[Closed] The Handmaid's Tale

Hi Natalie - The same thing happened to me a month ago, only it was about the Titanic.  My grandfather sailed on the trial runs, but just missed being on the maiden voyage.  I've always been fascinated by it, but last month for some reason I was totally absorbed by Titantic stories and music (not the movie!).  It made  me extremely depressed.  The Titanic was all I could think about.  I wrote into the forum about it and Graham thought it could be a premonition.  Thank goodness the feeling has passed.  Do you think maybe The Handmaid's Tale might touch on something in your past or family history? 

Natalie, it could be from something in your past-like in previous lives. Much of what I've been reading and (and resonate with) is that the time of the feminine is coming, not the opposite as in the book/show.  I get that an overthrow of the US government is something people sort of feel may come, but women's roles are different now compared to when the book was written 30 years ago. 80% of the calls to congress since January are from women. Emily's list- an organization that offers democratic women advice/training on how to run for political office had 900 women contact them in 2016. After the election-so far they've had 11,000 women contact them. Look at the women's march-it was one of the largest protests ever held. They expected 200K in DC and got nearly 500k. The DC subway had it second busiest day ever-second only to Barack Obama's first inauguration. Look at the number of women in the crowds at senatorial and congressional town halls. Will there be men who fight tooth and nail to keep women down in the future-you bet. Will they succeed as in the book-I don't think so. 

Years ago my daughter and I saw a pendant in a catalog that we thought would be interesting. It was a personalized name done in ancient Egyptian cartouche style. We didn't really want one, we just thought it would be interesting to see what our names would look like. At any rate, my ex heard the conversation and got me the pendant as a gift for Christmas. I flipped out-mostly internally- I didn't want to upset him. I didn't get the reaction, but it came from deep within. I had to get rid of the thing ASAP. It's the only gift I had ever returned to a store (save for items being the wrong size). Years later I had a friend who was doing some research on ancient Egypt, and I offered some assistance. It came easily to me and I found it quite interesting. One day I remembered the necklace from years gone by, and wondered why I had no adverse reaction to doing research when I had such a profound reaction to the gift-both involved Egypt. Meditating upon it, I came to the conclusion that I probably lived a past life in Egypt and my ex must have reminded me of a negative experience then (or was someone whom I knew in that life as well), where the research from a friend did not set off such triggers. 

Thanks guys. I don't know about past lives, as I'm not particularly aware of mine. I'd like to be however, but I don't seem to be. Family history maybe, my family survived Stalin, but they don't really want to tell me about what that experience was like. The other side of my family survived the Cuban revolution and probably some of them also dealt with Franco's Spain. So overall not exactly cheery family history. The part of that trailer that made me go nuts was where the protagonist was forcibly separated from her husband and child. As a newly married person living close to where that story takes place, and as an immigrant to the United States, I began to be terrified that I would somehow be separated from my husband in a similarly violent way. The threat felt unbelievable, like my life was ending. I shouldn't be so personal on here, I was just very spooked. And no I don't think this is actually going to happen, at least I can't imagine it happening.

Natalie, 

I read The Handmaid's Tale and it doesn't have anything to do with the past. It's about a near future dystopian theocracy. Offred is the main character and a sex slave. She tells about how the United States was taken over by the militarized "Sons of Jacob" fundamentalist group. Women become mere objects. under their toxic influence and everything is taken from them - rights, independence, and identity. Offred is a handmaid, kept only for reproductive purposes because the population is declining due to illnesses and inbreeding.  Offred is set to be a baby maker for the Commander, a high ranking official in the new government called Gilead, but the Commander becomes obsessed with her, offering her luxuries she is prohibited to have. Meanwhile, the Commander's wife is working against him, and set Offred up with the Commander's driver, who she comes to like. As a result, she tells him about her past, before the dystopian regime, and he tells her about a resistance movement called Mayday. But Offred is found out. The end of the book is here being taken away by the secret police. The epilogue is set way in the future. A professor discusses the tale at a symposium, which speculates about the former regime, its rise and fall. Ultimately, you learn that after the regime fell, society rebounded, democracy was re-established and women's rights were returned. 

