As I read your invitation to assist and accepting it ... I heard a sound like the water in a stream - a regular strong flow.. not a weak trickling nor a raging flood.. just gentle regular life giving flows. I saw a strong White light flowing in with the streams journey... then I saw a cauliflower shaped nodule..become infused with the Light and begin to vibrate .. then.. it began to rotate counterclockwise and began throwing off... for lack of a better word...rays/waves turning in to droplets...flinging off as it spun and vibrated and grew smaller and smaller with each rotation until is spun down into nothingness and an audible "pop" was heard as it totally disappeared leaving only a velvet feeling of warmth and darkness and safety.
Holding this vision as I see the Healing flowing in to your body. All is well.
I am sorry I have not the thread lately so just love to all.
Today I recognized something about myself that I really need to work on to change.
I started my longtime summer gig today but online teaching. All sorts of techno trouble and fear too. I had to buy a new device because the camera on the other new , expensive, device either broke or is defective. I had to drive fairly far to get it to use in time for today, Day 1 of summer job. Didn't have time or energy left to lesson plan and winged it with no fan on, so I could hear tiny voices of my students, and realizing their parents are with them so I have observers to my limited techno abilitties, but my boss got it working with 1 minute to spare. Flop sweat like Nixon after turning off the fan .
Asked my wonderful boss if she would practice with me yesterday so there would be no glitches today.
It didn't work today and I had 10 minutes. And I began freaking out and actually called myself a failure, out loud. I actually hurt my own feelings. I have learned that being a chronically traumatized person, I may perpetuate abuse on myself, as it is a long ingrained practice. But I never saw it so vividly as I did today. I hurt my feelings, but I also out loud told myself to stop calling me mean names. (If you understand this you may be a fellow gemini)
I am honest to God so beat up by life that there are times when I just can't believe anyone would want to hire me, date me, spend time with me. Low self esteem has plagued me throughout my life and it is time to get as far away from that as I can. So I wrote my boss I am using today as a training day and I am going to know how to work the teaching platform before tonight. Or at least as far as my innate ability will allow me to go.
Also I am spending the rest of today being VERY gentle with myself. No matter how many people tell me I am good, it never fully integrates because I have yet to convincingly tell myself.
I am saddened to hear of the loss of your dear friend, Taryn. Such a kind and light-filled soul. Sending you and Taryn's family and friends comforting prayers during this difficult time.
Im so sorry to hear of your loss. It seems so many are leaving now. I’m not certain if it’s that I’m hearing more of losses or that there truly are. But loss is loss. But it seems we all need to be here for a reason, and perhaps it’s just time that our work is done....
Warmly,
Anita
@ghandigirl be kind to yourself, at least as kind as you are to everyone else. And you are. There are moments when we beat ourself up. Please don't. You are a beautiful soul. Always remember that.
@ghandigirl you are very special and don’t let anyone take that away from you. Sending you lots of virtual hugs.
share the love and light
I wasn't fishing for compliments honestly. Bipolar depression is sometimes challenging. I am remembering who I am more and more today. I am my father's daughter (My actual father, not a religious statement) I can feel he is protecting me. I can feel his pride and others. That is helping me a lot to bounce back up. Some days it is nice to be psychic.
Thanks for the kind words. A lifetime of bullies has given me pause, but I will be alright.
@ghandigirl A lot of us are feeling that way - do indeed be gentle with yourself. We had a Zoom birthday party for my niece last week and her own father couldn't get on - well, he got on but we couldn't hear him. It was like a Marx Brothers comedy. My nephew went on mute and got on the phone with him to try to help. A little girl on with us kept spinning a top over and over. Just because these things are available doesn't mean anyone has an easy time of it.
You sound like a wonderful person who is depressed a bit. You're not alone. Keep slogging through because I know you can make it.
@michele-b The dog I wrote about yesterday is still here, Socrates, but the powers that be are determined to send him back, they don't care what the rules are.
So people have been contacting senators, congresspeople, famous animal lovers, vets, you name it all day and many people are trying to help.
One thing I learned in metaphysics is about the universal mind - that nothing is really up to these petty people with their different opinions - there is only one mind - does that make sense. I tried to think that way last night.
Anyway, this poor Peace Corps volunteer who went out and worked with indigent people and her dog Socrates still need our help. For those on FB, go to Big Fluffy Dog Rescue.