I have noticed how healing and kind the messages are in this thread. You all seem to have a special gift at delivering just what people need. You make comforting others seem so easy. Once I reached out for comfort when I was suffering over the loss of a kitten and your messages wrapped me in a warm blanket. I read every message twice and soaked up the reassurance, the love. I felt better!
When people are suffering from fears that we also share, it isn't easy to respond to them without making it worse. I don't know about you all, but I've shared my pain with people in other venues only to receive a message from them, unintentionally, that made me feel worse. "Oh how horrible, Jeanne!" "My God, that is terrible, Jeanne! I'd be a wreak if that happened to me! Or, be careful! or"Here is some advice you need Jeanne." They were just trying to be honest and empathic, but it drove the knife in deeper. Then I wonder how many times I have hurt people in this same way. :-(
This morning I saw this illuminating article about how we can comfort people while also getting help with our own fears.
The author explains the Ring Theory of dealing with friends who are experiencing loss. She shows us that there are rings of people surrounding the person. In the center ring are those closest to the loss, then a ring surrounding them of their friends, and more rings going outward from the center. She says to send message of comfort inward towards those closer than you to the loss, and then turn around and share your fears with people in the outer rings. I am happy to get this help and thought some here might like it too.
How not to say the wrong thing to health care workers
@jeanne-mayell, regarding the Ring Theory: you and I must have been on the same wavelength! I saw that article this morning and was going to post it.
I agree how challenging it can sometimes be to say the right thing. People mean well. They care and want to help, which is a loving thing. Sometime when I am in that position of wanting to help, I have to hold myself back from trying to save someone. And when I am on the receiving end, I know from experience that sometimes less is more. For example, if I'm in pain I appreciate people acknowledging it, but I don't want to be preached to about the lessons I am/should be learning. Sometimes you just want someone to be there with you, in that human condition, as a fellow traveler.
I really liked this article. It is an art to comfort someone without causing more worry and pain. I simply say. I am sorry. i am here with you. That is often enough. We just need to know we are not alone. Even if we feel no one can understand completely. That one sentiment is very healing.
Thank you for your kind words and sympathy about my Aunt Mickey. And thank you for this posting about the ring theory! Everyone here has been a godsend to me. ? ❤️
HI All, I'd love some advice and healing help :) I've been unable to fall asleep for the past 5 nights. First it was worry about my Aunt Mickey who was ill with the virus, then after she passed away on April 17 it was being sad over her passing and not being able to see her. I've always had trouble falling asleep at night for the past 10 years, but since this all happened with my Aunt It takes me hours to fall asleep. Last night I was unable to fall asleep even though I took an ambien sleeping pill. I think I finally fell asleep at 3:45am and awoke at 7:50am.
I work from home (sole support right now) and my job is pretty busy lately too so I really need my sleep. Any hints or ideas or healing energy my way would be so very appreciated. ? ❤️ ? ❤️
I was going to check in in the How is Everyone Doing thread, but there were those who finally were upbeat for the first time in age, so I've chosen to just "check in" here. Things have been rough the past few weeks since I last checked in. My father's cousin passed two weeks ago suddenly from a heart attack. I was in the middle of getting Hospice involved with my mother when we got the news. Then this morning, mom passed. I've seen this coming for some time, and I had gotten everything taken care of in advance. I've been having my moments here and there, but for the most part I'm doing ok. When I prearranged their cremations, the funeral home rep sent me forms, I filled them out and sent them back and then called her to make sure I hadn't missed anything. She asked me how I knew what to do. Then she got to the form for the obituary information and the number of times I had to type deceased in parentheses behind someone's name let her know that I've had too much experience with loss, grief, and funerals.
