Hello! Between the pandemic, politics, the last 4 years of Trump and dealing with his supporters (damage to relationships that were previously positive), I’m feeling worn down.
Just all of that aside, life feels heavy these days. I feel stuck in most aspects of my life. It feels like no matter what I do, I am not making progress. Here are just a few examples.
Work has been especially hard this last week. I’m in charge of hiring and training, but we are having a hard time finding qualified candidates in the pandemic. We lost half our team already in the last 6 months and can’t seem to fill these positions. We are working closely with professional recruiters so it really shouldn’t be this hard. My cat’s health is declining and despite everything I do, I can’t seem to make it better for him, although what he has is supposed to be treatable. He’s on the best (and most expensive, which causes me further stress) medication for his issues and it’s not working like it should. I’ve had dental issues since June that I can’t seem to resolve and my dentist, who is highly skilled and well known for his work, actually caused these issues and is now denying having done so. It’s going to take a lot of money and time to get this resolved and I’m actually losing faith that it ever will be. These are issues that both impact my smile and cause discomfort, so I’m feeling very disheartened.
So I’m just stuck. What I’m doing isn’t working. Things have been hard for a while, but this week just about did me in. I’m exhausted. I’m thinking if I’m feeling this way, others may be too. Or have before. Can we share ideas/brainstorm methods on how to get unstuck? I’m tired of feeling this way. What’s worked for other people? Or how do you stay positive during these moments in life? I feel so defeated, but I also know that staying in this mindset isn’t going to help me resolve these issues.
@mayo377 Feeling stuck sucks. I can attest to that. But it helps to know that it is an in-between state. By the way, thanks for opening this thread and welcome to the forum! The first thing that needs to happen to get unstuck is something you've already done which is to realize you are stuck. When you realize you are stuck, the next thing is not to judge it but listen to it. Now you are getting somewhere.
Now I'm not trying to make light of it, but the reason I know that so many people are stuck these days is the huge response people had to that boat that got stuck in the Suez Canal. There were hundreds of people tweeting that they felt just like that boat.
Once you realize and make friends with being stuck, something begins to shift inside you. Your psyche begins to make adjustments and a plan.
I am especially glad you opened this thread rather than just post in the I need help thread because, as you seem to intimate by asking people to join in, the whole collective is in varying stages of stuckness.
I had a vision a few weeks ago, that lingered my mind for a few days, of the collective in a big log jam on a river. The log jam was more than logs too. It was mess of stuff, all the junk we sell and buy, and people's outmoded expectations, from future careers to the American dream.
I could see in my vision that clean fresh water was flowing downstream towards the log jam and when that water got enough momentum it would expand and the force of it would break the log jam and we'd start moving forward.
Stuckness comes when we outgrow the structures we live in, like a crab whose shell has become too small for it. The world our civilization has built, especially in America, is now too small for our expanding, evolving psyches. Trumpism was the last gasp of that world, and now we are in between two worlds. It's going to affect everything we do, and yes, a lot of people are stuck. For now.
@mayo377, I wish for you and for all who are feeling stuck, that fresh clean energy begins to flow through you and you begin to move forward. But remember that stuckness is just an in between state and it helps to breathe into it.
It is a strange time. Many of us spent a lot of energy the past four years working to counteract iT, then last year came COVID, another urgent obstacle to worry about and focus on. Now the first thing is basically gone, and the second (COVID) appears to be on the way out. In a way it seems time has been suspended --- to me somehow even more than last spring. Last spring we had lots of urgent things to occupy our energies. Now, not so much. Something new -- even good!--will come, but it is not formed yet enough for us to spend our energies looking forward to it. So we may feel "stuck".
There's kind of a space around things that may prompt people to look around for a new challenge to engage their minds and energies. The mind likes something to chew on, to play with, and if it does not have it, it may attract or create a situation where there's a "problem" to "solve".
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continued...
The last few evenings I have been re-reading Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth" and I would like to share some ideas pertinent to the "stuckness". Tolle is a Zen-type teacher who emphasizes the importance of experiencing the "now", de-identifying with the ego, and recognizing that we are more than our *thinking* minds. I am coming to the belief that these current months represent an opportunity to take a little breather-- to sit with things as they are and *see* them as they are and be more present and conscious. We do not need to create or attract problems in order to engage with the universe. Here are a couple of quotes from Tolle:
"There are many people who are always waiting for the next thing to react against, to feel annoyed or disturbed about--- and it never takes long before they find it. ... Through reacting against this or that they assert and strengthen their feeling of self. "
"You want peace. There is no one who does not want peace. Yet there is something else in you that wants the drama, wants the conflict. You may not be able to feel it at this moment. You may have to wait for a situation or even just a thought that triggers a reaction...Can you then feel the enormous surge of force moving through you , the fear, perhaps being masked by anger or hostility? ... Can you be aware of your mind racing to defend its position, justify, attack, blame?... Can you feel that there is something in you that...needs the drama in order to assert its identity as the victorious character within that theatrical production? "
And as Jeanne said, "Once you realize and make friends with being stuck, something begins to shift inside you. Your psyche begins to make adjustments and a plan." This means sitting with the situation as it is-- really seeing it and becoming present, and thereby becoming more in harmony with the universe.
(I am hardly a Zen-master, but over years as I have tried to put some of these ideas into practice they have helped me quite a lot.)
I feel that I am stuck in emotions that are two years old and even much older. When my longtime situation ended, so many things changed, and for the better, yet a part of me is lost. The grief and sadness keeps coming up for healing, but I am still stuck in guilt, mostly for moving on.
I don't want to come to the end of my life regretting how sad it has been. I play at happiness, yet it eludes me. Relationships with some loved ones continue to just, hurt.
