Thank you so much for that. My mom and I share many things, our green eyes, our psychic abilities, our easy laugh and curiosity about others, our tendency to forgive and give to others, our Art, a love of singing, and bipolar disorder and ADHD. I am the most like her, and in these last years, I have come to understand and appreciate her as a mother. She has been very supportive of me. As I have been made aware of these medical issues , I have come to a greater understanding of the times she didn't seem to listen to me growing up. Now I know she hears & listens like I do, (which is fair to poor at times) but she is not medicated and I am just guessing at her conditions, based on my own.
When she was better with the phone I would get these disjointed messages at all times of day and night from her saying, "Are you lost?, "Where are you?" Are you coming over?" She told me when I shared with her that I was estranged from my child, after I had left that long term marriage, " You may lose your husband, you may even lose your daughter, but life is not meant to just get through, You deserve to be happy."
I am praying that within the next five days, I will have the opportunity to talk with her. I used to drop in to the first place she lived for the last 4 years and surprise her. She never remembered I was coming anyway and was always so happily surprised to see me. Everybody there loved her. She was very popular and beloved by all. She would knit scarves for all the people working there, sell my Artwork to other residents and staff, and I would make baked goods that she would share with the workmen. Now they don't know who she is yet. She has been there only a few weeks. It's the same agency she moved from but a different location. The last place would make sure to get my call to her or help her to dial my number. The new place took my number and said she'd call, but I don't think she can now. Before she moved she did tell me she forgot how to use the phone. I said to just pick it up and then I would Shout, "Mom.MOM!" and she'd put it to her ear. We seem to be way past that now.
I was told she was in Art class when I called. That's what he told my sister. Highly unlikely at 7:30 in the morning. I don't like the LIES. I told my sister the truth and now I feel embarassed and just, done.
What I take most from all of your posts is that love never does die. I am thinking of her, I am sending her my love. The fear of her dying or forgetting me before I get to see her or at least talk to her is very big right now. Neither may happen, but the fear is really large , and feels real. It's got teeth, so to speak. So I will think about love, rather than fear.
Thank you to all who have responded. I'm very sad and I am loathe to call again. If nothing else at least I have friends here who care. It's been a very hard year. Thank you.
Please send healing light to our own dearest @baba and her family that they are unharmed and okay after a scary car accident yesterday. Also if anyone wants to comment on the meaning of the fox involved, feel free. Here's what she wrote to me.
To Jeanne: Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you could ask the group to send my family and me a bit of light tonight. We were getting my son’s passport renewed in Berlin today and had an accident on the autobahn on the way home. I had been worrying about the trip all week but thought the renewal process would be the stressful part. (That went smoothly.) The car is damaged and I think we are ok, but I’m hoping that none of us have problems with whiplash in the coming days. A huge fox ran out in front of our car and we slowed down to try to avoid it and the person behind us in a big van wasn’t paying attention and rear ended us. It was more nerve wracking than anything. Once I feel a bit calmer, I will have to think about the fox and possible symbolism. In any case, a few minutes after running in front of us, he ran back across the autobahn and managed to not get hit that time either. What a day! -- @baba
Oh, Baba, I am so glad you and your family are okay after your accident on the autobahn. I am sending you and your family light and healing. May your bodies be flexible and resilient and heal swiftly.
It reminds me of something that happened in my family. Many years ago when my husband was finishing college, he had an interview scheduled in another part of the state. He just dreaded taking this trip and was very apprehensive about it. On the day of the interview, my husband had an accident on the way to his appointment. A deer ran out in front of his car on the interstate and crashed into it. The deer was killed and the car was badly damaged, but my husband was okay. He definitely had a premonition about that trip and had separate premonitions about hitting a deer, too, but never dreamed those premonitions would coincide. My husband never had that interview and his career path ended up taking a completely different direction.
I wonder what implications you will see when you look back on your accident in years ahead? I suspect there will be good that comes out of it despite the trauma of the experience.
