I read your post about going through turmoil a few days ago and this is my first opportunity to respond. (Up to eyeballs in grandchildren who talk non-stop from moment of awaking until they fall asleep at night. This is not an exaggeration.)
Your heartbreak sounds so painful and I am sending you love and healing even as I write. Our lives contrast times of heartache and suffering with times of peace and serenity. Frankly, sometimes it just feels like too much for a person to bear and yet you do. Then there is love in the midst of it all, love from friends and family, sometimes love from complete strangers. In the depths of despair, you will find a helping hand, a kind word and understanding. Cling to that. It's the love of the collective and the love from our higher powers reaching out to you.
You bring so much to this forum and many people care for you here. May you feel the warmth of our love and compassion as you move forward through this experience. May you find peace again.
Much love,
Bluebelle
Thank you for your words and such kindness. It is a gift and very appreciated.
Something tells me your grandchildren are truly enjoying life right now.
It's because we love you and we know its so given back in return ?
And no matter how busy we are, or how challenging our own lives can be, we know just how it feels to both give and receive love in return ?
Love your words and stories but today I loved laughing with pure understanding and empathy. Love to you from a busy gramma day! ?
@michele-b-here-in-the-forum
Thank you Michele. I am navigating this stormy sea to the best of my ability with a mindful effort to connect to a compass of love. Love I am reaching inward for, love I am feeling from our community here and love I want to send outward to those I believe are in need. When I find myself lost, I get quiet and try to center myself back to that compass needle to once again let love gently guide my thoughts and actions.
Two days ago, a woman who I love like a mother passed away.
I was told via text, in the middle of work, on my very first day.
Her sister passed 6 months ago and she wasn't ok. 2 weeks ago, my family went to her sisters celebration of life and I knew that was the last time I'd see my linda.
Heart attack....but I know it was actually just a broken heart. Some bonds cannot be broken and she was ready to be with her sister again.
Linda was our family. My children loved her, my husband and nearly half the town we live in. Her heart was pure. She was that soft space you look for when you need to rest.
I knew she would go soon. I felt it. I always do. Angry that I can sense these things but no matter how hard I try, I can't sense her..or find her in my dreams or feel her next to me. I'd like to know she's ok now. I'd like to tell her I'll take care of everything. Id like to tell her one more time how much I love her.
Linda was the first person I have lost that I loved....the real kind. The kind that makes me feel bad for being this sad...because I should be happy that she's back with her person. Love is wanting that person to feel happiness and peace.
Its hurts so deeply. I hope she visits me in my dreams one day...
I am so sorry for the loss of your loved one. It is a true loss and yes, you are grieving that loss. It is real and it cuts deeply. You do not need to feel guilty for feeling this way. You can take comfort in the fact that she is back with someone she loves deeply and still feel broken at her passing. One does not need to feel one emotion or the other.
You will likely feel this loss for a long time. That is alright too. My father visited my daughter a few times shortly after he passed way, he has rarely visited me. She might communicate with your children, it might be easier for her to do that. She might come without you realizing it , just a calming feeling when you wake up . I believe that even if we can't exactly sense them they are with us when we bring them into our lives by thinking of them, by loving them.
We can't feel deep grief if we don't feel deep love. It is a hazard of loving someone with our whole being, our whole heart. I would rather love deeply than love lightly, but it sure does hurt when they leave us.
I am so sorry for your loss. We are lucky to have the kindness of your presence among us. I hope one day Linda will be back among us and we finaly get to meet her.
I hope Linda visits you in your dreams, too, and that you can feel the connection to her again. My sense is that you will feel her presence another ways, too. She's not lost to you forever or even at all. How very fortunate you have been to have someone this wonderful in your life. All of us feel the sting of grief and loss, the pain of losing a loved one. This makes us treasure the moments we have with our loved ones all the more. Treat each day with reverence. Treat each person with reverence. We are connected in a miraculous way to the people who make up our individual tribes. Our tribes endure beyond the physical passing and so on and so on until we all eventually live in spirit, in our truest essence. May you feel Linda's spirit and her love throughout your life. You are a blessing to us here Perriwinkle10 and I know you touch many lives in your home community. Your friends and family are there for you, too. You are not alone.
Much love to you, Perriwinkle10. I am so sorry for you loss. May you find peace again.
I’m so sorry for the pain you are going through. It’s such hell. I wish I had better words to help you heal.
Anita
I’m so sorry for your pain at losing someone so precious to you. I don’t know why some people see their departed loved ones and some don’t. I feel that we work to help others in ways we don’t even know about, and that perhaps you were helping her pass over and all you can remember is that you knew she would pass. Every sad feeling of grief you have about her also feels more like an expression of love that she receives.
You have such a healing heart. We all feel it.