The grief is unavoidable and can be all encompassing.
@mayo377 @jeanne-mayell @iridium @ghandigirl
This thread resonates with me so much. I think we're all so tired from the last few years and with that tiredness come a lot of grief. The last few years have been insane, on a macro and micro level. I've seen it in the world, in my own life, and in the lives of others. I've wondered what in the collective energy has been going on because there's been so much chaos.
For some who've read my previous posts, I work as an Immigration lawyer. The past four years have been hell, obviously mostly for my clients but for me too, having to see the cruel-masquerading-as-policy that was implemented by 45. On a more direct level, I work at a non-profit that strives to do a lot of good, but can be a chaotic place to work in. In the past 2+ years I have someone close to me behave in a way that felt like a huge betrayal, and start ugly rumors about me that just astounded me. I've often felt like WTF IS GOING ON??? More recently things have started to improve considerable (thank you Biden!) but now I'm left with this feeling, much like you, @mayo377, of not knowing how to move forward. So much has changed, so much has been lost, the world is so different in such a short period of time that I think we're all a bit shellshocked.
What I've tried to do is whatever I can right now to make things better. Even something as small as having a healthy breakfast, taking a walk, cleaning out a closet, getting myself organized. Can I try to lose a couple of pounds, color my hair, clean my house? What I can I do this minute/day/week to make my life better, or make better the lives of others. I do this with the hope that while I work to do positive things in the the metaphorical 5 feet ahead of me, the road will start to clear and I'll see a new path forward. That's how I'm coping right now.
@mayo377, welcome, and I echo Jeanne's thanks to you for starting this thread. I am sorry about your dental problems. I could write a manifesto on dental stuff gone wrong. I will send you light and I hope your problems resolve soon.
@ghandigirl, it brave to put bad relationships in the rearview mirror. Sometimes the relationships we do keep, sometimes out of necessity, hurt. I wish you peace as you work through yours.
Happy Easter everyone! I don't really practice any formal religion, but I love the concept of the resurrection. We can all begin again. What a beautiful thing. Cheers!
As I read these posts, I think about the moon and the tides and the Ever Given, and how it relates to our feelings and despair and stuck-ness. We all try different activities and mental exercises to dig ourselves out of our ditch. Our friends the tugboats come along and shift us a bit more. They help but there is more and greater that is out of our control that is aiding our forward movement, however slowly. Think of how ultimately it was the moon and the rising tide that moved that great ship out of its jam; our universe at work in our favor and for our good.
@mayo377 @jeanne-mayell @iridium @ghandigirl
I do this with the hope that while I work to do positive things in the the metaphorical 5 feet ahead of me, the road will start to clear and I'll see a new path forward. That's how I'm coping right now.
Yes! As an incarnate human, it is actually not really feasible to live every microsecond only in the moment . But I don't think that's what the Zen teachers expect. Looking mainly at the "metaphorical 5 feet ahead" (while also appreciating the moment) is, I think, a good way to go especially when you are stuck.
@mayo377 @jeanne-mayell @ana @ghandigirl @lynnventura
Oh, I soooo relate to this thread! So glad you brought it up, @mayo377. I love all of the comments and thoughts and advice here. I, too, have felt "stuck" in my personal life for the last few years. Waiting for things to resolve, taking steps to help that, but never quite coming over the hump and getting any momentum towards a solution. We are still in some holding patterns for a few situations and I think, as some of you noted, that it just feels more intense lately. COVID, the shift to the Biden admin, etc. -- just more waiting on all fronts, it seems. @jeanne-mayell knows I am a patient person, but man...my patience is wearing thin! I'm glad to not be alone in the feeling. Hoping that, as Lynn mentioned above, we move into this season of spring/renewal/resurrection we can start feeling the momentum building towards progress, release, climbing up towards new things. Love to you all - we can do this!
@mayo377 welcome! Great topic. I feel your frustrations while reading your posts. I would really like to give you a big hug. ❤️ As already seen by the number of ppl who responded, many ppl know the feeling, although I see you have a few extra helpings of anxiety on your plate. I hope your cat will feel a little better soon. Financial worry combined with the care for your pets is a feeling of despair I wouldn't wish on anyone. Sending your strength and good vibes to get that push into positivity with your furry friend as a first step.
Of course the feelings of frustration from the last 4 years + the evil doings by certain politicians, which hasn't stopped, are felt by everyone with a heart and it weighs down on the collective. It doesn't help for sure.
However, I also read that you're not happy with your personal situation. That is something a lot of ppl recognize as well. Being stuck in a certain way of life. It's what you've known, kind of safe, and change is always frightening. It is possible though. It's your life, your path and you're the one in charge. Take control. You can influence more than you think. Yes, certain decisions are hard (different house, jobs, practical details like finances etc.) but there is a solution for almost everything.
Therefore, I strongly wish for you to have a happy dream. One that will give you a big boost of energy and motivation to walk down the path that is best for you and yours.
In general for all, as a Bi-Polar I have always struggled with despair and frustration due to depressions. Because of it I adopted a 'fight and do' strategy: stay active and keep changing/learn. Downside is that I am always looking for new challenges without a year of rest, but the upside is that I attract/fight for the things that I need and always have something to work towards.
To explain better, this is kind of a nature/pagan way to look at things, but in the 90s a book called 'The Secret' became a best-seller and basically used those ideas. If you're interested in inspirational documentaries, there is one about that 'Secret', which might help. It's on Netflix. I'll post a trailer below. It's not as black and white as this documentary makes it out to be though, but... making a list of what you're grateful for in life and reading it every day is a very good start to bring some light back into your world.
Peace. ❤️
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=san61qTwWsU