Could this possibly be a present fear and not a past one? Do you fear losing your husband? Do you fear losing your rights?

It's okay if you do. Fear keeps us alive. It keeps us cognizant of our environment. But it should never be allowed to rule us. 

Hi Seyrin thanks for the response. I actually don't fear losing him at all. I guess I fear society collapsing and a police state rising up, I just fear the uncertainty. That's why I was so surprised by my reaction, because it was so out of the ordinary, and does not represent my daily reality. I think there was just an emotional trigger, for me that's extremely rare. I sometimes think that those of us who get those triggers are seeing something that others aren't, maybe a kind of premonition. The only thing is I don't believe anything as horrible as that book/ tv series will happen. 

Natalie, 

No problem!

Personally, I'm starting to think that Trump's regime is likely to go no where. While he has a very loyal fundamentalist following, unless they do something drastic, they are too small to affect the change they want since society isn't about to let them take away the progress we've achieved. I'm starting to believe that this will just be a presidency that is lackadaisical and melodramatic, but necessary for people to see the sinister shadows that threaten our progress. 

I'm starting to see that I have let fear and emotion control my perceptions of this whole affair. I'm personally being triggered every time I see any news article to think that something bad is just around the corner. When in fact there isn't. I'm having to take a step back and remove myself from the emotional pool and drag myself firmly onto logical concrete. Because, while in the pool I am accosted by the moment and unaware of everything else that is happening around me. But if I remove myself to stand firmly away from it, I can see everything from a better vantage point.

I have to keep reminding myself that governments come and go. And that things might change in society but that society will never really go away. We'll keep on keeping on somehow through highs and lows, bad and good. 

Seyrin, I am trying to remind myself of the same thing. I have good days, and I have bad days. On many days I want to pack up and move home to Canada, and on other days I enjoy the little things that are different about my life here. But the betrayal I felt by those who supported Trump (which includes coworkers and family members) is deep. I've been made fun of for believing in climate change, for a being a liberal (as if that's dirty), and for being overly dramatic about the political situation. A female coworker of mine thought the women's march was a waste of time, because there's nothing we can do. Historical precedent be damned (pressure from the grass roots is the ONLY thing that has ever worked to bring about positive change). I've been made fun of for calling myself a feminist, the list goes on. And I've been told repeatedly that Trump is not going to cut any programs, that his healthcare bill is actually great, etc... etc.... I'll never be able to forgive this, it's like living in some weird religious cult. 

So I do get scared, because I see these people as dangerous, to themselves and to the world. In meditation the impression I get of them is that most of them have been hurt very very deeply at some point in their lives, and now they want to inflict that same kind of pain on others. And they've decided that those who are different than them, who have always criticized them for their beliefs deserve to suffer. It was as much a vote of malice against others, as it was a vote for specific economic promises. I can feel the rage and it terrifies me. This rage can destroy us all, and I think it will cause lasting damage. I see Jeanne's predictions and I think that in the end this venomous force will destroy itself, but first it will try and destroy us. 

I apologize for the negativity. I pray for peace and a better reality for the world.

Natalie, 

Don't apologize for how you feel. It's hard to deal with your situation because ultimately you shouldn't have to deal with it. I'm sorry you've been made fun of and that you seem to be in some emotional pain. 

I've been through similar situations. It's not easy to go through at all. One of the situations I was in, took me very close to abyss and I don't want to go back. But it happens. 

Unfortunately, people wanting to inflict suffering on others is not new and not likely to go away. As long as there is sentience there will be malignancy. How you combat these people, is by not engaging them.  Ultimately, they don't want to hear your truth, they only want to believe what proves their truth. It might be hard, but you must let them be. The harder you attempt to correct them, the harder they will fight you. Sometimes, no resistance, is the best resistance. Most of them, will eventually tire themselves out and start to notice that their own malignant ignorance is what is causing their suffering. And if they don't ever come to this self-realization, they never would have to begin with, even with your help. 

Sometimes, it's just the small things you do. Leaving a book on a table. Listening to what they have to say, saying you disagree, but not expanding. Offering them opportunities, but not making them feel they have to go. These people have to come to see their wrongs on their own. All you can do is live your life, and maybe they will see your good and your happiness and want to follow your example.