Much love to you, Baba.
@ghandigirl One thing you can do.. that gets through to her and helps you express your love? Get quiet in a space just you - sitting in a chair... and have an empty chair facing you... picture her sitting in it and looking straight at you...as you look at her. Speak to her and tell her all the things you need to tell her.... feel/listen to hear her answers in your heart... even if you hear nothing? know that your message gets through on a different level. After my Dad died I did this.. and I told him.. you never said you were proud of me... you never told me that.. and.. I needed to hear it. 3 days later? I got a card in the mail from his sister, my aunt - that lives states away and we rarely speak to one another... it was a beautiful card and in it? She told me that many times my Dad told her how proud he was of me and the woman I had become. So.. sit... talk...and be open.. to answers however they come. Much Love and Light to you.
Thanks for your kind words and the healing light! I’m hoping that a good night’s sleep will help heal us. I have a feeling that with some time and perspective, the fox may come to have a meaning.
You are right, Bluebelle, that sometimes random occurrences set us on new and different paths. I will keep that in mind.
Thanks again for the kind thoughts and healing energy!
@baba Sending you and your family much Light and Love and Healing Energy. Native American culture reveres fox as a spirit animal. Adaptive, Awareness : "With a heightened sense of awareness, a stealthy and discerning demeanor, adaptability to any environment and agility in most situations, we have a lot to learn from the sly fox. As a spirit animal, the fox reveals itself during times of great and unpredictable change. With its heightened sense of awareness, the fox compels you to turn up your own senses, gather the information you need, and act swiftly on your decision. The fox symbolizes mental responsiveness. He implores you to break free from your comfort zone and remain flexible with whatever comes next. Fox energy says: “pay attention, then act wisely.” Tune in, then lean in." "The term “stealthy” doesn’t necessarily need to be negative. To be stealthy is to behave in a cautious manner. It allows you to see through deception and discern right from wrong. The fox senses when trouble is nearby. It crouches low, adapting to its environment, allowing it to optimize its own survival and safety. One spiritual meaning of seeing a fox could be that the universe encouraging you to use your instincts and creative energies. Once you learn to blend into your surroundings and observe with all senses, you can anticipate and create the future on your own terms. The fox may be guiding you to guide yourself."
You and yours are in my prayers <3
I'm very sorry to hear about your accident. I've been in a few car accidents, one quite bad many years ago. Even if you're not seriously injured, the trauma is still a big jolt to your system.
I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers and in tonight's meditation.
Sending lots of love and healing your way.
@ghandigirl. Sending much love and healing to you and your mother. I pray that you will have an interaction with her that will make your heart sing.
@ghandigirl, I'm so sorry you're going through that ordeal. My mom passed away from Alzheimers and was in a memory care facility the last two years of her life. I understand the feeling of loss and worry you have about your mom, and I can feel the strong connection you both share.
I'll be praying for you and your mom, and will keep you in my meditation tonight. Please let us know how you're doing.
Sending you love and healing. ❤️
Thank you all for the continued support. I sent my mom a card and put sparkly gems and some small metal charms that said things like, "memories, family, love". When she opens the card she will get some magic too! Especially if it spills out. I think she will love it a lot. Put another card in a stamped self addressed envelope for her to just write on and send back. I am planning to send her a package with cards for all of us, that she can send. She was a big time letter writer. She and Dad courted through her mail, when he was in the service. In this way she can still write to friends and family or even dictate to someone there. I'm a teacher and adaptations for special needs are part of my job. I don't think I would have thought of this though, had I not shared my dilemma here. Thank you all again.
@Baba yikes! Thank G-d you are all okay. I feel like the fox symbolizes, "Sh*t happens." Just a random interruption to give you gratitude again for your life, maybe?
A deer took out my passenger side light on a night my mom would have been sitting there, but I had gotten lost and put her address in wrong. Divine Intervention.