I still get the feeling that dad won't handle this well, even tho he says he's doing ok. It's one thing to know a loss is eminent, and another to be in the aftermath. I know I had posted that I thought dad would go first, and once I got hospice involved, I reevaluated the dreams I had. I can't explain the one from last year where I was at mom's bedside in the hospital asking for help, and turned to find that dad had disappeared-that to me said he'd go first. However the dream in the last few months about dad driving a car, running a stop sign, crashing it, and being killed, while my mother and grandfather continued to talk I reevaluated as mom started declining further. It came to me that mom was talking to my grandfather, who is passed, so most likely she was going to pass first & that she & grandpop would be by dad's side as he transitions. I still recall the visit from my sister 48 hours after she passed two years ago. She used a scene from Defending Your Life (funny movie) showing mom and dad arriving together, and she witnessed them arriving, but she retreated back into the crowds instead of greeting them. Here again, it could have been metaphorical to just show me she wouldn't be ready to greet them as soon as they arrived, not necessarily that they'd arrive together. Yet still each time I'd throw the cards to check on events in the near future, I'd get sequential numbers after getting a card representing death (10 of Swords, Death, Tower). At first they were 17 & 18, and then they switched to 20 & 21.
Hospice did arrange for me to get to see mom on Tuesday, in spite of the lock down at the home. They called again on Thursday and said they'd cleared an all access visitation schedule for me given her decline, but I could not take advantage of it, as I woke with a sore throat that morning. I don't think it's anything serious, as a cup of hot tea and honey soothe it, and I get a touch of sinus congestion here or there, but I haven't been willing to take a chance by venturing out of the house. In a way it's fortunate timing as my father has been on me about coming home. That's not in the cards, and I've had the social worker involved to try and get him to understand it's best for him to be where he's at. The sore throat has stopped him from inquiring, and accepting that for the time being, he needs to stay put.
@triciact, I'm sorry for your loss of your Aunt. When I can't sleep-which I'll admit is not often. However when I do have trouble, I find a meditation, mediation with music, or binaural beats video specifically for sleep on You Tube to listen to and I go out like a light in no time.
Hello all, I've been a regular reader of these forums since 2016 when Trump was elected. This community has been a source of comfort and a help in making sense of all the craziness that's been going on. So I must say thank you to you all for being here! I finally decided to post because I am having a hard time these days with the upheavals that the corona-virus has caused, feeling particularly isolated, and am asking you to hold me in your thoughts.
I am absolutely aware that my problems pale in comparison with what others are facing at this time, but nonetheless I am having a rough go of school and trying to navigate my future right now. I am 27 years old and am trying to pursue a BA in environmental studies. Since March my school has gone to online classes, and the transition for me has not been pleasant. I am a person who pretty much hates online classes during the best of circumstances; I have trouble feeling motivated when everything seems so remote and impersonal, and online classes feel like the worst busy-work aspects of school without the benefits of connection to an instructor. One of my professors has been very kind and understanding in reducing the workload and has been working hard to try to keep delivering the lectures remotely, which has helped somewhat in keeping my motivation to stick to the work. My other professor on the other hand has changed nothing, has offered no instruction on the material, and has been completely hands off in leaving it to us to just read the material and writing our essays that are worth 80% of our grade. This is consistent with my experience of online learning, and I honestly don't know how much more I can take. It feels so discouraging to be paying so much money out of my own pocket to essentially be teaching myself.
Unfortunately, to maintain my financial aid I have keep going online during all the way through Summer too. I am hoping I can get through those, but my even bigger fear is that remote learning will continue through the Fall, or there will be a big flare up in virus cases again sometime in the near future and this experience will be repeated. In that's the case, I fear that it's a big nail in the coffin for this attempt at getting a degree. I wish I could just take a year off, maybe find a part time job in the field that I have been working on trying to escape in the first place with getting a degree (the restaurant industry), but obviously that job market has been utterly decimated right now. I am also currently in the midst of figuring out how to transfer, will I need to take out student loans, etc., and it all just feels completely overwhelming right now.
Not to burden everyone so completely with my problems here, but I am also having a tough time at home and have been experiencing anxiety, depression, and insomnia. My experience of young adulthood has been mostly of great difficulty in trying to get a leg up on life. This entire situation just feels like another big slap-down, which has been highly discouraging. My usual friends who I would go to right now have been unreachable (dealing with their own problems, perhaps), so I turn to you all for support.
-Jason
I am sorry you have been having a difficult time sleeping.
Have you tried to switch your computer screen and all electronic devices to the evening mode so the blue wave light is not present? Also block blue light light digital clocks. This light in the evening can make it difficult to sleep.
Lavender oil may help, not the fake sent, the rem deal.
A bath might help too. NO caffeine, no chocolate, no pain reliever with caffeine.