly sorry you are so sad and missing right now.
Dear Natalie,
I am sorry for your loss. The world feels smaller somehow when our loved ones pass but I think the opposite is actually true. somehow the love we have for them transcends Space & Time. Your Great grandmother is aware of your pain. She is happy and free now.
I agree there is no right way to grieve. Even years later I am sometimes hit by a wave of sadness over my father's death. But mostly I do feel his presence and remember with joy all the laughter and kindness he gave to me and others.
I am praying for you to find the strength to grieve and I am sending love and light to you too.
Dear Natalie - so sorry for your loss. Although she had a good run, I know it's still sad. I have a personal anecdote that might cheer you up.
My grandmother died in 2002. She was 96, of kidney failure, so not the worst way to go. I still miss her, but we did have a lot of good times, especially when I was a little girl. She had always asked me (an others in the family) to be sure that after she passed, she would be buried next to my grandfather, who died unexpectedly at age 53 when I was only 3 weeks old (he's my "guardian angel" but that's not the story). Long story short, I had to "rescue" her ashes from a well meaning but procrastinating relative. In 2009. She also became one of my spirit guides. I kept her in my closet for a few years, and realized I wanted to set things right before moving cross country, away from the cemetery. So in 2013, I got all the info necessary to track down her plot in Brooklyn. I spoke to someone at the cemetery, who was very helpful, but I did have to pay hundreds of dollars to have the grave opened to put my grandmother's ashes in there.
I went with my husband and daughter all the way to Brooklyn on the day I had told them we'd come. It is an old school cemetery and I was shocked to learn there were about 9 other family members stacked in this plot! My grandmother was literally the last available slot! As we approached the grave, there were 3 gravediggers waiting for us. We had brought some flowers as well, for my grandfather (and apparently everyone else). The head gravedigger said they had a little casket to seal the ashes into, and would I like to put a flower in there with her, and that it would be ok to take pictures (so I could document to the rest of the family that it was done, because I couldn't afford to re-engrave the headstone). I did, because I thought that was sweet of him to suggest. They sealed the little casket, lowered it into the ground. Then the 3 gravediggers backed away, removed their hats, and bowed their heads, leaning on their shovels. The head one said "In case you'd like to say a few words before we fill it in?" I laughed, then I felt bad, and I said to them "Oh, no, we're fine. She lived to be 96 and passed in 2002, we had our goodbyes, so we're good, no worries!" I can still see the gravediggers in my minds' eye. Such a moment of tenderness and kindness from strangers. It's still funny to me that I had to take a moment to return the kindness by consoling them! And I know that my grandmother would have been amused too, and after that I got the sense that both she and my grandfather moved on together.
Dearest sweet Natalie. I feel your grief. I want to wrap my heart around you and comfort you. You are so good and such a beautiful soul and I feel how much you loved her. I also feel your great grandmother also knew you loved her and loved you as well, beyond words.
Your concern about her passing is so beautiful and caring, and I'm certain she feels your love. It also may mean you have some unfinished business with her that something within you is crying out to complete.
Forgive me if it's not helpful but just in case it might help you, I would like to tell you about a Buddhist ritual that helps a departed loved one to move forward and make the soul's journey on the other side. It also helps you and any issues you may have about your own life that involve her. It helped me get through a loss once. It also helped me with my grief about that loss and my connection to the departed one. Again, if you don't relate to doing this, no worries. I'd provide a link to it but I couldn't find it anywhere online. A Buddhist teacher gave it to me decades ago. So. I will include it here:
Find a spot in your house where you can meet your great grandmother each morning. There's a quiet and sacred time that occurs each day right at sunrise when the earth's energies switch from yin to yang, or from night to day.
Rise at sunrise for each of 55 days and go to the sacred spot you have made for her in your home. Light a candle and say three things to her:
1. Thank you.
2. I'm okay.
3. You can go now.
When you say, thank you, take a moment to say more to her about that; say what you need to say to unburden your heart.
When you say, I'm okay, you might feel the opposite. Your grief of losing her and of all that you have lost in your life may well up at that time. That's okay. It's part of the process that will help you grieve her loss and your own life losses. And it will help her move on and it will help you move on.
When you say, You can go now, you may not want her to leave you, but this also is part of the process of your helping her move on. It's also part of your own way of moving forward. She may feel she can't quite move on because you and others still need her. Perhaps she didn't help you enough when you were growing up. This ritual could help clear up so much for you.
By the end of the 55 days, a great weight may lift off you. And you will help her too which is the main purpose of the ritual.
If this ritual is not what you need, you could also try the three things just once in meditation at day break.
I am not a morning person so I would set my alarm and go to the window, light the candle and do the ritual. One morning I overslept and my departed one appeared to be clear as a bell in a dream. He was sitting there tapping his feet impatiently to let me know he was waiting. It was crazy and wonderful because I knew he really was there.
I would add to this ritual that you tell her "Don't be afraid", as in Buddhist teaching, the spirit is in a kind of limbo called Bardo, and if they are too fearful they will not reincarnate well. Sometimes fear makes the dead stay too attached to the living.