I don't get scared of people, because people are people. I do get angry, but never at them, just at the society that made them. They are as much victims as you or I. So sometimes, it's just best, to step back. There's no harm in better analyzing a situation. 

Peace to you!

Seyrin, it doesn't matter what time frame of the story in the book is. Natalie could be having knee jerk reactions because she's afraid of losing her husband in the here and now, that's true. She can sit and figure out if that is the case, and then try to identify why. Having trauma in past lives that we don't remember is more problematic, as we have fears that are triggered, and unless we look to past lives, we'll never figure out why. For example, a child who has never had a bad experience with water who has an absolute fear of the pool or bath may have had a traumatic experience in a prior lifetime which caused the fear, but is unknown to us in this lifetime. That's exactly what Dr. Brian Weiss's first book (Many Lives, Many Masters) is about. Many past life regression patients find relief in this life when they uncover events from previous lifetimes. 

Natalie, there is an old saying- hurt people hurt people. I know it sounds irrational, but when people are hurting, they want others to hurt too. Abused children swear when they are young that they will not grow up to be like their abusive parents, but the majority grow up and become abusive parents themselves. They weren't taught any other methods or means of discipline or engagement. Unfortunately, that is much of what this election was about. That and fear. Fear that others are gaining equality. They don't understand that being equal does not degrade their standing. They fear what they don't know or understand. 

I am the exception to the rule in my family. Name calling, put downs, etc. were the norm growing up-from both my generation and my parents. There were plenty of criticisms and very little encouragement or praise. A therapist once told me that for my own well being that I should keep my distance from them. I didn't cut contact, but I did limit contact by moving to another state, and limiting calls when needed (caller ID was a Godsend). In my spiritual quests, I learned that sometimes we are put in difficult situations to be a teacher, or as a student who needs to learn how to overcome obstacles, and sometimes both at the same time. 

I have learned that we have a hand in how others treat us. We don't have to accept inappropriate behaviors towards us. My ex (a classic narcissist) felt that after the divorce he could still control me and belittle me. Sorry, not so. I refused to allow him in my home. All meetings were in public so I could walk away at my convenience. If he started manipulating or degrading me on the phone, I simply interrupted him with "have a nice day" and hung up. He eventually learned I wasn't going to discuss our son if he was abusive or manipulative. He'd have to keep a civil tongue if he wanted to discuss something. If someone yells or belittles you, don't respond-walk away in mid sentence, hang up the phone. I'm sure you'll hear that you need to return, or are a coward, etc. Suggest that it's best for the conversation to be tabled until the other party has regained their composure or can resume in a civil manner.  People are defiled more by what emanates from their mouths than by what others say about them. 

I know that in my family, I have one sibling who is liberal, like myself, and the other sibling and my parents are very conservative. My liberal sibling and my parents love each other but they don't get along at all. It's stressful for everyone around them when they're interacting. The reason being that they each want to be right. They hold differing opinions, which will always be subjective. You'll never get my parents to see Trump for the things he's done-it would hurt their self image to do so. They wouldn't believe a serial sexual predator was a good person, therefore, they have to deny it's true or the representative of their party-which they feel helps define their self worth takes a hit. Therefore all the allegations must be false. 

Why do I get along with my parents when I am liberal? While I limited my contact with the family one of the most important things I learned was that their opinion of me is THEIR problem, not mine. They have issues, but I came to realize they love me, they just don't know how to show it or say it, and they don't understand my way of thinking. They also don't understand that my rejection of some of their beliefs/behaviors isn't a rejection of them. So for example as a young child, when I'd point out their favoritism towards my sister -it shamed them, so they denied it , and would strike back at me emotionally for making them feel bad. It was a cycle they were incapable of breaking. I was different, so I could break the cycle as an adult. I still saw their same issues, but simply altered my way of dealing with them instead of pointing out their shortcomings. None of this changed my perspective on their behaviors or beliefs. When a toddler bites (and they all do at some point) how we correct them makes a difference. If you just tell the child that they are bad they believe that they are worthless. If you tell them that biting is bad, they learn the behavior is bad. People who were raised in the first atmosphere-where they were told they were bad will never distinguish that others can see their behaviors as bad, but not see them as bad people.  A favorite mantra of mine is "how others treat me is their Karma. How I react is mine."  Perspective is a wonderful thing. As a youngster, I felt shame and inferior because I was the different one in the family. Now as an adult, I see that as one of my qualities I find to be most precious. 

My sister is still looking for tour parent's approval, or to prove them wrong. If she liked and approved of herself, seeking their approval or proving them wrong wouldn't be high on her list of priorities. I learned who I was,  reflected on what I am made of, and what I'd done in my life. I only have to please myself. I don't have to judge anyone but myself - I'm only responsible for myself (now that my kids are grown). If I want to change, that's my responsibility. If I won't look inwardly to see if I'm wrong/biased about something, that too is my responsibility. Oddly enough, even tho I don't agree politically with my parents, they have more respect for me than either of my sisters, inclusive of the conservative one. Funny how not needing their approval actually led to getting it.

Forgiveness is a powerful thing. Give it liberally. It doesn't mean that you believe that other's inappropriate or hurtful actions are OK somehow. It means that you will let it go so that those actions no longer hold any influence or power over YOU. Now when I hear some of the rants and such, I feel pity for them, not anger or hurt. Yes, they're still railing against things I believe firmly, but I don't take it personally. I feel sorry that they can't understand the joy another point of view could bring because they're stuck in fearful mode. I grew up being afraid, and it wasn't a nice place to visit. I certainly wouldn't want to live there. I'll take the peace of mind that comes with doing what my conscience says is right. I also forgive myself when I'm pushed by them to respond and I fail to walk away on the very rare occasion. Practice will make perfect. 

When they put on political tv shows that differ from what I believe, I simply leave the room. I don't have to watch, nor do I have to comment. If asked if the show is the reason for my exiting, I give a simple yes. I don't engage. I let it go in one ear and out the other. My Karma is in how I react. If I don't need to react, I'm peaceful. The best way to teach my parents is by example. When they want to know why I did something, or how I think on something, I try to use the words "I believe" as a preface. Example: I believe that recycling helps reduce the need for more oil. I believe that my kids should have some input into the house rules. "I feel" is also useful. Example: I feel that that my son's curfew is fair. By using " I believe" or "I feel" it takes them out of the equation. Odd thing is, that now that my parents are seniors and failing, they've asked me to be the one to take care of them when the time comes. They have noted I"m the most compassionate and fair one of the bunch of us. 

People who want to create change have been told over and over that they can't make a difference throughout history. That is wrong. Things don't often change over night, but they do change. Civil rights, women's rights, LGBQT rights-none of that happened over night. It happened gradually, one victory and one voice at a time. I understand how betrayed you felt. I never gave as much thought to the outcome of an election in my life. Nor has the outcome made me feel so much negativity. In the past my candidate lost, and it was a let down, but how much damage could one do in a few years? Recessions and good times come and go. We go on. I've bounced back. I don't see things as bleakly or as darkly as some here. But as I often note, I tend to always look for the bright spots and aim in that direction. It's gotten me far in life!

My god thank you everyone for your kindness. Its overwhelming. So much to agree with but so little time to write. Cindy I had a childhood similar to yours and have also been told by therapists to keep a distance from my parents. I too earned respect from my father by keeping my distance,  asking for nothing and demanding an apology before I would even consider communicating with him again. We now have a good relationship as a result and I keep my boundaries. I have a great life now, and I perfectly understand wanting to hurt others when you're hurt yourself. I've been there, but I've worked hard and continue to try and heal.

Thank you everyone again. I hope and pray that we can all heal, and live our lives with honesty, integrity,  understanding and compassion.

Much love everyone.

Something similar to your pendant story  happened to me years ago.  I was researching US Western history and got lots of books.  In one of them was a picture of an outlaw.  It felt like he was staring right at me and I felt the evil radiating from the picture.  Every time I opened the book and saw the picture it made me frightened.  I got rid of the book right away!